Why is it so hard to please women?

[Anonymous]

Honestly as a girl, all you do is look hot and I guarentee guys will date you. I have seen girls will the personality of a cucumber get guys because they are good looking. Of course in a long term relationship the girl will have to display more characteristics then "being hot", but to start off, in the casual dating scene thats all they need to do and guys will approach them. Meanwhile to please women a guy needs to do so much. He needs to have confidence, because if he doesn't have confidence (even if that lack of confidence is linked to women rejecting him), he isn't going anywhere, if the guy isn't good looking then there is still a chance, but his chances are diminished (tons of girls, just about every one in the world claims personality over looks, but subconsciously women are more likely to say yes, and react positively to an attractive guy verses a not so good looking guy.), which brings me to my next point in that women require a guy to have some "ideal personality". As I said basically every woman I talk to is the same, they all say they want a guy with a good personality, whatever that means, obviously if you are a guy without a "good personality" then you are out of luck, and its super hard to change that facet of you because you have no idea what a good personality is to start with. Then of course the women require the man to make all the risks, to go out of his way to hit on her, ask her out, etc etc, which is demanding of the man's confidence, as well as his motivation, if he keeps getting shut down he isn't going to want to keep asking women out. Then the guy has to pay for the date, he has to pick where the date is going to be, he has to do most of the talking because he was the one that asked out so he has to prove to the girl why she should date him. There are more but I'm running out of space, I just want to know why women are so demanding of men. We all aren't good looking, confident, charming, hollywood movie stars like you see on TV.

[Adraido]

I totally get what you're saying. It's still the same and it's something that's just out of your control. Since 2008 I've had no friends that are girls, no girlfriends and I've noticed the minorities really lose out in this situation. Where you're looking also matters. In the suburbs, you've got things working for you just because you're white and looks play into it as well. Really, the only thing you can do is keep trying. Also about mixed signals and indicators of interests. Stop. Unless you like those types of girls. Just look for girls who will be direct with you. Stop supplicating and checking all those indicators or signals. It's futile. There's no need to go out of your way and look for those things. You could either put yourself out there or you could choose to network and see whether you could find people you'd like to date through your friends.

Dating is a lot of luck, especially for a man, it is upsetting, however, it could be worth to find someone you really like. You just have to wade through a lot of seaweed and I mean a lot. Sometimes you also have to take a break from it all and just let yourself relax. Some people like to build income that might attract more girls just because they look at that.

You're right, though. You're wise for 17 year old and it'll certainly help you but at least you know until we get an ERA out there or things settle down in these awful, awful social dynamics, the cards are stacked in credibly against males. Especially when you're 14-29 and looking for girls around your age.

[Levin]

I do actually agree with your analysis, despite the 'bitter male' connotations that will therefore be ascribed to me.

Where I differ from most people who posit this argument, is that I don't blame the woman for this. I blame men and society, both for overvaluing young women, and for not being particularly interested in anything but superficiality and looks anyway. It's simple supply and demand. Men will pander to get a 'hot' woman, at the expense of other qualities, therefore, women, having a huge supply of idiots, can basically treat these men as they wish and make ridiculous demands. It is natural. If one is used to getting attention, one thinks one will always have it, and fails to appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

Guysvactually have a wider berth to be attractive. Girls are either good looking or not. And many guys are primarily attracted to a certain type or traits (petite brunettes, big busted redheads, etc) so some objectively attractive girls just won't do it for the guy they like, even if he totally gets along with her.

Guys don't need to be the best in every category to find someone. It's a balance. If a guy isn't great in one area, he can make up for it in another, so to speak.

However... All this is moot. Most girls or guys aren't top tier, so average people meet and fall in love all the time. A lot of times, what people are really looking for is security that they'll never be hurt or disappointed again and that simply doesn't exist. Even pro athletes, millionaires, movie stars... Get their hearts broken sometimes.

[Bri_Elena]

I don't know where you are getting your information from but here is why women look for those qualities.
#1. Babies, babies, babies. Good facial features mean good genetics and genetics are important to women as if we get pregnant we visualize what our baby will look like.
#2. Good personality because seriously who wants to be with a dick of a person all the time.
#3. Have financial stability or a career. Nothing is sexier in a man than having your own place and money to support yourself.
#4. The dates are not all on the man. I split 50/50 with my dates so honestly it depends on the woman. We are nervous as hell on dates because we want the man to like us and also we don't want anything to go wrong.

