Do guys wait to see if you will text them first?

When I am seeing a guy, I never know when he stops texting me if he is just not interested anymore or just testing my interest to see if I will text him first.
I went out with a guy two times last week and it was awesome. He said we would see each other this week, since I mentioned I was going out of town for the weekend. He texted me wishing me a good trip on the first day I was away, but now it's already Thursday and I still haven't heard from him, and I got back on Monday. If he's not interested anymore I don't wanna bug him, but if he's just testing me I would have no problem in taking initiative to text him and ask him out. Should I wait longer or just text him?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes, even though i don't text her or text her first, that doesn't mean i don't like her. I'll still think of her even though she might think i don't just because i don't text first. The reason why we don't text first because sometimes we are scared that 1st: she might not be interested in me. 2nd: We might come off as creepy if we text her first and this might actually scares her off. 3rd: we tend to think that when we text a girl first, the girl might know that we actually likes her and we don't want it to be that way. You shouldn't wait any longer for his text. I would love a girl to text me first to shows that she is interested before moving on to text her first in other days to come. Try initiate like "Hey, I'm back! How are you doing" or maybe "Hey, it's been awhile since we chat." and i'm sure he will like it.

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    • 2mo

      I texted him something like that many hours ago and still no reply... Maybe he's just not into me anymore?

    • 2mo

      He's probably busy or something or probably he might saw the message but just didn't want to reply on the spot but rather leave it later to make you want him more. But if he didn't reply you for like a day or two then he's probably had no interest in continuing the relationship anymore.

What Guys Said 14

  • If you believe he’s testing you to demonstrate your own interest in him and you don’t have issue taking such initiative, then by all means follow your instincts and text him first. You’re not bugging him, you just want clarification and there’s nothing wrong with that. From my point of view, there isn’t anything weird or wrong with a girl making the leap and reaching out to the guy first, especially if she likes him, but even more if she cares about him and has deeper feelings. Be bold and assertive; some males appreciate the girl being proactive in their relationship.

    Of course, it would be something different if you were constantly texting him and you didn’t let up. That would not only be bugging him, but annoying too. Yet, you’ve been gone for several days and now you’re back without a peep from him. Nothing out of the ordinary at this juncture reaching out and just making sure he’s still interested in getting together and being with you. Perhaps he became distracted by something important and he’s not meaning to cause you to feel neglected.

    My advice is give him the benefit of the doubt this first time around. Don’t stress yourself with “what-if” thoughts about what he could and could not be doing and just text or call him and find out first hand what’s going on. Then you’ll know for sure and you won’t have to guess. Then if he’s still interested, so much the better. From my perspective, life is too short to waste time guess. Text him and take the unknown out of the equation. That’s my bottom line.

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  • "When I am seeing a guy, I never know when he stops texting me if he is just not interested anymore or just testing my interest to see if I will text him first." Unless you give him a good reason not to be interested, he's either testing you or too busy right now. Also, he might be interested to chat for 10 minutes from the start. What you say may make little effect, and after 10 minutes he'll be back to his business. So interest is also from the start.
    "Should I wait longer or just text him? " You might want to text him and remain relatively distant until he starts showing more warmth. Otherwise you might wait forever or a long time when he finally gets tired of playing the "who's most dependant" game.

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  • Texting is useful when everything is dandy. When there is the least amount of doubt, such as in the beginning of a relationship, or if there’s a kink of any kind in the communication, text * is * awful.

    CALL HIM. You will know very quickly if he’s into you. Just call him and say hi and then if it feels good, ask him out. Just let it take its course. You can never mess it up because what is there, is there, and what is not, is not. He’s either into you or he isn’t. So give yourself a break.

    I would suggest you learn to quiet your mind because you will always have this anxiety until you learn to go inside and just be happy there, with your own mind. It’s extremely useful and of course I am talking about meditation.

    But, like I said: call him.

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  • You need to start text too to show you are interested in him.

    I will only be the first to text a few times and then I'm done. You don't need to do half the work, but you have to do some.

    Start text with him about a often as he starts them with you.

    Ask questions in the text to keep in going.

    Never use short responses. I :) is not an answer, its a blow off.

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    • 2mo

      I agree, I always try to keep the conversation going when he texted me. The thing is that I was the one to ask him out on our second date, that's why I'm a little more hesitant on texting first this time.

    • 2mo

      No one, guy or girl, wants to be the person in the relationship that wants it more. There is little worse that being crazy about someone who isn't crazy, or as crazy, about you.

      He should be doing most of the heavy lifting in the beginning, but you should be going out of your way to make sure he know that he is not out on a ledge by himself. Guys will do a lot if they know you are there with them, they will do almost nothing if they think you are not.

  • I do. I am tired of having to make the first move, always ask the woman out, text first, decide on dinner, yada yada yada.
    After the initial conversation, maybe the next day, I won't text her until she texts me first. Let's me know she is really interested and willing to make the effort.

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  • Assuming you tested last and you seemed to hit it off the most likely 2 things going on are
    1. he has a lot distracting him like work, tax returns , computor crashes etc etc etc
    or
    2. he's over thinking what to say to you because he really wants things to workout and doesn't text girls on a dating level often so that uncertainty of how will this be taken combined with the perceived importance of the message is making him over think it.

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  • just text him when you feel like it or when you have the time. life keeps us busy with many things, we can't always text when its most convenient for the corespondent.

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  • As a reserved guy, I'm glad when I'm texted from a girl I'm dating to whenever she respects my reservedness. If I'm the only one who text first I don't know if she goes out with me because she wants or because she hasn't had a better plan to do. If she never text me first, I feel her to be more distant and it can be noticeable in my behaviour.

    If I were you, I would text him.

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  • if he text u first than now it is ur turn text him back and tell about ur tour just in 1 sentence that this palace or lake or whatever u like is very nice and see that will he reply or not?

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  • Ill stop texting a girl after we hung out a handful of times as a way to test her
    If she won't pic up the phone to send me one little text then i dont want to be with her

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  • Yeah sometimes. We can't be doing all the effort all ourselves now.

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  • yeah sometimes but quite frankly it is better to refrain completly

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  • I myself is waiting for someone to text me and interestingly we never met before. but if u've feelings for somebody then please don't test her/him in such an unwanted way!!

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  • Yeah sometimes, I feel like if I text first all the time I'm boring or I am bothering her.

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What Girls Said 7

  • Call him. That's what confident women do. If he doesn't pick up, he's in a position to call you back. If he doesn't call you back, leave it.

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  • YES lol Guys are no different than girls, they want to feel wanted too.

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  • He probably doesn't want to come on too strong and wants to let you enjoy yourself if you're busy. I would think he's waiting for you to text first.

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  • you should not wait for the moments to come as you never know, something good might happen with you and if not, you will actually get a lesson.

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  • I rarely text first.

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  • I would text him just this once but if the behaviour continues then you know to cut loose x

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  • You should text him.
    He probably isn't sure if you like him or not. And is afraid of coming off clingy or anything by texting you.
    After our first date my guy would initiate text every day for the first three days, then he just stopped texting out of nowhere. And we stopped contacting each other for like 4days or so. I thought he found someone else better or lost interest.. But our date was just so great lol I was very convinced he was into me during our first date so I just decided to text him and see how it goes.. so I sent him my selfie and a short selfie video (like snapchat) w saying that I miss his 💋 Lol and man he replied right back and ever since that he's been texting me every day, super flirtous..
    It's clear that my guy wasn't sure if I was interested or not and was afraid to make moves. Your guy probably is in the same shoes. I think you should give him some definite signs that you are into him and you want to see him.. Worst case he ignores you, it's his loss!

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