Why does it seem like no guys are interested in me?

So far I have only had two real boyfriends. One only lasted about a week before he moved away and the other was a compulsive liar. I may not be one of the most beautiful girls around but I consider myself at least attractive. I am not a bad person, I just seem a little shy, but there are girls that are not much prettier then me that have been in many relationships. Why don't guys ask me out?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Here's the deal, physical attractiveness (looks, smell, voice) is the most important thing for a guy when it comes to who he is going to approach. Here's a scale I like to use among friends when rating girls based only on physical attractiveness:

    5+ - Below average, but would have sex with.

    6+ - Average, nice looking girls.

    7+ - Attractive, pretty looking girls.

    8+ - Very Attractive, model level girls.

    9+ - Extremely Attractive, supermodel/celebrity level girls.

    Surely, it changes from one guy to another, I would say the broadest general difference for one specific guy would be around the 1 point, but it's usually a lot less. That is, Joe might think Jenny is 6.6 while Danny thinks she's 7.6. In other words, beauty is in the eye of the beholder only to some extent - nobody could argue that a 9 level girl is amazingly attractive and deserves to be a model while nobody would argue that no guy in the world would have sex with a girl who's less than 4.

    Now, here are a few important things to remember:

    1) A guy would NEVER approach a girl he wouldn't have sex with, that is, it requires a 5+ girl to be approached.

    2) After a certain level, I would say 6.5, looks don't really change much and other aspects such as character and personality begin to matter greatly.

    3) Girls above a cetain level, around 7.5, look too good for most guys - so while they are attractive, they won't be approached as often because they seem too hard to get.

    Generally that means, the girls who are approached most are between 6.5 to 7.5.

    While this above is just a theory, after observation and research in the field, I think it's quite accurate and correct.

    And why am I telling you this? Well, you're a girl, you know what makes guys attracted - make sure you rise above 6.5 - and by then you'll be relationship material to all but the choosiest guys around. That considering you have a great personality and character, and I am willing to bet you have. Excercise, healthy lifestyle, healthy nutrition, good hygiene, good perfume and some minor behaviour execrsises could boost your attractiveness to a desired level.

    Being shy is not an unattractive trait in girls at all, it might make you less spotable, but it doesn't make you less attractive. So keep that in mind.

    All in all, hope that helped.

    You could message me if you have any questions or if you need something clarified.

    Cheers and good luck.

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    • Wow. Best answer right here! lol. I think just like this.

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    • Personally.. in my mind.. I put girls I'm not sexually attracted to.. in the same category as other guys.. you only talk to them if it has to do with business/work.. guys don't unload their emotional crap on you.. so if you have the choice between a guy or a non-attractive girl.. you'd pick the guy as your friend.. plus you can do guy stuff together.. so yeah.. we'd still talk to girls we aren't attracted to.. they're still people.. they're still useful..

    • Wait what if you're under 18? Like 14-17? Because I know a lot of guys my age are still chicken and can't even approach 6-7.5/10 girls.

What Guys Said 13

  • You're not the only one out there. Without giving up on too much of my story that's not relevant, I can say that I'm exactly the same way.

    Being in a relationship isn't about being desirable on paper, it's about making a connection with other people. People get into relationships because they relate to the other person on many levels. They have a mutual physical attraction, their personalities gel well together, and they see important things about life the same way.

    If you don't get in any relationships, that doesn't always mean you're undesirable, it can mean you're unique and not everybody gets you. It can be hard to look at it that way and it took the longest time for me to truly believe that about myself.

    Making it easier for yourself to get into a relationship means being a person that more people can relate themselves to. That can mean you need to open yourself up a bit more, be a bit stronger and more secure, be less beautiful, be less friendly, be more friendly, who knows. You can't exactly figure out how other people see you and even if you could, you wouldn't want to be someone else to get into a relationship anyways.

    And since I'm in the same position, all I can really do is tough it out, grow stronger and better as a person, and just treat others well. You and I just have to become the best person that we believe we were meant to be. If you want to keep your dignity, personality, and individuality, you can only make those sorts of fundamental changes for the goodness of your own heart, not to be accepted by someone else.

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    • You and I are in the same boat.

    • Whoa, amazing answer!! This made me change the way I think of myself in reference to guys and whether or not I connect with them as opposed to just being attractive to them. You knocked it out of the park.

    • Well said

  • innsecurity is a turn-off, people in general make friends that are like themselves, we surround ourselves with people that are bubbily and lively. if your to busy being shy you'll get know where...i keep telling people on this site something they should already know...lyf is 2 flimsy 2 be living it shy and timid and waiting for good things 2 happe to you, Power, Love, Happiness, al come to those who reach out for it. Do you think romeo would have got juliet if he didn't seize his oportunity when it came? if he had been shy about the hole thing she would have probably just fort...cute guy. and moved on. lol

    stop worryingabout other girls and why their getting relationships and look at yourself...ask yourself am I sumone that I would date? are their things about me that people could see as a reason not to aprach me?...

    but ye, its all about confidence in yourself, looks 30% to do with it. you need to leant to love youself...and smile! I can bet your not the smiling type!...take care in ur appearance (not slutty) and do things that make you happy...its onli wen your happy inside will guys the flock to you. we can tell when a girls glowing. and its that glow that makes us run over...well that goes for the 'good guys'

