Never had a boyfriend. What do I do?

I feel depressed because I'm 20 years old and haven't had a first kiss or any of those things that someone as young as 12 would experience. I would never go to clubs and bars and stuff, those places are very scary to me and not fun at all. Where can I find a boyfriend my age? (yes, I'm a college student but the guys at my college won't give me the time of day)

I never have trouble attracting older guys, but I'm not interested in older guys at all (what am I, pedo-bait?). It seems like a just don't appeal to guys my age. They never want to be more than just friends.

I think I'm ugly but for some reason girls/women say I'm so pretty and cute sometimes they even say I'm beautiful (oh, and guys olde enough to be my Dad also tell me how beautiful I am). However, I never get those kinds of compliments from guys. I don't even think guys my age look at me in that way.

I'm really frustrated. because all of my friends have had their first boyfriend in middle, school and here I am 20 years old and I've never had a bf, kissed, been on a date, or even held hands with a guy.

More info: I am shy, but I've seen girls way more shy than me with boyfriends. It's ridiculous!

So...what do you think I should do? Does anyone have any tips advice for me?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • do activities that are co-ed and meet guys that way. it is easier because you already have a similar interest. I understand not liking clubs, but there are social drinking establishments that aren't scary (not all places are the same. Alternatively you could go to coffee houses that are open late and have live music and serve drinks.

    To be honest Ithink you need to open up a little and try some places out. I am not saying just to find a boyfriend, but to be less shy and to experience things. Try each different type of bar or hangout at least once each. It sounds to me like you don't know hwo to let loose a little and have some uninhibited fun. I guarantee there are guys who are attracted to you but don't know how to approach you because you seem closed and they are afraid it will be awkward. they are just as afraid as you, that is what people often don't realize. it sounds like you are a mature type who does not seem her age and because of that often attracts older men. young guys don't know how to approach you, you don't seem like the typical partying college girl. those girls are easier to deal with and although they might not be as good, guys go for what is easier.

    i suggest being yourself but letting the fun side out a bit and geting out there and joining different groups and activities and even trying some late night places that aren't as scary at first to get used to doing that sort of thing. I guarantee you will have fun.

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    • This is interesting! Thank you, I will try that. :)

      Plus, I think girls should go out alone more often. If we're always with a bunch of other girls, most guys get scared, right?

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    • 1. young people do hang out in coffee shops

      2. there are pubs that have drinking but do not allow much drunken shenanigans, where people go to have a few drinks and maybe catch a live performance. try nice places that are also restaurants that run a tight ship.

      3. don't let the reality of the fact that some people don't find you attractive run your social life. don't worry about that. just go out, have a good time with yourself or a friend, and the rest will follow naturally.

    • Do not be thinking about what people think about you when you go out to have fun. if people see you enjoying yourself and not caring and when they look you in the eye you are smiling then they will pick up on that trust me. sure, maybe only certain poeple will approach you, but so what. go out and just try and have a good time and I guarantee someone will be interested. you should try going out with a friend you are comfortable with so that you can make the social situation comfortable.

What Guys Said 42

  • Some quick suggestions:

    Don't freak out too much. Just because you're 20 and haven't had a boyfriend doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you! I know it's frustrating, but try to be cool about it.

    Despite what club-going people tell you, clubs and bars are not actually great places to meet people. I go to lots of clubs and bars. I never met any of my serious girlfriends there.

    Find some activities that would give you chances to meet more people who are roughly your age - jobs, sports, hobbies, artsy things, nerdy stuff, whatever. You might have to meet lots of people before you find the ones that really click.

    Being this frustrated might make you lower your standards and date guys who treat you badly, or it might make you seem desperate and clingy. Try not to do either of these things too much.

    Good hunting!

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  • it's not entirely about looks.. it's about how you carry yourself.. how approachable you present yourself.. I don't think I'm "bad" looking but still, I used to be horribly shy, insecure, and closed to the world.. altho at the same time I was pretty creative and once I got comfortable I was funny.. so my point is, I wasn't very approachable.. and I was not very confident at all.. it wasn't til I was almost 21 that I got my first kiss.. so one of the things that I would suggest that you do is work on yourself first.. you can't love anyone else before if you don't even love yourself.. no matter what you look like, carry yourself as if you were just a bit more beautiful, but at the same time, be modest about it.. be friendly.. smile.. a smile goes long ways.. don't dwell on the past; your concern is the future.. and don't compare yourself to others; everyone has different paths through life... I too contemplated and noticed everyone having relationships, but hey, in that time I was doing really good w my studies, and worked up more ambition.. that I can honestly say not many of my friends with those "experienced" pasts have..

    on the contrary, I know other people similar to you and I that have built up much more momentum and will to not only achieve our goals, but we aim even higher.. and even when we do reach our goals, we keep going..

    it all starts with a positive outlook on life.. I know it may be difficult at first, but keep working on it.. just remember to be confident in yourself; that's the first step in attracting someone..

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  • Ok. You're probably not going to like what I have to say but trust me, it's all very much true.

    First off labeling your self "shy" is retarded. Is a horrible generalization for the things that are your actual problem. You are just combining multiple "problems" into a generalization. You are socially inept around the opposite sex. Labeling yourself shy doesn't make your stuttering and just in generally being a bumbling idiot around men ok.

    Being shy is just a state of mind. Men probably won't give you the time of day because you give off the "I come with tons of emotional baggage" vibe. Fix it. You need to make the first move if guys won't. Bars/Clubs etc are terrible places to meet women/men anyways. Their guard will be up due to those places being the typical places to hook up. Instead try to meet guys while you are grocery shopping. Instead of staring at the frozen foods while that cute guy is passing how about you actually make eye contact and smile.

    That's just an example but you can see where I am going with this. If it's not a problem with your social ability then it's more then likely one of the following.

    1) You're ugly. (Sorry for being so harsh =( )

    2) You have bad hygiene. (Read: You smell bad)

    3) Horrible self-esteem. I alluded to this in the above paragraphs. Men have an ability to detect this and will use it to their advantage to get in your pants or steer clear of you.

