Why would you lie and tell a girl you don't smoke, when you do?

I dated a guy last year for a short time and I tell him from the start that I don't date smokers and he says he doesn't smoke. well One day I was at his place, he told me he wasn't feeling well and he was being very unpleasant and he just went in his room which was weird to me because he invited me over. But anyway after awhile he didn't come out so I just walked right in and he was just laying in his bed smoking, it was the first time I ever saw him do it. he says to me "well I know that you don't like to be around smoke so I just came in here to do it"

wtf? well I know that guy was a jerk though and he lied about a lot of things.

but right now I have a new guy that I have been dating for 4 months, he is awesome, we talk everyday, go on dates, stay over each others place, share everything with each other and have a lot in common, my friends thinks he is a great guy too and I'm starting to get feelings for this guy.

But last night I saw him smoking a cigarette, I don't know if he knew I saw him, but when I saw him I just all of a sudden looked down, like I couldn't look at him the same anymore. My chest sunk in and I could not even look in his direction. Like one minute I was so happy to see him and thinking to myself with a big smile on my face "isn't he so cute" and now I feel like he is a stranger..maybe I don't know him at all, that's how I feel.

He has been really good to me but I'm really confused about him.

I didn't talk to him today but I'm not sure I even want to because I don't know what I should say to him.

Im a big health freak, and like to stay in shape I've also had an aunt die from lung cancer and smoking and I have history in my family with drug and substance abuse leading to my moms death. If you wanna smoke go smoke I'm not judging you but I don't want to fall in love with someone who is gonna end up leaving me because they are dead, or I don't want to have to be in the hospital with you going through the same things I have already been through all over again.

Wouldn't you want to date someone you are compatible with, not someone you have to lie to. How come a smoker wouldn't rather date a smoker?

Updates:
for those who are unsure what my question is, let me clarify: Why would you want to date someone that you have to lie to, Instead of just being yourself? and also have you guys ever done this before whether you lied about smoking or something else?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • This question is not about smoking, it is about lying. If you told the first guy you don't date smokers, he lied to get into your life or he was scared that you wouldn't give him a chance to change. Don't know the guy so can't say which one it was.

    Honesty is something you have to demand from everyone around you without mercy or you will be left alone to suffer the consiquences. You have a very good reason not to date smokers, and I am sorry for your losses and hell you have been through.

    If I was your BF, I would quitt for you. So if you are dating now, make the demands, act like a leader and bring out your concerns and terms of relationship. If you are not dating, know that there are others out there who smoke but get all the energy from the girl and will go a lot further in making miracles than quit smoking.

    If you want, answer my question:

    link

    Remember this:

    If there's a will, there is a way.

    Godspeed

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What Guys Said 6

  • Not really sure what the question is, but here goes an answer.

    First guy sounds like a douche.

    Second guy, couldn't tell if he'd lied to you about smoking or not. If he did, you have a right to be mad for the lying. If he didn't, you can't be mad at him for anything. Either way, now it just comes down to what you want and what he's willing to do.

    Will he quit smoking for you? If yes, great. If not:

    Is he worth keeping even though he smokes? Can you come to some sort of arrangement (maybe he won't do it around you) that satisfies both of you? If yes, cool, if not, looks like it won't work out. But that's for you and him to decide.

    I feel you on this one though, don't know what I'd do if I found a girl I really liked but then found out she smoked. I hate smokers.

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    • Why would you want to be with someone who isn't compatible with you?

    • Looks like you're taking compatibility to mean 100% compatibility, which is pretty much impossible to find. Just because they do one thing you disagree with doesn't mean you aren't overall compatible. It just depends on how much that one thing means to you.

  • it's not right but it's not a big deal. The reason why a lot of guys do that is bec they really like the girl but quiting smoking is very hard. Some of them even tell themselves that they will quit so when they tell the girlthey don't smoke the feel it's not so bad.

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    • its a big deal for me though, I'm not sure you read my whole post...

      so why doesn't the guy just like a girl who can tolerate smoking? Why like someone who isn't compatible with you?

    • bec studies show compatibilty has very little to do with successful relationships

  • honesty is the best policy. Plus, if one lies, the other person is going to find out anyway and it'll ruin the first person's reputation, if any.

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  • There's not a lot of smokers in the US.

    Everybody dies somehow.

    It's interesting that this is the second guy.

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  • I agree he should tell the truth about whether smokes or doesn't smoke

    I know I smoke but quit anytime cause I'm not addicted to nicotine

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  • No I hate lies in a relationship that I agree with you

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