[Anonymous]

well I agree with you. completely but if some of these women are so demanding towards men they need to fit w. e stereotype that the guy believes. I would consider myself as a feminist trainee however, im a shy girl so sometimes yes I do want to approach me however im super shy sometimes, but i hope he does because I won't. People are all different I like to pay sometimes too I want to take my man out on a date, but I don't know there are just girls out there who are closed minded and haven't gotten out into the real world in dating just yet, and meeting different people I feel like when they broaden their horizons they will tend to get a clear view of yes the world is not just black and white!

[fauchelevent]

That seems less about how shallow women are and more about how low guys' standards are. Besides, not everything you say can be generalised to everyone.

[Supermosh1990]

True but what can guys do to attract a woman.

[R3d_Anonymous]

If we didn't have such "low" standards we'd get absolutely nothing at all. "Low" standards are the only way some of us even then POSSIBLY have chances...

Even with quite low standrads (lower than even the average man's), I've still gotten absolutely no interest, let alone a date or a kiss.

[fauchelevent]

If your standard for a woman is just 'being hot' rather than her character and personality, then it's definitely a low standard, no need for the 'low' :P Either way, there are a hell of a lot of men who aren't perfect who get into good relationships and attract women. It's down to taste, how you present yourself, and definitely has a huge element of luck involved.

[R3d_Anonymous]

No, looks-wise my standrads are fairly low. Personality-wise though, I want to have high standards and did originally, but after getting nowhere at all (not even a female friend or any indication of interest even) my bar for that has also fallen.

[R3d_Anonymous]

And still I haven't seen any light.

[fauchelevent]

That's tough :/ I dunno, obviously it depends on the girl and like I said, luck has a lot to do with it. There are people who don't meet someone until they're 40 or older, there are some who meet them whilst younger. I guess the best advice I can offer you is maybe be more outgoing and try to go for what you want rather than wait for it to come to you.

[R3d_Anonymous]

Ugh, I did. I put myself out there, asked out and talked to many girls in my life so far, and what's most demoralizing is forget certain interest, I didn't even get INDICATORS of interest. And forget romantic, not even platonic!

It seems like most "unsuccessful" people even are in a better position where either they just didn't try and most still got at least a little interest and even experience, and when I see them complaining, I get even more down on myself because even they are in much better positions.

[fauchelevent]

I don't think you should get down on yourself. It's not necessarily even your fault. Obviously, there might be something wrong with the way you're putting yourself out there or approaching people, but there are a lot of other reasons why you won't have people interested. Instead of feeling bitter about it, try turning it into something productive and critically evaluating yourself, not harshly, just fairly, and then you can try and improve yourself based on your own opinions.

[R3d_Anonymous]

I know what the reasons are. It just bothers me that almost anyone that I see complaining about what seems to be the same issues as me, usually even they have done much better. Or when those folks try to relate to my situation and yet again, even they faired significantly better. See my response to @Darlingman 's opinion here in my question as an example: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1705939-does-love-come-by-itself-or-should-you-pursue-it

Or my opinion comments to @K1ll3r98 in this question: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1696282-what-do-you-think-of-a-18-year-old-girl-with-no-experience

Just trying to illustrate what I mean.

[K1ll3r98]

@R3d_Anonymous don't bring me into this

[fauchelevent]

@K1ll3r98 Too late now :P

[K1ll3r98]

lol. i am actually surprised to get a mention. even to say that it was my question he used. eh, no point complaining

[R3d_Anonymous]

Opinion Owner, what do you have to say about that? It's just so demoralizing seeing other people who claim to be "unsuccessful" or "inexperienced" even being in much better. Even these people's dating issues are much more "advanced" than mine (they're dealing with getting led on, maintaining interest, people theyre interested in only seeing them as friends, etc while I am not even in the vicinity of THAT point).

Although someone has to be at the absolute bottom of the barrel I suppose...

