Is it a toxic relationship when your partner neglects you?

Question

so, i just got out of a relationship that i'd say pretty toxic? my friends helped me to break up with him , let's call him Q , so Q is the type of guy who would shower you with affection but then turns out he also shows the same amount of affection to everyone, while we were dating Q never have time to spare for me , for example he'd always say he's busy when i text him , i always saw him online but he always replied late to my messages while he was flirting in a groupchat with other girls, one time the girls asked how he looks like but instead of showing his face he showed his abs instead lmaoo "isn't that basically a thirst trap?" my friend told me. i called him out but he said "just my homies, my abs isn't that erotic" so i said "everyone is your homies?" he said yeh. that wasn't really the last straw, whenever i ask to call he always says "i have a cold" and whenever i called him out on how he always flirts with everyone he always replied with "dw" we have almost zero communication since he always ignores me knowing damn well i could see him flirt openly with everyone , one time i told him how i feel "neglected" but he replied with "uve been feeling wrong". he never cared to acknowledge or validate my feelings so that was my last straw. would you say it was toxic?

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Yes , he just liked the convenience of you , if he truly valued you , he wouldn’t be doing the shit you mentioned period , one thing I learned about relationships , is if someone can’t make you their top priority consistently, then kick them to the curb where they belong. Someone that truly values you , isn’t going to do constant dumb shit
To jeopardize a relationship with you , Nobody is perfect but when the negative outweighs the positive in a relationship, that’s your answer to let them go and realize you deserve someone that prioritizes you over everyone else period. Most relationships fail because most people do not know how to prioritize their partner , cuz most people in general our selfish people that only really care about themselves , they don’t know how to wear their partners shoes the same way they expect their partner to wear theirs. When someone truly values you and wants you by their side they aren’t going to do things that add fire into the relationship period , they will stand by your side at all costs and treat you the same way they want to be treated. Welcome to the dating world and be prepared for a lot of crazy shit , sadly there are a lot of bad seeds out there that you might encounter until you come across a good one

razelove · Accepted Answer

I wouldn't say it's toxic because it doesn't sound like you were ever in a relationship. The basis for a relationship would be establishing boundaries and trust. Like even if it's an open relationship you'd have some rules or boundaries to follow.

From what you're describing he never once stopped acting single, regardless of what dynamic you thought you were in, or he said you were in. He didn't even try to hide it, or make half-way decent excuses, or lies.

You say this or that is a problem, he blows you off. Within the first three sentences you even said that the amount and type of attention you received was no different than anyone else.

He might be a player, toxic, or what have you, but you weren't in a relationship, and he isn't your partner.

Drop it and move on to someone who will care about you, rather than stick around for someone who never will, and never has.

Alli39 · Accepted Answer

You may have already looked into it, but here's a link to a short article on toxic relationships (below). There's an easy checklist you can work through if you scroll down a little. If you're really unsure how to classify it, then I'd try working through it, and maybe doing so a second time with someone you trust to give you an outside perspective.

But the short answer is yes, or even if it wasn't, it sounds like you two weren't very good for each other (or at least he certainly wasn't good for you). I'm glad you and Q are not longer together.

Pinay_ako · Accepted Answer

It sounded like it was not a relationship at all. He didn’t seem like your boyfriend but a guy for everyone. Sounds harsh but you were in a one sided relationship where the other party doesn’t even participate. You’re better off without him. Find someone else who actually is serious about being with you.

RavVid · Answer

I think it would better to frame it in another way because toxic is a word that can mean anything and anything can be toxic. Plus it is entirely in the viewers perspective i. e. it is toxic to you but might not be to another person.

Undoubtedly you have found him disappointing from what you have written in that he didn't respond as quickly as you wanted and did not show you any especial affection above that he might show other girls who he also flirted with and does not seem willing to even talk to you. It left you feeling neglected.

If I inverted this and a girl had the same behavior to me I would think her unsatisfactory and not genuinely interested in a relationship with me. I wouldn't even try to correct her behavior. I would just cease to contact her. I might be marginally interested in how long it took her to notice my absence. If she was interested in why, I'd just say she was unsatisfactory to me.

I don't think it really helps you at all to say it was toxic. Unsatisfactory to me does help you to understand what you need from a guy. Most of that is what everybody else wants - particularly strong affection above that for others, not flirting with others and making time for contact. Some of what you want may not be reasonable and it is good for you to know that.

