Guys why do you act hot and cold towards a girl?

[Anonymous]

Why do guys act hot and cold? what is the reason for it?
Are they do it intentionally?

There's guy acting hot and cold for the past while one moment he's very hot then can go cold quickly in his behaviour.
we've met up a few times and he keeps acting hot like he wants to meet then it doesn't happen but he'll keep agreeing to it. Seeming up to it. The last couple of times he lost his hard on so I'm not sure if he's just fearing if the sex in case it happens again? if it goes badly but seems like he still wants to meet just goes extremely hot up for it then cold. We have spoke about non sexual stuff too.

I've ignored it for the passed haven't mentioned it. Should I bring it up saying something like.
"I haven’t heard from you in a while. I miss you. Did I say or do something wrong?”
to see what he says? or would it look clingy?

Updates

+1 y

Or does he need space?

Updates

+1 y

Will I text him in a few days?

[kaminalove]

You seem to be making more efforts than him so I'd suggest giving him space in order for him to know what he wants.

Don't text him, show him that you can live without him and that your life doesn't revolve around him.

[Asker]

Will I look clingy sending a text? like
I haven't heard from you in a while. Did I do anything to offend you in any way?
I still don't think about him too much or maybe a
"Hey stranger I haven't heard from you in a while. How have you been?"

He could be doing this cause I ignored his last message

[kaminalove]

You ignored it? Okay just say "Hey, how have you been?" Keep it light and casual because you're waaaaay much into him than he is...

[Asker]

Yeah I ignored his last message it was late it was just a "are you up haha" late I was sleeping usually I'd reply the next day an say I was sleeping etc this time I just left it cause he ignored a previous message. Could be acting stubborn? Yeah maybe I am. Some people mates have said to say the did I offend you in any way. I keep thinking I might be perceived as clingy. Maybe if he ignores another message then I can say something like that I haven't said much to him since. We were planning to get a hotel somewhere he might not have been serious about it.

[kaminalove]

Yeah I understand but don't look for trouble where there isn't...

If he isn't going to be serious with his words then don't force him too and back off.. He seems unsure about what to do.

You're getting played and its not cool

[Asker]

Maybe this message would get him to say something
"Hey I haven’t heard from you in a while. Did I say do anything to offend you in any way?"
The last time I say him he said "I love you see you later"
Could be annoyed over something I can find out if something is wrong? then just leave it up to him then

[kaminalove]

No, let it be sweetie. He doesn't care about you like I said. If you really want to know if you offended him in any way, do it IN PERSON. By text he will simply ignore your text and you will end up become even more clingy than before.

You can't let him affect you like this and he hasn't proven that he can make an effort by not asking you out. Wait until HE texts you and asks to see you. By then you can say that he is still interested.

[Asker]

I sent the message he replied right away
"haha no you didn't offend me pat just been so busy lately I'm sorry with football and work x"

[kaminalove]

Oh okay, well let him be and wait until he is free so that you can hint a hangout

[Asker]

we've been chatting now he's being more responsive too. Maybe didn't realise if he was busy.

[kaminalove]

That sounds great :) hope it stays that way!

[Asker]

Yeah hope hasn't said back else did a few back and forth about 2/3 messages but thats the most he's ever done so just being himself. We hadn't spoke that back and forth for a long time it was slower. Maybe noticing I care now not sure we're not official or anything yet?

[kaminalove]

No, I think he was really busy and if he would've said yes to you, you would've felt like he was treating you like an option.

The fact that his schedule has became less crazy and made sure that he isn't mad at you is a big plus.

For now, focus on becoming closer, go hang out and when you feel that things are going well, take it to another level

[Asker]

Yeah I guess he has been busy and maybe since we'd been talking a long time was just busy not texting as much didn't feel the need. Heard guys aren't big texters.
yeah glad he text back fast I just sent these to him
an I just said back
Oh right thats ok glad to hear that. Does work get busier closer it gets to summer? hope the matches are going well for you are you playing a league? x"
he said back
"ye gets real busy yea last game for us going out on a piss after yayyyyy x"

said "good luck with the game! haha yeah thats the perfect way to end last game celebrating with your mates! have you got anymore leagues coming up?"

He might reply back to that tomorrow he's replying his usual way now if he doesn't reply to the last message it's just busy maybe not wanting a long back and forth conversation. He works in the airport hours always change and plays/trains in soccer 3 times a week.

