My brother is dating my EX wife

My brother has been going out with my ex wife for awhile. And they never asked me how I would feel about it or thought about how it would effect me. well its eating me up inside seeing them together, how do I get over it. and I've talk to them about it and they don't seem to care how I feel. like is it wrong for them to be going out. I just need some advise on how to get over it.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think it's wrong they're dating, I do think it's wrong that they never asked your opinion on it. However, if they asked you how you felt about it and if you'd say you don't like it and appreciate they didn't, it could be you're standing in the way of "true love" and you'd feel guilty about it. It doesn't help that they don't seem to care about what you think of all this, because if they felt guilty, you knew they cared but that their love was worth it.

    But on the other hand, if they're acting like that and not even caring about you, why would you care about it? Easier said than done. I suggest you try to avoid them. If they make a big deal out of that, tell them you need some time to adjust to the new situation and you deal with that on your own.

    Just try to avoid them, no contact, try to focus on other things and the rest is just how you'd deal with another break up. I never got into this situation so this is the only advice I could give :)

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    • umm. don't quit your day job and NEVER go into counseling. Please! CrystalMinds what the he** planet are you from that you don't think this is WRONG!. It is and quite obviously on SOOOO many levels. Omg really I think youd feel dif if you walked in this poor guys shoes.

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    • For a 39 year old you could learn some things about staying polite though.

    • With all due respect,I don't think this advice is very solid. It's like when you're crying because of a break up and someone comes and pats your back saying "aw, just ignore them, don't cry". Dude. Family issues and strains cannot be "avoided".

What Girls Said 13

  • Wow. That's messed up.

    Unfortunately, if they didn't have the concern to even consider your feelings before they started dating, they won't do so now.

    I would recommend therapy. Just as an outlet for you to air your feelings and get the reassurance you need. Hell if that happened to me I'd need therapy lol. Seriously though I'm sorry that happened. At least you can sleep well at night knowing you're the better person.

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  • Wow. Just wow. This is a bullsh*t level I don't see even on the movies. I can just suggest you cut both of them from your life. Seriously, it doesn't matter if he's your brother. I don't know if they might argue "true love" or something like that, but still... dating an ex wife from somebody in your family simply has too many levels of wrong. Distance yourself from them so you can heal. Who knows what the future might hold... but for now, I think distancing yourself is probably the healthiest thing you can do.

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  • I agree and think it is wrong they are going out...and to add insult to injury...your brother didn't even ask you if it was OK or how you felt. I don't know the whole situation here or if there is anything else going on that may make me think differently...but I don't see how there could be.

    Do you really want them to be a part of your life? It may be helpful to just distance yourself as much as possible...since you've already tried to talk to them and they don't care. In my opinion, sometimes it's just not worth having certain people in your life if they have no respect for you.

    Maybe just take this time to focus on yourself right now and what you can do to develop your talents and move closer towards your goals in life.

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    • I'm thinking if I should just disown them or not...

    • Again...I don't know your whole situation...me personally...disowning runs in my family...for things very insignificant as compared to your situation...I'd never talk to them again unless they gave me a good reason

  • Hey, I honestly don't know what advice to give you if you've spoken to them about it and they don't care. But I want to say I'm really sorry you're in this situation because I know it must hurt :( I get flustered and pissed off if I have a FRIEND who's trying to get with a guy I dated or was in a relationship with. If I had a sibling tacky enough to do it, I would be so disappointed and hurt : / It's a sticky situation. It is wrong of them.

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  • Oh wow. Yeah, I pretty much agree with everyone else on here. He's a scumbag and she's a bitch, cut them out of your life ASAP. Since they didn't even bother to talk to you about it, it shows just how much they care. Just focus on your daughter and your friends and family who've actually got your back.

    Can't believe there are idiots like them out there...

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  • Among the many things I would never do: date someone who had previously been married to my sister. About six kinds of wrong, right there.

    There are simply enough people in the world to avoid this one.

    As for you, you can't control what they do. So, I would recommend avoiding them and moving on.

    If they do work out and are some kind of soulmates, maybe you'll accept that someday when you're happy and in a great relationship yourself. Maybe not. Regardless, you have to take care of you.

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  • Family or not, toxic is toxic and no one should have to be subjected to this level of bull sh** in their lives. I mean this is like 72 degrees of F'd up to the outer limits. Cut them both out like yesterday and try to realize things happen for a reason, and that reason may have nothing to do with you. perhaps there is a lesson in it somewhere for them. Like Karma, and they will get it back one day.

    i hope you are talking to a professional to get through the pain.

