Why Girls 'Friendzone' Guys

[SaraLovesUnicorns]

The friendzone. A term that has become popular in recent years. I personally see it all over my media sites, and I normally see guys talking about being friendzoned by a girl that they were perusing. Now, as a girl, I would be lying if I said I'd never done this to someone.

In my opinion, girls friendzone guys for many reasons, but the ones I see the most are mainly due to the fact that the guys are nice! Crazy, right? I always think, 'Well, maybe there is some other reason,' but honestly, I'm wrong. In our generation, I feel that the girls see so much bullshit on social media and on tv that they see that as 'normal'. They see the after school dramas on teen nick and see how a girl dates an asshole and then turns him into a total sweetheart and see how romantic it looks and then they want something like that. Shows and movies romanticize abuse, dare I say?

And so if there is a nice guy who will actually treat a girl right, she doesn't want him. She wants a relationship like she saw on tv. She wants something that's so unrealistic and just totally bonkers that she is going to turn down a guy who is absolutely amazing for some jerk that just wants to get her in bed! And it makes me feel bad for the actual nice guys. You all don't get enough credit. But don't give up hope. I promise you that there will be a girl someday who will treat you the way you deserve.

And another reason I have seen is because the guy isn't 'attractive' enough. Like, what?! Looks SHOULD NOT matter, but that is what our society revolves around! I see girls all the time talking about body positivity and that its what's on the inside that counts, so why don't we follow our advice?! GIRLS! He may not be attractive to other people, or hell, maybe not even to you, but that doesn't matter! Beauty isn't skin-deep. Just because he doesn't look like Zac Efron or Channing Tatum doesn't mean he isn't an amazing guy!

So, all in all, us girls are just as shallow as some guys. We are just as bad about playing you guys as some guys are with us. It's a double standard that society doesn't want to talk about, but we should. But just remember, you're time will come. :) In due time; don't give up.

[Chief16]

Meh... Here's to another take about women talking about the friend zone and nice guys.
https://i.imgflip.com/kdjzm.jpg
Ladies, please understand that a guy who's desperate for you will never accept the concept of 'friend'zone. Be an angel and put him out off his misery. Unfriend him. Putting people in this half hearted relationship has only caused me pain.

[Chief16]

Whoops, wrong meme.
https://i.imgflip.com/hnd6h.jpg

[Tdieseler]

ok... this had me dying lol

[CafèMachiatto]

I think the girls should take some responsibility and this is what I've seen personally: the girls give hints or lead the guy on to think that there's more than what's actually there, but never take the responsibility or acknowledge their feelings.

Mutual respekt!

[Anonymous]

Nice take. Your so right.

It's interesting that women will say anything to avoid responsibility for dysfunctional behaviour; anything to not admit they often chase the wrong guys and treat the right guys like shit. Rarely willing to admit that maybe they actually do buy into societys bullshit and cling to a manufactured ideal, yet whine about how society is.

"It's bullshit how the media tells us how we should look and act."
-runs out to buy Cosmo.

"It's bullshit how guys treat women like shit".
-pushes 3 'right guys' aside to date an obvous asshole.

"It's discusting how guys look at women like objects".
-puts on tights that reveal everything, and a top that defies the laws of gravity on tits, manipulating a purely biological responce in men.

"It's crap to be sexualized so much by society"
- goes on to use sex to manipulate situations and men.

Yet all of these things are the fault of men according to women.

If you don't like something- do somthing else. Not join the crowd. "It really sucks how we're kicking this dead cat... oh hang on its my turn..."

I really admire your honisty and foresight to see things need to change. Very few women are willing to admit that their natural instincts from our developmental history and Disney engineering may no longer jive with reality in the modern world. These same women ridicule and denounce men for following their natural instincts. Only men are expected to improve their behaviour but women are aparentlly just fine the way they are. Women's behaviour is always the result of other factors, she is just simply a innocent victim.

In the end women think they are so awesome but if that were true women woulden't hate other women so much. And men woulden't be rejecting the notion of relationships at an unprecedented rate like we have now with whole movements against modern relationships.

It's nice to see that some women are starting to realize that you are responsible for your own actions and how you treat others; not society, not men and not Disney. And just because you feel some way does not make it right or justified.