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  • I have some advice...try joining some of the activities clubs offered by your college. Try volunteering and try other group activites for single people in you community. Drinking, dancing, clubs, and bars are all stupid and a waste of time. I'm with you on that one. I was a late bloomer myself, but I'm proud to say I found someone cool and I did it on my own terms. I'm in college too and sadly enough I'm 29 (G.I. Bill now pays the way!). I get hit on by girls like you all the time. I'm so responsible and I'm friendly and blah blah blah. So yeah. I just smile and thank them for the compliments and just keep it professional. I get the whole pedo vibe thing too. I have nothing in common with 18, 19, and 20 year old chicks. If you can't remeber The Dukes of Hazzard tv show, we were not meant to be. I'm not tralking about re-runs...I mean when it was prime time.

    Sorry to get all gary busey crazy on you for a second. But seriously. There are other options. You don't have to feel like Susan Boyle. Take it slow and the right one will find you. You just have to know where to look and know how to advertise in a positive fashion. Good luck. I hope this helps.

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  • If guys aren't showing interest at all, then you're probably not giving off the right subtle signals. These things tend to be unconscious so you usually can't fake them but they stem from conscious belief/attitude/thought and if you can deal with those, it'll take care of the rest. The rules are different with older guys. what guys your age don't see, older guys see as an advantage. Like if you appear innocent, they think looks related compliments will work on you because usually those things don't work at all. Looks are generally irrelevant. You say clubs are scary, but is it not specific things in them that you're scared of. If you're scared of guys in general it will affect your behaviour. Fear is often derived from ignorance or lack of knowledge. If you can't get it first hand, you either get professional help, watch people or read books. Conversations with guys are pretty much like conversations with other people. Maybe you start of not knowing anything, therefore you talk about something you have in common to start with. maybe that's a class, the location you're in, the weather even, at that point its irrelevant what you're talking about but people make connections by revealing things about themselves. That facilitates the next conversation when the have something personal to ask/talk about. attraction comes from subtle signs of sexuality and attitude. Attitude is standing up for what you believe in and being vocal about it. It doesn't even matter if people disagree. "bad guys" have the attitude it's perfectly ok to behave as they do, and look how well that works!

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    • Well...they may talk to me, but not much.

      I can't talk to guys the same way I talk to girls. I'm much more reserved around guys.

      People keep saying stuff about "signals" but I don't know what that is.

      I guess I'm used to everything coming easily to me, and the one time it doesn't I'm like "what's going on".

    • I don't think you have to know what the signals are, their existence is derived from other things. so probably talking to guys in a different way to normal eliminates the presence of natural "signals". or reserved manner created reserved signals or lack of unreserved signals. its kind of confusing I know. just concentrate on the why you are much more reserved around guys.

  • Okay, first of all, I think the reason you haven't heard it from someone your age is because were just too nervous to say something like that. Older guys are more comfortable and have more experience with women. Second I think your dwelling way to much on the whole thing. You don't just go out and find a boyfriend. Just make some guy friends and start from there. Like you said your in college you don't have to look very far Just let things go, it will work itself out on its own. I wasn't looking for a girlfriend, but it turned out that I fell in love with a friend from high school. I didn't pick her, it just happened.

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  • I'm a guy and I think I could be too hot and intimidating for girls; especially if you're the only good looking white guy in a school full of azns.

    So you could really be intimidating to guys hence why they don't seem into you.

    For your info. Pubs and bars and clubs are crap. You are seriously not missing much. Music is super loud you can't even talk to someone.

    Just hang out with people and socialize a lot; like normal clubs or gatherings of people your own age and you're bound to meet someone. You may not hit it off with him/her but just keep at it.

    That's how it is with everybody; keep socializing. Like I just met a nice girl who might like me; she's certainly showing some signals, and I might like her. But I don't really put too much emphasis on it because I know even if it does not work out, there will definitely be MORE of them around.

    Find stuff in your life (ur 20?) other than sex/love/romance which you can be proud of.

    Like I served in the army and saved my mate's life, I've worked many jobs, I'm a good student, I have adoring parents and I've done a lot of crazy adventureous sh*t in my life without romance. BUT I have kissed and made love to girls before, whilst that is good, that is not all there is you know what I mean?

    Be content with other things in life. DOn't act as if you won't find love or get laid EVER

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  • You gotta step out of your shell. Pick a guy you like, and make sure you see plenty of each other, and flirt alot. He should follow through with the next step. BEing shy is excusible, being shy around the guy you want is not however. Assuming you want to get him.

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  • What we are thinking is usually how we are expressing ourselves. If you are nervous, awkward and feel ugly you will act that way, no one will notice you and guys will avoid you even if they do notice you because you seem shut off so they assume you would shoot them down if they approached you. Now if a girl walks in to a room, full of confidence, smiles, laughs and talks to everyone guys take notice. She seems friendly so they will talk to her without fear of being told to get lost.

    Just learn to be more relaxed, I'm not one for clubs or bars either really. But I meet a lot of people in other places, I'm easy to talk to and people like that and open up to me. If I was closed off, and didn't say much no one would respond to me.

    Just stop thinking so much and go with it ;)

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    • So it's okay for guys to be afraid of rejection but it's not okay for girls to be afraid of rejection?

      I wouldn't say I'm nervous, I'm just awkward and having a conversation with me is awkward because I'll either not know what to say at all, or just say something really crazy.

      I'm only half closed off, I have to be completely open to get guys to talk to me?

      Where do you go to meet people other than clubs/bars?

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    • Challenging? Possibly

      Defensive? No

      I was only trying to understand. I don't know anything about dating.

      It might be oo late to do that at my college because they know me as being shy, and if I all of a sudden alter my disposition they'll think I'm weirder than they already think I am.

      ...but I'll give it a try, it's not like I have anything to lose.

