Girl I'm dating (not in a relationship) is openly flirting with another guy on Facebook - How should I react
I JUST started dating a girl I like. She is only 20 and I'm in my late 20s. We've been talking for a few weeks. We then went on two dates. The first date went great. The second one even better (we had sex this time). We get along very well. She laughs and my crude humor constantly.
We are NOT in a relationship. I figure she's talking to other guys and I'm totally cool with it. I expected it (she's very pretty). I'm also talking/dating other girls but I don't mention it outright.
I haven't seen her in a few days. Tonight I went for a boys night out. When I got back I noticed this on her fb page (I edited the names):
Be Ah I texted you..its not polite to not text back
Ka I told you 7--------------------- times my phone doesn't let me text back ;(
Be Oh sorry..
Ka know...uuuuu suuuuck!
Be What that's rude..what are you doing
Ka hahahaha I'm looking up some stuff online and chatting on yahoo messenger. what about yourself!?!?
Ka when are you going to take me out on a date!? I won't be waiting forever you know lol..
Now I AVOIDED friending this girl on FB. I've had bad experiences in the past with girls and fb. However she friend requested me...and asked me about it. I couldn't really turn that down. Especially since I slept with her.
I was thinking about getting in a relationship with this girl (we do hint around about it). But now I'm thinking twice after this incident above. She can be a good FWB I guess.
Should I be p*ssed she was so obvious on a public place about her thoughts about another guy? Should I just forget about it? Should I just take this is as a sign that she is just a hook up buddy?
Again I she's much younger so I expect her to sometimes do/say things w/o thinking. Also we just started dating. I got no room to be jealous. But the fact she was so blatant somewhere public where she knows I would see it...
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
I don't see the problem personally, she's not putting all her eggs in one basket but neither are you as your also dating other people from what I understand of it.
You have no right to be jealous or p*ssed because she's open about her other relationships where you aren't, she doesn't feel its needed to hide her relationships with others which is better then sneaking around or being dishonest about it in my opinion at least.
However I agree and can understand your concern that it isn't really facebook material and if your worried that you might get something similar happening to you or have your friends read messages like that while knowing they are dating you, it'll reflect badly on you, just tell her that your not comfortable with that before adding her on facebook or don't add her on facebook and explain to her why.
Avoiding someone doesn't make the problem go away, you'll need to figure out what you want from this girl and talk to her about it once you've figured that out.
-Either avoid her and completely ignore her, she'll feel used and you'll come off as the bad guy, which quite frankly you are.
-Either consider her as a possible FWB but then you'll have to live with the fact that you probably won't be her only one, as she's still dating other guys to get what she's looking for.
-Consider going exclusive with her if you believe there's a potential relationship that'll lead to something.
-Alternative option I haven't concidered yet.
What Girls Said 7
I wouldn't worry about it. It could just be a good male friend. I have one gay friend in particular that asks me out to dinner a lot and we call them "dates," but we're clearly not doing anything romantic. I've even playfully demanded that a few of my straight male friends take a bus up to my town so we can screw, but it was just to make a point that I was horny and my boyfriend was withholding sex. It wasn't real flirting. There are a lot of explanations for her behavior, but I think the key here is that you're not in a relationship. You're just dating. So if you date other girls, she can at the very least flirt with other guys. So what if its public? Why should she hide it? If you want to initiate a relationship with her, then you can probably expect the flirting to stop and if it doesn't, then it could be a problem. But right now, you just gotta chill and let her do her thing until you make a move.
I think that you have a better shot at her than the guy that is flirting with her on Facebook. And here's the thing about pretty girls: guys are going to try and get in their pants. Until you have a relationship with her, she is a free agent. If you are jealous and don't want her flirting, take her off the market. Problem solved.
She's an FWB. That's it. Would you seriously date a girl who's clearly very flirty and into just having sex with a guy she went out with once? I didn't think so. You can't trust girls like that, I'm sorry to say. And although you can't really be jealous, the fact that you are says you don't trust her. And if you don't trust her now when you guys are not in a relationship. Meeeeaaaans? Exactly. You will have a very hard time doing so if you are. Want my advice? If she didn't mind sleeping with you without a relationship than clearly she's not thinking long term. Could be a win win situation, no?
You have no right to get pissed or anything of that nature. You guys are not in a relationship. You let your jealousy decide if there was a potential for both of you. Plus, you don't know the intentions she had when she was having that conversation. I'm just saying don't assume something without getting into details. It could have been a friendly joke or just another guy trying to get with her but she barely paid mind to it.
Well I might be wrong but I am her age and girls our age are sensitive about sex. If you had sex with her and you guys aren't in a relationship, she may have grown more feelings for you than you think. If you guys did things and you haven't asked her to go steady, she most likely thinks you only want her for sex. She may even feel used. She might be sad and pursuing someone else and/or just giving up. She may even be trying to draw your attention so you will think "okay this girl isn't going to be available that long and I like her, I need to call dibs!" -- And trust me, girls our age think like this. So if I were you I'd try to be more open with her and figure out what she wants before getting angry. Like you said, you date other women, and she dates other men. It's quite obvious she doesn't have a clue you want more. Now is the time to let her know.