Should I tell my boyfriend I cheated?

For years, i had been satisfied with my single life. I am not used to commitment. My best friend and i have messed around before, and everything was fine until i met my boyfriend.
We met through mutual friends and i was instantly head over heals. We dated for a few months before he travelled to Canada for a summer semester at university.
He's been gone for two months now, and a few nights ago i was with my best friend in his car, and we had a small makeout session. 2 hours worth.
i feel terrible, and i know this would KILL my boyfriend because he doesn't even like me hugging guys.
I would tell him if it was a stranger, but i don't want him to get uncomfortable and hurt whenever i'm around my best friend.

it's killing me, i haven't spoken to him properly since, and refuse to Skype. any advice is appreciated.

  • Yes
    80% (353)83% (305)81% (658)Vote
  • No
    20% (91)17% (61)19% (152)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
if you could explain your opinion, i'd appreciate it

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Was it really just "small makeout session for 2 hours"? Really? Are you sure that's all that happened or that you are willing to tell us? For 2 hours? I doubt you are telling us the whole truth and the full details here.

    But it seems that you are interested in both your best friend and as well as your boyfriend. Attracted to both, but maybe more on the physical and sexual level for your best friend, other wise why'd you to make out for 2 hours?

    If it's really just this one time thing, you should never do it again in case in ever becomes a habit in the future and then you run the risk of being suspicious of.

    But sooner or later you will have to decide, do you have feelings for your best friend and your current boyfriend? Torn emotional attachments and feelings for 2 people, now that's going to be a difficult one, but you can really choose only 1 or the other. Unless they both can get along and don't mind sharing you exclusively together in a semi-open relationship of some kind, but that doesn't seem to be the case since you KNOW your boyfriend is not comfortable with you around other guys and potential competitors for your affection and attention.

    It's really up to you. Tell him if you really want to, don't tell him if you don't ever want to. Take your pick, either comes with consequences. I think you should only tell your boyfriend when you feel the time is right and you actually feel you need to tell him about it.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Right now he is probably really worried since you haven't talked to him in awhile.

    If you aren't ready for a committed relationship, you should tell him because this will probably happen again and you will hurt him again. Alternatively, it sounds like your boyfriend may have some possession issues if you can't even hug your guy friends. Did this play a factor? With these cases you should still tell him and discuss what you both desire in the relationship... With the high probability for breakup. Trust is extremely important and you just broke that.

    Alternatively, if you are totally committed to the guy you should still tell him what happened and explain it was a mistake and you just want him. You'll have to give up being friends with that one guy. You guys may stay together.

    Either way, tell him the whole truth.

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    • lmao it's funny because in the question she made it seem like if she told him, she was gonna be friends with the guy she cheated with after.

      She does not respect him.

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    • It sounds like maybe you should date your dude friend then.

      If you are committed to someone and want a future with them, you will make some sacrifices. It's not like you didn't do anything with your friend and your boyfriend is jealous and doesn't want you to be friends, you legitimately cheated on your boyfriend with your dude friend.

      Get your priorities straight in life. What are you actually wanting? A committed relationship or some chill dating and fun?

    • You claim to love your boyfriend, but you just said you'd marry your best friend lol. Leave your boyfriend, marry your best friend, then go watch Twlight.

What Guys Said 73

  • A small make out session of... two hours? LOL Something seems off about that.

    Anyway, yeah, you need to to till him. Brace for le dump, which is what the situation calls for. Take this as a lesson that you can grow from.

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  • Tell him, accept the tongue-lashing and breakup (which you deserve)... and next time don't commit unless you're ready to sacrifice attention and sexual play from other guys.

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  • Your punishment for cheating should be living with the guilt. Telling your boyfriend would be a selfish thing to do. You would be harming him for no real reason. If it becomes a habit, then you'll be harming him if you don't tell him; because, it will hurt him progressively more the more you cheat and the longer you keep it a secret. And really, kissing isn't that big of a deal, honestly. It happens.

