Is he really confused.. or does he know exactly what he wants?

My ex dumped me about a month ago. There are a lot of details and I am well aware I did a lot of stupid things to try and win him back.. I guess I am just looking for any opinions on what is going on in his mind and if I can win him back.

So the details:

we dated for almost 2 years and had been living together for 8 months. He is 26 and I am 24. He was living at home until we moved in together and I had roommates. We are both done school and have real jobs, money was not an issue for either of us. He was a great boyfriend to me..he would always think of me and did anything to please me, as did I for him. We share many mutual friends who cannot believe he would ever break up with me! He has only had one serious relationship before me which was back in high school and they ended it mutually. Since then he has not told a girl he loves them and the longest relationship he had was about 5 months which ended because he did not love her. Then with me.. he told me he loved me after 4 months..he gave me a promise ring to let me know he wasn't going anywhere. He initiated moving in together. All of a sudden after 8 months of living together he tells me he does not think he loves me anymore and that he can't see this working out (up until this point we had discussed marriage.. buying a house together.. and it wasn't always me bringing these conversations up). He already had another place to live and moved out the next day! I was completely blind sided. His own friends and family didn't even know he had planned this. His best friend told him he is making a huge mistake.. but he said this is something he has to do to get away from it all to know if he is making a mistake. Of course everything I have done has only justified his decision because I am so hurt and confused that I tried to talk to him and push him. We have had some break through conversations where he admitted he was selfish and very wrong to do this and that maybe in time he would want to try. He wants to know we can make changes first .. before he is ready to even start dating again..if at all. He said he doesn't know if that is something he will want. His friends tell me he has relationship issues and they all assumed I was the "one" given the fact he moved in with me. After bombarding him with emails and texts he sent me an email saying he is considering cutting me out of his life because he doesn't think I can give him space..but then he said he finds himself wanting to give me the chance to prove that I can give him space. What the heck does this all mean.. If I give him space will he come back? He joined an online dating site.. but his profile says he is looking for friendship. He knows I know about it.. and then he went and put pictures on it. Is he testing me to see if I will freak out and pressure him over this? .. Why even bother keeping me around when he knows he is hurting me. All his friends tell me he is confused.

I really just do not get this.


Most Helpful Girl

  • First of all I can really relate to what you are going! I myself just was blind sided by the man I thought I was going to marry. We still talk a few times a week and its been a little over a month and he still hasn't moved all of his stuff out of my house. Everyone involved knows that he isn't going to be able to find someone better than me. His mom is devastated and his friends all think he's an idiot. But right now he needs time to figure out who he is and what is really important to him. Give your guy his space. Let him realize on his own in his own time what is most important to him. I know this is scary and yes he may decide that you aren't what's most important but it is better to figure all this out now than to get married and find it out later. "If you love someone set them free if they come back to you it was meant to be." I know it is easier said than done trust me but whatever is going on with him he needs the time to sort that out for himself. Absence does make the heart grow fonder. As far as the dating website he is probably trying to see what your reaction is and he may go on dates, he may meet a nice girl but maybe this is something he needs to reassure him that you are the one. You said he hasn't had that many relationships so maybe he feels like if it settles down right now he is going to miss something. It is much harder for men to make the commitment to spend their life with someone because they feel as though they are giving up their freedom. You have to show him that you are fine with giving him space your world doesn't revolve around him! You world is just better with him in it. You need to just keep your mind busy and go out with friends and maybe go on a few dates yourself. I wouldn't call him or text him but once a week just to see how he is and that's it. Don't bring up your relationship. He will begin to miss you. I can see it in my exes eyes every time I see him but he still needs time to figure out what it is he wants in life. Everything does happen for a reason and it may not seem like it now but you will be happy again. Whether it is with him or not. Their are plenty of fish in the see and if he doesn't realize what a catch you are then some other guy will just be waiting to swoop in and snag you. I hope this helped I know its long but I understand what you are going through.