Still, I know adolescents are notorious for saying this but this is an area where people truly at the surface do not understand. Initially, like you, they think that I didn't put myself out there enough, didn't seize opportunities, and/or am like the people I described above, and usually don't realize until I thoroughly explain that I did put myself out there, had absolutely no opportunities (not even a hint), and am significantly worse off than even "those folks" I described above.

[R3d_Anonymous]

Mind you, I mean online where I come to vent about stuff. I don't complain about this in real life of course except to my therapist and a few months ago, my parents (which I know is ridiculous but it is what it is).

[fauchelevent]

Well, I don't really agree with you. Just because they've occasionally had a hug or had someone like them doesn't mean they're not unsuccessful or inexperienced. Homeless people don't tend to argue over who is the most homeless. A student who had read one book would hardly be considered experienced, even compared to one who hadn't read any. You're almost making it into a competition of who can be the most unsuccessful when it shouldn't be like that at all, that's self pitying and kinda childish. You're 17, it's not like you're 50 years old and haven't even held hands. You're still probably considered a child. I just think you're expecting too much and gave up too early.

[R3d_Anonymous]

I'm turning 18 in three months. You're not much older; give me a break. My apologies, but I'm quite jaded of people trivializing my plight with some variation of "you're only 17" and/or "you'll find someone".

No, I didn't give up. I am not doing anything at the moment, but of course I intend to get back in the game and am in therapy to help me out, but it's starting to become questionable whether that's really helping me out. There were certain things I was able to get over with the aid of therapy, but this absolute inexperience demoralization has really gotten to me over the years.

Sure, those people are not considered "successful" or "experienced", but they're still in a much more advanced position than me and it pains me to see THEM complain.

You really think I'm expecting too much for my age? It just doesn't seem like so when again, even the most "inexperienced" people are significantly better off.

[R3d_Anonymous]

Adding on, it also pisses me off when I see these same people saying that they "had opportunities" but didn't seize them and then complain. My mental response is, "You COULD have; you just didn't choose to." Meanwhile I'm here, being someone who would have surely immediately seized any opportunity that would arise, and none presented themselves nor was I able to generate any.

I know this is getting into the territory where some people are going to, as usual, start chastising me for whining or complaining, but this is the one thing that I just can't get past emotionally.

[fauchelevent]

I'm not criticising your age or saying that you're too young for this. Nor am I trivialising your 'plight'. I'm just pointing out that it is not all that uncommon for a 17 year old to not have been in a relationship. I do think that you're expecting a bit much and comparing yourself to others when the situation you're in is not something extremely abnormal.

[R3d_Anonymous]

"I'm just pointing out that it is not all that uncommon for a 17 year old to not have been in a relationship."

This is what I'm talking about. Even you're doing it - downplaying the severity of my situation by just saying that I have simply "not been in a relationship". It's not just about that. It's the fact that underneath not even having been in a relationship, I haven't even experienced the elementary mechanics of courtship, mutual interest, reading signs (I never even got "mixed signals" or even the slightest indication of interest, but always got "no signals"), basic forms of affection, or even platonic friendship with the opposite sex.

These "inexperienced" people that I cite - none of them have been in relationships or even dates and yet I'm still pointing out that they're still in a much better position than me, for the simple reason that even many of them have done a lot of the above.

[R3d_Anonymous]

Do you think what I described in my last opinion comment is "not extremely abnormal"?

@K1ll3r98 By the way, I mentioned you for reference, but also to see if you have anything to say (given that you actually understand what I'm saying) about this since I briefly also talked to you about this a week ago, and you're one of the people I am talking about that are "inexperienced" in that you have not been in a relationship or done many things, but are still much better off. So it'd helpful and interesting to see what someone in that exact position that I am envious of has to say about my situation.

[sherbearee]

@R3d_Anonymous
I really have to agree with fauchelevent on this one. She's not at all trying to downplay the severity of your situation, or criticize you for being young. Now, I know of you on GAG, and you're a cool, intelligent person, R3d, but I know not of you in real life, and thus cannot accurately offer more than the general advice fauchelevent has already offered.
I do think you have to take this a bit more lightly though, it's just luck right now really..

