What does it mean when a man says you are too intense?

There was a guy who ghosted me back in October. We had been going on dates and we became intimate. Shortly after that he stopped responding to me so I stopped reaching out and ended up deleting his number a month later. I bumped into him and his friends at a bar this weekend and we danced and I ended up going back to his place with him and his roommate. We didn't hook up but he said the last time he saw me I go too intense... All I did was tell him I was interested and liked him. And I told him that I would appreciate if he reached out to me the next day so I wouldn't feel insecure. That was all really. I thought I was being open and honest. He did reach out to me the next day but then never talked to me again until this weekend. He is such a nice guy and he clearly is into me. Even this weekend he was showing all the signs of liking me (not for sex he didn't want to have sex) I just mean liking me as a person. I don't know what to think?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It means you held him to a standard he could not meet, ie. follow up and follow through. Intense is a word used by weaker people who cannot meet your standards. I have had male and female friends call me intense for different reasons. The girl called me intense because I challenged her on an ignorant assumption of hers.

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What Guys Said 7

  • You were too relationship minded for his liking at that time, he was feeling overwhelmed. Sounds like a player.

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  • Maybe just take it a little more casual is all. I happen to be a guy who would love it if a girl was honest and open with me like you were. But all guys are different and maybe he just needs a bit of a slower approach. And a guy can feel a bit off put by having a girl tell him that she needs his approval to avoid insecurity. He wants a strong confident partner not a person who second guesses themselves. Have a little more pride and patience and you'll do just fine :)

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  • He can't handle the truth. And he can't handle real honesty. It's a bad sign of him being unreliable and unable to express himself.

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  • It means you are too intense.

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  • It means you're too intense - how did you not get that?

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    • Because I didn't do anything too intense... In my opinion he's really intense of a person and gets freaked out by everything lol

  • Too clingy. He doesn't want a relationship.

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  • We like the chase more than the prize

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What Girls Said 4

  • Well, I told a guy once that I thought he was really intense and when I said that, I meant that he was really focused on certain things and the way he spoke about certain topics was passionate. He is also very forward and upfront. So with all of that at once, it felt really intense to me which didn't turn me off, but it did kind of make me feel intimidated. That didn't cause me to back off though, we're in a relationship now.

    I know that isn't your exact situation but perhaps how forward you were made the guy feel similar. He could have just felt like he didn't know how to proceed with the relationship given how direct you were being. Although, being direct and honest is typically a very good thing so I don't think what you said to him was wrong in any way. Maybe he just wasn't sure how to take that. It seems like he's okay with you now though, do you have more plans to meet up again in the future?

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    • We bumped into each other by accident and we hung out. I left while he was sleeping in the morning. No plans to see him again unless I guess we bump into each other or he reaches out. (I deleted his number a month ago so I can't reach out).

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    • I guess in time we will see... to bad I realize I still like him. Something about him is very attractive to me (personality wise I mean) but obviously also physically.

    • Yeah, I get that. Well, I hope it all works out for you.

  • Maybe, he likes you but he thinks you like him too much. Maybe he wants to take it slow, get to know you better and get you to know him better.

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  • He had some issues!

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  • It means that you should move on. You showed him so vulnerability and he wasn't careful with it. However, next time I am not sure you should say you would be insecure. Instead say that you had a great time and want to talk again soon.

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