My boyfriend won't let me meet his friends. Should I worry?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years and I have not met his friends that he talks so much about. I have asked him why and he tells me that I should just drop it and focus more on our relationship. Makes sense but I've been with him for 3 years! at some point I should have met his friends. He has already met my friends and sometimes I involve him when I hangout with my friends. I feel like I involve him more in my life than he does with me. So should I keep asking him to meet his friends or should I just drop it?

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

This could be exactly like Anonymous said. Though it could also be like he's ashamed of you, or himself, or maybe he's married or dating other girls too. Maybe he's only one foot and one foot out of the door. Like maybe he's making it easy to leave at any time. Maybe he's afraid you will leave. Maybe he doesn't want anyone to screw with whatever his angle is. Maybe it's some other form of double life.

Whatever the case, it's a red flag. It means he's resisting. It means he's not taking things seriously. It means he's detached in some way. All of these are VERY bad signs, no matter how stable things seem to be, because this means that he can just dump you and run out at any point with little mess or cleanup. Do not treat this like it's nothing. Sit him down, talk to him about it, tell him you want to meet his friends and family. Stress how serious this is. Tell him you're not going to let this go anymore.

I really hope things work out for you.

Good luck.

[mrallen]

Another thing it could be, which is still bad but not as bad for you, is he could be ashamed of his friends. Maybe they're crude or rowdy or have a vastly different sense of humor than you, so he's afraid they would make you question his choice in friends.

[AlmostARobot]

I'm acknowledging that all of these are possibilities, but it's worth saying that one shouldn't be too hasty with their conclusions. What mrallen said is very likely, even though what's really going on could be something entirely different from all of these hypotheses.

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

MrAllen is right, it could be that too. What else do you have in mind, AlmostARobot?

[Anonymous]

That's a red flag, in my opinion.

I couldn't imagine that after 3 years of dating, the girl wouldn't have met every single one of my friends at least once.

I wouldn't just let this slide, if I were you. There has to be some sort of reasoning behind it.

Perhaps he has no friends, and doesn't want you to realize how unsocial he used to be.

Perhaps you're not as important to him as you think you are.

Perhaps his friends know things about him, which he doesn't want you to know.

Honestly, there's lots of reasons a guy could try and shield you from his mates, but none of them are good.

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

i agree with you, ans I have more possibilities as well.

[Anonymous]

No you shouldn't be worried, he doesn't have any friends apart from his imaginary ones... Wait maybe you should be worried after all.

[Asker]

haha I wish the problem was that he has imaginary friends. I can solve that but he does have friends

[Opinion Owner]

I hate to put things in your head but I've known a few guys who have had girlfriends (that their friends knew about) and other girls on the side, who their friends didn't know about. They all got found out in the end but some lasted for years. What about his family have you met them?

[Asker]

yes. I've met his family. That wasn't a problem for us.

[DeepBlue]

This is extremely odd behavior. If he likes you enough to be with you for 3 years one would think he'd be eager to show you off to his friends, not keep you away from them. Does he give any explanations?

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

Do you honestly think there's a good explanation though?

[DeepBlue]

Probably not, but why be presumptuous?

[Asker]

Usually when I ask why, he just tells me that I shouldn't take it seriously and that his friends are not apart of our relationship. That they have nothing to do with us.

[DeepBlue]

Not a good reason at all. He probably just wants to isolate you to make you easier to control.

[stubbsy]

yeah its weird behavior , so just tell him that unless he lets you become a part of his life then you might as well go your own ways, because that's exactly what he is doing, so disrespectful,x

[Anonymous]

So, did it work out for u? Have u met his friends? I m having a similar problem here and i would appreciate it if i can hear your opinion :)