Guy who stood me up excuse is that he fell asleep. Should I cut him some slack?

[Anonymous]

I was stood up last night and it really crushed me. I know it was already really late and last minute, and when he didn't respond after 2 hours I suspected he had fallen asleep. It was still disappointing.

Deep down I geniunely think he meant to meet with me and I believe he was excited to do so. However, I just don't feel as though enough effort was put into seeing me. I am really upset and I don't know if continue with this guy. Is my frustration justified? Am I being too harsh?

Updates

+1 y

Fixing typo: I don't know if *I WANT TO* continue *SEEING* this guy.

[MTC29]

You're justified by being upset; no one wants to waste their time, especially you ladies who put time and effort into their appearance. No excuses from me because he's a guy, but these things do happen. The fact it happened on the first date is a disaster, but if you like the guy then a second chance may be warranted.

Looking at your stated age range, you're not a little girl fresh out of high school, your a grown woman, so talk to him as a woman and not as a girl. Say something like "I'm not the type of woman who does casual dating (whether you do or not). When I make a date I take it seriously and I expect you to do the same." Honestly, if you can come across sounding like his mother who is lecturing her bad little boy, he may actually be scared!

Tell him that after careful consideration you are willing to overlook the unfortunate event and make a fresh start by setting a time for a new date. This makes it crystal clear that he is expected to arrive on time for everything that the two of you do together. I think that this approach will work. The question is whether or not you want to pursue it? Good luck.

[Asker]

It wasn't the first date, it was supposed to be the fourth. However I agree with you in that I am not a girl anymore nor am I interested in wasting my time. I am still feeling sore and currently I haven't been responding to his messages because I don't want to lash out and say something I would later regret.

We have been on a roll for the past few months, everything has been exceeding expectation. This is our first bump in the road. However right now, I honestly feel as though I do not want to deal with him. I know it wasn't his full intention to be neglectful, but it simply hurt me more than I had anticipated it would.

But question: Should stop ignoring him and let him have it now while I am still in my emotions — or should I wait until I am in a more rational state of mind to confront him?

[MTC29]

I can sense from your words that you are still very upset, so cool down before taking any course of action-no matter what it is. Since you had previous dates where he arrived on time (my misunderstanding), it makes me feel more strongly that he deserves a second chance, especially since things had been exceeding your expectations. Some of the women I've advised (many much older than yourself) on these matters came across as an emotional mess. You strike me as a level headed woman who has high standards and expectations for their relationships. Get your point across to him and if he behaves, which I think that he will, you'll never need to bring it up again... because hell know not to mess with you. Good luck.

[Asker]

I'm not sure if it's worth mentioning but I do have abandonment issues, and I never want to project those insecurities onto him (or anyone). So I think you're right. A calmer state of mind could help in preventing baggage from muddling things. Nonetheless, I really appreciate your advice. Thank you!

[Pyrofox]

Maybe date style change. Go back to the not so classy Netflix/Hulu and chill at yours or his place. And ya can jokingly tell him if he or u fall asleep it can be done hugging and together. :) If he needs that much sleep.

[Asker]

That was our date. He just didn't make it over.

[Pyrofox]

Then go to his place o. o next time easy fix.

[Asker]

So I should simply brush off my disappointment and hurt feelings of him standing me up and instead plan to make things more convenient for him in the future?

[paradiseonearth93]

I don’t think you being disappointed is too harsh. I’d never fall asleep and miss a date I was looking forward to. Seems a bit odd and I would be hesitant to meet him but at the same time I’d give him another chance. However I would let him know that you won’t stand for it again/set your standards. So many girls want to be that cool girl who doesn’t freak out about small stuff but there is a difference between being too cool and being cool but with standards and staying classy (as in not texting him or calling him rude things and being emo on him... keep your composure and be direct and polite but have your standards known). That’s what I’d do. I’ve been that “cool girl” who had no standards for so long and in the end guys just abuse it.

[paradiseonearth93]

I’ve cut way too many guys slack so much and when all was over and I look back on it I realized I should have never cut them any slack at all because they would have stepped up more if I hadn’t.

[Leavesbound]

I follow a three strikes and you're out rule when it comes to being stood up.