Guy is torn between two girls, and I'm one of them?

I met this guy and we started flirting and getting into each other. He mentioned that he was dating another girl- kind of. He made it seem like he didn't want her around, but she kept coming by and hanging on anyways. I asked him why he didn't just let her go if he didn't want her around and he said he didn't want to hurt her for no reason.

We start texting and going out on dates. After the first date though, things changed- I started to really fall for him. He says he's into me as well, and he wants me too. He tells me he's going to talk to the girl and end things for good. Even though it's going to suck, having me at the end will be worth it.

He texts me right after they met up. She was very emotional, and now he thinks she doesn't deserve to be hurt. Now he's confused, and now he needs to figure out what he wants.

I am torn between my morals and my feelings. This situation is so wrong, yet I can't get myself away from him. We've already been intimate, and I feel like I'm falling for him more and more each day. He's older than me (by only a few years) and I like the security and maturity I get from him. To make things worse, I've been in her shoes before, and I know exactly what she feels like. (Though I ended up being dumped) My worst fear is that he'll manipulate my emotions to get what he wants, and then leave me anyway.

I don't know what to do. Should I stay, and wait until he picks, or leave?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Never compete with another woman for a man's affections. Even if he picks you, he's still finding it "oh so hard" to leave this other girl. Do you want a man who couldn't easily pick you over someone else? Would you be able to trust that he wouldn't find another girl just as easily down the road? Don't play that game and sit around hoping/praying he'll give you a chance. Let the other girl be desperate, let you have respect for yourself and your worth. If he wants you, he knows where to find you.

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What Guys Said 1

  • You don't need to go all ultimatum-y on him. That rarely works well. But what you should do is start dating other people as well. Because what you're in right now is a non-exclusive relationship. You want it to be exclusive but he doesn't yet. Which doesn't mean he never will, but you should definitely recognize where you are right now and act accordingly. If you're so attached to this guy that you'd be miserable being in a non-exclusive relationship then for your own good you should break up.

    If you stay in a non-exclusive relationship with him but YOU don't date other guys, it doesn't really put him in a postion to have to change anything. If he knows you're out occassionally having fun with (and possibly on the path to having sex with) another guy, it will create an added incentive for him to make a choice, if he's not comfortable with his girl getting d***ed by someone else.

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What Girls Said 5

  • I am in this same situation, but unfortunately I am the other girl. Please, I can't change the situation I'm in.. but I can try to help this other girl. Please don't be a home-wrecker. If you've been in our situation before, you know how hurtful it is and you know that if you really love the man, you'll never give up. I know I won't, so the other girl can deal with me being around and fighting for the man I love because the way I see it.. she started talking to him while knowing that he was previously involved in something else. After being with her for 3 weeks he came right back to me and told me he only loves me and anytime he comes accross something that reminds him of me, he comes right back again. I don't think you deserve to be hurt either, but if you entered knowing that someone else still loved him and he still had connections with her, then please. Just let it go and let them have the chance at love that they deserve just as you do. If you fell in love this fast, I know you can do it again. And I can almost promise you, I don't want you getting hurt, but he'll keep running back to his original commitment.

    I still love the man I'm talking about more than anyone else and I've been loyal to him for 7 months even when I didn't have to be. I keep praying that the other girl will leave the picture and find happiness elsewhere because for me, I don't just fall in love in a week or even in a month. I was with him for 2 years. We planned college, moving, kids, marriage, etc. together and now, because another girl entered his life during his time of vulnerability, all of that is just hanging on a thread.

    So, please, if you know how this heartbreak feels, just let it go. Let them have their chance at love. I may not get mine because I doubt the other girl in my situation will be kind enough to let it go and I could never ask that of her either. I do respect her and I'm sure she's a sweet person, especially if he considered being with her. But, he'll never fully be with her, and now because she still hangs around asking for his love, he says "since he doesn't want to hurt her" he can't fully be with me. But that "once she's moved on" he will be with me. He's just asking me that I wait until she is moved on so he doesn't have to hurt her more which I can respect. I hope you do find your happiness, but please, don't find it at the expense of someone else's.

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  • It's never good to start a new relationship before ending another one. It makes things confusing for everyone involved. He's not going to be faithful to you if she is still in his life trust me. As long as he can have you both, he's going to play it along for as long as he can. He seems like a caring guy so he doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings so he's not going to just break ties with her instantly and tell her he doesn't want anything to do with her. In his world that would be mean and hurtful. He also could be wondering is he going to be making a big mistake by leaving her and getting with you. He needs to sit down with her and talk to her about how he feels and how she feels about their relationship first before you all get too involved with each other. Otherwise it's gonna be hard for you and him to to grow because things are going to be too confusing for the both of you. Also, KARMA is not fun when it comes back on you.

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  • You should wait and at the same time do your own thing, because you should never make anyone your priority while your just his option. Maybe it's just me, but if I were you I would be really upset and annoyed, if he REALLY liked you, why do you need to be stuck choosing between you and another girl, oh no it doesn't work like that, if anybody's doing the choosing it should be you! Take care.

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  • I would say be his friend but you have to start thinking about you. your feelings are more important going through that now I have to show him what he's going to miss ya know either he will come either way ima do me

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  • I say you should stay and wait for him to pick so that you aren't like regretting it in the future thinking that maybe if you waited he would have picked you.

    Just give him an ultimatum and say "either finish with her and start with me or just I'm going to leave" but make it sound nice if he is being really wishy washy and seems to be just using you. Because obviously you don't want to be used right?

    well good luck

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