Is it OK for me to go out with a male co-worker alone if I have a boyfriend

[Anonymous]

Id go with a group if I could but I haven't become friends with many of the people there yet especially the women. My co worker knows I have a boyfriend and is clear that its not a date. Were thinking of going to the movies then for coffee to talk about it, then home. I started a new job and I'm just trying to build more friendships, at the moment I have no real friends so I want to try to get to know people. I'm not interested in this guy for anything other than friendship and he's said that he'll respect my relationship. I just don't know if my boyfriend will accept this completely. I'll tell my boyfriend where were going and call him before and after the movie.

Guys, if you were my boyfriend would you be OK with this?

Girls, would you think this is acceptable behavior?

Yes, I don't see a problem with it

No, its innapropriate

Other/ it depends

[RawRawR1]

Not big deal on paper, but since it rather make you anexious

consider the following

1) are you boyfriend a very jelly type? movie + coffe = cliche "date" by the book but don't need to mean anything, better just try it slow .but condsider you phone him before and after just because you hang out with a male friend, I will assume he is.

best thing to do is just ask him. better ask him and his opinion and why you troubled by this ( a misunderstanding is the easiest rift in realationship)

2) if it's clear its not a date, don't see the issue . only ting that make it "weird" is the "movie+ cofee" is classic 101 date , but also the classic ice breaker (can talk about the movie incase no topic come to mind) but other than icebreaker, movie never such a good idea on date if you not with a movie-fan

3) if you cautiones on if it "just" as friends he said, ask if you can bring you boyfriend along or even "assume" you can take him with you and notice the reaction (even if you not going to take him or long ) just make a simple excuse he wanted to see the movie or something, if he back out or become defensive or want to drop the whole idea

4) bring along more people than just you 2, like other co-workers

[LightUp]

Dudes got a good point

[madhatters4]

if he and you are both very clear that this is strictly about friendship then I think it's OK, that is of course after to you talk to your boyfriend.

If you're boyfriend is uncomfortable with the situation (which is somewhat understandable) would it be possible to take the boyfriend along on your "outing"

I think it is something you can talk to your boyfriend about and if he is secure and trusts you he should be OK with it...I would feel a bit uncomfortable but also trusting my girlfriend the way I do I would ultimately be OK with it

[vmw2008]

I think the movie is a little much for a first hang out, if I'm being honest. Coffee, drinks, lunch, all fine. But a movie is stretching into date territory for not being good friends with this guy yet. He may say he respects your relationship, but there's a good chance he only said that so you'd go out with him. I'd bet he's secretly hoping he can swoop in at some point.

[Asker]

that makes sense and I understand that but even if he does feel that way, it doesn't change the fact that I'm not interested and I wouldn't allow anything inappropriate to happen. The only reason I considered the movie is because it gives us something to talk about besides ourselves, like an icebreaker.

[Jinmetsu_Rasetsu]

No offense, QA, but based on your age, you haven't pulled your cranium out of your posterior... Most women that cheat are NOT interested in the men they cheat with. They do it with the "heat of the moment" excuse. For a brief instance, you can lose yourself control, and then what? You cheat. Unless you have supreme willpower on par with a woman twice your age, you will. it always are the ones below age 26 that do things like that. Haven't figured out if they are a girl or woman yet...

[Asker]

the thought of sex with another man repulses me, I don't like sex that much.

[vmw2008]

I'm not sure I agree with the viewpoints of Jinmetsu, but I still stand by what I initially wrote. For me, it would feel inappropriate for a first time hang out with a new guy friend. I wouldn't be at all happy about my boyfriend doing that either. If you both have a different kind of relationship than mine, that's perfectly okay, but that's my opinion.

[Jinmetsu_Rasetsu]

Well, Answerer, It is not the matter if you openly agree with me or not... But your verbiage indicates similar ideologies. However, my POV and my expression of it is harsh and blunt. If you get past my cynicism and harshness, and look to the core of the matter, you would see this.

QA, that's what they all say.

[Jinmetsu_Rasetsu]

Furthermore, cheating is not always about sex, but emotional bonding with someone other than your boyfriend/husband. Therein is the method by which you would be cheating. Sex is the shallow definition of cheating. More often than not, it starts with what seems innocent enough... You start having issues with your relationship... Your female friends are unavailable, and you find yourself talking to the man. His suggestions would be the bane of your relationship, and you begin to connect...

[vmw2008]

I disagree with the idea that all or even most women under 26 lack the will power to avoid cheating. I don't necessarily think this is about potential cheating at all. Merely respect for your partner, and avoiding situations that could raise unnecessary problems. Such as jealousy, disrespect, and a man with an ulterior motive that may act on that motive in the future.