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  • My question would be what do you do when a guy makes eye contact? and what is your reaction if that guy smiles at you? It is very possible that you are giving off signals that indicate that you are not interested or your someone that has a boyfriend and not looking. One of the biggest thing that I do, as a guy, if I see an attractive woman and I'm interested is to make eye contact and smile. This tells a guy a lot of things right off from the start. One, if she breaks away from eye contact or never makes eye contact and ignores me then I continue on my way and don't give it a second shot. If she does make eye contact back and appears to be suprised that I'm smiling at her(and interested smile not a goofy smile) then I will say, "hello, how are you?" From there if she smiles back and replies back to my hello I will continue to press forward with more talking and eventually ask her out or ask her for her number or even give her mine. Guy's need a great deal of a sure thing. I'm not talking about sex, but the sure thing that she's interested before we will make the first move. It's the nature of the game. Also, don't under estimate your attractiveness. Many guys are as well shy towards a very good looking lady. I'm sure you are more better looking than you think. There have been a many relationships started from the simple, Hello or how are you...give it a shot...and be out there to be avaiable to guys to ask you out. Also...online dating has become a huge way for people to get to know one another. Filter out the liars and players though. Good luck. ;)

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  • at least you've had a boyfriend before, look at me, I'm 22 and still single, always have been, I struggle to get a date or girlfriend, sucks for me more since I'm a guy and we have to initiate.

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  • shyness doesn't help...i was the dorky, shy guy in hs bearly got any fuzz, only had a couple gfs. And I'm not bad looking, I've always been fit and in shape... I was the hot but unapprochable guy. Now 6 years later older and more confident, the attention you get is amazing. Flattering really, so be daring woman you will be astonished at the results. Break peoples expectations because they only create lables to make life easier, not better.

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  • i would say the reason why it seems less beatter looking girls have more realtionships is because that the guys they where with didn't so much as care for looks and maybe them looking less attractive to you may have been a turn on to another guy since eveyone is different. You can try this. Go up to a guy say somethin about him, a simple compliment will do and walk away you may feel stupid weird and embarassed but if you do it the the right guy he will ask you why you said that and just say that it interested you and you got a convo going and the rest is up to you.

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  • You seem to only consider looks when it comes to attracting guys. In spite of what a lot of guys have said here, that is not all that is important.

    Personality is also very import. You said you were shy. Perhaps some guys interpret this as being unfriendly. Try smiling at guys. Flirt with guys you are interested in. You need to let them know you are interested. If you just sit there and don't talk, then they will assume you're not interested in them.

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  • You need to let them know your interested. Some guys are just asses but a lot are good guys. If you are too shy they will take that as you are not interested in them and move on. Take a risk. As the saying goes, nothing ventured nothing gained.

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  • Because every guy has selfasteam and pride if they get rejected it will make them look bad, personally I think their aprouch is awfull. be the higher person and ask them out , don't worry about the answer just do it and if they say no then what the hell go ask sombody else ( keep a gap between each asking out other wise you might give the wrong impression) but there are plenty of fish in the sea, ya know?

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  • You don't have to be attractive to get guys. You might want to learn how to not be shy and gain some confidence. Turn the table and make the first move on the man.. see how that works.

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  • Maybe you should be more self-confident and at ease in being yourself and in having a sense of humor with strangers. I've always thought that liveliness is most sexy in a woman.

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  • I think the question you need to ask yourself is this:

    Do you want a legitimate relationship, or do you simply want to feel desired by men?

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  • You free this weekend?

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What Girls Said 12

  • Well, what is it you want out of what you call a relationship.. maybe if you are clear on that, way you will be able to seek out, or meet people, who want something similar , there by giving you a much fairer advantage then just choosing randomly.. Also if you know what you want in life it ames people who have similar interest drawn to you to you, & you really do not have to try.. Are you passionate about other things.. If you accentuate these things then the first should fall into place if your heart is into yourself , & those people & things you ALREADY care about - first .

    :)

    BTW.. When you say compulsive liar, what do you mean?

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  • I have a similar problem, analyse your personality. Maybe you just need to talk to guys more. In my case a friend told me that guys were to intimidated to ask me out.

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  • you're not alone hun, I've only been in 1 little relationship my whole life it was only 3 months and it was nothing, if you haven't found the right one.. it just means he's still out there is all, you improve the things you want within yourself to make YOU happy not anyone else, smile at guys at show a little interest, I'm a late bloomer but it'll all come together one day :)

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  • It is all about confidence and charm.

    There are some girls that aren't gorgeous or very pretty but they are confident and don't have low self esteem. Those kind of women seem very attractive because of their personality.

    If there is a pretty girl with low self esteem, who hunched her shoulders, doesn't laugh often and never looks at people in the eyes when talking to them. Men won't find her attractive.

    People without confidence seem weak. And men won't feel attracted to someone like that.

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  • welll...a guy is probably not asking you out because he has either heard things from you and doesn't like it or he thinks that ur taken...it can also be like if you got with one of his friends he would think that would be screwed up...maybe you should just be more outgoing and stuff...or maybe they are just shy and YOU need to be the man in the situation and go talk to themm... :)

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  • wow you sound just like me! many people always ask me why I don't have a boyfriend and I don't know really why... people say I'm pretty...and I don't have a bad body... but I have only had 2 bfs... maybe guys think we are intimidating idk? and plus one guy screwed me over... I am shy but only when I'm alone with a guy not with friends... I hate it when the sh*tty personality girls get the guys and the nice, kinda shy girls get screwed over... argh..

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  • Be confident, friendly, and enjoy being single; be yourself someone will notice and

    hopefully you will like him too :) and you will hit it off.

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  • You are special and either you are too good for the guy or he just isn't you're type and that is okay. I am exactly like you and the guys that do like you are shy or just -plain intimidated by you.

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    • 199% Agree! If a woman or man is single its because they have not found the right one, yet.

  • you might be a ho or your just ugly :):)

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  • because you have 2 put youself outhere more

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  • You will find a good boyfriend

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  • Love comes around, wait for it. No matter what you change about yourself you are still standing in the same corner, your fate is one and you cannot change destiny, all you can do it grow stronger, be ready to handle it while you wait for it.

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