He's the sweetest guy ever but I don't find him physically attractive, help me please!

[Anonymous]

He's really nice to me and he always makes me laugh. He sits next to me in class sometimes and we play stupid games with each other. He also gave me a surprise party on my birthday. He also lends me money for little things and once he bought me a chocolate which we shared. He also stares at me all the time, not in a creepy way but in a way that makes me smile everytime.

But physically I don't find him attractive, he's kinda overweight and I don't like his body at all.

I am not shallow but I am sort of a health freak and I just can't find him attractive. What should I do? plz plz help me out

[redheadbabygirl]

I soooo know what you're talking about...

You find him very very unattractive and can't imagine doing anything with him...

And at the same time, you feel guilty for being "superficial" because he's a great guy in every other way.

The fact is, that's not superficial at all. Look at it like this: While refusing to be FRIENDS with him because he's unattractive would be superficial and terrible, refusing to be his GIRLFRIEND is a whole different story. There's a whole world of men out there and you (hopefully!) will only have one boyfriend. So that leaves millions who didn't make the cut for one reason or another who may or may not have been "qualified." He is no different--he's on equal ground with all the other just-friends guys. Fact of life, and nothing to feel guilty about.

Don't beat yourself up over it. You're not morally obligated to be his girlfriend!

good luck.

[loopiegirl]

Sometimes the best gifts come in plain packages. If he is good to you and you enjoy his company then hang on to him. Being 27, and still looking for a decent man, I can tell you that looks don't mean anything. Once you really give him a chance and he grows on you, then you will start to find him more attractive. You may realize that he has beautiful eyes or a smile. Remember, beauty is only skin deep but ugly is too the bone.

Just remember that you can't change people. He may be happy with who he is and what he looks like. If a relationship was to develop then you may tell him that you are concerned about his health , but don't make it about physical attraction. It's a very delicate situation and if you don't handle it right, it seems like you could miss out on a great guy.

[cbear-87]

there is no way a relationship can work if the attraction isn't there. it has nothing to do with being shallow. its obvious that this guy really likes you, and I'm sure you like him too, but not in the way he likes you. it sounds like you two can be really really good friends. and that's great

heres the true test on whether it would work or not. can you picture yourself kissing him, or doing even more with him? if the thought of kissing him interests you then maybe you actually are attracted to him and it could work. but if the thought of kissing him grosses you out then that's a bad sign

[The-Dude-Next-Door]

Invite him to the gym with you. And persuade him to adopt a healthy diet. And when he's healthy then he might need a makeover. Take him shopping and pick out clothes with real style. And no makeover is complete without a new haircut. Buy him magazines to give him an idea of what style is.

Make him reinvent himself. You have to be tactful about it. You have to come up with the right persuasive words to convince him to accept your makeover. Coming up with convincing words might be difficult, or it might be incredibly easy (if you get what I mean).

[NMMan]

I am not shallow either, but physical attractiveness does play a role - of course it's far from the only factor, but it needs to be there for a relationship to happen. I understand that people don't want to appear to be superficial in these responses, but that's the truth. It's wonderful that you seem to match on most other levels, but don't feel bad about not being physically attracted to him.

[loopiegirl]

My response had nothing to do with me not wanting to appear superficial. No one here knows me from Adam, so it really doesn't matter what anyone thinks. But, my answer comes from experience and being an adult. With mental attraction comes physical attraction, even if it wasn't there at first. I have met some really good looking guys that were jerks. It literally changed how I saw their physical appearance. Their insides showed through and it took away from the outward beauty.

[NMMan]

I don't deny the fact that sometimes physically attractive people have terrible personalities, I am an adult as well and have seen it before in my own experience. When a person's looks eventually fade, all they have is what they are on the inside, which is the most valuable part of ourselves. My only point was that for there to be a figurative "spark" between two people in a relationship, they need to be both mentally and physically attracted to each other. I assure you, I meant no offense.

[redheadbabygirl]

Very good answer. I agree 100%.

[YoungGirlJB]

Just because your not physicly attracted dosn't mean it's not worth the relationship. Society has based relationships almost purly on the sexual looks side. Why not just try it out and see if you can be with him like that; and if not, by the way you described him, he'll still want to be your friend. He dosn't sound like the usual shallow sex-craved pig "if-you-dont-give-me-this-we're-not-even-friends" sort of guy. But still give it a chance at least.

[Niko-r]

What bothers me about this is : just because he's overwieght doesn't keen he's not healthy, other factors like genetics can play a part in it, and also he sounds like a wonderful person... Who gives a sh*t if he's a little tubby? Give him a chance, it sounds like he loves you

[WeaponZero]

Attraction is a very big part of compatibility. If it's not there, then the relationship won't last long. You're just friends. Good friends, yes, but just friends. Just make sure he understands that too.

[raelindia]

forget it ! you like hime ? ...you like him...

Theres something which stops you from liking him ! - So don't like him. Simple

[good-looking-geek]

invite him to start going to the gym with you.