We haven't talked in months. Fair to say we aren't friends anymore?

[Anonymous]

Me and this girl used to have a very fun, teasing, flirty relationship for the better part of a couple years. Even though I was attracted to her, she had a boyfriend. I was never a friend to the point where she cried on my shoulder and poured her secrets/life into me, but I was enough of a friend where we hung out a few times in groups and she referred to me as "friend". We sat next to each other in class a couple times and we always had fun when we did (in fact, she invited me out the first time we did this to lunch with her girlfriends).

Anyway, you know how stuff goes. There's a winter break in school and then our schedules this semester are different, so we hardly have any classes together. Just occasionally see each other a couple times a week.

But after that break, it was kind of weird. We just looked at each other a couple times without saying anything the first couple times. So I tried reviving it by going out of my way and talking to her, but it was nothing more than how are you, etc. A couple weeks after that, I texted her the same teasing thing we did, and she reciprocated, and I did that once more the next week, until I figured out that she wasn't initiating any texting or conversations when we actually did see each other.

So we just stopped talking and haven't talked in months. Occasionally she'll say hey or nod her head when she passes me in the hall; she used to be really happy to see me and push me and say she hadn't seen me in a while, even though it would only have been a week or so since she had. Now, though, it's almost like each other don't exist.

It's strange that I'm wondering about her, because I highly doubt she's wondering anything about me. Maybe I'm just too invested.

Updates

+1 y

So by chance I randomly ran into her today with her friend and that guy while I was with my friend. In the beginning she didn't look at me at all, just at my friend, then all of us began to joke around and I teased her a bit, then left. Not sure what that's gonna do for me.

Updates

+1 y

It was the first semi-conversation in months, but it was also with other people.

[Anonymous]

I had the same relationship with a guy, more acquaintances than friends. We had the whole flirt thing going on for years and now we don't talk at all. The reason? Because it was starting to impact on my relationship with my boyfriend and possibly his with his girlfriend. We distanced ourselves from another without ever talking about it and to be honest, yes, I do miss him but not enough to jeopardize my own relationship

[Asker]

she's single now.

[Opinion Owner]

Well that's a different story and a little odd. Maybe you were an ego boost to her while she was with someone else or maybe she is interested in you but now that she's single she doesn't know how to handle it. Her safety net of being in a relationship is gone and she has no excuse not to do something about you now. How long was she in a relationship for?

[Asker]

I've heard it was 5 years, so I'd say 3-5 years on the safe side. She was dumped a month or two before break, she started to flirt with me more, I took initiative and asked her out, but she was vague and didn't seem like she wanted something one-on-one. I didn't bring it up again to see if she would and she didn't. You would think that's the reason for her not talking to me, but it's not because after that she flirted with me and came up to me even more than she did before. And as you can

[Asker]

tell, that made me even more confused. And then break happened, it's been months, and that's all she wrote. So I have no idea what's going on. A lot of times she just ignores me in the hall to talk to this other guy. But occasionally she'll still acknowledge me, though no longer comes up and initiates conversation. Maybe I'm the only one who cares and she thinks nothing of it, but I really thought there was something there.

[Opinion Owner]

After being in a relationship that long its difficult to remember what its like to be single. I know if it happened to me I wouldn't know where to start. If she was dumped then she may not be ready and could he hurt and not anywhere near ready to even contemplate being with some one else and then you asked her out. Yes she flirted with you but that doesn't mean she's ready to date anyone, if someone we're interested in flirt we us we flirt back, its natural. She knows you're interested so let it

[Opinion Owner]

so let it be. You can't go chasing after her all the time. The balls in her court now and she has to make up her mind on what it is she wants. She may just want to be single for a while

[Asker]

okay. it's been months, though. So if she's not coming up to me now, I doubt she ever will.

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry to say but probably not. Give your attention to someone who deserves it. If she can't say she's not interested then she's not worth the bother

[Asker]

I don't get why she wouldn't. She used to say my humor spurred her on, she called me a catch before, and...well, I just don't understand why she wouldn't give me a single shot.

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe her flirting was just the way her personality is and she didn't think anything of it because it wasn't flirting to her plus she was in a relationship. Then when you asked her out she freaked because she didn't realize you were interested, no matter how obvious you think you were. There are people with naturally flirty personalities who don't realize they're flirting or when someone is flirting with them, as ridiculous as that sounds.

[Opinion Owner]

After reading all your other comments - just ask her out, be straight forward and straight to the point. What have you got to lose? She barely acknowledges you as it is so I say f*** it, go for it otherwise you are never going to know

[Stacyzee]

Well, if you care that much about your friendship when you see her invite her out.

I've had relationships like this with 'friends" get thrown in the dust because of a new semester. It happens all of the time. We are close when we share classes, but when we don't anymore it all fades in the wind.

If you don't want that to be, then try making plans with her.

[Asker]

well, the thing is, I'm not sure if she even cares. I don't want to get shot down if that's the case. A lot of this feeling has to do with misjudging my relationships with people as I tend to overvalue them...so I don't know.

[Asker]

and I've known her for two years, so that's also why it feels different, than knowing her for say one-semester.

[MyThoughts]

She may be trying to get over you.she giving you the quick hello thn goodbye...she may not want you as a flirty friend and if not that then she may not want you as a friend at all...you can a. pursue her...b.talk to her about yell situation.or c. be childish and ignire her right back..your call...pls answer my question in return.

[Asker]

How am I being childish? I'm the one who took the initiative to rekindle things.

[MyThoughts]

im not calling you childish...im saying what she's doing is childish by ignoring you for no good reason...a.b.c. are just options

[martyfellow]

Yes, I think she was just being friendly and now tht you aren't in classes together, she's forgotten about the flirting...Let her initaiate the next time, but like you, I doubt she will.

[Asker]

okay, I mean I've known her for two years...we had the flirting thing for two years. Would she just forget like that?

[martyfellow]

Apparently, judging from what you've described. USA women aren't known for being warm hearted or loyal.

[AmberChick]

I think you should take the initiative and ask her out on a real date, none of that hey how are you stuff. She may have been interested before but from what you wrote both of you held back, because no one was doing anything about it. So, be a man! And do something

[Asker]

no, I did something about it. It was near the end of last semester. She was confusing about it, though. All the same, even after that, she flirted more and more, but because she was confusing the first time I took initiative, I wasn't sure. then break came.

[AmberChick]

You're actually confusing me,

[Asker]

I asked her out, but her answer was confusing. It didn't seem like she wanted to do something one-on-one. So I dropped it to see if she's bring it back up, but she never did. And even though she didn't, her flirting and initiation of flirting intensified after that, but, as you can see, this confused me, and then break happened.

[Asker]

so, yeah, I mean, people here tell me that if she hasn't said anything all these months, then she's not interested. And I don't want to re-initiate things if she isn't going to be interested.

[AmberChick]

"people" tell you but she never did. I think you should ask her out again and this time make it known that you want it to be a date with just the two of you and you like her for real

[Asker]

even though it's been months since we've actually talked? That wouldn't be weird?

[Asker]

and sometimes she doesn't even look at me in the hall and instead talks to this other guy.

[AmberChick]

Maye she''s upset that you haven't made another move. If you really like her, you should consistently be taking the initiative not just once.

[Asker]

when you're turned down once, it's a tough thing because you're not sure. And, like I said, the momentum was killed because of the break. I don't know, it seems like she's indifferent. I mean, I would think that if she had some interest, she would've made it easier on me.

[AmberChick]

I guess, but maybe you should ask her rather than us since she is the one you are so concerned about. Seriously she would have the answer better than us.