[lumos]

I friendzone some guys because:
1. I don't find him attractive
2. We have nothing in common
3. He's a douche (in which case I won't even friendzone him, just enemyzone him)
4. He smokes/drinks too much, or uses drugs
5. I don't trust him
6. There's no spark

A guy can be super amazing but if I'm not attracted to him physically, it's not going to happen. He doesn't have to look like Zac Efron or Channing Tatum, no, but I *have* to be attracted to him. Likewise, I'd want my partner to be physically attracted to me as well, and not be with me just because my personality is great according to him. Stop feeding into this "girls hate nice guys" bullshit, nobody hates nice people. Nobody says "you know what I really hate? When people are GOOD" because that doesn't fucking make sense lmao. The only time someone might dislike a nice person is when they're whining about it, but then I'd argue that they're probably not as nice as they think if they have to constantly whine about their "niceness".
Treating someone right and having a good personality isn't everything in a relationship. You have to be compatible both emotionally and physically. Otherwise it won't work. And assuming that all it takes is a good personality is extremely naive.

[bro25]

there's no room in life for nice guys😧. You are right we get what we deserve and we deserve nothing or never finish first. I see most girls nowadays look for materialistic thing like money and such. And 90% of girls live for the moment and dont care or appreciate anything longlasting. They want what looks hot now but doesn't care about the future but i guess its just live and us nice guys finish last because she thought with feelings instead of logical thinking. But if she's thinking about her feelings who else's feelings are being thought about? Quite selfish if i say so myself @SaraLovesUnicorns

[SaraLovesUnicorns]

The 'nice' guys are called the nice guys because even after they get screwed over by the girl and she gets her heart broken by the jerk, she comes back to him because she knows the hold she has on him and he lets her do it. I'm not saying nice guys finish last. I'm saying that nice guys deserve the girl who goes straight for them

[bro25]

I know u didn't say they finish last. I said that cuz I've been last everytime

[SaraLovesUnicorns]

But you still have so much the to find somebody, sweetie. You can't just snap your fingers and have it magically happen. Stuff like that takes time :)

[bro25]

Time is something you can't get back and I've ran out. And when the time is up you can't do anything more it's done. All I could do is watch and learn. Love isn't for everyone and for those its not for that is a greatest weakness because that is what some like me lack. Just like in the great Gatsby time ran out and love put jay Gatsby to his death

[vonasaurus]

first of all, physical attraction is an important part of any relationship; anyone who tells you otherwise is 1) lying, or 2) unsure how to communicate that s/he has other priorities.

the only times i've "friendzoned" people are because 1) one of us was in a relationship when we met, 2) my feelings for the other person are strictly platonic, or 3) i'm not attracted to him/her (this can be for a number of reasons~ maybe it's appearance-related, or perhaps we're just not compatible in other ways and don't have long-term potential).

it's not called being shallow~ it's called having standards. and people who date assholes only do so because they have terrible self-esteem/don't think they deserve better.

[Spirit_Is_Free]

Good take - My opinion on the "Friend Zone" for either gender is don't go there if one person has feelings and the other doesn't - If the feelings aren't there at the start, they are unlikely to develop later in the relationship - Only go there if both sides understand nothing will happen and both people accept this - The guy/girl might be nice but why give them false hope, the kindest thing you can do is say "No Chance" instead of letting them wait feverishly in the wings for that magic moment when the guy/girl they desire suddenly realises that they were the one all along because there is a zillion to one chance that will happen. It is better to let them to go on with their life to hopefully meet someone they have a mutual attraction with.

[InkOnSnow]

There IS NO SUCH THING as the friend zone. You read that right. The friend zone is self afflicted problem of someone who refused to respect someones boundaries. Once you express romantic interest in a person and they turn you down, you either accept it and move on, or accept it, put aside any romantic feelings and concentrate on being a real friend. If you hang around hoping with enough exposure or bothering by you they will have a change of heart, you are not respecting the boundaries the person has clearly stated. This goes for both sexes.

[Transigence]

Yeah, but women have a tendency to not clearly state their boundaries, even when they know they're being desired, and allow the guy to keep giving her "super-friend" courtship benefits while knowing all along that she'll never give the guy a chance, and keeping that fact from him. Women have a tendency to ABUSE this.

[lacorine197]

not another one of these.. there IS a SUCH THING as the friend zone, and it's not true about a person who refused to respect someones boundaries, girls can't make it clear that they aren't interested, yet keep leading a guy in cause they love the comfort ability for the guy to pamper her and buy her all this stuff without her contributing. simple.

