Do you flirt with people you're not interested in?

[Icaro]

This one is for both guys & gals out there. Answer honestly and don't forget to vote!

Yes

No

Updates

+1 y

I'd like to add a related question: there are some who ONLY flirt with people they're NOT interested in; what is the reasoning behind that? Seems totally backwards to me!

[yagurlnira768]

It comes naturally...it seems like a flirt with guys and girls even though 99.9% of the time I am not attracted or interested in them.

I don't really flirt...but when someone walks by...I make sure I notice them...Glance head to toe at thier outfit... or uglyness or sexyness...or ew lol

*And if they look at me I smile...(Because it makes things less creepy more friendly)

*When they talk to me I stare into deep eyecontact...and play with my hair...(because its always in my face but I don't want to cut bangs)

*When they talk...I laugh...(to make thing less tense)

*I always joke around and somehow tease them (only if nice enough) and touch them (only if clean)

*I give out my cell # like crazy because I enjoy texting when I am bored... (to guys or girls...you never know when you get extremly bored and need someone new to talk to)

*I compliment everyone on thier alluring qualities. (For Ex. If you are fat and have pretty eyes..I say "You have really pretty eyes")

*I am always interested in meeting new people. (The ones that are cool enough become my friends...the lame ones end up never being talked to after 1 convo.)

*If you are freaky minded and we have a freaky convo...I definitely will throw some (funny)

punch lines on you...(jokingly) some people take it serious...but some who are cool don't care.

Honestly if I think you are my "Type" I would be the not only nice but sexy too ;D

I am a natural flirt...I don't even notice how f*ck up I seem...

[scarygoodyr34]

Supposedly sometimes friends unconsciously show flirting signals to their friends or people they're close to. If someone mirrors your body language, it means you and the other person have a strong connection/rapport or they feel comfortable with you. Also, if you're talking to someone, and they turn their whole body to face you and lean in closer, they're really listening to what you're saying-not necessarily flirting with you.

I once read in some magazine "if you're really nervous about flirting with someone you like a lot, flirt with someone you don't like to get practice" basically. (Which I find odd. Pretend to like someone, just for your own benefit?! Seriously?! What about that other person? What about the other person's feelings?)

Personally, I don't know why people do that. I don't think I've ever/or rarely flirted with someone consciously. I think it's a bit strange to purposely show flirting signals to someone you like-I'd think that would feel fake in a way-to act like someone you aren't just for the sake of flirting. Or if you show too many signals, that person would not be attracted if you come on too strongly.

[Anonymous]

No. It's never harmless. One person in the interaction nearly always wants more than the other, even if it's just sex.

However, I'm one of those over-friendly girls who gets taken for flirting ALL THE TIME, and "just sex" is a dude's response more often than not. Wonder why sweet, friendly, genuinely nice girls hide? This.

[HotPepper302]

EXACTLY.

[Icaro]

This sounds interesting, could you elaborate a bit on that last part (about nice girls)?

[Opinion Owner]

I give eye contact to everyone and smile, especially if they give the same to me. I feel it’s common courtesy. Some guys take it as an invitation to approach which is okay, but all the guys who have ever approached me turned out to be jerks. Also, a lot of guys take my sweetness, etc for being na?ve. Textbook and aggressive lines -eg, you’re beautiful, pretty eyes, calling me a pet name immediately, are unimpressive and guys who use them insult me when I reject them, regardless of how nicely...

[Opinion Owner]

I do it. I can sense insincerity even in texts. Sometimes I play along with it just to see what happens, but when I call them on it the response is invariably some variation on they don’t know what I’m talking about. This behavior goes for some male friends also. Suffice it to say that the only guys I hang out with voluntarily on the regular, are gay. I’m still real friendly because that’s just who I am, but it’s guarded and not genuine. I can approach guys because I'm that extroverted, but...

[Opinion Owner]

recent interactions make me never want to approach another man again. I struck up a convo with a male classmate because we're in 2 classes together I like making new friends. He harps on having sex with me every time we talk. I told him I'm not interested to no avail. Since I get this response quite a lot instead of just friendly behavior, my inclination to approach is decreasing. "Friendzone" vs "jerk" behavior be damned, if a girl like me wants in your pants, she will tell you.

