I just found out that I am the “Other Woman” what do I do?

I meet a wonder man whom I share a lot in common with about 6 weeks ago. We have been dating ever since and yes, just recently, started sleeping with each other. We are both single parents and I felt it was going extremely well. I am 29 and he is 36.He said he was single, his FB says single, our mutual friends said he said he was single also. I had just found out yesterday that he has a girlfriend who is away at school in Italy. How did I find out? Not by him, by her posting something on his FB with photos of them and saying how much she loved him. He tried to delete it but I saw it first. I panicked. I called him right away and asked “Do you have a girlfriend? He tried to give me some story about how they were dating and she decided to leave and go away for school. I was devastated, I felt like a terrible person. I told him to leave me alone and that I was bowing out of this situation because I refuse to do that to someone.
Now he is calling me and texting me nonstop and wants to come talk to me in person and figure this all out. He said that he was not been happy and that he is looking for more in life and feels that I have all those qualities that he is looking for. He is making me confused. So I asked him ‘Why are you still reaching out to me?” What is it that you want? I asked "If I never found out, what would have happened when she got back?' He said he is reaching our because he has feelings for me but that he is so torn. But he also said that he isn’t sure what he wants. I told him it is one thing to feel “torn” but he is playing with two girls emotions.
The problem is that I really liked this guy but now I feel like such trash for even saying that knowing he has a girlfriend. He says he feels like he ruined any chance with me by not being honest up front.
I don’t know what to do. Do I just ignore him and tell him to back off? Do I tell him if he wants to be with me then he needs to leave his girlfriend? Am I wrong for saying that? Is he just playing me?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You need to get out of that situation all together. No need to discuss anything with either of them.

    This is NOT how a real man behaves. And certainly not one who really values you. I'm sure you still have some residual feelings for him based on what you shared together, and that's okay. But it's not okay to ignore his behavior or believe he will change. People don't suddenly change overnight.

    He obviously can't make up his mind, and has his hands in several different "pots". You and your kids deserve so much more than a little boy who can't make up his mind, and who would be okay with having more than one woman in his life.

    You need to cut him off cold. Block his cell. Don't answer any texts or emails. Block him on FB.

    Then, go get your glamour on and find a real man who will treat you like a priority instead of an option.

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What Guys Said 5

  • It kinda sounds like they did split but kept the option of getting back together if she came back and he found in you what he was looking for. She probably caught wind of him seeing someone else and decided to throw that out there to remind him or least how she saw the arrangement. This is only a third party perspective so obviously there's more to the story, but again, to put simply, it was over between them to make the distance thing easier , he started to move on and then she pulled the trigger. Sounds like he was single, but originally only temporarily. Just hear him out , cause if he is lying, you holding off is giving him more time to make up a convincing story

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  • He is just being a jerk. Nothing more to it. A lot fo men use this lame excuse of 'not being happy with their girlfriend', to justify them dating the 'other woman'.

    Stop being the other woman, and do it NOW.

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  • I would tell him that if you're going to be seeing each other, then his girlfriend better be ok with it, and be aware of it. if its an open relationship thats different, but if he's not at least honest with her about then its not really fair to her.

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  • Run for your life

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  • Dude is a fucking asshole. Get away now before you get to attached and he ends up doing the same thing behind your back.

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What Girls Said 3

  • So basically, he's cheating on both of you. Not cool! And even if he does want to break up with the other woman and date only you, what's to say he isn't going to find another secret girlfriend and feel "torn" in that situation too? He's 36. He knows what he's doing. I say tell him to back off, he screwed up, and ignore him. You deserve honesty and a better guy than that!

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  • I am dealing with the same situation I don't know what to do. This guy tells me he likes me and says I should come snuggle and kiss him, but I know for a fact he is dating this super awesome girl because we all used to be coworkers.

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  • Easy walk away from him. Better yet run!

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