How to respond to being stood up

I met this girl while shopping at the store where she works. We talked every time I went there and eventually I got her phone number. We have been talking and texting for three months now. I talk to her every time I shop there. She is always happy to see me and we always have a lot to talk about. Based on our conversations, flirty touching and texts, she seems really interested in me. Last month while I was at her store, I finally gathered the courage to ask her out and she said yes.

The first time we were supposed to go out, she cancelled on me with a legitimate reason - her father was in the hospital. Two weeks later, she cancelled on me again, this time because she had to work late. Both times she cancelled, I was the one calling or texting her to confirm our date, only to have her respond that she couldn't make it. And both times, she never offered to make it up to me. The first time she cancelled, I was completely understanding and did not make a big deal at all. But now I am wondering what to do since she has now cancelled twice in a row, so we have yet to go on our first date.

I know most people would say drop her, she's playing games, she's not worth it. But I'm not ready to do that just yet. I really do like her but I don't want to send the message that it's OK for her to keep canceling without ever making it up to me. Plus, she did have legitimate reasons both times (assuming she wasn't lying). The next time she calls or texts, how should I respond:

1) Act like I'm not bothered at all. Continue seeing her and talking to her like I always do.

2) Completely ignore her. Don't talk to her and don't respond to any calls or texts until she offers to make it up to me.

3) Tell her that I am hurt, upset or that I don't appreciate her canceling on me without warning and without offering to make it up me.

4) Give a snarky response like "Get back to me when you decide to start acting like a mature adult."

Updates:
Do girls expect guys to tell them as soon as possible if they won't be able to make it on a date? Are the guys also expected to make up for canceling on someone? If so, should girls be held to the same standard?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • If I were you I would stop chasing. Let her make the next move. I would stop going to her work and I would stop being available to her. When she texts you, be nice and be normal. But don't bring up going out again. If she wants to go out with you then she obviously knows that you won't say no if she asks you out next. There could be a possibility that she's canceling because she doesn't want to be mean and reject you out front. Let her come around, and if she doesn't then she isn't worth it.

    So I don't pick 1, because then she'll see nothing is wrong. However, if you do pick option 1, then there is a possibility that she will eventually go out with you, but you will also risk being strung along.

    I'm not picking 2 because that sends off a sign that you aren't interested in her any more, and it will make it harder for her to ask you out if you ignore her.

    I'm not picking 3 because, to be honest, even though it hurts, she has legit reasons for not going out with you, and they could be perfectly true. You don't want to come off as too emotional this early on, then she might think you're clingy.

    Definitely don't do 4, as this gives her a definite reason not to go out with you. no girl wants to date a douche bag. not saying your a douche bag lol XD be a gentleman and be polite. guys usually assume that every girl likes a bad boy, but trust me, the girls that like bad boys aren't the girls you want to get involved with.

    just be normal, but stop initiating texting for at least half of the time or more, and stop going to her work to see her unless she asks you to. if she asks you to come see her, tell her you can't, but you could on a different day at a different time and at a different place. and then you got yourself a date :) good luck, my friend :)

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    • As for #3, I don't know what bothers me more: her not telling me in advance that she couldn't make it, or her not offering to make up for it another time. Both times when I called and texted to confirm the date, she was able to respond in order to cancel. But why did she have to wait for me to call or text first? Wouldn't a lady expect a gentleman to inform her asap if he had to cancel, instead of keeping her waiting the whole time? Wouldn't a lady also expect a gentleman to make up for it?

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    • I'm not sure why she did that. If it were me I would have let the guy know as soon as I found out I couldn't make it. It might be a long shot, but perhaps she was about to let you know when you contacted her? ha ha ;P I wouldn't let it bother you. it's unusual but it could mean nothing. if I were you I would just be sure to contact her before every date until you know she'll be there every time and she earns your trust back.

    • yes, a girl should be expected to show the same standards. you're looking for a partner, not a child to baby sit.

What Girls Said 11

  • I would go with option one but I wouldn't ask her out or even hint at it again. If she is interested then the ball should be in her court to bring it up again and if she is avoiding you because she is not interested than you haven't come off to desperate.

    You've made your intentions clear twice in a row now, and you were absolutely right to do that, but now I think you should leave it to her to make the next move or not and just act casual and friendly as before.