[Icaro]

Sh*t... those guys are total assholes. They see you as prey, nothing else. I've seen guys ask for sex in that manner, it's unbelievable, the girl doesn't even talk back cause she's so apalled.

It's a good thing that you're an expansive person, but approaching guys for friendship will never be completely safe, because of how our male brains are wired. Not trying to justify the obnoxious behavior of the dude you mentioned, but I must say if a girl approached me and acted "over-friendly" like...

[Icaro]

you described, I'd probably think something's up. First thing I'd do is check if she's like that with other guys, if yes, then OK we're just friends.

In any case, sounds like you're having it tough. You sound pretty level-headed, that's cool. Let me ask one more thing, how do you act towards someone you're actually interested? You're friendly and extroverted by default, so is he able to tell it's something more? I sometimes have trouble knowing the difference.

[Opinion Owner]

I know not all guys are like those dudes, but it's what I experience 90% or so of the time. When I'm actually interested, I give a great deal of sustained eye contact, like the staring kind but less freaky, with a little smile. I'm affectionate but I don't touch people except for girl- and gay-boy friends, so if I voluntarily touch a guy a lot that's real big. I give compliments to him in general, but a lot about appearance. There's likely more, but it's been awhile since I've wanted to do this.

[Opinion Owner]

I guess I should add I do all those things together, and assuming we're already friends. I do give a lot of eye contact to people in general, but when I like a guy romantically I do it a lot more, and those other things in addition to that. Oh. I always try to be around him. I don't wait for him to initiate contact. I don't make references to other girls & especially not other guys. I pick on him in a clearly affectionate way. If I get a good response I'll say something, if he hasn't already.

[Icaro]

So for you friendship is a requirement instead of a turn-off huh. I keep hearing how you should avoid becoming her friend at all costs, because it's the most heinous and undesirable thing in the world and it blows any chances you might have with the girl. Good to hear that's not always the case.

I'm getting off topic, sorry to keep you like this. Thanks for the insights, I really appreciate it.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah it's a requirement. I can't understand the "friendzone" nonsense. I can find sexual chemistry anywhere, but a real mutual connection is a million times better. And you haven't kept me at all. Feel free to ask me any other questions you have, or even if you just want to chat about whatever. If my opinions, preferences, experiences, or dare I say advice help even one other person, then it is quite the opposite of a bother. Life is hard enough. We should share our information, not play games.

[Icaro]

Cool :) If you see one of my questions around make sure you put your 2 cents in, I can always use the opinion of a level-headed person like yourself. Or maybe I'll drop a comment in your profile about whatever my current predicament is... so you can impart me your wisdom haha.

[Opinion Owner]

Sounds good, darlin'. I'll keep a lookout. :)

[lawhsia]

Yes, there's nothing wrong with human interaction. You never know, you could make someone's day.

As for the related question of people who only flirt with people they're not interested in. Maybe they feel they have nothing to lose? Or they're just too shy around people they're actually interested in.

[Icaro]

yeah that makes sense, but it can cause problems y'know. just because you feel like doing something doesn't mean you should -.-

[Yeahhbro]

Not at all, I only flirt with somebody if I do like them, not for a relationship necessarily but I can be for other things like sex. But I do flirt with girls that I like. I am shocked to see how many gamer girls there are here and then they say women don't like games. Biggest load of crap right here.

[Icaro]

Tell me about it. I was expecting this though. I see it way too often. Good thing I know which ones to stay away from. Learned it the hard way...

[Anonymous]

Omg this is sad... I see girls on this site asking "is he into me or just leading me on?", who always complain about being confused and fooled... and yet looking at these answers they have no problem playing guys like a fiddle!

If you want honesty you have to set the example, is what I say.

[Icaro]

Talk about hypocrisy. Thank you for pointing that out.

[HopeIessRomantik]

I flirt with my guy friends, and they flirt back. But we both know it's harmless and just for fun/make time go by faster, especially at work! :D There's a mutual.. dis-interest.

Now, if it's a guy I rarely know, and I get the sense that he might be into me, but I am not, I will not flirt as this would be just leading him on. It really depends on who you're with :) But I voted A because I hang out quite a bit with my guy friends.

[Icaro]

Well this I can understand...

