Why does it seem like girls always want to be friends?

[yannick]

I realized that girls tend to be a little more 'naive' than guys when they get to know someone from the opposite sex. A guy can go towards them, strike a conversation, show interest in her, make a lot of eye contact and ask for her phone number and she will still think they are friends. I find this really weird that most girls think about friendship first in those cases.

I DO have very good friends who are girls, but two of them I had a crush on and the third one I was never attracted to but she started talking to me and I realized we had great conversations. But other than that, men always think about something more than friends when they make the first step towards a girl and want to strike conversations for no reason. And yet girls seem to think that this is friendship.

I really don't get why girls, in general, seem to think about being friends first and guys, on the other hand, seem to think about getting in a relationship with them. We always assume that if a girl shows a bit of interest then it must mean she is interested in something more than friendship or else why would she be so eager to make friends with a random guy? It doesn't really make sense to me. Anybody noticed that or agrees with me?

Updates

+1 y

Do you think that girls value the importance of friendship more than guys do?

[Tridentus]

well we're petrified of getting into the friend zone aren't we? I don't think girls value friendship MUCH more than guys..

it is a better approach to be friends for a while first. its hard to do this outside of like a "friend group" situation though, where you make friends with a bunch of people, and it's easier for guys to make friends with a girl they are attracted to when your attention is spread over several people most of the time because you don't always have to be talking directly to her, then you get closer to each other and its not as easy to fall into the friend zone because it becomes really obvious how well you get on with each other compared to the rest of the group.

when guys and girls are friends one on one and get on really well, the guy usually starts seeing the girl romantically, wheras the girl usually puts the guy in the friend zone. therefore we usually won't make friends with a girl one on one, but will go straight for it because otherwise you end up in the friend zone. there's definitely something in the fact that in the group situation girls get so much more attracted when guys "choose" them from the other girls in the group, wheras one on one might be unattractive because the guy loses his mystery early on.

[voodoochild]

WOW man you've got it all wrong!

Don't generalize...not just because they look at YOU only as a friend, means that their like that with every other guy.

The problem lies within you> you don't flirt enough, don't know how to create attraction, don't give them the impression you have a fulfilling life etc. so instead of getting attracted to you they lead you to the friendzone instead of the "potential sexual partner" zone :D

Don't blame the girls, blame yourself lol.

Check out link to learn how to avoid falling in the friendzone.

[yannick]

I was not only talking about myself, it wasn't complaining, I just realized that girls tend to look for friendship in the opposite sex more than guys do. That's all, and I don't think I got it all wrong at all.

[voodoochild]

They look for friendships with guys their not attracted to, just like you start friendship with ugly girls you're not attracted to because you don't even feel like sleeping with them.

[yannick]

I don't start friendships with ugly girls, I only have three female friends and I was attracted to two of them. Like I said, I have a hard time being good friends with a girl: if she's beautiful, I will want more than friendship. If she is not, then we need to have great conversations or something. Obviously, men don't have problems with making friends with guys since they don't pay attention their looks. It's not just me, many guys agree with me so there must be something right in all this.

[voodoochild]

You don't start friendship with ugly girls. Sigh.

Men are the initiators of a relationship, so MEN approach women. If Ugly girls approached you and the only way of rejecting them nicely is telling them to just be friends you would do it.

Hot women get approached by tons of guys everyday. They don't sleep with not even 1% of them, so all the other losers end up in the friendzone.

Men are always attracted to looks so if you have a hot friend you automatically want more.

[voodoochild]

Whilst women who have male friends who are natural leaders, have high confidence and are wanted by plenty of other females will also naturally be attracted to their male friends.

Men never MAKE friends with hot girls, they ALWAYS want to get something out of it but 99% of the time fall in the friendzone because they have no clue about what their doing.

[yannick]

Yes, I agree with that. I disagree however with the part about if an ugly looking girl approaches me, I will make friends with her as a form of rejection. It's not true, I feel it's really being a coward to do that. When a girl that I am really not attracted to approaches me, I will avoid her, only reply to her with very short answers so that she doesn't hope any longer. Attraction always plays a role when a guy meets a girl. But I feel that girls don't pay attention to it when they meet a guy.

[voodoochild]

Well the funny thing is that girls are generally more insecure then men. They avoid conflict as best as possible by either walking away or making friends with it. Only the confident ones will straight up tell you "Don't even think you could get me" whilst the others just beat around the bush about it.

You btw don't make friends with the ugly girl, you TELL them that.

[voodoochild]

You can notice this because the girl never does any effort to iniate contact with the guy she just put in the friendzone, she will only react to when the guy communicates with her. They will never call or text the guy, invite him to anything or greet him first...Just reply 'friendly' when the guy does that.

[yannick]

Really? Because there are some girls who initiate conversations with me or text me to invite me to see them, but at the end of the day it just seems like they're being friendly. That's confusing for me, like you said I wouldn't expect too much if I had to do all the work and realized that she wasn't doing anything in return. But when they do and they still act like friends, that's when it's complicated.

[voodoochild]

It depends if you are in their frequent social circle or just cold approached them (read my article here to see what I mean)

[Salarial]

Maybe because those girls aren't looking for a relationship and so their train of thought drifts towards friendship. There could be a number of reasons why a girl would be looking for a friend and not a boyfriend. I tend to assume a guy wants to be friends because he is friendly, and it's nice to have a friendly guy to hangout with sometimes. The emotional attachments come later, even though at first I saw a guy as a friend, those feelings changed and the resulting crush is far greater than if we had been a couple from the get go.

[SpearMint]

"Do you think that girls value the importance of friendship more than guys do?"

I think so. But you know what, dude? Call me a black sheep of the male population, but I agree with the girls on this one. For a long lasting relationship I think the couple should be friends first. Of course, I don't mean to the point that they see each other as blood-related siblings, but I mean they should know each other enough to accept one another despite any faults and failings. Some couples go straight for the sex and whatnot and sooner or later once they find out they weren't really compatible with each other emotionally all hell breaks loose. And guess what, they go to their fall guy/girl. And the fall guy/girl who's smart enough sees that this is what they've become so they themselves turn into bastards and hos and the vicious cycle continues. Sorry, I'm going off on a tangent but I think you get the drift...

[Musclecarman]

I feel the same way.