Can I have a platonic cuddle buddy and how do I ask a friend to be one?

[kissedbyfire]

Two months ago I was dumped by my fiancé. We'd been together 6 years. I was never an emotional person before him (with other people) and I can't see myself becoming romantically attached to someone again, at least for a long time.

That said, I am a very... physical person. I need sex. I need cuddling. And everything in between. I don't really want a friend with benefits, strangely enough, or have it come about organically... but I DO want a platonic male cuddle buddy. Someone who will watch movies or whatever with me & cuddle but not push the sex issue, and won't stay the night...

Is this weird?

And how would I even go about this? Do I just ASK one of my male friends? :-/

[pionneer]

I think most guys would find you to be very confusing. If you have a male friend that would go along with this then I imagine that he would consider you a friend with benefits and end up expecting cuddles to lead to sex. I think you should either go with that or be strict and keep it to cuddles. But I don't know any guy that wouldn't be wanting more even if he keeps that secret. If you do this then expect things to become very complicated. You might lose good friends along the way. My advice is You need a boyfriend so go find one. good luck

[kissedbyfire]

Thanks for that... I feel like two months is too soon after a six year relationship and engagement, but maybe a casual rebound? But I think you're right with the whole complicated thing...

[pionneer]

Indeed, perhaps its too soon for you to go into anything too serious but a flirty casual relationship could be the way forward but you must make that clear to the other person. Not usually a problem for most guys. If it gets serious then hey but don't go down the platonic cuddle road because in all honesty I don't think it exists.

[kissedbyfire]

That's a great comment, thank you. :]

[AdamThomas]

Yeah it's weird. Also sex doesn't come around organically lol, at least one person plans to make that move, and it's only women who say that sex "just happens" because it's usually the man who makes the move. So basically if it happens he was planning it all along... I agree with the other guys, most normal straight guys aren't going to do this without wanting sex. You could possibly find a gay best friend instead.

[kissedbyfire]

I would love to find a gay best friend lol, but that's a whole other issue lol!

Ah... that actually explains the last time I had sex (it was rebound sex). I didn't see it coming so to speak. I thought we were just chilling and talking and then he kissed me. The rest is history lol. So that does explain it lol.

[ashnite22]

You need a gay BFF. They do all of that without the sex part. They will listen, have late night convos, have drinks, get you out when you need to go out (and make you feel fab), and will still be there when you do eventually start dating again or get a new BF. There is no slow build up with a straight guy..you cuddle maybe once or twice, if that and I guarantee something will happen, its nature. So if your "eventually" means once or twice then go for it, if not, find a GBFF

[kissedbyfire]

Ugh, I think you're right. Unfortunately, I don't know any gay guys and don't know how to find a gay man to be BFFs with... also, I think it would feel awful for them to be used as a gay BFF? It sounds so bad. But yes, I do need a gay friend, I think I've always needed a gay friend. -_-

[ashnite22]

hmm i met a lot of gay guys through work and we naturally became really close. Some of them are actually bi-- either way we found common ground and just went up from there. One of them is super in to heavy metal and i'm not but we both love watching scary movies. You aren't using them if you build a friendship like you would any other one. So first I would suggest seeing if there are any that might be at work. If not, maybe go to a place like a coffee shop or a mall or something that have a larger gay community. I work in an area where there are a lot of them so it wasn't that hard. Also don't look at it as something hard, just think of it like trying to find new friends. Whether my friends were gay or not, I still think the world of them & would probably date at least one if he was straight lol.

[COCOCHANEL]

in my exp guys get sulky when denied sex and they think they are being ”used” for cuddling

[26ukdude]

I would love to cuddle my female platonic friend, but my body would have other ideas after lets say, 5 minutes? So unless I was getting it a lot elsewhere, and not attracted to her then I wouldn't trust myself.

[kissedbyfire]

Yes, that's what I was thinking... I wouldn't mind if it eventually became about sex as well, but not straight away... But I wouldn't want to lead the guy on or be a tease. :-/

[26ukdude]

then ud have to be upfront because unfortunately im pretty sure he would be wanting it a lot sooner than you if not straight away. BUT again, if I was getting it 2-3 times a week I would be happy to cuddle and for it not to always turn into sex

[cavmanier]

I have a hard time believing this won't turn into sex. This is just my experience with being close with women. Also I don't see many guys interesting in just cuddling. It may sound okay theoretically but read my first two sentences again.

[kissedbyfire]

I don't particularly mind if it turns to sex eventually, I just don't really want it starting out that way... and yes, I was afraid of that (the second bit). I just reread my question, I meant if sex came about organically that would be okay. Sorry, long day at work lol.

If I was to attempt this sort of... Relationship though, how would I go about it? I mean, I'd have to be pretty honest otherwise I'd feel awful if he thought it was about sex straight away...

[cavmanier]

There are a few ways. If you find a guy your interesting in you can ask him straight out obviously. You can also do something with him as friends and then bring him back to your place at night and ask him to cuddle in a way that doesn't seem planned. Like I said though I bet the situation will turn to touching then kissing to grinding on each other and sex will not be far off.

[Anonymous]

A guy kisses you, cuddles with u, and almost fucks you, and you still dunno whether he likes u or nah... What a shitty world we're living in...
by the way, people like you are called prowtitutes, they fuck, have feelings towards a guy, and get over him after a while, that's just pretty much self explanatory, I'm disgusted

[Live_And_Learn]

Not with a straight guy. It will never work. Sorry.

[Jjoee]

I'm waiting to only sleep with 1 girl that I love and will marry. I would love a cuddle buddy without any stress or relationship. Just be there for each other 😊