    If you don't want to be selfish, then suffer with the guilt and don't put it on him. People tell their SOs that they cheated mistakenly or impulsively, because they want to get it off their chest and they want forgiveness, more often than not. They seek to stop feeling the guilt for what they did. So, you can either choose to punish yourself or punish him.

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    • kissing isn't that big of a deal? She cheated straight up, horrible thing to do. Plus it was for 2 hours.

      Not telling him and remaining his girlfriend would be wrong because she does not deserve him.

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    • I think I agree with you. This could become a habit for asker. And since her boyfriend has been away for months she has a great break up excuse. But telling him probably won't solve anything.

    • It's right to tell the truth. Lying is the easy way out and very cowardly. If she was able to cheat she should be able to tell him and face the consequences. Yes he'll be hurt but at least he won't be a fool trusting someone who gets lonely easily.

  • Nope, bury the secret.

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    • If you value the relationship, don't tell him. Odds are you will probably break up; thus, your punishment is to live with the guilt. More importantly, don't do it again

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    • @funny_strange_man
      Thanks captain obvious. My question is why try to salvage something you don't care for. If cheating means you don't love someone, then why salvage a relationship you obviously didn't want in the first place? Because people do stupid mistakes and sexual desire and love aren't the same thing. You can love the girl you are with and yet succumb to the temptation of another one. That doesn't mean you feel nothing for the first one.

    • I didn't mean to cause so much controversy. I will say cheating is wrong but nothing good comes out of revealing this truth especially if she wants to be with him

  • Well yes you should because you destroyed his trust in you, you showed that you are not trust worthy. As for him not being able to trust you around your friend anymore, well one you proved that he can't because you can't be trusted to do the right thing both in cheating on him and with your desire to withhold that information and two it will likely not be an issue because he will more then likely break up with you because you cheated on him and destroyed his trust. Thats never coming back, you fucked it up he is likely not going to be able to trust you ever again even if he is stupid enough to maintain his relationship (if you can even call it that) with you. Two hours isn't a little problem, thats a long time with repeated choices to continue and thus repeated betrayels, clearly you can't handle being with some one so you should tell him and then break up with him so that he can be with some one who actually cares enough about him not to rip his heart out. Also I feel the need to point out that this has nothing to do with hurting him, if you where concerned about his feelings and how this would affect him you wouldn't have done it, its about you. You don't want to suffer the ramifications of your actions, you don't want to lose your relationship because of your choices. Thats all this is about you trying to avoid responsibility. Thats why your here asking people this, you know what you need to do but you want them to tell you its okay to lie about it, its okay to pretend it never happened so that you don't have to tell him and have him hate you for what you have done. Oh, and I saw one of your comments, when you say you made out with some one you where not being honest you wanted to downplay what you did so I'm going to guess if their was no sex, you did pretty much everything but (if your statements can be trusted, which they can't) so your even lying about that. What you did was probably one of the shittiest things you can do and you chose to do it, it wasn't because he was far away it wasn't the heat of the moment you chose to do it, you knew the consequences and you didn't care and despite what some are trying to tell you, cheating IS wrong it is a choice and this is what you chose. If you didn't want this guilt, if you didn't want him hurt, if you didn't want the inevitability of him breaking up with you you wouldn't have done it so clearly you wanted this to happen. Tell him and let him find some one worth having.

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  • I think it depends.
    If you feel the guilt will destroy the relationship then you have to tell him and deal with the damage
    If you feel it will happen again then you have to tell him and deal with the possible breakup

    If you feel that it will not happen again and that you and your friend will not get into that situation again and have learnt the lesson. Then keep it to yourself and learn from it.

    If it does happen again though. You have to walk away from your boyfriend as you are not ready for what he is looking for.

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  • you broke his trust, you betrayed him. staying silent would make things only worse.

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  • No. You wanting to tell him is an extension of your selfishness.
    Make something up and break up with him.

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  • I would not tell them because I do not see the point of doing that, I mean, what benefit do you see from telling him other than so that YOU will stop feeling guilty?

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    • To be honest just breaking up with him for no reason would be more cruel. He will be left in question and constant wonder.

    • Her feelings of guilt (and curiosity, as cheaters tend to relapse sooner or later) will sabotage the relationship eventually. She's better off being honest about it.