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  • cut the two of them off

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    • I'm pretty much making up my mind to do that:-( I mean seriously there's millions of women out there in the world and he goes for my ex wife of all of them...that' was seriously low

    • I know but people will always be people. You can't change who they are but you can change the situation for what it is. I wish you all the best, message me if ever

    • Thanks I will!

  • They didn't ask how you feel because they know what they're doing is wrong! There is no way for you to get over this! How does your family feel about this? Do you have children with her?

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    • y family doesn't fancy it very much either especially my 6.y.o daughter

    • Oh my! Then lean on your family for support hun and be there for your daughter as well. This relationship has little chance of working out with no support from anybody...

    • TY:-)

  • Its completely wrong for them to be going out. My heart goes out to you. That sucks! Your brother should know better. I would try to keep my distance until they hopefully break up. Karma is a bitch. Try to move forward with other people who support you and your decisions to take people out of your life.

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  • Pretty much a "desperate loser" move on your brothers part.
    That's some tacky ass shit.
    How does your family feel about this? because no family in their right minds would support this B. S!!

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  • So much for bros before hoes

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    • That "code" might as well have been thrown out of the window years ago. Guys rarely abide by that anymore Now it's all about "all is fair in love and war and he/she is fair game" regardless of who it might hurt...it's also "every man for his own selfish self"...SMFH

    • You should cut them both out of your life

    • I'm about 99% about to!

  • Idk, it probably will hurt for awhile. Sorry though

    Try therapy

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What Guys Said 9

  • damn bro! no offense but that is one f***ed up brother you got; I am sorry.

    but if I were you I would just let those two losers make their own bed (of nails and ants) and sleep on it while I lay back and enjoy life to the fullest.

    after all that bitch is your ex and your brother doesn't deserved to be even called a ''brother" so you aren't attach to them in any shape or form

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  • Pretty much a d*** move. I don't know if you can get over it. It may ruin your relationship with your brother.

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  • not only is that f***ed up but its also weird on both his and her part. my brother dated a girl for about 6 years and have been broken up for a long time, and I would never do anything with her sexually

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  • that's too weird. personally I would go to a therapist or move away cause I might do something irrational.

    yeah I think it's wrong to sleep with the woman who your brother was sleeping with. to me it's like doing it with my sister

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    • Trust me bro the amount of selfishness and insensitivity in the world today makes me wanna vomit.

      I guess some people just go after what they can as long as they get a "lay" no morals or integrity.

    • it's just different when he's your real 'bro' not 'he's like a brother to me'

      i am so sorry for you man.

    • Thanks bro!

  • bet that's sh*t

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  • Your brother is a snake of the highest calibre, cut him out your life, her too. Focus on yourself and your daughter, stick close to your other family and friends.

    f*** them both, actually made me mad reading that.

    Keep your head up bro

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    • I believe you when you say that it makes you mad reading this..but trust me bro, It's no where nears as bad as it is for me having to LIVE this bullsh*t.

  • As hard as it'd be, I'd never talk to my brother again. Not cool

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    • Oh, and he'd definitely get his ass KICKED!

    • I'm not speaking to any of them again...there are TOO MANY SINGLE WOMEN on this planet for him to have to go and do that.

    • That's exactly what my friend said a long time ago. Agreed

  • Daaaamn that is so f***ing screwed up to the 100th level.

    I mean seriously though with that bullsh*t?

    1 billion single women on this planet and he goes after his own brothers ex wife!

    I am actually mad as hell right now after reading about your situation.

    Acutually feel like punching your brother myself..But like everyone else on here said cut them both out of your life PERMANENTLY. Neither one of them gave a crap about how you feel and please seek therapy too. Good luck to you man.

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  • Threesome? LOL JK.

    Seriously though that is f***ed up. Of all the billions of people in the world, they choose each other! At least your wife is no longer your wife. Does your brother still consider himself to be your brother?

    On her part, it's spiteful but not a breach of trust.

    On his part, it's both.

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    • I'm not even sure if he is considering anything except for his own sorry-as self right now Ihavent spoken to him since. My mother agrees with everyone's opinion as well there are too many single women and men for them to choose each other smh.

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    • Trust me bro the amount of selfishness and insensitivity in the world today makes me wanna vomit.

      I guess some people just go after what they can as long as they get a "lay" no morals or integrity.

    • 3mo

      Hope you have moved forward in your life - im in the same problem - my brother dates my ex Wife and he is also trying to play Dad for my 3 kids... So you Are Not the only one Who has tried this - but it really sucks. I Will newer speak to my so Called brother again

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