    • You won't change overnight and suddenly become a different person. It's a gradual thing. Has anyone actually called you weird or is it just your own perception of yourself? Most guys are fairly insecure, they won't approach a girl even if they like her if she appears closed off. Be outgoing and friendly, talk to everyone... focus on that rather than trying to get a boyfriend and the boyfriend will come! Good luck :)

  • While it is shallow, guys our age put looks before anything else. From what I'm hearing (or, reading) though looks aren't your problem.

    Are you heavily religious? Have big tough older brothers? A big tough father? A close relitive who is in law enforcement or military?

    Those things could be an issue, most college guys aren't much for religion and are scared off by the other three.

    Personally, I wouldn't be bothered by the latter three, but the first one I'd be hesitant about, just saying.

    Being very tall might be an issue too, guys don't like to look small next to a girl. Perhaps you have masculine tendencies (such as being "one of the guys") which might turn some guys off.

    But, don't loose hope just yet, I can't pinpoint what it is that's keeping the guys away from you without getting to know you but I can bet that there is a guy right now who is trying to gather up the guts to ask you out right now.

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    • Yeah, I agree but I've seen some not so pretty girls with boyfriends. I guess they have something I don't.

      I don't think guys would get the inclination that I was heavily religious at all. Why would guys be hesitant about religion though? I don't have any siblings. My father is in the military but he's not scary at all.

      I'm 5'8, that's kinda tall. I don't look masculine at all, but I'm into nerdy stuff. Some guys will totally stare me down, but they never approach me.

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    • Woah, she died? That must have been hard to deal with. :(

      Well...I guess that means guys somehow know I'm not going to put out. My chances of getting a boyfriend are so slim because of that. I guess it can't be helped.

      Thanks for answer.

    • It still is hard, I'm not going to be able to move on for a while.

      But no, I wouldn't say that guys know that you "won't put out", most guys don't really look at that unless you've been with someone and that person told everybody. Really I can't say why guys don't approach you, if I knew you I might be able to tell you more but as it stands, I'm afraid I can't really help.

  • A reason could be because as you say you are beautiful and many guys are scared of approaching beautiful girls like you. I think what you should do is if you find a guy that you like in class or during an event on campus is you should give him nonverbal signals that you like him such as smiling and staring at him or give him a wink. You are lucky that most of the pressure is on guys to approach a girl. So you can probably attract somebody that you like nonverbally without ever expressing a word such as again smiling at him. These are signs that help a guy know that you are interested in him. If the guy comes and talks to you, just start with an icebreaker such as joke or something about the class or the place and just have a normal conversation with the guy. Guys like it when girls are nervous around them so if you are nervous, it is perfectly alright and normal. Best of luck and I hope that you find a good boyfriend that has the same morals and values that you possess.

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    • Well, girls only say that I'm pretty (but girls are a lot nicer than guys so they might just be trying to make me feel better), I don't think the smiling thing works. I've tried it (well just for one day) and nothing happened.

  • This great article written by Jarett could give you a boost and some tips on your situation.

    link

    Hope this helps!

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    • Yeah it was an excellent article and it helped me feel better, but the only tip he gave was to not be shy. I mean, it's easier said than done. Being shy is just part of my personality because I'm an introvert. Isn't there a special way that shy girls can get boyfriends?

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    • Sorry, I lack common sense. What do I say to a guy that I like?

      I will try to start a conversation with a guy at my college tomorrow and if it doesn't work...I'll cry or something.

    • Nah, don't cry if it doesn't work out - try not to put so much importance on the conversation. If you're not relaxed, it will show through and that's what you don't want. Just talk to the guy with no expected outcome in mind - starting a casual conversation with a smile and a polite "hello" or other introduction is a good bet. Good luck!

  • Its alright to be shy, and btw that's hilarious (pedo-bait). So yea its a tad akward that ur 20 and haven't gotten anywhere but maybe guys are intimidated by you? good looks can make a guy very shy. If you find a guy that you like and wanna hang out or go on a mini date just say hey after class/late on tonite wanna go grab something to eat at ... (whatever is a cool place to eat where you go to college) From there you can move onto more comfort building situations such as dinner movies etc. Just open up a little more and ask, and the world will open up to you.

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  • There might be something in your comportment or just the fact that you don't go where the boys are. Or do you look unattainable, not interested in some way or another? Try socializing a bit more, ask the opinion of friends who know you better than we do.

    A way to have success is to look successful: be seen with boys (even if they are "just friends", rather than on your lonely own or with girls only.

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  • that's it. Your shy. I have the same problem that your having. Try to be more open with people and be proud of who you are. Self confidence is the key. You don't appeal to guys your age because you are more mature than they are...therefore they are intimidated.

    Don't worry...you're not pedo bait. I have girls as friends, but I periodically get stuck in the friend zone quite often. It's probably cause I'm too honest and pleasant to people. However, I seem to hit it off well with girls 2 or 3 years older than me because my maturity level mimics theirs.

    If you're in college, there has to be a guy for you there somewhere. Don't try too hard, though and stress yourself out.

    I would:

    -dress nice (clean)

    -smile

    -show a sense of humor/personality

    - have confidence

    -make eye contact

    ***Body Language



    This worked for me...I was once very shy, but once I figured it out the anxiety goes away.

    Anxiety is all in your head...you have to learn how to manage it and to supress it. I recommend the above because it helped me out alot.

    I don't have a girl at the moment, but things fall back into place eventually. You gotta put yourself out there, if you attract attention things will happen. But remember don't try to force things to happen. Just have faith in yourself.