[R3d_Anonymous]

@sherbearee

She may not be trying to, and she's been better about it than most people I have to say, but if you look at the third to last opinion comment from me (counting this one), I explain how even she is doing it to an extent, by reducing my problem to simply "not having been in a relationship", whereas my problem goes way beyond that. As I said a few times, many people who have not been in a relationship have at least been on dates, but even the folks that have not been on dates have at least gotten some indications of interest, at the very minimum the platonic level. I know a user on here who complains about being in my situation, but even she claims that she's gotten mixed signals from guys in the past. I didn't even get that; I got absolutely no indications of interest at all when I tried to put myself out there and wasn't even able to make platonic female friends. Reread my third to last opinion comment for clarity.

[K1ll3r98]

@R3d_Anonymous okay then, what is the situation

[R3d_Anonymous]

@K1ll3r98

Read the string of comments within this opinion.

[K1ll3r98]

@R3d_Anonymous oh fuck, this'll just take a minute... so, by the looks of it, you're talking about inexperience. so. this seems to be about standards changing due to not having had any signs of interest. am i right?

[R3d_Anonymous]

@K1ll3r98

It's about inexperience, but I'm not talking about the issue of standards going lower and lower naturally (I don't have a problem with that objectively even). If you read, you'll see that my issue is with truly being unable to relate to anyone that is supposedly in the "same situation" because even most of these folks are much better off. Remember when I talked to you about that, and here I discussed it more in-depth.

I understand if you don't want to read all of it, but you'd do best to reread my fourth to last opinion comment in this string (counting this one).

[K1ll3r98]

@R3d_Anonymous um, yeah. i can't properly relate because i have had a bit more experience. but i think i understand. you seem to say that you hate being paired with people who complain about being inexperienced but they have had chances to gain experience while you have had none. is that correct?

[R3d_Anonymous]

@K1ll3r98 Exactly mate. Finally someone gets it. That and even people who may have not had concrete opportunities, but still were overall at least a bit better overall.

[K1ll3r98]

@R3d_Anonymous yeah. i understand but i do tend to have a bit more experience than you

[R3d_Anonymous]

@K1ll3r98

That's great. You admit it and differentiate yourself and don't trivialize my plight. Thank you for that.

But as you can see, for some reason it's very difficult for people to understand this. Some people literally assume when I first talk to them (online) that I didn't take the initiative enough and/or misread signals, and that's extremely frustrating as you can tell because I did and again, I got no signals at all (other than of complete disinterest), or perhaps very scarcely so to the point where it was negligible or in a context where I knew it didn't mean anything. And again, I watched like a fucking hawk, so it wasn't lack of awareness either.

I had to over and over explain the same thing in many different ways and still this Opinion Owner was underestimating the severity of my situation, no offense to her as she tried and was still more compassionate than most.

[R3d_Anonymous]

This just demonstrates what I'm talking about. Whenever I talk to anyone or ask about my situation, very few understand the reality of it. Note that this opinion owner stopped responding after I responded to her trivialization of my situation that I've simply "not been in a relationship yet", again failing to realize that the problem runs much more deeper and fundamental than that. Again, most people who have not been in relationships have either still at least been on dates or at least have experience with being flirted with, having opposite sex friends, or mixed signals, etc whereas I'm truly at a zero even when it comes to those elementary interpersonal dynamics. And that's what worries me the most.

I know, some of you are probably thinking, "No one cares about your situation," and of course that's true, but I am talking about in the context of when I'm discussing this with someone who's trying to give advice (or yet again as usual tell me that I am worrying over nothing).

[Artificial Intelligence]

Best Ways to Please a Woman

There's no one answer to the question of how to please a woman. Every woman is different and what works for one might not work for another. However, there are some general tips that can help you please the woman in your life.

Here are some of the best ways to please a woman:

1. Listen to her

This might seem like an obvious one, but it's worth repeating. Women appreciate when their partners take the time to listen to them and understand what they're saying. Whether she's sharing her concerns or just chatting about her day, give her your full attention and show that you care about what she's saying.

2. Take care of yourself

Women are attracted to men who take care of themselves. This means making an effort to stay in shape, eating well, and taking care of your appearance. When you take care of yourself, it shows that you value yourself and that you're someone she can be proud to be with.