[InkOnSnow]

@lacorine197 , someone not clearly stating boundaries in no way absolves the person mooning over them of personal responsibility. Different people interpret different actions differently. You either clarify something or you live in ambiguity, both are on the person making the overtures. You like someone, you say it, and then go based on the reaction. Say I was inviting a guy to my place, cooking for him, doing girlfriend type stuff etc without actually stating I was romantically interested. Maybe he has/had close girlfriends who did those with no romantic intentions so he sees this as relatively normal in a close friendship. AND if in this scenario I said, "hey, I like you" and got any reply besides a resounding yes, well that was a definite NO, move on. Personal responsibility for your feelings is key.

[lacorine197]

I think what you are saying is that if the person that didn't make the boundaries clear, then it should be questionable I agree with that, other than that, I don't agree that the friend zone doesn't exist, when in fact it does. there's a lot of girls who strings the guy along, course me being the smart ones to leave when I saw this coming.

[Mesonfielde]

>> Why Girls 'Friendzone' Guys

Because they don't find the guy physically attractive, or he displays some kind of deal breaker behavior which makes her not want to date him.

That's it.

[SaraLovesUnicorns]

I'm pretty sure I touched on both of these, but thanks for the summary

[Mesonfielde]

I just wanted a quick summary

[Tdieseler]

Any girl that friend zones a guy right of the bat, is a bitch. Period. it doesn't get more complicated than that. same applies the other way around. EVERYONE deserves a shot at least because approaching someone with hopes of some kind of relationship, takes BALLZ. so shooting them out of the sky and sweeping them under the rug for one reason or the other... isn't fair.
I mean, I've done my share of friend zoning, so im not an exception to this either, but at least i give a shot first.

[BrunetteNYC]

It's if we don't find him attractive why/how does that make a girl a bitch? If a 300 pound fatty wanted to f**k you and you wanted to just be friends, I would understand and not call you ugly names or curse at you.

If a girl isn't into you, doesn't want your d**k, you're only going to be her friend, that's it. No crime.

[Tdieseler]

@BrunetteNYC i see your point... and i can see it the other way around too. but thats an extreme example because im pretty sure someone that is 300 pounds would not have the esteem needed to approach someone that is not... im not saying its not possible... saying its rare.
im talking about regular, non-humongous people here... regular looking guy/girl approaching stereotypical "hot" guy/girl and just getting blown out of the sky... i mean, its not even about sex, they just want to get to know a person and establish something...

[XRabbitHeartX]

Girls watch tv shows and think that's real.

Women, more specifically adult women, aren't going to actually believe that life works the way a tv show does.

Looks ARE important in a relationship and forms part of a healthy basis. If you aren't attracted to your partner it will influence your relationship negatively. Any one with decent knowledge of relationships will know how important attraction is. So saying women should date men they aren't attracted to is completely ridiculous and makes no sense.

Mostly women will friend zone guys for the specific reason of lack of attraction or chemistry and of course incompatibility. Any other reason is just plain childish. Specifically the reasons you are referring to. I don't know many grown women aspiring to be like couples on teen Nick..

[Anonymous]

Women do not 'friend zone' guys. The guy and girl usually start out as friends, then the guy (in this case) will develop feelings for her. He expresses his feelings to her. She does not feel the same. Now she has 'friend zoned' him even though they were friends to begin with.

[desidoll]

I can see the reasons why do guys get pissed when girls friendzone them. Some girls are really bad at giving the hints when they're not interested to have anything more than just a friend. For me when I friendzone a guy, there are a few reasons:
1. I don't find him physically attractive
2. His personality sucks
3. He's racist towards my own people, but make me as an exception
4. He is a heavy smoker
5. He has dated too many girls before me

[Tiger288]

U are gorgeous:)

[desidoll]

@Tiger288 Thank you :)

[steven7890789]

@desidoll if a guy is racist towards your people you shouldn't even be friends with him either.

[desidoll]

@steven7890789 Yes that what I should do but I guess I am kind of lenient person.

[steven7890789]

@desidoll try to not be a pushover my friend.

[YoungNegus]

Because it takes a certain amount of effort to get to know you and usually intentions aren't set on becoming friends, with me at least.

[FakeName123]

Its plain and simple. Those guys who end up in the friendzone usually also have the nice guy syndrome. They are guys without backbone and no one finds a person lacking a backbone and lacking confidence any attractive. That accounts even more so for women as their attraction cues are a lot more complex than the more visual cues men have.