[g1rl5a5k5uy5]

at least you are honest especially since you take the guys feelings into consideration if they don't get that you are not actually interested in them

[Greeneyes4242]

I don't think I do, and I don't try to, but others think I do. I think it's more that, as I get to know a guy, I become more open and I guess friendlier so, to them, it comes off as flirting. I don't intentionally do it, nor do I intend for it to send the message that I'm into them, but it has caused some problems in the past.

[Icaro]

Yeah I get what you mean. It's a trust thing, I guess. You show more of yourself -- which is attractive I might add. He gets to know you better, likes you more and more, you feed him more of yourself...ahhh it's a vicious cycle, the poor guy will fall for you. Just one of those things you can't control unless you know exactly what you're doing. I don't blame you.

[Greeneyes4242]

How is opening up attractive?

At update: I think some people flirt only with the people they don't like because they're hoping to make the ones they do like jealous. That's my theory, at least.

[Icaro]

Well by opening up you sort of invite the other person into your world. And when you get a glimpse of someone's hopes/fears/troubles it generates empathy (unless she's a total b*tch ofc). You get to appreciate someone else's humanity, and feel less alone. Friendship also works like this, I think.

And yeah your theory is definitely valid. Would be kind of a petty thing to do, however. Our petty little games...

[luckycharms101]

No never, but I'm not a natural flirt. I'm pretty serious and just like to smile and laugh when I like somebody.

And I totally understand people who flirt with those they're not interested in! It's easier for me to act flirty, when I don't like a guy but I know that he likes me. Less pressure in case you screw up, cause you know that whatever you do, you'll get positive feedback from the guy.

[Icaro]

Ack! you mean when he likes you and you want nothing with him? And still you flirt?

Or does he have a chance and you're feeling him out?

[luckycharms101]

No I'm not saying that I do it, but I understand the mindset behind it. Like I can be more friendly to guys when there's no pressure since I'm not interested in them.

I'd say though if a girl is acting flirty to you, you have some kind of chance, since I'd never flirt with a guy I find disgusting! Just react in a chill way, try to make her laugh, and don't act super eager or sketchy.

[Icaro]

Oh I see. Well I try to remain optimistic but a lot of girls who flirt will run for the hills if you make a move. In my experience at least... and also from seeing other guys get turned down when all the signs were there. The results of this poll are not encouraging either. So I don't really know what to think right now.

[-StillWater-]

Yes I do. -With the guys I like as friends, with the guys I find incredibly funny and with the guys I like as more than just friends. If I hate a guy I won't flirt...I'll barely speak to them, much less flirt with them.

And answering your other question;

It's because those people don't feel comfortable around the person they truly like. They feel self-conscious, and perhaps not good enough. They also fear of what the other person might say in return or if they'd think they're not a good or smooth enough of a flirt.They flirt with people they don't actually like because of all the opposite reasons.

[Icaro]

In that case, wouldn't it make more sense not flirting at all? Why would you flirt with someone you're not interested? For the sole reason you feel comfortable and confident enough to do it? I don't get it...

[-StillWater-]

Because it's fun.

And when I flirt with someone I don't like as more than a friend, they know it. . .

(guys aren't as stupid as they pretend to be sometimes)

[Icaro]

Yeah, that's why we never think you're actually interested.*rolleyes*

[-StillWater-]

Yep...well it's the same for us. :P

[Icaro]

What annoys me is the fact that anything can be excused as friendly behaviour. Really, nowadays if a girl grabs your cock, don't get any ideas -- it means you're buddies. As if guys are always to blame (and sometimes ridiculed) for their wishful thinking, no matter the extent of women's innuendo. So I'd prefer if people would say what they mean and mean what they say. I know it won't happen though...

[-StillWater-]

I know what you mean...the sad truth is the world doesn't work that way.

People who do flirt, but playfully and with no ulterior motive and no romantic intent really can choose people with whom to flirt so that that other person won't get any ideas. --it's not so difficult to read people in terms of their personalities. So when I flirt just for laughs I know who I'll flirt with. It's certainly not going to be the serious brooding guy in the corner. It's going to be a jokester I know and love.

[-StillWater-]

Someone I know isn't going to take it seriously. That's why I don't flirt with people I don't know.

