He gave me herpes, now what?

I was happily dating a man I loved very much for over a year when he gave me herpes. He knew he had it (obviously) and actually gave it to at least two other women before me. I felt betrayed, angry, hurt, all of the things you might expect. Early on in our relationship we had the "safety talk" and he claimed to be STD free. I could simply not understand how someone who supposedly loved me could have kept something so important from me. Anyway, after many fights and lots of tears, we decided to stay together. I forgave him and got past the feelings of betrayal.

3 years later, we broke up. I am now dating again for the first time since having herpes and I am a little lost as to how to move forward. When is the right / best time to bring this up? I would never want to do to someone else what was done to me, but I wonder how up front I need to be. I now know many people who have herpes, people I've known for years; it's always a surprise when I hear they have it too. I am amazed by how many of them confess that they never disclose this information. One of my friends is actually married and her husband doesn't know!

Not that it matters, but I have not had a single outbreak in 3 years. I've only had 2 total since getting it. Therefore I don't think there's much risk involved, especially since I always use protection when "just dating", but my Catholic guilt makes me feel like I should blurt it out right away like some kind of walking, talking Surgeon General's warning. Ha!

If any of you have dealt with this situation, I would be very interested to hear how you approach the subject.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well I think you sense of fairness is talking to you here. I don't have problems with a girl that has ST D's as long as I'm warned be her before anything happens that we might regret. I suggest that after dating for a while you add the statement to the question how do you feel about me? Which would be fallowed by what would you think if I told you I have std's? Dude that are there for real will stay but need some adjusting time to make sure nothing wrong happens to screw the relationship. Ok? Good luck.


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What Guys Said 3

  • You maybe able to prosecute him for knowingly giving that to you. Did he tell you before hand?

  • I have herpes genitally and found out while in a long-term relationship. That relationship is over and now I find myself having trouble dating. Actually I can find dates no problem, it's moving to the next step that's hard. Once I've dated a guy and it comes to the point we want to have sex, I have 'the talk' with him. Most guys either tell me they can't deal with it or I just never hear from them again. I feel that I will never find someone who wants to be with me despite my disease. Then i had a try to a herpes dating site http://herpesmeetup.com i was not hopeful of getting something here. But i found many which are really helpful, the information about the virus, the friendly friends. They can listen to your experience and give you some suggests. Maybe you have a try.

  • How do know when you have it? Does herpes have a stage? Does herpes blisters always end up a blister and go away?


What Girls Said 1

  • You should have asked to get a official STD clearance letter from him. Anyone can fake being charming and loving and still lie about not having STDS.