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  • Look I am a 20 year old guy and I have not been on many dates. Now I know its not because I am ugly, many girls I talk to tell me they are interested in me. I have never kissed a girl or anything like that, so I am just like you. I have had many chances to kiss Ect... but I chose not to, I am not a very religious person or anything like that. The thing that at around 20 most people don't know the difference between emotional love and intellectual love. Most guys ad girls around this age group just go with emotion and don't even care if the person they are with has a crappy personality thus they get hurt. You see most of the girls that I have talked to all love to go party and drink and they also have crappy personalties even though they are "hot". You seem to have a very good personality and you should stick with it, don't focus so much on how old you are or anything like that. Just talk to guys and find out what they are like and don't rush into a relationship just because you are lonely. Wait for that guy who you can have fun with and be yourself around. You sound like a good person and I wish their were more girls like you around. Also work on you self esteem Just say to yourself "I know that I am Awesome". odd personalities are some times the best some of the best conversations I had started with "what if a penguin somehow got into a fight with a monkey".

    P.S I know that I was rambling, but I hope that I helped...if only a little.

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    • Wow, at least you get many girls interested in you. I've never even been on a date. I was asked on a date once but I didn't go because I was scared. You say that I should stick with my personality, but my personality isn't helping me get a bf. Maybe guys our age only like the party girls because their easy.

      It's been a while since I posted this question and still no interest from guys, but I'm okay with it for now because I don't like any of the guys that are here.

  • Heres just some food for thought. Guys that are interested in you may be shy themselves and also... its nearly impossible for a guy to tell if it would be alright to approach a girl in college. Its not like you girls or even us guys and a Status bar above our heads that says "Single" on it. Which makes it hard for everyone to navigate through the rapidly shifting status's of people we know.

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  • Ok first of all look at how your are dressing-is it your age or older?

    Sometimes girls who are not typical barbie pretty hold more brains in their head and are a threat to some guys. Sorry not everyone is going to dig your chili but you can choose to look as you look and spend time doing what you enjoy the most and find guys doing the same thing and then try doing it together and see if you enjoy it- Hang out around stuff you like and you will find like minded people.

    As for not having kissed etc-that's cool just go with it and be patient with yourself. But taking action is what will provide you with the results you seek.

    Do you complain much-

    What do you enjoy doing?

    have fun!

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    • I'm probably dressing slightly younger than my age. There's nothing but a bunch of girls where I hang out. No, I don't complain much. Actually I don't say much of anything when I'm around guys. I'm somewhat of a nerd so I lilke doing nerdy things.

  • It's actually quite amusing that several replies from the guys (this one included), have attempted to make a move. Yet you don't seem to notice the fabled "signals", or are passively rejecting them.

    I, at 24, have been single (with the exception of an odd week long date that never developed into anything) all of my life. To some extent it's because I've come to enjoy the solitude. But every once in awhile I have one of those nights where all my insecurities come together and hit me like a truck.(Video games in combination with the History channel make a great substitute for drowning your sorrows!)

    As far as what you can do? Well, the way I see it, there's only one option. You and I go out on a date, have an incredibly awkward conversation. I walk you home holding hands, and we end the day with an incredibly awkward hug. Then, the following day we decide where to meet next. Sounds good to me. :)

    And while I know full well you'll reject that offer, that's exactly the point. Rejection isn't that bad. If you suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder (which I do), in your mind you constantly go over all the terrible things that might happen in any given situation. Rejection tends to be the most terrifying, and at first when it happens, it does suck. But it isn't nearly as bad as your inner voice is telling you.

    When it comes to asking someone out, the best advice I can give is this: Don't think, just do it. The more you think about it, the more you're going to talk yourself out of it. Especially if you're an introvert.

    Should your crush turn you down, at the very least, they'll be flattered that you asked. Or. . . He'll be a complete dick about it, but then you'll know he wasn't worth pursuing!

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  • Clubs suck. Why not hang out at your local library? I'm sure you'll see a cute guy there if you pick the right time of day. Lord knows I've gone there countless times and seen an interesting girl or two. :)

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    • Hahahaha Dude I was there yesterday...man the librarians are hot! Awesome! -j

  • You're probably fine physically, just get out to clubs in schools. I mean things that interest you. Do you like debating? There's a club for it. Do you like gaming? There's a club for it. Do you like anime? There's a club for it. Do you like sailing? There's a club for it (guess the clubs I like and attend on some basis in my life :P hah). You'll find someone there and they might at least become good friends.

    Don't feel bad you've never had a boyfriend. There's nothing wrong with it. You'll find the guy who's really into you and wants to be you no matter what and it'll be great. Whether it lasts or not, the majority of the time with him will be great. Stop comparing yourself to others, realize how awesome you are for your own merits and be happy with it.

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  • I'm in the exact same situation as you, except I wouldn't call it a situation because it's not a problem for me. Like you, I don't consider myself unattractive. I don't however have confidence issues. Society thrusts its rules upon people, and this causes them to feel stressed out and do things that they're not prepared to do. However these standards change and so I don't believe there's a point in anyone's life where they HAVE to do something.

    A couple hundred years ago it would be normal for a girl to marry at around 12 years old. Is that the case now? Of course not. Maybe in time that age limit will rise and then being a virgin at 20 would be no biggie. I certainly don't make it an issue for myself.

    If you feel like friending me, feel free. Since I'm in a similar position I don't mind offering support if you need it.

    Good luck =).

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  • I am 26 & never had any girlfriend. I have similar issues. I look ugly. However, I don't think you are ugly. At least someone tells you that you are beautiful. No one tells me this. Not even once has anyone hinted that they are interested in me. . Probably I should give up on girls. It hurts to see every friend of yours having a partner except you.

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    • You shouldn't say you're ugly about yourself. Maybe it is that attitude which prevents you from finding a partner? Would you work as a sales person and sell a laundry machine with the slogan "It's not a good machine"??

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    • I know exactly how you feel. I pretty much feel the same as you. I am now 21 (not 20 anymore) and I still don't have a boyfriend.

      You're right, at least someone tells me that I'm beautiful and I appreciate that, but only girls and older men say that about me. Guys my age don't even look my way. I'm trying to attract a guy in my age group, not a guy as old as my dad, and not a girl.

      I'm really sorry that those 4 girls gave you poor ratings. I would probably cry if I got 4 poor ratings.

    • But then again, that's only 4 out of 3.27 billion females on Earth. Just try to enhance yourself as much as possible. Like I've been straightening my hair and wearing makeup, and trying to become more stylish.