[kaminalove]

Oh wow thats pretty intense. Yeah just wait and be glad that things are getting better for now :) the fact that you are checking on the leagues is awesome! Means that you are interested in whatever he has to say

[Asker]

Yeah hopefully I wasn't sure as he hadn't responded to like 2/3 texts one was ridiculous text though.
One was a good luck message or asking how the game went this was like 2 weeks ago I think.
So I wasn't sure if he was still speaking to me or not an also didn't want to look clingy or over text. At least thats cleared things up now/ Maybe he'll be more responsive in the next while. Hopefully we'll meet up again soon he's been slow to meet up since the start I was the one who got us meeting. He's probably just busy an maybe even cautious or shy doesn't seem that assertive.

[kaminalove]

I feel you. I have to wait a month because his schedule is packed so I don't want to disturb him.

Its okay if you initiate a few hangouts. It makes him feel less pressured and he gets the chance to reschedule it

[Asker]

I probably won't bring up meet ups for a while try get back to casual chatting for a while maybe he'll bring it up himself. Might text me tomorrow drunk.
An since probably is busy in work not sure if he still has football next week

[kaminalove]

Sounds good :)

[Asker]

yeah hopefully we're back to normal now not sure what he'll be like in the next texts. He still goes on tinder a bit so do I. Don't think he's met anyone else/ He's not on it that much. We're not exactly in a relationship yet maybe doesn't matter too much? know he went on tinder a bit after an before texting me back. Maybe he checks up on me not sure if guys would do that

[kaminalove]

No they don't. Only if you haven't seen him in a while maybe but usually no.

And tinder is most likely because he is bored haha

So hopefully he's gonna be alll yours!

[Asker]

Yeah maybe we've been speaking since November only met twice though but he hasn't stopped speaking to me. Maybe it is out of boredom maybe even ego even if he does talk to girls probably just lead to anything else. An since I asked him out but took him 1/2 months to meet so I know he's probably not trying to meet asap along with his schedule. Seems like he's a shy guy too. I use tinder out of boredom too tbh then sometimes I don't go on much to not seem like I;m actively searching

[kaminalove]

Yeah maybe he is a shy guy, they make the first move at spontaneous times (like the late text he sent you) the guy I like does this very often too..

Try opening him to the idea of chilling, just coffee date should be okay

[Asker]

Yeah often if he texts first he's been drinking/drunk he's started calling recently too. I'm not sure if he will tomorrow or not.

I have said chilling ideas usually he might agree then on the day he cancels or he says he might. Seems he is way more confident after drinking might have to meet him when he's a little bit drunk or we just go for drinks or something.

[kaminalove]

Wow how frustrating the cancelation and stuff..
I wouldn't take advantage of him when he is drunk. You can't depend on that. You're better trying to bring him into being comfortable around you instead

[Asker]

Yeah they were hopefully he'll be more wanting to meet soon.
Maybe I could see him sometimes if he's not too drunk.
Were my messages ok back to him?

[kaminalove]

Yes they were absolutely fine :) keep it upp

[Asker]

Not sure do I text asking about his game tomorrow not sure if he'll want to talk about it. Maybe not tonight if he'll be busy celebrating/ Will he be a little more attentive to texts now I mentioned the missing him?

[KidInk4]

Basically if you MUST text, go ahead, but otherwise, men don't want to text

[kaminalove]

Why not text him after the game? See how it went? Because you already said good luck so I don't really know what you want to say xD

And thank you for MHO sweetie 😘

[Asker]

Maybe I'll ask him tomorrow evening since he'll be getting ready to go out celebrating.

[kaminalove]

Very well, message me whenever you need advice or just vent hahah

[JennJ24]

don't say "I miss you" the rest is fine to ask. Honestly, I would forget this kid.

[Asker]

would the I miss you look clingy?
Is it ok it ask if I did or said anything wrong? I don't think I did

[JennJ24]

i miss you looks clingy. don't look clingy especially if he's showing signs he's not all that interested.

[Asker]

He said I love you the last time I saw him as we were saying goodbye.
He is a little stubborn sometimes I've noticed if he doesn't get his way. Not if it's cause I ignored his last message which I usually don't ignore might hate that I ignored him?

[Asker]

Maybe I should give it space before texting him again? give it til next week or something?

[Asker]

if i say this instead ""did i offend you in anyway?"

[red324]

Hot and cold as in he talks one day then ignores you the next? He probably just doesn't care. If he really liked you then he wouldn't do that.

[Asker]

Not exactly like that he's always been a bit bad with texting from the start we're talking long now.
He's gotten a bit more hot and cold he replies to most important messages. Although I ignored his last message to me because he ignored my previous message which I never ignore him. It could be anger over that?

[anon1903]

He's pathetic if hr does so intentionally. I myself am guilty for that behavior. 80 % which is unplanned.