  • Yes, I believe you should.

    Firstly, relationships are built on trust, so when you tell him that you cheated, even if he can't trust you to be faithful, he'll know you're not a liar. He can trust you to be honest with him.

    Secondly, if your boyfriend had cheated on you, you would want to know wouldn't you? You wouldn't want to have that secret between you.

    I think you should, good luck with what you decide to do OP.

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  • First off who df makes out with someone for 2 hours.. BRB getting lockjaw. Second off you should tell him. You're a sloot and obviously not capable of a relationship. THis is why I can't take girls like you seriously this age. This is a good reason to fuck women and move on to the next one.

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  • I don't understand how you can cheat on your boyfriend... What contract do you have with him? Did you both say I love you? I tell my dogs I love them all the time, if I pet another dog have I cheated on them? No, get married, if you sleep with someone then, then you are a cheater and guilty of infidelity. Right now you're just fornicating.

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  • your best freind was a piece of shit for even doing that to begin with so you equally are to blame for not being able to control the damn hormones. i dont mean to sound harsh but what freind in there fucking right mind does that knowing your with someone?

    a piece of shit freind is my answer

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  • He doesn't know why you have disconnected and would be mis interpreting it. I think you have to confess and then be open as to why, and how you plan to change or if you do.

    It could be the end, the beginning of some deep healing for you (like why you lack control when it was against your own values), or the beginning of a better start for both of you if you can get past it.

    good luck!

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  • You should assume you're not ready for this relationship and break it up. No 'darker' details needed - there is no point in having it more painful that it already is. Just be honest to him and give him the break.

    Learned a bit more about commitment, dear. Just don't let others (or yourself) fool you in the future: it *does* matter to remain faithful if you're in a monogamical relationship.

    Best of luck!

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  • 2 hour make out session. So you fucked. ok sweet.

    i dont think any guy (or girl) believes y'all made out for 2 hours. and im sure he's not going to believe that either if you try to word it like you did here. Tell him What happens and get Ready for the break up.

    i dont get why people who aren't ready for relationships get in one

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  • Your obviously not nearly as into you boyfriend as you claim to be. Break up with him and save him what is sure to be a repeat of this kind of action

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  • Here's you option:
    1. tell him, he might be hurt and you might lose him.
    2. you don't, he won't know, but you will.

    Honestly, leave a girlfriend alone for that long is a recipe for disaster.
    Also, young people and monogamy don't mix. lol :D

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  • This is why I have a hard time taking any girl seriously in 2016.

    There was a time in my life when I was legitimately interested in having loving relationships with women, but then I ran into 2 college girls (when I was in college) that hooked up with me and then only after told me that they had boyfriends. Let's just say that I quickly got a whiff of real life.

    I do have a girlfriend at the moment but if/when we break up I will likely go back to the no commitment hook up lifestyle because it's just easier nowadays, probably up until the age of 30.

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  • I would say don't tell him. But the fact that you did do it... tells me that you don't care about your boyfriend as much as you lead on. If you think you will do it again... you have to decide if you really want to be in a relationship, or you have to talk to him about having an open relationship.

    How would you feel if he was doing that behind your back?

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  • Being honest is always best, even if it may have consequences :o
    If you don't tell it and he discovers, everything may be lost. We all have weaknesses and if it's over now and your choice who you love is clear, you have a very good chance that after a difficult period things will come back to normal :D

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  • If you actually cared about and loved your boyfriend you would have never cheated on him. If you consider 2 hours to be a small make out session then what would you consider a full on make out or sex session to be like 4 or 5 hours. There had to of been more than kissing and groping going on. You need to tell him since he deserves it or he could go on with a false sense that everything is good between you two when in fact it is not. If he stays you would most likely have to earn his trust back. If he dumps you then you have no reason to complain since you caused it.