3. Be spontaneous

Women love surprises, so try to mix things up from time to time. Plan a spontaneous date night or weekend getaway. Or, simply surprise her with a small gift or gesture out of the blue. These little surprises will show her that you're always thinking of her and that you care about making her happy.

4. Be a gentleman

Women appreciate men who are courteous and treat them with respect. Open doors for her, pull out her chair, and always use your manners. These small acts of kindness will show her that you're a gentleman and that you care about her comfort and well-being.

5. Make an effort

Women want to feel like they're special to you, so it's important to make an effort in your relationship. This means planning thoughtful dates, sending her sweet text messages, and telling her how much you love and appreciate her. When you make an effort, it shows her that she's worth your time and energy and that she's the most important person in your life.

[Tarvold]

You're mixing a bunch of issues together here. There's the problem of attracting women, and then there's the problem on pleasing women.

Attracting women isn't easy. The only meaningful advice I can give you right now is to never listen to any dating advice from women at all. In fact, if you do the exact opposite of what they tell you, you'd probably have better success. Also, don't buy into the BS of romcoms. None of that shit works. Attracting women without good looks or lots of money isn't impossible. It's actually quite easy once you know how. However, the only way to learn is to find a guy who truly knows how and have him mentor you. It won't be easy.

As for pleasing women, well, it's simultaneously an impossible task and a ridiculously easy one. The truth is this - if you are exceptionally good in bed... like top 0.5% of all guys in the world good, then you can do no wrong, and get away with murder. A well fucked woman will be easily pleased. HOWEVER. If you are not in that top 0.5%... even if you are in the top 90% good, then she'll always want more from you. More time... more money... more attention... more ways to one up her friend's bfs/husbands... more...

Unfortunately this is just how the world works. Good luck.

[Phoenix1991]

It's the type of girls you're chasing after.

A lot of men and women get wrapped up in the models, actors/actresses in the media or on Tv. they are usually immature and should be avoided at all costs.

Good looks are helpful but not the key to keeping a woman. The right girl needs simple essentials such as happiness, security, respect, support and kindness. They're going to be plenty of women who want a guy who can treat her respectfully, cherish moments of spending time together, funny unique memories, supportive to her goals, kindness and compassion towards her and others.

Women want these things or maybe less, don't be ashamed of yourself. Be proud of yourself.

[9mfeo]

Is it actually hard to please women, or are you just a poor listener? Most adults are able to articulate their wants and needs in a relationship. You just have to be open to listening to it.

And like, was there a point to that rant or do you just want sympathy?

[Anonymous]

Every opinion & the take is all wrong.. 1st all of this is a powerful illusion... these girls posting their opinions are just trying to mess with your minds... if a girl asks for that much just don't pay attention to them... Look all you need to do is let things flow be yourself and when you go out don't make it a thing where your searching for a date... Just simply get new friends as in girls from your friends think about it be creative... You know... Do you drink go to parties have a fun life... You'll meet people and it goes from their... Loosin up... It's not that serious... And about serious dating that takes time... Relax man

[Anonymous]

The problem isn't with women, the problem is men have stupidly low standards and will chase women not worth persuing, so that even low-value females have a stupid amount of options.

If you were getting hit on by a dozen different girls daily, you'd be fucking picky too.

[aficionado]

I think every single point you make here is true. As an unattractive man with low self esteem, I know what it feels like!

P, S. You might consider not writing a 'wall of text' next time, because it gets a bit hard to read!

[MCheetah]

Because they're never satisfied and it's impossible to keep them that way. Simple!

[Prof_Don]

Getting women is all about stimulating emotions... but every woman "ticks" differently as in what emotionally stimulates her.

[Scrambledagain]

women are somewhat easy to please. It's attracting them to begin with that's friggin difficult. Attraction is the rock that men crash on.

[dwiller943]

Oh!! I must not be hot enough. Because guys never ask me out.

[Sebra]

Men have the same expectations they just don't voice them as strongly

[ConsultantIsBack]

Girls Are complicated bro

[zell0is0my0name]

thanks 4 the laugh, dude 😂

[psychomonkey]

Damn true shit

[Anonymous]

it's not, you just suck in the sack