      But you're a guy, looks aren't as important to girls as they are to guys. A man can get girls if he's ugly, as long as he's athletic, charming, and not poor. But an ugly girl has a really hard time attracting guys because looks are the most important thing to guys.

  • Hey what is your username again? you didn't delete me as a friend did you? because I'm 21, never had a girlfriend, I know how you feel.

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  • i know it sounds like I can't be bothered to answer but I want to. I just can't really say much because most of the stuff I would say has already been taken but if you are going to listen to advice or tips then listen to this: BE YOURSELF AND EVENTUALLY THE RIGHT PERSON WILL COME ALONG. YOU'RE PERFECT THE WAY YOU ARE SO NEVER CHANGE AND YOU'RE TRUE LOVE WILL FIND YOU. hope this helps you hunnie x best wishes x cameron x <3

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  • sounds like to me you're trying too hard...of course take it from the guy who is also 20 and never had a gf. my biggest advice to you is to not worry about it and have fun being single...look at is as a good thing

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    • Cam you explain what you mean by trying too hard?

      I've had my fun as well as misery being single. I don't want to be single anymore.

    • Yea how is she trying to hard?

  • oh fogot to mention; I'm 24 and never had a girlfriend before. So what?

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  • I'm 20 and have only had one girlfriend for about 2 months, so I know your pain. It sucks. If you ever want to chat sometime, send me a message. It'd be fun to talk to you!

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    • At least you know you're capable of attracting the opposite sez. Can't say the same for myself.

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    • Cuz the people on those sites are a little weird and desperate. Also its really awkward when you first meet them in person after talking to them on the computer and over the phone for so long.

    • Yeah, I would assume they're weird and desperate, especially if they're like me (i.e. socially awkward and are desperate because they've never had a boyfriend). One of my friends met her boyfriend online and their relationship seems pretty successful, so I guess online dating only works out for a handful of people.

  • I am a 21 year old guy who has never had a girlfriend, so I feel your sadness and frustration.

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    • Ah, I hope you find a girlfriend soon.

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    • Since you have always been single like me, would you like to be friends and chat online? what is your Username? I don't know it since you asked this question anonymously, I just want to be friends because since we are in the same situation, is that okay with you?

    • Okay I'll just add you as a friend.

  • ill be 20 in march (6 weeks from this past thursday) I've had gf's, but none were worth it, too feel bad you haven't a a boyfriend yet... don't rush it... take your time and be more outgoing etc...

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What Girls Said 29

  • I'm 21 and haven't had one. We're in the exact same boat because I've never been kissed either :P maybe someone gave some good advice fo rme too. But don't be sad. I know I'm sexy and I'm just waiting for the right guy to come along. We are single by choice, because we choose to wait for the right person.

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  • i know its kinda late but just so you know, I'm 19 and I have the same exact problem-- supershy, and guys my age never being interested in me except I enjoy the bar scene. ughh and I know about the guys that are so old that its on the point of being creepy! they hit on me all the time even in freaking starbucks and I dress very modestly too!

    i jst wanted to let you know that you're not alone and see if anything has changed since you last asked this question!

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  • You know what's crazy? I'm 20 and still haven't kissed a guy or had a boyfriend either! I just signed up on this website and your question was the first one I saw! Weird lol

    But yea, I completely understand your situation. It's hard for people like us to talk to others about it, especially when we have friends who have been there and done things that surpass kissing. All they can really say is you need to get it over with or something like that.

    However, for me, I'm perfectly fine with it. Well, 90%. I don't know if it's the same for you, but I have had opportunities to kiss guys, but something just stopped me. I think the main reason was the fact that I wasn't in a relationship with them and it just didn't feel right. In the end, all they wanted was sex, which I'm not giving to anyone other than my future husband.

    I don't think you need to go looking for a guy just to be on the same page as society. If it's the fact that you just want to kiss someone, then sure, no real harm in that. But if you are looking for a real relationship, be careful not to fall for the guys that want to sweet talk you in the beginning. Some guys are masters at manipulating girls. In the end, you'd be hurt and regret him as your first kiss if all he wanted was sex. Clubs are definitely not the place to find a real relationship! Just saying.

    If anything, the guy for you will find you. YOU'RE the diamond in the rough. If you want to make attempts to go places where you can find a potential guy, go somewhere that is comfortable to you. If you're not comfortable in that environment, you definitely won't be comfortable around the people in that environment. A good thing to do is to possibly bring you friends with you. You act yourself around your friends, and who knows, maybe a guy will see you for who you are. If you can't be comfortable around a guy, then it's not meant to be. Best advice I can give it to be yourself! Even if you are quirky by any means, guys who are interested will look at that and think it's cute.

    There are times when I felt like a dork because I haven't had a boyfriend or my first kiss yet. But then I think, I'm twenty and I've been doing it for this long so what's another 5 years. I see myself laughing at myself sometimes. Then, my friends would talk about their boy issues and they come to me for advice! How ironic? I must say, though, a lot of guys say it's hard to find girls like us. It actually turns them on in some weird way or the other.

    And you are beautiful no matter what anyone says. Who are they to judge whether someone is beautiful of not? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder...so those beholders are clearly blind. That's what wrong nowadays. People are so obsessed with personal appearance.

    I know I typed you to death but I hope I helped in some kind of way!

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    • Wow! I can't believe I overlooked your answer. I think it's because it was very long and I was going to save it for later then forgot all about it! That's so cool that there's another girl out there that's just like me! Everything you said in your answer reminds me of myself (except the part where you said you have had opportunities to kiss a guy because I certainly haven't.

      I'm becoming more and more comfortable with the fact that I have yet to have a boyfriend. It's just like whatever now.

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    • I know! People come to me for relationship advice too! I really don't get it...but my friends come to me for any kind of advice because they think I'm an angel and always know the right thing to do. A lot of guys say it's hard to find girls like us? Hmm...well why aren't they checking for us? These guys will probably come around and go after us when it's about time for them to settle down but as for now they will continue chasing the exciting hot girls that have looser morals.