[cristinaboss]

It's inappropriate. I would never hang out with a guy alone if I had a boyfriend. Never. If you want to make friends, you can go out with him and ask him to bring some people along. Or invite your coworkers and that way you can all get to know each other. If you have to ask, then it's probably not a good idea.

[calialltheway1993]

Eh... It doesn't matter what we say. What matters is your boyfriend opinion. I wouldn't mind If my boyfriend wanted to go out with a coworker, unless that coworker is suspicious.

[MilaPohstro]

I think it's okay but I can understand if your boyfriend was not comfortable with it.

[LightUp]

Well It wouldn't make a difference to you when looking it at a glimpse but you shouldn't because these things just f*** up relationships. You can't escape no matter what! Just don't... you've probably seen enough movie flicks to know how and why it happens.

Besides why watch a movie with a guy ? I would question the guys motives , I mean you are the new blood at the office after all so don't judge someone so easily at work as friendly when specially they are trying to go out with you alone

IMO sis

[Jinmetsu_Rasetsu]

Inappropriate!

Those sorts of things are reserved for you boyfriend/husband. It is improper for you to go out with a man you have not committed yourself to.

If I were in your position, and the genders reversed (Me and a female coworker, and I have a girlfriend), I would never go with the coworker, unless it is a group setting. It is reprehensible either by general logic of the matter, and it is against my beliefs anyway. However, if you will go, the way I see it, your boyfriend should go too.

[Anonymous]

"I just don't know if my boyfriend will accept this completely."

Not f*cking likely. Regardless of your intentions, you're going on a date with this guy. Remember, most "cheating" doesn't start with someone going out and saying "I think I'll cheat on my partner today". No. It starts with stuff like this.

Also, why exactly is your boyfriend forbidden to come along?

[Asker]

hes not forbidden, I know he wouldn't want to go though. I would never cheat, I'm not even attracted to this guy.

[Opinion Owner]

"I would never cheat" said every woman who's ever cheated on anybody in the history of ever.

Trust is a great thing to have, and creating situations where it could be damaged is a pretty silly thing to do. Anyway, talk to your boyfriend. If he's fine with it, then go for it.

[Jinmetsu_Rasetsu]

HAH! THat is the truth! "I will never cheat", and he comes home to you straddling someone else... Been there, done that, X3...

Women can be such bullsh*tters sometimes...

[hALLDAY]

I'd go for coffee and lunch, its public, social and in a laid back environment. Movies are kind of iffy for a hang out especially if he is a co-worker. I don't think I've ever hung out with someone from my work, outside of it (unless it was a Christmas party/group get together).

[287687has]

I wouldn't be OK with it unless I have personally met him and judged his intentions. There's a lot of guy out there that are "so nice" and "sweet" and tell you over and over there's nothing going on; and almost every time, his lying his ass off. What's wrong with your boyfriend going? If its completely legit then this co worker will gladly accept you bringing him.

[Littletad]

How about this, would you be okay with your boyfriend spending the night with a female co-worker. Just as friends? If you can say yes, then maybe things will be fine. If you can't, then now you know how your boyfriend would feel.

[Jinmetsu_Rasetsu]

Conceptually, I can agree with this...

[Anonymous]

Find a friend that's a girl to do that sh*t with. Women who think like you shouldn't be in committed relationships until you learn what respectable behavior is towards your partner.

Oh, & yea, I'd have a problem with my girlfriend going on dates with another man, Guess I'm weird that way..

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

You might be trying to build friendship, but that guy definitely isn't looking for just that from the sounds of it. Some guys don't give a sh*t if you have a boyfriend, they'll still try.

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

Btw, why not invite your boyfriend along then? That guy shouldn't mind if he wants to just be friends.

[MakeLoveNotWar]

This.

[glamphotog]

Would you be okay with your boyfriend going to a movie and coffee with a girl from his work?

[Asker]

yea as long as he didn't hide it and he told me where he was going.

[glamphotog]

Then you should tell your boyfriend and get his feedback. The fact that you're concerned about telling your boyfriend is a bit odd to me.

[38darlene]

Not a good idea. Sounds like he's looking for more then a freind.

[Anonymous]

unless he's gay it's not appropriate imo.

[Jinmetsu_Rasetsu]

Even if h is perceived as "gay"... Some men "play gay" to get women, you know...

[Opinion Owner]

well wouldn't she be surprised if she found out he was lying and that probably wouldn't go over well would it? lol either way this guy isn't gay and is promising to respect her relationship? I call bs on him.

[Jinmetsu_Rasetsu]

I agree... Just wondering why people give me 2 down ratings though... LOL

[Opinion Owner]

I don't know I read it and all I can figure it was your "improper to go out with someone you aren't committed to" comment that was kinda too much but the rest I agree with I also agree with cristinaboss above...make it a group thing with coworkers and if you are having to ask if it's OK then it's a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

hell no!