On the other hand, people who seem to flirt with everyone and then pretend like they didn't (aka, girls that don't know what they want / guys who are trying to be players but just SUCK at it) are a different story. They seem to think they can get something out of it, like respect or 'liking' which is moronic and misguided. . .

You just have to know who you're dealing with.

[-StillWater-]

Btw, there IS a difference when flirting with someone I like and someone I like as a friend.

When I flirt with someone I truly like there is a lot more eye contact involved. After I say something our eyes are still locked on each others' for a couple of seconds...so we know we're not just playing around.

[Icaro]

I understand. That's reasonable enough. So you'll agree that it's irresponsible to make your first contact with someone a flirt if you're not interested?

I agree that you must know who you're dealing with. Although some people just don't care and want attention from anyone who is willing to provide it.

[-StillWater-]

Yes, I do agree to an extent...but you really don't know if you're interested until you get to know the person.

It's a vicious circle! xD

[anon5]

I usually flirt with guys I'm not interested in. It's because it's easier for me to just say whatever I want, do whatever I want, etc. I can laugh and joke around freely because I care very little about what they think. And the attention of a cute guy can drive you forward, you know?

I know, it doesn't seem sane to do it, but... I just do it. I actually get totally freaked when I really like a guy. I act very inconsistently--I flirt, laugh, etc. and then I run away from him because it feels too real. I stress over what I just said to him, did, etc. It's too much to deal with. That's why flirting with strangers can be stupid and easy.

[theacefospades]

It depends on how you define your terms. I flirt only with people I like. Or are attracted to. But not necessarily those that I want a relationship with. y'know what I'm saying?

And flirt as in banter friendly insults. Touching shoulders compliments. Well then I flirt with every one of my friends that happen to be girls. (Which is I guess all but 3 people so make of that what you will)

So I guess I can say I flirt with all girls that I like even only as friends. But if you mean flirt with purpose? I don't even recall doing that with my girl.

Flirting is often like arguing it's a sport. There's really no way to win. And people sometimes get the wrong message

[MaxwellSmart]

I don't and in my opinion, people shouldn't do it. Because then if the guy/girl takes it seriously, then the person who flirted starts complaining that the guy/girl won't leave them alone. Its like if you are playing with rats and one of them bites you and then you complain when you get rabies, its just stupid, but then again, that's just my opinion.

[IslandDub]

This is a good analogy. I love anthropology. This site is fun.

[mormollio]

No, I don't like misunderstandings and I don't want to be responsible for someone's feelings. Natural flirt my ass >>

[Icaro]

"natural flirt" is just a way of saying "I don't care", which is selfish and irresponsible. Apparently you can validate whatever you do by saying it's "natural", no matter how wrong it is.

[BubbleGumGumz]

Geez, flirting is supposed to be a fun and carefree social act, not a definite declaration of love. See, this is why people should flirt more.

[Icaro]

@BubbleGum

Tell that to the guy who thought you liked him. Use those exact words you wrote. I'm sure he'll love it.

[mormollio]

It's not a definite declaration of love, but your basically showing a guy interest. He takes that interest as possibly having a chance with you, and might develop feelings for you. It's a bitch move to play around with somebody's feelings like that.

[BubbleGumGumz]

I'm pretty sure that regardless of whether or not there's flirting involved, if the person can't distinguish between playful teasing and showing genuine romantic interest, then any sign of general kindness would be seen as "a chance" in the eyes of someone with a crush.

[Anonymous]

Of course! Life would be so boring if no one did!
I will never lie and say I love that person, or that I'm interested in a relationship. But I will have fun if they find me attractive and I feel the same!

Of course, if I'm in a serious relationship (aka I think I might be in love), I automatically tone it down. To be honest, I don't really feel like flirting if I'm in love. And even if I wasn't in a actual relationship... I don't do it in front of boys that will be hurt.

There are rules to being good at it, and ways to make it fun for both people... If you do it wrong they could be lead to believe your flirting is actually interest. And the repercussions are many.

[LuvBiddy]

Yes. In certain situations, you really can't take flirting seriously. For example, you know you're never going to see the person again, or you're at work and flirting a little with a customer. In all other situations, I try not to do that because I might have to fend him off at another point.

[Icaro]

So in those situations you just flirt for the heck of it, correct? But what makes it fun considering it doesn't mean anything?