    • I try to take care of my appearance and look my best but sometimes I feel as though that's not good enough. I know it's wrong but it makes me want to take more desperate measures so that I can alter my appearance to look prettier.

      Yeah, you definitely helped! Especially the 5th paragraph. Now I won't force myself to go to places I hate anymore. They haven't resulted in anything good anyway. Plus when I'm uncomfortable my body language is so wrong which just repels guys even more.

  • this sounds like I wrote it! I'm not even kidding. except 2 1/2 years ago.

    don't worry, hang in there! work on doing things for yourself and do things you love and love will come to you!

    or at least a hott guy. haha.

    don't worry, it's not you. guys probably see some sort of wall or blockage up and are intimidated by you. I've had people tell me my whole life I'm beautiful. but I've never had a boyfriend so I don't believe it.

    but if you believe that you deserve the best and you're holding out for it, you'll have more confidence and I'm sure you'll find something wonderful.

    like I said, do things you love. I don't like bars or clubs either. and I certainly wouldn't want to meet a guy there cause I don't like to go out. lol.

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    • How do I get them to not be intimidated by me, if that's the case?

      I do believe that I deserve the best but it's doing nothing for my confidence. Maybe my standards are too high. Maybe I should just be pedo-bait and settle for a 45 year old.

    • No way!

      i've thought my standards were too high before, but I don't think its the case. I think that you're just more mature than most guys your age and there's no reason you should settle just to be with someone.

      hang in there. someone will come along. I would definitely be more open though.

      but don't settle. :)

  • i thought the same way when I was 19/ 20 as well when I didn't really date-i had like 1 boyfriend and he didn't , he wasn't even good enough to be my boyfriend and he hurt me (abused) and wasn't a good person

    just take it slow. don't rush yourself

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    • I must ask, how did you even get into that relationship in the first place anyway?

  • Confidence, love, its all about confidence. Who cares if you're ugly (which I highly doubt you are)? There are plenty of ugly girls in relationships out there. If you keep telling yourself you're ugly and no one likes you, guess what? Guys will see it too. You know the saying "you need to love yourself, before you can love another"? I know it sounds really cheesy but its generally true. If you start appreciating yourself instead of constantly criticizing yourself, then you'll exude confidence. Guys really find that attractive.

    I used to be in your situation. I never met any guys, no one ever asked me out (except for creeps), and I had never kissed a guy either. People told me I was really pretty but I never believed it. Then I moved away for college and decided I could make a fresh start. No one knew me here so I could be absolutely anyone I wanted. Confidence kicked in, and I started getting a lot of attention from guys.

    Im sure moving away is not the answer. You just need to find some confidence and instead of being all depressed and sulky, enjoy life. You'll be surprised how much attention you can get.

    Anyways, I hope I helped. I'm sure you'll be ok. Just remember there is nothing wrong with you. All you need is a little confidence and an extra push. :)

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  • Don't rush things! We have shows called 16 and pregnant, girls are loosing there virginity younger and younger and living with regret because of it (not that they regret there children) but usually there first time. People think your a freak because its hasn't happened for you at a certain age. I however applaud you! I'm 18 and waiting until marriage to have sex, However I have had a boyfriend... He couldn't kiss and it made my whole first kissing session just wrong, now whenever I do have a boy come court me I won't kiss them. So don't rush be picky. Older men find me attractive too but I thinks that's because they can appreciate a nice girl with a curvy body. All young guys can think about is sex. I've had this conversation with a lot of boys I know, I start by telling them how guys don't approach me and they told me its because as soon as a single guy walks into a room they asses the women present and that just by looking at me they can tell I'm out of there league not just by looks because I'm pretty some even say beautiful but not omg worthy but by my body language too. Everyone of them said they know they don't stand a chance with me and that if they did they would have already made a move. So they settle for my friendship (second best) You will find someone don't worry about it. It hasn't happened for a reason. And please don't give yourself to the first boy to take you out or kiss you or tells you they love you. Men will say anything to be you first, or just to be with you. Make sure they deserve you when it happens and give it time. I don't find bars enjoyable unless its a big group on a special occasion, and I've never been to a club. Those aren't the types of places you want to meet guys anyways! It will happen for you though, relax and don't over think it or else you will sike yourself out! I hope this helps!

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  • Dont rush things! We have shows called 16 and pregnant, girls are loosing there virginity younger and younger and living with regret because of it (not that they regret there children) but usually there first time. People think your a freak because its hasn't happened for you at a certain age. I however applaud you! I'm 18 and waiting untill marriage to have sex, However I have had a boyfriend... he couldn't kiss and it made my whole first kissing session just wrong, now whenever I do have a boy come court me I won't kiss them. So don't rush be picky. Older men find me attractive too but I thinks that's because they can appreciate a nice girl with a curvey body. All young guys can think about is sex. I've had this conversation with a lot of boys I know, I start by telling them how guys don't approach me and they told me its because as soon as a single guy walks into a room they asess the women present and that just by looking at me they can tell I'm out of there leauge not just by looks because I'm pretty some even say beautiful but not omg worthy but by my body language too. Everyone of them said they know they don't stand a chance with me and that if they did they would have already made a move. So they settle for my friendship (second best) You will find someone don't worry about it. It hasn't happened for a reason. And please don't give yourself to the first boy to take you out or kiss you or tells you they love you. Men will say anything to be you first, or just to be with you. Make sure they deserve you when it happens and give it time. I don't find bars enjoyable unless its a big group on a special occasion, and I've never been to a club. Those aren't the types of places you want to meet guys anyways! It will happen for you though, relax and don't overthink it or else you will sike yourself out! I hope this helps!

