Has anyone ever heard of a girl doing this?

[Anonymous]

Ok. So I realize that in today's day-and-age, sexual abuse and domestic violence is a very sticky and serious topic, and its very difficult to talk about without someone yelling "offensive" or "sexist" or any of that PC crap. But if you read this, just hear me out.

My ex and I broke up a while ago (almost two years) and immediately after the breakup she experienced a traumatic event where she had a "slight" mental meltdown accompanied by the use of drugs at a music festival. Im no stickler, but she told me she pretty much tried every drug under the sun in one day - a very unwise and unhealthy choice. Two weeks later she wasn't sleeping and essentially started hallucinating and have anxiety and panic attacks. She sought treatment, spent a few semesters away from school, and now she is at a completely different university trying to finish up her degree.

Every so often (ranging from weeks to months) I would hear from her and she would want to catch up. Before we broke up, she was the love of my life and my girlfriend of 4 years. Well we never ended up meeting up, but she told me a year ago that she had been "verbally and physicaly abused" by the guy she actually cheated on me with. While this infuriated me because she put herself in that situation, I let it slide and told her I was sorry to hear it. Then a couple months ago I ran into one of her old high school friends who told me that she was suing a different guy for sexual harrasment.

I still have a love for this girl, even if I am not in love with her anymore. Has anyone ever heard of something like this, i. e., that a girl habitually either puts herself in this situation or claims to have been abused? Its hard to say it didn't happen, because I have no idea, but at the same time it seems odd for this to keep happening to her.

Anything would be helpful, and thank you if you read this all.

[truthbeknown]

People like her just seem to be totally bored with a normal life and just have to party on the extreme end of the scale in order to feel alive. As she is experiencing, there is a cost to that life style. We have to agree that in those circles there will be very shady characters that she is also subjecting herself too. Unfortunate incidences will happen. I feel she also has underlying mental issues, or reality perception issues and that is why she behaves odd and keeps at it. I know you feel a loss here, like she is a lost sole, but just remember she is not your responsibility to "fix!" She is an adult and her own person and she has her own life to live. Do not feel guilty she has lived her life this way and don't feel compelled you have to do something about it.

[Asker]

I used to feel compelled to help her, because I knew that none of this would have happened had we not broken up; but those feelings have subsided (1) because it has been so long, and (2) because I know there is nothing I can do at this point, especially since two different events have apparently happened. She definitely put herself in these situations, and she completely changed in the blink of an eye. She went from the loving girl I knew and dated for four years, to a girl who was doing drugs, acting out of control a lot, and hooking up with a ton of guys I guess to feel good about herself. Everyone goes through phases, but this seems more than a phase, this really seems like something has permanently changed with her personality.

[truthbeknown]

Yep, I know it is harsh, but you will do nothing but waste your time and become all worried over her if you keep thinking about it. She has made her bed. It is unfortunate, but you need to forget her and focus on your life and your future relationships with someone else who can give you the life you want and deserve!

[Asker]

Yea. I have moved on, and in no way am I in the grieving phase or anything. I really dont have any aspirations to get back together with her or any "wishful thinking" about it. But, I just am curious as to this kind of behavior. I don't know what to believe, and I also think that if she contacts me again (which is a trend I believe will continue to happen) what if she says something similar about another guy - or what if she tells me about the suit her friend told me she filed. I just wanted to see what other people had to say about it, because it is somewhat alarming.

[truthbeknown]

I would just block or ignore her.

[Hades77]

She cheated on you, I never help cheaters my friend. If it makes you feel any better, you're gonna find a gorgeous girl one day and marry and have babies, I gotchu home skillet.

[REALisRARE]

Yeah, plenty of girls like that. I think they just ignore all the red flags because they tend to dive headfirst into the first guy who shows them the slightest bit of attention. They usually also have a terrible problem with confidence.

[Asker]

Yea, I think the biggest problem was that I am older than her, and I graduated college when she was a sophmore, and she broke up with me two days before my graduation. So I think she went a little wild that summer, and started drinking a lot and partying, and she has never been able to handle her alcohol; plus, she cheated on me close to the time we broke up. I knew it the whole time that the guys at her school (very small private college) only wanted to have sex with her and that none of them actually cared about her, which is why the breakup really hurt me. But I dont know the situations or anything like that. I just dont know what to think of her telling me about her getting verbally and physically abused (because I dont exactly know what that means) and then also filing a law suit. I want to believe her, but at the same time, what are the chances it happens twice in two years. I know it could, but something just seems odd about it.

[REALisRARE]

Well not to point fingers or anything, because only her and the guy involved know what went down, but she put herself in that situation. And I'm not sure I understand ger reasoning for a lawsuit? You make bad choices, you move on, that's just life. I was also in a very physically abusive relationship when I was young, 19ish, really bad, but lawsuit never crossed my mind. I just packed up and left and got restraining order and moved forward in my life. The lawsuit part makes me feel like she is being dramatic and seeking attention. But again, only they know the truth.

[Asker]

Yea im not sure what the motive was behind the suit, but apparently it happened. Thats the stickiness of the conversation Im glad we have avoided, the fact that she put herself in these situations. I just didn't know if anyone has heard of behavior like this with other girls

[Bethany-Louise]

Gah. You seem like a nice guy but honestly.. It very much can happen.

A girl can be in those situations on many many occasions, I won't go into it but take it from me

[Asker]

Its not me who she filed anything against. There was an incident that happened to her in high school that I helped her get over with, and essentially became the reason we started dating, and then it appears two guys she might have dated or had a fling with (after we broke up) she has filed either a legal suit or told me that she was abused.