    That's my advice anyway for what it's worth :)

    Good luck

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  • I wouldn't ignore her completely, get snarky with her or call her out. What I would do is ignore her until she contacts you, and says she wants to see you. Do not ask her out or contact her until she initiates. That way you send the message that you're not bothered, but you don't risk alienating her.

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    • By ignoring her until she says she wants to "see" me, do you mean wanting me to visit her at her job, or wanting to go on a date? Do I ask her to be more specific about what she means by wanting to "see" me, or ignore her until she specifically says she wants to go on a date?

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    • Suppose I do this and she just keeps asking me to see her at her work. Is there a point where I should let her know (again) that I don't want to just keep visiting her at her work, and that I still want to go on a date with her? If so, how should I go about making this point?

    • Yeah, next time she says to meet her at work, reply, "how about you meet me at (a restaurant), like tomorrow at 7?"

  • I was stood up 2 or 3x in a row by this one guy. For the most part he let me down at the very last minute or he didn't say anything until the next day. I don't remember him offering to make it up to me. Eventually I just deleted his number and off Facebook without really saying anything to him. I assumed he wasn't interest and I guess I was right. He never came running back asking why I deleted him, texted, or called me. Sometimes people just aren't interested or they find someone else they are more interested in, but they can't admit it to you. Normally I don't just drop people like that, but since he failed to give me an explanation for standing me up I figured he didn't deserve an explanation for dropping him from my life.

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  • She works in retail (a store as you call it). It's impossible to make plans after. Everyone almost always has to stay late. It's like that everywhere. -- #4 makes you sound like a d-bag. -- It's like the busiest time of year for stores now too -- why don't you be nice and ask her to go out on a day she's off of work...

    this one is tough -- try not being so sensitive and see what happens. And make what up to you? Are you going to pay her rent if she gets fired for not staying late? It just sounds like both reasons are legit and by viewing her job as illegitimate reasoning for cancelling... it sounds like you don't respect her job... yes family is more important than work. But work is up there on the important list. Hm.

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    • Actually, the first time was one of her scheduled days off.

      And just to be fair, I've seen responses from girls on this site who would either not give a guy a second chance at all after he cancels, or would give him only one more chance if he had a legit reason for canceling the first time. I would hope that if the situation were reversed and a guy cancelled on you more than once with legit reasons, you would not be expecting him to make up for it or questioning his character if he didn't.

    • Hey I'm just giving you some food for thought. I wouldn't give anyone a second chance haha.

  • I would act like you don't care, but start to distance yourself from her, and don't initiate any talk of hanging out or making plans.

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  • Completely ignore her. Don't talk to her, if you see her be cool. Like you know she is there but do not make eye contact. Be distant and aloof. If she is a sensitive female and most of us are she will realize that she has hurt you. If she is interested in you she will make the move towards you.

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  • i would say one and a little of 3 try to talk to her tell her your feelings ask her when its a good time when she won't be busy nd if she gives you a date nd she cancelled she's probobly not worth it trust me ull find other girls probibly better than her <3

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  • I say kinda 1&2. Continue talking to her and stuff and keep. Asking her out. Maybe she would change her mind and might ask you out.

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  • 1) Okay

    2) Okay

    3) Okay

    4) No, don't do this

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  • Definitely stop chasing her. I'd say it's fine to keep talking to her, but don't go out of your way to make it clear you're interested or that you want to go out with her and such. Also maybe don't go out of your way so much to talk to her.

    As for the first three, how to handle that is up to you. Different things work for different people.

    Your fourth option is ridiculous though. It's rude, and you don't know why she had to cancel. It would probably also kill any chance you did/do have with her. I know if a guy said that to me I'd tell him to grow up, stop feeling so entitled, and gtfo of my life.

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    • As to your update, this question is gender neutral and depends on how expectant the person is. Some people just roll with life better than others. I might expect more from a guy than one of my friends does.

  • I choose this one: 2) Completely ignore her. Don't talk to her and don't respond to any calls or texts until she offers to make it up to me.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Man I've been stood up before, and it is hard to get to stomach that event.

    What I did was I just accepted the fact that this girl don't care 'bout my feelings (since she stood me up). Though I didn't ignore her or anything, but at the same time I didn't treat her the way I treated her before. I just treated her as a friend y'know? Months later after being just "friends" and with no emotional attachments involved AT ALL, I started seeing this other girl and now the girl who stood me up is chasing me. (psychological warfare)

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