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    • I posted this question over a year ago and still I haven't been lucky enough to capture the attention of the opposite sex. I think I am doomed. I'm not rushing into things or anything like that at this point I'm wondering how much longer is it going to take. I'll be 30 and still never having had a boyfriend. I won't give myself to the first boy to take me out or kiss me if I don't feel any chemistry, but if I like him I probably will. I'm not one of those girls that feel they can always do better.

    • Even though guys don't approach you, at least you know they're attracted to you because you're gorgeous. I don't know if I pretty and I don't even know if guys are attracted to me. It makes me feel really sad when I see young couples because it seems like everyone has gotten to experience that expect me.

    • Im so sorry! Its going to happen for you! You sound like such a sweet girl, and I don't know why someone hasn't givin you a chance...Have you aproached any guys yourself? Don't be shy or imbarrassed it gets you nowhere! You might not be bold and brazen but in a moment of courage you might serprise yourself! I hate seeing other couples too! & I'm sorry I posted twice my internet must have been messing up!

  • Wow, I just turned 20 yesterday and I just thought "here I am another year single, with no experience." I have come to terms with it, but at times I see couples, romantic movies, etc. That just trigger that "why am I still single?" thought. It's good to know that I'm not the only one because it feels like everyone has/had someone.

    people suggest going out but it's hard considering my good friends can sometimes be flaky& we do all have our own lives. There have been numerous times where I've suggested to go to concerts, hang out, movies, anything but 1 doesn't have a driver's license and 3 of them live across town (30min drive). I'm going to a community college and it's a bit difficult to make trustworthy, reliable friends there. It's easier@ universities because you can get involved in the community (w/sports, sororities, large clubs, etc) which is a good suggestion for you if it's available. Sorry, I'm just babbling now.

    I feel your pain as well. I feel like maybe my standards are too high considering it's very rare that I come across someone that I'm actually attracted to but I can't help it. I'm also 5'7 and many guys are about 5'6. I'm a friendly person but I'm serious about my studies, but not too serious. I just actually put some time into studying. I do have guys approach from time to time but they really just aren't my type.

    one thing I do have to say though is when you find someone you're attracted to, just go for it. Life's too short to wait around. Even just some polite conversation. Little by little, it'll break your shell. I know it's helped me. I'm really quiet so I've just tried to make polite conversation @appropriate opportunities. But I'm sorry I can't offer more solid advice. I'm on the same boat! I wish I knew the secret too.

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    • Thanks for your answer. You're lucky that guys will actually approach

      But actually, like a few days ago, this boy in my class sat beside me and he was like touching my things. Like opening my notebook and he made me share my book with him even though I didn't say he could share with me, and he got really close to me. It was pretty awkward for me but I think he thought it was funny because he was laughing at my reactions. Do you think this guy likes me?

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    • Yeah he seems pretty normal, but I don't think he is shy like me. Probably the exact opposite. I've talked to him before. It was maybe a 5 minute conversation because we both have a similar ethnic background so we were talking about our culture, but that was on the first day of the semester. Then recently he has been starting to sit near me or right next to me.

      How do I know if he's being like that in just a friendly way or if he's really interested in me?

    • Just keep talking to him. You'll be able to tell with the body language&actions. If he's interested in being friends, he'll act like a friend. If it's a little more, then he'll subtly let you know or flat out tell you.. if he's got the guts. Either way, it doesn't hurt to make a new friend. If it is only friendship then later when you're close, you can ask for guy advice/helpful tips. That's always helpful, right?!

  • Listen people don't randomly tell you that you are pretty to be nice. If people are compelled to give you a unprovoked compliment, its genuine. It took me a while to figure that out myself. Eventually I just figured if lots of different people told me I was pretty it must be true... You're 20 so I know you have heard it before. Its all about confidence. Seriously. I happen to be a pretty reserved person myself. I don't like feeling venerable. For the longest time guys didn't seem interested in me, until I forced myself to be more out going and start taking more chances. I Haven't always viewed myself as anything special, but I can honestly say that putting on a brave face has landed me some abercrombie hotties! :)

    It isn't going to matter if you meet them at the bar, in class, or at a bus stop. Unless you put yourself out there it isn't ever going to happen. The more risks you take the more pleasantly surprised you will be. I guarantee it. Also If you keep getting stuck in the friend zone it could be because you haven't hinted towards anything more.

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  • honestly, I think you should go out more places and hang out with ya friends, go to the movies or have little gatherings. going to sites to find someone is not healthy, trust me. you would find some of thee most weirdest men alive! lol but yeaa I think if you go out more places, be more of a socially person, and dress attractive or just join activities, I think you will find someone that's more on your level. you sed you are shy? just b make your personality be more open. you try that and then guys will start to notice something about you.

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  • just live life, and love. have your fun. life is too short to worry about this. cheer up and before you know it you will be up and about in love

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  • Honestly, I would make friends with lots of guys, and learn about them that way first. The best way to get into a guy's head is to "be one". You will learn a lot that way, so when you have an opportunity to date or start a relationship you will have some experience.

    However, in order to find those opportunities you need to seem available, and confident. I would take advantage of any advances that come your way. Maybe say "yes" to dinner with someone who IS slightly older, just for the experience. Don't commit to anything until you feel ready and satisfied with that person though.

    I have the best luck with finding boyfriend-potentials at bars and in my classes. Keep your eyes open, and when you spot "him"...give him the eye.

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  • if all it is is that you feel pressured to have a boyfriend because of your age, just stop. you don't NEED a bf, it sounds like you just want one for reassurance of your looks, personality, etc. My GORGEOUS sister didn't have her first boyfriend til she was 19 or 20. I'm 18 and have never had one. I may be a less hot version of her, but I'm equally as attractive in different ways--doesn't matter. Just stop worrying about it and one day something will come along and be well worth the wait.