[LuvBiddy]

There aren't any expectations, so you can't mess up the flirting.

[DrownedInBananaMilk]

but why would you flirt with a guy you aren't attracted to? strange...

[LuvBiddy]

I didn't say I wasn't attracted.

[Icaro]

So it's a more carefree flirting, huh. Just one more thing: is the fact that you won't be held responsible for your actions/words a turn-on? Are you, say, more daring in these situations than you would otherwise?

[LuvBiddy]

Well, it's easier to flirt in that situation, but I wouldn't be suggestive. I would just keep the conversation light. Some of my best work in conversation was when I didn't give a sh*t. I'm sure others can relate.

[Icaro]

I see. Thanks for the input ;)

[Phoenix1991]

Nope, If I don't find you interesting to talk to or attractive then no I won't flirt back. I don't want to send out signals that I don't truly mean.

[Icaro]

Finally some goddamned common sense. Jesus.

[Phoenix1991]

lol your welcome

[BubbleGumGumz]

Lol at the update. For some reason I'm just more comfortable talking/flirting with guys I'm not attracted to. I guess it's because I get really shy and unsure of myself when I'm around a crush and end up talking to his friend (who I hold zero attraction for) more--with the hope of getting some info on my crush...you know, when I'm not too busy getting flustered thinking about him.

[teardrop06]

I do the same thing. It is because I know nothing else is going to happen. So if I get rejected It don't bother me. It would hurt me more if I did it to someone I am attracted too.

[Icaro]

and what if he takes it as an invitation? do you reject him?

[BubbleGumGumz]

Usually I make sure he doesn't like me, but if he unfortunately does I would probably let him down easy or (depending on the guy) I might see where things go and go on at least one date.

[Icaro]

Actually my comment was directed at teardrop06 but thanks anyway =)

[Phoenix52]

I don't mind flirting with some girls I'm not interested in, but I will back off if they show some indicators of interest.

Other girls I am into - I might flirt with them for a bit, then get nervous and go shy. I'll be HOT for them one day, then cold another. Just depends on how I'm feeling.

[Icaro]

You, nervous and shy? Your answers always come off as f*king badass, that's why I'm your fan lol. I can't believe what you're saying D:

[BubbleGumGumz]

Im exactly the same way. A part of me wants the dude to know I'm clearly interested, and then after a while I punk out and start running when things go smoothly because "now it's really obvious I like him." It's like your brain shuts off when you really like someone.

[Guytalks]

I think people should separate light, one time flirting, with heavy and repeated flirting.

Light, polite and short flirting is OK and make both people feel good. Leading someone on with heavy and repeated flirting while you have no interest in that person is inappropriate and hurtful.

[moviedude714]

even before I voted, I already knew that girls are very more likely to flirt with people, reciprocate, engage in conversation and flirting, those results do not surprise me, which is what I really hate about girls, and what I hate even more is that taken girls are more likely to do that than single girls

[punkfightergal]

looks like someone got suckered ha ha tough luck buddy

[moviedude714]

yeah, you bitches have the upper hand

[Jawless]

I'm interested in everyone, but I don't flirt with them.

What am I doing wrong!?

[Icaro]

LOL can't help you there sorry

[miki94]

No. I just don't feel like it. I can't bring myself to flirt unless I'm interested. If I do I'd feel sort of stupid and uncomfortable.

Though I was being nice to one guy and I'm afraid he had mistaken it for flirting. When I realized this, I quickly backed away to make sure he doesn't get the wrong idea. So I might have done it once... in a way...? =/

[Rosesss]

erm... not all the guys... If I REALLY don't like him I won't flirt AT ALL...

But if he's a close friend or something and we're just kidding around sureee why not ;P

I will 'shy-flirt' with a guy I really do like usually.. so there's a difference in the types of flirting.

[indian_empress_91]

never heavy flirting where it definitely showing I am interested...just innocent flirting like if to help me do something I'll bat my eyelashes , hug them, ask please with the innocent look and cute face...but I always tel;l them what I good friend they are, and how I would never wanna change that

[fortheo]

lol, that's not innocent; it's misleading.

[indian_empress_91]

yea but i tell them i never wanna be anything else but friends, and they say they understand that