[Marinepilot]

I believe the crux of the matter is that many women are rescuers. Save a bad boy and all that nonsense. They ignore the nice guys, go off with Joe Bob Badass, get knocked up and come groveling back to the nice guy, Sadly, many nice guys take
them back because they are well, nice. Fuck that shit ! I'll be damned if I'll take a bad
boys sloppy seconds and raise his bastard kids and he gets a pass. NO WAY JOSE !

[lacorine197]

Hell yeah, I agree grandpa!

[Marinepilot]

@lacorine197 Don't call me Grandpa, Junior.

[lacorine197]

I'm sorry grandpa, I didn't mean to call you grandpa grandpa.

[lacorine197]

Don't call me Junior grandpa, :D

[Marinepilot]

@lacorine197 I have seen girls blow off nice guys, run off with bad boy losers. Invariably they get knocked up and the bad boy got all the good times, and nice beta boys get the
fat, old tired used up years. Why drive a go kart when you can have a Ferrari?

[Marinepilot]

@lacorine197 Don't call me Grandpa.

[lacorine197]

exactly, I fucking love ferrari's, especially red ones.

[Marinepilot]

@lacorine197 Black ones are sharp too. Lacorine don't ever get involved with Lady Save-A-Thug. They end up as trailer park trash and no one wants them. They fucked up, not us. Do they deserve a second chance with you? FUCK NO !

[lacorine197]

exactly! when I get to around my 30's or around the age where you're around and I haven't had a woman yet, I'm going solo! there's better things to do with my life than mope about not having a woman when they realize there's great guys out their that they treat like shit!

[Marinepilot]

@lacorine197 You're wise beyond your years. BRAVO ! WELL DONE !

[lacorine197]

Thank you sir!

[Marinepilot]

@lacorine197 You're very welcome.

[genericname85]

i don´t think rejecting somebody for their looks is "bad". everybody has preferences and if you don´t find a person physically attractive, it´s not gonna work.

i think most girls do it for the drama. as you said, they want a bad boy turn good for them instead of taking the one that was good in the first place xD

[milightman]

I swear to god if I see another friend zone, nice guy, dick size post on here again. Seriously, it's unoriginal seeing these "why guys get friend zoned," posts everyday. There's nothing else that could be contributed on the discussion.

[SunsetRose]

Sometimes we want to stay friends because all we want is to be friends.

[Silver119]

This applies to guys as well.

[SunsetRose]

@Silver119 absolutely! And there shouldn't be anything wrong with being friends

[CancerianMan81]

men and women can't be friends have you ever watched when harry meet sally

[Silver119]

@CancerianMan81 They can, there just has to be no attraction or at least a passing attraction as in it comes and goes fairly quickly

[CancerianMan81]

@Silver119 not with me once I love somebody I'm in it for the long haul

[CancerianMan81]

I went down that one sided love and I'm not going back to it

[CancerianMan81]

it seems to me people don't value their self much do they

[SaraLovesUnicorns]

@CancerianMan81 they really don't, and it's scary to think that this generation is growing up in a society that promotes self-degradation

[CancerianMan81]

how can people live like that it doesn't seem right

[CancerianMan81]

I went through that phase and it doesn't feel good at all

[Anonymous]

cause he's not hot enough lol i dont get friendzoned at all only when i really mean it to just be friends ( rarely if ever i dont believe in being close friends with girls ) , and that cause iam hot to girls, they find me good looking, attractive, fun, smart, tall and pretty stylish and cool so naturally they wouldn't want me to be just their "Friend" lol, dont get wrong i dont have girls standing in line to date me mainly cause the girls i have around are not like that, but in short if you're unattractive you get friendzoned... sad i know , it happened to me in the past, but i stopped being dumb and got hotter.

[fueledbythc]

I was in a situation where I had a girl come onto me (lucky for a guy like me) and I knew right off the bat she wasn't good to date but a better friend so I gave her a chance at dating and I was right. Now we both aren't friends because of dating.

I want a female friend. Not a girlfriend

[ColinHarvey]

I'm going to let you off easy. What you just described, albeit with some merit, is not widely accepted by these people on this forum. And plenty will explain why, so I won't bother.

That being said, you seem like you have a positive worldview so I'm going to send a warning shot. This is what we call a dead horse - i. e. A rampantly over analyzed networking topic, with backlash in all different conditions.

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

uh no xD not always

I agree with some of this but I've also friendzoned my best friend because we tried dating and it didn't work out so now we're just best friends again
I've friendzoned other guys cause they're whores/"nice guys" or I'm not/wasn't ready for a relationship