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  • First of of all you already messed up big time, and there is no way you could officially have something real if you're being deceitful, lord knows how honest you're being with us, and how far you really went, thats why love is no more than a myth, or a legendary, ancient idea, nobody can't be real from day one or hold it down, and its sad, lol, its not like he away for two years, its two months, he should leave you, due to the fact that you're will is weak, and you will probably always fail him. Honestly, i dont have faith in you're judgment, thought process, or chain of thought, simply because you did what you did, and you have no plans of lettting your best friend go, you let go of you're new boyfriend way faster then your best friend. Which leads me to my following suggestion, since you where willing risk the possibility of something good with your new guy with your best friend, you know your best friend for mad long, aaaaand, he is your best friend not your boyfriend lol, you need to get into a relationship with your best friend. How can passionately make out with someone for two hours, not be in love with them, and claim to love the one they are with, lol straight bull shit, your in love with your best friend hun, cause you would of never risk doing that, lol, but, lol, this is the real reality, your best friend is not in love with you, lol, and has you wrapped you around his finger or something lol, if if you won't admit it, cause im with someone that i genuinely care about, and i know they genuinely care about me, why i do something like that. You can't have ya cake and eat it too. Bottom line, if you love ya best friend, be real put all on the table, that you know once and for all, cause if you dont, you are gonna regret it. There is no such thing as a best friend that you mess around with, thats called your lover sweetie, lol. If you are not in love with him, sorry but you got to cut him off completely if you not trying to be with him, you are always gonna cheat on other people with him. Tell your man the truth and tell him you not gonna talk to him no more. do it nicely and respectfully, when you tell your best friend, that you have to sever ties, which i doubt you gonna do. Just being honest, lol, but thats what you have to do, and if you lucky by the grace of god, he's forgiving. The moral of my opinion is, you have to be 100% real, honest, loyal, and faithful to your self before you could be that to any one else, lol, i doubt you would forgive him.

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  • sloots gon sloot
    but @asker you are an idiot. Who the fuck does that. And yes tell you boyfriend you need to grow.

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  • First you should acceptthat you have messed up without any poor excuses like "I am not used to commitment". Don't use any excuses and stand to your own mistake first.

    And then you gonna find the guts to tell him you fucked up.

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  • I hope he finds out. You're disgusting

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  • He deserves better. Why do people do thing that tend to hurt the ones they love

    :(

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    • He does deserve better. Last week i wouldve never thought that i could be so stupid

    • Well then just drop him gently day by day so his heart will not feel the sharp blade all at onec. Keep your secret so that he may not feel insecure an wonder why you do what you did.

  • Asker, I would want to know. I wouldn't want to unknowingly be with someone that did that to me. What would you want him to do? Will you treate him like you'd like to be?

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  • Do it, if you hide it and he finds out later it will be way worse.

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  • if you're gonna be selfish and cheat, you should remain selfish and keep it to yourself. informing him does him absolutely no good, and your relationship no good, and your character no good.

    break up w/ him.

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  • More from Guys
    43

2 private opinion(s)
Only the asker and the opinion owner can see it. Learn more

What Girls Said 52

  • I think you should tell him. Honestly, it's already bad enough that you cheated on him, I don't think that continuing to lie to him throughout your relationship is going to make anything better.

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  • Don't tell him. Just break up. He deserves better than you, and if you tell him you'll just hurt him unnecessarily. The breakup will be enough.

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  • If you want to mess around then you need to let him go. He deserves to be happy with someone else

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  • Hmm, making out for 2hours? That doesn't sound right lol Either y'all fucked, or it wasn't that long.
    Ain't no man has the patience or stamina to last 2hrs haha.

    Tell your man though. It's up to him to decide what to do next. You made your bed now lie in it, by yourself of course not with other men haha.

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    • we didn't have intercourse, but it wasn't all kissing either..
      he gets upset when i hug my guy friends, so isn't it better for him to be in the dark about it? he'd be devistated /:

    • Would you rather hurt him if he found out though someone else?

    • your best friend might even brag about it, he's gonna find out and I hope your friend gets his ass kicked.

  • I once read in Cosmopolitan, that if u cheated and seriously regret and KNOW for sure that you would do not repeat it, then don't tell him. It will cause a huge rift between u and him and possibly j and ur friend. If it happens again then tell him b/c clearly there is some connection with ur best friend that u can't shake and maybe it would be worthwhile exploring that. If is a one time, never gonna do it again thing, then don't do it.