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  • You're just taking longer. :) Don't worry about it! Maybe try traveling an dsee where that gets you...and even though clubs/parties can be skeevy, give one a shot just to see. Sometimes it just helps you meet guys in a free setting. :) If you don't like it, don't go again. But raylly up some gal pals and go for it! :D

    Otherwise...just find confidence in your singularity, and know you're holding out for the fab guy who notices how great you are. :)

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  • you sound like me! except I'm only 18. :]

    honestly, I think it's how you play yourself off. it's all about confidence. and I'm pretty sure guys look for that in a girl. they don't want to have to tell you everyday "honey, don't think that way. you are beautiful.. blah blah blah" and then have you say "no, you don't mean that, etc...". it kinda seems you're lacking the confidence, saying you think of yourself as ugly. you need to feel beautiful and feel like every guy would want to know you. sounds stupid, I know. just try telling yourself in a mirror everyday that you are beautiful and you are confident. now, don't go all mad on me and say that you can't do that, it's too hard... blah blah blah. you really need to boost your confidence levels. tell me how it goes!

    xox, lovely-chicxx

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    • What? You too?! I mean, do guys even like girls anymore? It boggles the mind.

      How do I talk to guys? So if I just act confident they'll start talking to me?

    • Haha. Guys our age really only go for girls they think they can "score" with. *insert eye roll here.*

      It's more than just acting confident. You have to be it too. You really have to learn to love yourself with every flaw you may have. Guys, even though they seem not to notice things, can spot girls who fake confidence. The way I see it... when you finally learn to love yourself you can learn to love for someone else. I don't know. hahahah. That's how I view things.

  • DONT LOOK FOR THE PERFECT GUY THEY WILL FIND YOU WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT

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  • Girl I no what you mean! I have nt had a bf. N it does suk that all ur friends had experience all them things.because they all go out with their couple. Ya I had guy friends that dnt see me in that way but I always tell my self some 1 better will come. N dnt be deppresse. Try to come out ur selve, sometimes it works! Jux keep ur head up..

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  • That sounds like me. Really.

    What should we do? All we can do is wait and hope until the right guy comes around.

    In the meantime, we should be active. Go out, meet new people, have a hobby... You'll never know when someone nice comes around!

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  • aww don't worry I bet he is just around the corner

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  • Someone will come around, dear. Trust me.

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  • you need to be cooler go to parties drink some have fun

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    • Drinking and going to parties will make guys like me?

  • Im sorry but did you just jump into my brain and write exactly what my life was about? because this is def about me! and I do mean that it is ALL about me...everything the shyness, the school guys, the never had a bf, never been kissed the age...everything lol

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    • Sorry it took me so long to reply. It's been a month so I was just wondering if you've had any luck with the guys yet?

    • Actually no I havent...there was this one guy but he turned out to be a jerk and ever since then...its just been me

      The thing is tho is that I can somewhat talk to a guy online but then if it was in person I just shy away from the thought and I don't know what to do....idk maybe its just not my time to have a guy yet, doesn't mean I'm not lonely because I am lol...it sucks too but maybe its just not my time...

      Any luck on your end?

    • Talking to guys online definitely helps me understand guys more and learn how to communicate with them.

      And no luck for me yet

  • I feel your pain. I'm 19 and have never had a boyfriend, been kissed, held hands, etc.

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  • be friendly and warm to guys, never cold or awkward. also, look ur best. if you want advice 4 your looks ask me and I'll msg u. just send me a pic and I can tell you everything that can be improve with ur style & looks. (im kinda an expert haha)

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    • I'm very awkward around guys. I can't help it...I'm actually awkward in general, but hey at least I have character. I'm friendly but also awkward. So my awkwardness cancels out my friendliness?

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    • What art college do you go to? O_O

      I'm seriously transferring to one next year. Guys at art colleges are like that?

      I thought there were like zero straight guys at art colleges. XD

    • Thats so cool! I don't want to say on the internet but I'll tell you its one of the really good ones (but not as well known as others since they don't advertise). but omgg yeah. you will fit in great in art school. evvvvveryone in my school pretty much is really quirky. and yeah there are tons of gay guys, but the straight ones are often really quirky too. :)

  • go online to chatrooms and try meeting some cute guys there. see if they wanna meet for coffee, only local guys tho. guys are age are semi shallow, still in the highschool mode, so this is a way they can get to know ur personality before they meet you. expect a few duds, but maybe ull meet a cool guy. just a thought. worth a shot right?

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  • I'm pretty much like you in every way! Never been kissed, never been on a date, never had a boyfriend, I hate bars and clubs, no one at college even looks at me, terribly shy. etc. I don't know what we are doing wrong. You seem like a nice girl. Maybe you are just going to have to wait for guys your age to mature and realize that they don't want to mess with dem hos no more. I know though, it's not easy waiting. Especially because people in relationships are f***ing every where.

    Good luck :) I hope you find someone.

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    • Yeah, waiting sucks. I've been patient long enough.

      I hope you find someone too.

  • You're not confident. If you think you're ugly then you're gonna act ugly. How often do you go out? Go where there are guys your age and have fun. Even if they are not the ones looking for a relationship, the attention you get will boost your confidence enough for you to attract a real guy.

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    • I never go out. I absolutely hate parties (though birthday parties are fun sometimes), night clubs, bars, and places like those. I find them incredibly boring. Well I don't want the wrong kind of attention. I want someone to be genuinely interested in me.

  • I don't have much to offer by way of advice...except keep your head up. I'm almost 22 and I am in in the same boat! I also have at least four or five friends I can think of that are in similar positions. So I just want to let you know you aren't alone and to reassure that there's nothing 'wrong' with you at all. A big plus about being single is that you have the time to devote to YOU. So spend some quality time with yourself and learn about how awesome you are. :)

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    • You're in the same boat eh?

      Why don't guys like us enough to make us their girlfriends?

      The male species is so confusing.

      Being single gets old eventually, especially when you have your friends from all sides talking and bragging about their boyfriends. Too much "quality time" with myself is enough to drive me insane. Which is what's going on right now XD

      Anyway, thanks for the answer. I wish I could be as positive as you are about it.

    • Now there's a smart girl with some good advice ;) Plus her attitude is confident and positive which makes her attractive!! Sorry anonymous user just using you to make a point lol :P

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