Why Is He Not Asking Me Out?

Ever wondered why you can never get a date as girl? Why the cute guy always looks you over for your friends? Why even the socially awkward spotty geek doesn't bother with you?

Well, here's a run-down of what may possibly be wrong with what you're doing and whom you are.(these are generalisations, but are based in personal experience and read anecdotal stories, and some science)

1 - You're looks are doing nothing for you

It's got to be said: Men are visual creatures. Doesn't matter if you're Mother Teressa, if you don't look good, you're unlikely to pull in the guys. Most young women can look perfectly acceptable if they follow a few easy pieces of advise:

Lose the excess weight. Really, do it. You'll thank me later. Cut the processed carbs out, do some exercise. You'll look better, feel better and you may meet a nice chap whilst you're at it.

Clear your skin up. Stop smoking, get meds for your acne, use moisturizer.

Improve your hygiene, including your oral hygiene. Smell nice, get your teeth straightened and whitened, shave your armpits, top lip and legs.

Wear feminine and figure flattering clothes. Go to a decent fashion store and ask an assistant for help. A male one is preferable.

If you're really unfortunate by having a real ugly face, then you'll just have to work on being a sweet feminine girl (talked about later)


2 - You're too shy

Especially if you actually like quiet nice guys, this is a major point. If you don't flirt, don't give -any- eye contact, don't smile at him or laugh at his jokes, you're going to be seen as someone who isn't interested.

So do the opposite of these no-no's. You don't have to say much to him, but just make it known you're interested in what he has to say.


3 - You're too bolshie/manly

You're aggressive. You have a reputation as a slut. You curse. You drink to excess. You're not wanted for long-term relationships.

Make the link. If a guy wants a friend with male characteristics, he'll make a male friend. If you want to be treated like a lady, you need to act like one - this isn't to say you need to be some naive wallflower. But basic manners, showing him some respect and some trust in his decisions/opinions, not bad mouthing him in public or when he isn't around, all go a long way


So there you have it. To summarise for you, if you want the guy, you need to look presentable, be sweet, be friendly and make him feel like a man. You can't go too wrong with those pointers.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • This is a disgusting article, how are these aloud to be written? especially this:

    "Most young women can look perfectly acceptable if they follow a few easy pieces of advise:

    Lose the excess weight. Really, do it. You'll thank me later. Cut the processed carbs out, do some exercise. You'll look better, feel better and you may meet a nice chap whilst you're at it", dispicable... you have no right to tell someone they should lose weight and if they don't nobody will find them attractive... let me tell you... i'm over-weight and i lost 4 stone once and did it make me feel better? NO! because i saw people would only notice me and talk to me if i DID lose weight, yet before they could never accept me for who i am... they didn't talk to me... made fun of me... bullied me... so do you seriously think losing weight will make you feel better about yourself?, your obviously not the greatest person...

    Definitely not qualities id look for in a dude... not one that want me to be what HE wants me to be... even when i'm not that.. i'm ME, and if that bothers a guy... he can get off his high horse and get the hell away lol, i ain't changing who i am for nobody, real love is someone who accept you for YOU, even when you are shy or not too confident or a tom boy... you sir are obviously one of these guys who loves to spend his time controlling women and changing them than finding a women with what you want instead, unacceptable...

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I feel you are missing out on something vital in your assessment. Since the Feminist Movement started back in 1991, women have loudly declared that they don't want men to ask them out. Ever look at a woman only to get the eyes rolled up in total rejection of you? How many times has a man asked a woman out only to get rudely rejected? Too often. Thought not all women are like this, the message along with 15 years of male persecution has done the damage. Women want space? They're getting it

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What Girls Said 23

  • This could use a little polish, but overall you are correct. Looks do matter and too many girls (and guys) think they can get all lazy about personal grooming without it affecting their chances with the opposite gender. This isn't about being a Barbie, it is about being presentable and showing you actually care. #2 is the BIGGEST problem for a lot of girls. I have super attractive women who have no dates because they cannot talk to guys. Not many guys want to approach an ice princess.

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  • Great article! Your blunt honesty is refreshing, but not rude. (Well, even though some applies to me, I don't take it as rude, though others might)

    Also, there is the matter of basic chemistry. Not to mention girls going for guys who make it a point to remain aloof. #4 could be "You insist on going after douchebags!"

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  • Hmmm...

    I don't know which one I fall under.. maybe manly? lol

    guys tell me I'm like a dude... a lot.