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  • You got Lonely is all, I see the Sure Signs with these Lonesome... Times.
    Do not Open a Smelly can of Worms by Spilling out these Venomous Words. It will only cause Disaster and you will for Sure, End up Losing probably the Best from the Rest kind of Guy you have Most likely ever had.
    The cat is away so you thought you could Play and it was a Bestie, who you felt comfy with.
    Leave sleeping dogs to sleep, don't Weep, then Again, do not go Barking up the tree with your Honey bunny or you will end up Losing him Forever.
    However, if you plan on Swapping Spit with anyone 'Again,' it's 'Best' to Go... Single Again.
    Good luck. xx

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    • *Let me be Clear here.. Any Sort of Touching with Intents to Arouse and Carouse, is Cheating. However, everyone makes mistakes.. Go and sin no more. xx

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    • @Ferretman21 I appreciate your honesty, but if she intends to go on with this relationship and NOT mess it up, then keep quiet she should. But if she feels she MIGHT go again and cheat then just leave him and continue to be Single again.. Not insane.. xx

    • @sarahr of course, with Reading This carefully, Kissing IS cheating, I never said it wasn't.. You need to think it over carefully where you want to Stand with your man for a Future, either with hiom or to move on to be free and single if you feel it will happen again. xx

  • I'm sure you already knew the majority would vote "yes". I also voted yes but here is what may occur if you confess to your boyfriend.

    1. This is completely unlikely but could happen. He'll forgive you and the friend and all will be good.

    2. He may forgive you but he will make the requirement you never speak to your best friend again. This will be a tough choice but you already proved you can't be trusted with this friend.

    3. He won't forgive you and will break up with you.

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  • telling him is your way of releasing your guilt, and putting it on him. making him think "why him, what did I do wrong" when in fact it was all you. by doing that you are causing psychologically issues and power imbalances which involve trust within your relationship that will never fix itself. DO NOT TELL HIM THAT I SELFISH. if he finds out, admit it apologize and try to fix it. if you don't feel bad and would do it again, you're a bitch and should leave the relationship because he deserves better. if you feel terrible and wrong about yourself than it's okay we all make mistakes keep it a secret live with your guilt and NEVER do it again.

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  • If you can't respect your commitment, break up with him. He deserves better.

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  • Tbh he has a right to know..

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  • Never tell your boyfriend! I'm not proud of that but I cheated before, and when you tell, it's never a good thing. Things gets worse when you tell, and your boyfriend doesn't have to know that you cheated on him, specially with your best friend. It would be difficult for you both, and it would lead to a little "war" between the two of you. BUT CHEATING DOESN'T MAKE YOU A WHORE. Talk about it with your best friend, talk a lot to get over it, and you'll see, soon you'll no longer have regrets and you'll be able to look at your boyfriend like nothing ever happened. But hey! maybe if you cheated, you're not with the good guy? Ask yourself if you want to be with your actual boyfriend or your best friend. It will help a lot ;)

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  • You should tell him at the same time that you let him go. He doesn't deserve to be with a cheater. And your aren't fit for a relationship.

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    • insult to injury... FOR WHAT?

      "hey.. i'm breaking up w/ you... oh and i cheated on you"

      unnecessary. least she could do is save the dude some heartbreak.

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    • @orphan A student doesn't equal smartest in life. In the training class of my employment (approx 120 of us nation wide) the first to drop out were the ivy leaguers.

    • it was a metaphor.

  • Yeah i think you should. he deserves the truth. And if he gets mad or break up with you then that's what you deserve. But if he really loves you, he'll eventually forgive you, you just need to make it up to him and never do it again! If you really love him, you should accept all the consequences.

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  • Time for you to be honest and break up with him. He deserves better.

    Don't buy your "feel awful" crap. 2 HOURS and you didn't think to stop? No, 2 seconds is an accident, 2 hours is a deliberate decision. You don't love your boyfriend and he deserves someone who does.

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  • That's the only way to show you respect him. He deserve better than a whore.

