Why doesn't he ever call or text?

I am really...really confused about this guy I'm talking to. We've been talking for months now, and hanging out. He's really sweet when we are together, and he actually will drive 20 miles to see me! But why can't he ever pick up the phone and call me? or text? If I didn't we wouldn't be communicating much! Does he expect me to initiate everything? Or is he not that interested? I don't know what to think! He seems so happy to see me...he treats me like a lady, but he never calls!

I am confused about this guy, please explain! I'm the kind of girl who likes to be chased, and in a way I feel like I'm chasing him. I don't even contact him everyday, I give him his space. But right now I am tired of this. This may seem childish but I have stopped contacting him and its been about a week. I just want to see how long it will take him to see how I am doing for once...

I really don't like playing games, but this was my last resort! I wan't to see if he's really interested.

Ugh! I don't know what to do! I don't want to tell him "Hey can you call me please?" because I don't want to sound all desperate and needy.

Please help me!

Okay...he just contacted me today. I guess it worked...
Thanks everyone for your answers and advice


Most Helpful Girl

  • Sounds like a friend of mine... He met some girl that he was crazy about when he was in New York visiting friends (which is a 2 hour drive from where he lives) and told me all about her and how excited he was and wanted to know if I thought she liked him too. Anyway, after hearing a recap of the weekend I agreed that it sounded like she was into him & asked when he was going to see her again. His response was, "I don't know." I asked when he had last spoke with her (it had already been close to a week since they last saw each other) and he said they hadn't! I asked if he had tried calling or texting, he said no... when I asked why not he said he was trying to work his schedule to see if he could get back up there for a couple of days but wasn't sure what to say. I told him to get his phone and text her right now & "Hi" would be a great place to start. I checked back a few days later and he still hadn't done it! He said he was trying to get tickets to the Yankees game then he'll call her. He ended up waiting 2 weeks before he finally called this poor girl.

    I was dumbfounded. I always thought if a guy liked you they called but here was my friend w\ho really liked this girl and couldn't stop talking about her yet didn't call. I hadn't realized how awkward he felt about dating. So, he averaged talk to her in one form or another once a week or every couple of weeks for a couple of months and was already talking about bringing her to a wedding this summer but she eventually gave up on him and started to blow him off. I told him it was his fault.

    I don't know your guy but just because he doesn't call doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't like you. However, I like to be chased too. It's not because of some power trip or what not but I like confident go getter kind of guys and whether or not a guy has the confidence to take the initiative to ask me out is huge. It's the first clue I have that this guy may have potential.

    So, you can try asking this guy what's up but I suggest you ask yourself if this guy is really right for you. =/


What Guys Said 5

  • Some guys (myself included) think that time not spent with the woman is mostly wasted, and use phone/text mostly to set up dates.

  • Texting absolutely sucks, and I'm in a similiar situation with a girl. I'll call her, she won't answer, and then she'll just text me. It's so stupid. I don't have an answer, but I would call him, leave him a message saying give me a call back. Texting sucks Texting sucks.

  • Yeah, some guys just don't txt/call and it doesn't mean they aren't interested...but if he isn't hearing from you and doesn't at least try to find out why, it's an issue. If he really likes you, it should get under his skin and worry him that he's losing you.

  • Many, many guys dislike talking on the phone. With phones, you miss body language and facial expression, so you're missing half the story.

    And if you're the type of girl that likes to be chased, that doesn't automatically mean he's the type of boy who likes chasing. Don't expect the world to cater to your preferences. Adjust your expectations and you'll be a lot happier in life.

    Even if you asked him to occasionally call you, he either wouldn't do it, or would do it and resent you for pressing him into it. Either way, it would be a strain on your relationship.

    He's happy to see you when he sees you. What more could you ask for?

    Accept him as he is.

  • he is not interested, he probably drives 20 miles to see someone else and when he is living ir something he tries to check on you and see how things are going. my brother use to do the same thing to thiis girl


What Girls Said 5

  • Some guys just don't do phones but texting is different. I can understand him going a day or two not contacting you (because some guys just need their "space" or . . . whatever haha) but a week!? Maybe send him a text, or call and ask how he's doing then say "Okay, give me a call sometime this week". If he still doesn't man up then there's something else going on here. You might just have to let him run if he doesn't make an effort. I want to say he could be totally oblivious but I mean if you really like some one you want to talk to them and make an effort.

    • I agree that if you really like someone you make an effort. But texting is, to me, no different from talking on the phone. And texts are worse for conversations because you miss out on tone of voice.

    • Agreed. Some people feel more comfortable texting and it's okay if it's a quick flirty message or something. It should never replace phone calls though.

  • I'm in the very similar situation, we just started dating but we were high school lovers so it does't really make any difference, but since he's now studying far from my school, I can say it's a long distance relationship. this past last months was okay we communicate not a lot but I can still assure that were okay, but recently he doesn't text me or call me,well,he called me last night just asking the price of my phone and that's it! He said, later! so I assumed he's gonna call back but what the hell! it's like he doesn't care. I hate it.

  • Its amazing that you posted this, I am going through the exact same thing now with the guy I am dating. The only difference is I have said for him to call and he said he would. Its been 5 days and no communication. We used to talk through AOL Instant Messenger all the time but I hate that. I need a voice, I need him to have more excitement or at least the initiate and interest to call me up to see how I'm doing and what's been going on.

    So maybe he will call, if not then.. I guess Ill just go my own way.

  • you did the right thing stop trying to get a hold of him. it sounds like he wants to talk and hang out with you when its convienant from him. stop calling/texting him and if he does call you or text you don't answer wait 1-2 hours to respond or something. make him think you are just as busy as him and that you are not just waiting around waiting for him to call or text you.