I might have said to you I don't respond immediately but I will when I can, after I get to a checkpoint in what I am doing. I am at work to work. Perhaps you would find that unsatisfactory or perhaps you might find that reasonable and moderate your desire for me to respond quickly.

My point is that calling stuff toxic doesn't distinguish between fundamentals and areas that one's own expectations might need to change.

hahahmm · Answer

You don't have boundaries. You are allowing him to treat you this way. And if you did have boundaries before the relationship then either he would have respected them OR you would have seen he isn't worth being with and never got into it with him.

When you stay in a bad situation you are training your mind to accept it as normal and setting yourself up to be attracted to similar guys in the future. You don't want to end up like that. You are learning habits and habits become your character.

You'd be way better off figuring out what kind of person you are or want to be and focus on building the right character. Then you will know the importance of picking the right guy and how to find him. It's better to be someone who was alone a lot but then finds an A+ guy than someone who is with mediocre/horrible guys and is an expert on failed relationships. There's a lot of these experts around today.

BasedBaeBecca · Answer

Sounds like the relationship was not serving you and you made the right choice breaking up with him.

In my mind, the question of whether the relationship was toxic depends on your partner's side of the story and it would also be good to reflect on your actions (maybe you had some toxic traits as well?) and whether you did or didn't bring anything toxic into the relationship.

But with what I have read here, you made the right decision and don't look back ❤️

Anonymous · Answer

Yes but I also know guys like that and they bang any one! Not just Thier girlfriend.

See a hot girl online text see a hot girl in line flirt too and see a cute mom and her daughter... Flirt!

You did good getting out a lot of women can't see it and just keep going being ignored!

ohsheeT · Answer

No it was more than toxic and it was just never meant to be I mean you handled that pretty good and for all the right reasons

I mean *used* comes to mind more than toxic
he's a toxic person
But I don't think you had any part to do with the toxic heart you had something to do with just the smart part

LiamJHayden · Answer

It really does not sound like he considered it a committed romantic relationship. When dealing with guys the ladies often ask, "What are we?" A lot of guys think of it as drama, but I think it is a genuine desire to know what the couple is because it had never been clarified if they were boyfriend-girlfriend.

Taya9 · Answer

1000% He just played, such guys are usually not into serious relationships, so wasting time on them won't worth it.

elizamichale1 · Answer

Well first things first... you made a wise decision to leave him behind.. n about ur question... i wouldn't call it toxic coz to be toxic it had to be a relationship in first place which i m sorry honey it wasn't coz the way u told it sounds a one sided relationship.. he seemed not to be interested tbh

WanderingLoveWizard · Answer

He sounds like a typical young dude. Toxic? Maybe. Immature? Definitely

MikeTheBartender · Answer

Fuck this piece of shit. It was toxic. You deserve better

Staximus · Answer

Don't expect a boy to act like a man. You're dealing with a young idiot who has no idea how to treat a girlfriend right.

slatyb · Answer

"u've been feeling wrong" yes, telling you how you feel is toxic.  In any case, he wasn't meeting your needs so it's good that you have ended it.

loveslongnails · Answer

Guess what? It was never a "relationship".

Anonymous · Answer

Yes. But it's also toxic when you put unrealistic expectations on your partner as well. It's one thing to ignore your partner but it's another thing to expect your partners entire existence to revolve around you. And unfortunately many women just can't tell when they're the latter.

monorprise · Answer

... So basically he is flirting with other girls, and you still think he was in a relationship with you.

It's not his responsibility to 'validate' your feeling, its his responsibility to be exclusive to you.

dragoblack · Answer

You were right to get out of that relationship (if you could even call it that) seems like he was using you to make other girls jealous. Dudes immature and obviously a player who is willing to cheat.

rienna888 · Answer

I’d say be toxic and usd him for his money but 😏 it might backfire because you will become more attached. This man doesn’t care about you, so try your best to move on. He show you 100 ways who he is.

Avicenna · Answer

yeah, that's toxic

Alwayreckles93 · Answer

Advice ahead of time if they are toxic yes cut them off at all cost the last thing you want is to deal with a narcissistic person.

Jonnyanalog · Answer

It’s obvious from your description he cares nothing about you. Drop that dude and move on to someone better.

Is it a toxic relationship when your partner neglects you?

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