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  • When people are far away shit happens. I am sure he has hooked up as well with someone. Let it go. What's the point of mentioning him that.

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    • That is the stupidest thing I ever heard, it happens? He probably cheated so it was okay? That is moronic. How do you justify that behavior? What if he didn't? What if he did not cheat on her (as many people manage to do) what if he only thought about how he missed her? Now what? That is rationalizing a behavior, something I get the impression you have done before, its an attempt to justify an action with the logical fallacy of "you too", even if (which you have no reason to believe is the case) things happened like you say it still would not justify the behavior.

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    • @hellionthesage that's why I don't do long distance relationships. I'd rather have an open relationship with him untill we are together again in the same town. I wouldn't be able to trust him that far away. It would be unfair towards a trustworthy guy, but if it's the kind who strays in these situation... don't think so. If I was in this situation, I wouldn't cheat especially if I know he is a trustworthy guy. But many guys get distracted, they do hook up without feeling guilty. I think only OP can decide if she has a solid relationship with him or not. If it' was me I would ask him to take a break untill we are united again, that way everything is clear.

    • No not many guys some guys and some women. As for what she did, she did not do that, he thought they where in a commited relationship and she broke his trust period. Their is no excuse for that. Maybe she should have gone on a break maybe she shouldn't have been in a relationship at all but the fact is she did enter the relationship she did have him convinced she commited to him and then she knowingly destroyed that trust. Their is no excuse for that.

  • Why don't you just date your best friend? There must be chemistry there if you're willing to mack on them for two hours.

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  • A big yes.

    If you're cheating, then you know you have to stop or get out of the relationship. Most times people do it to search for something their partner is not giving them. But some people cheat just because they want a fling.

    Do they really love their partner? Yes. Do they want to be with them? Yes.

    It didn't mean anything, but you still have to communicate.

    Wishing you the best of luck.

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  • Yes, no matter what you need to be honest. Though from what you wrote, it sounds like you don't have any self control around your, "best friend." So I just picture you doing this all over again the second your boyfriend is out of town for a bit.

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  • Get your head on straight and don't cheat again. Do not tell him. It'll only make things weird and if you want this "best friend" in your life still then your boyfriend knowing you made out with him will send him in a tailspin and he'll try to keep you away from him.
    If you don't cheat you don't have anything to worry about. Remember that.

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  • Ik that it's going to be really hard but I think you should tell him. Ik you don't want to hurt him but the longer you wait the more it'll eat you up inside. You'll crack eventually and it'll hurt him even more knowing that you kept it from him. Even though you enjoyed the single life, things could get more serious between you two, If you end up getting married down the line without telling him about what happened, he may feel that your relationship is based on lies and it'll hurt that much more that you've been keeping it from him. Good luck with with whatever you choose.

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  • You need to tell him, i really do not like cheaters. If you want to mess around with other guys then do not get into a serious relationship in the first place! Why hurt someone else just because of your own pleasure? You need to tell him and i hope he dumps you.

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  • Tell him so he can dump your a**.

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  • If you don't tell him, you'll be forced to live in guilt knowing that you're keeping secrets from him, and you'll always be worried that someone will tell him. Just get it over with and hope he doesn't get pissed.

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  • Yes you should tell him. You shouldn't be messing around with your best friend while you're in a relationship with someone else, distance isn't an excuse. You should have broken up with him if you think you're going to cheat on him.

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  • I think you should tell him. Be honest with him. You said this is killing you, so don't keep it in. You regret what you did, tell him how you feel, and how sorry you are. If things doesn't work out between you, at least you were honest and upfront with him.

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  • That'll do pig that'll do

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  • You 100% have to be honest. If you aren't your relationship will become a lie. He probably will break up with you but that's the way the cookie crumbles when you cheat. Take it as a lesson and learn from your mistakes.

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  • Tell him. He deserves all the factors and take his decission

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  • Just tell him and see how he reacts to it!
    If your true to him he will see that you really like him
    But if you keep it a secret he will find out sooner or later and he will see your not t honest at all so
    I think you should tell him even tho it's hard be honest with him

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