    Nice article though :)

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  • Blunt as fk. loves it. shot bol.

    point one is bloody gold. chicks need to hear that.

    but shyness ...hmmm, well, the element of mystery is never bad.

    think this article is targeted at chicks who don't get any. think tip number 2 should be act like you're gold (cause you are) and quit acting eager beaver --- cause desperate chicks get used for sex.

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  • In reality, 'classically' pretty/beautiful girls have a harder time, then these so called ugly girls...unless you are extremly ugly, you'll have an easier time getting laid than if you are more attractive than average. Guys don't like getting out of their comfort zones, they go for averagely pretty.

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  • I'm #2

    Looks aren't a problem but when it comes to interacting with the guy I give mixed signals 😓

    Then I'm always acting uninterested so he Won't find out that I like him and eventually he looses interest. Self fulfilling prophecy all because I'm afraid of rejection 😒

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  • I'll just sit here with my Big Mac and call it all bullshit. I'd rather have someone who takes me as I am than be different just to get a bloke. One of the worst articles I've seen in a long time.

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  • Okay, I've have been wondering about this for so long! I happen to enjoy drinking..a lot! When I get drunk I get a bit loud and am thought of as one of the guys. Is this a deal breaker? If it is, what does that mean? Does that mean I have to pretend I don't really enjoy drinking? Gah, so confusing! Great post btw!

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    • Just be yourself don't let this dude who posted this article make you change yourself for a dude because most dudes don't know what they want and always do the things you tell them not you, you tell them not to cheat... they cheat... you tell them to stop staring at other girls... they stare even harder... you ask them to stop being disrespect, they do it and act even more disrespectful than before... they aren't worth all the fuss, when you find the right guy you will know it, and he will love you for who you are.

  • You act like we don't already know this... now its just coming from a man, I KNOW I have to dress nice smell nice look good to attract a man its easier said then done.. you don't think it takes a while to "lose the access weight" or get the money for the cost of thousands of dollars for invisalign and zoom teeth whitening? dude you can't just expect people to look perfect and know how to act around people it takes time

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  • I definitely fall into the quiet girl category who's currently crushing on a quiet guy. Yes, quit accurate. I'm a realistic girl, though quiet, so I did not find this remotely offensive.

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  • I guess my only problem is excess weight. I'm def not obsese just slighly overweight. I just hope the feminazis don't terrorize the comment section. Great article!

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    • Love yourself don't let guys like this push you down, guys like this probably can't keep a girlfriend if their life depends on it, they would rather tell you that you aren't good enough now and change you than accept you, terrible type of men

  • I wish my friend would read this article and take ALL this advice to heart. Yeah,don't forget, guys don't lik whiney bitches either.

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  • Very very blunt and to-the-point. Somewhat offensive... but also some of this just needs to be said, even if it is offensive... Good tips.

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  • What you said is.Basically look your best and guys will come to you...Interesting how come guys don't do that too.Shallow.

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  • I see your point :) great article you made some spot on points, sorry I sounded so harsh I was already thinking about all these things earlier on what I have to do to 'get the guy I want' ugh :(

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  • And how perfect are YOU?

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  • When guys write things like this I always feel like maybe I should stay single if all dudes honestly believe this

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  • I do everything right and I still don't have a man...

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  • Very good! Excellent advice. I have a few acquaintances who could stand to have this rammed down their throats.

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  • At what weight would you consider a girl overweight?

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What Guys Said 27

  • This is great advice. If you want real advice from someone who understands the "psychology" of dating, Hughman is one of those people. He's not getting his info from dating gurus. His assertions are backed by biology. When he says mating game, he's not writing about head games people play. He understands a branch of applied mathematics called "game theory." He's blunt because the truth is blunt.

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  • And if you’re worried about asking your crush to hang, don’t be; guys find it totally flattering when we girls approach them! Honestly! So often guys have to do all the work; they have to make all the first moves including talking to us, asking us out, paying for dates, etc. I guarantee you that any time we take some of this burden off their backs, they’re thrilled!

    http://howtodate.blog.com/download-free-ebooks/

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  • Blunt is how I am. People need to have the red pill rammed into their mouths - it's up to them to swallow it though and accept reality.

    Note 'too shy' and 'too bolshie' - it's finding the balance. You want the guy to know you're going to be receptive to his advances, but are still willing to get rid of him if he messes up.

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  • @beans

    Excessively bitchy girls also tend to be hauntingly attractive. It's a catergory I didn't cover.

    Guys would rather have a sweet and attentive girl, but lose some looks than have some ice-queen. (and once a guy gets infatuated, it doesn't really matter if she has faults, syou see past them)

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  • You only get rejected repeatedly if you don't know what you're doing. Women can only be seduced if they want to be seduced. Going for fridged feminist fangirls isn't going to be productive.

    As social constraints on sexuality continue to collapse, the West moves closer to making the sexual market place abide by Pareto's Principle. 20% of men will get 80% of the loving. The remainder can be 'cleansed from this earth'.

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  • Nothing wrong per se, it's just it comes across as far too strong and desperate. If a girl was to ask my out directly, I'd instantly start trying to think what's wrong with her, especially if she's actually attractive. It's much better for both parties in both the short and long term if the girl's actions lead the guy to ask her out

    Gender roles exist for a reason because they work on the whole. (there of course exceptions, as always)

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  • Just926: you need to show restraint - if you're a 'lightweight' when it comes to drink, then no one is going to respect you for it. If you aren't, simply showing you can sometimes have control is good enough. I know from my own circles, the girls that drink hard are great for short term passion, but a long-term relationship is out of the question (the drinking is a problem per se, it's the associated traits with it that is the problem)

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  • You'd be suprised how delusional and naive people are. Just because you're in the know doesn't mean everyone else is (ie don't project onto others)

    Most guys go their whole lives not having a clue how to attract women. Hence why you have a core minority of players and cads whilst the rest get shafted for everything they've got. Only a few who are in the dark learn how to get out. Most are just blessed to have developed into it.

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  • Rainydaydreamaway - This isn't about 'why do my relationships suck?', though I understand what you mean. The only problem is that douchebags are chosen over nice guys because they turn women on. Good looks, personal style, confidence, wit/humour - all great bonuses. The only negetive is that he won't give a sh*t about you.

    Outofmyelement43 - thanks for the props. I suspose it is applied maths, it's just using gross figures in a fast and hard style.

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  • Depends totally on her build and her height. Some girls suit being skinny, others need some flesh. Some of the hottest girls I know would never make it as catwalk models. And most 'models' aren't actually that good. However I'd say anything above 140-150 lbs for a 5' 4" girl is probably a no go.

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  • What beans said is true - I don't think it's that guys don't like beautiful women, it's just that some (not all, I work with a couple ladies who are stunners AND bold, friendly to everyone - they have to be, we're in sales) I've walked up to have been bitchy to me so I go for her shorter, cuter, friend who actually smiles at me and is polite.

    You have to be friendly if you want friends - I've never understood why some people will go to a social gathering and just be an unfriendly jerk.

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  • It's hard to believe that women think men are all boorish a**holes. Ladies, this kind of childishness is NOT representative of the thoughts of all men.

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    • Agreed it's a load of coswollop... and saying these things doesn't make a girl "the right girlfriend", he's just part of the "change a woman into what i want" group, these guys are the type of guys that spend controlling and telling women how to be than loving them, i bet he has no girlfriend and if he ever has he was probably dumped every time because he thinks controlling them and pushing down their self-esteem telling them who they are now isn't good enough for him will keep her there, i know the type... and they are just... pure evil it's what.

  • We aren't all assholes. If we were, society would be different. The problem most guys have in regards to dealing with people, specifically in the mating game, is having a lack of backbone.

    But that discussion is for a different day.

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  • Whats wrong with girls asking guys out then? geeze, I hate gender roles in our society

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  • Whiney biatches...ha, I forgot about them. But that's a whole different topic - you won't know she's a whiney bitch till you've been on a date or two. They still get asked out, they just can't keep guys.

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  • The male checklist boils down to 'Do you make me horny?', 'Can I talk to you without feeling bored (or intimidated)?' and 'Can I show you off to my mates?'. And we rarely deviate from this.

    Girls on the other hand - Mr Good Enough is never enough!

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  • Cheers, I'm just doing my bit.

    How do you feel it's offensive? (or is the truth just too painful for most people? I know I feel insane sometimes with the shizzle I now know)

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  • I'm not. Having flaws makes me human.

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  • Maybe intimidation, some time guys don't like to ask you out and then feel stupid when you say no. Also maybe you are acting like you aren't interested.

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  • Agreed, but there's a fine line between making the 'first move' and being needy.

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