I am shy and socially awkward... how can I find a girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

At a party last night. I basically realized how socially awkward I really am. I go to an all boys high school, so that doesn't help the matter much in terms of girls. But I know I usually don't fit in well, but it was more than obvious last night. I just basically sat around with a few other guys I knew from school and walked around a bit, but I didn't talk much, and a few guys were laughing that the fact I even went. I didn't want to, I was with a friend and he wanted to go.

But it was just depressing watching guys just make out with random girls on a whim and dance and everything. I don't want a girl like that who just does that with anyone, I want to find a girl I can relate with and one of those relationships where we both like being around each other a lot. Obviously, her being cute would be a plus.

I know its selfish of me being shy and a bit boring on the outside to wonder why I can't find a girl like this, but I feel alone. And I'm not all that boring on the inside once I get to know people, I think people will realize that I'm quite smart and interesting, but I don't know. I feel like there's someone out there who is just like me and who I could relate with, but I sure haven't met her yet. It's just depressing being the most socially inept person I can think of, its so unfair.

And to make matters worse. At the party I saw my crush from grade school who I haven't seen basically since 8th grade graduation. I guess I still have feelings for her, but it's not all that important because its more because of her looks than anything, so I should try to forget her.

Someone please offer me advice if you can.

[LouyJay]

I understand how being shy can be problematic... I've always been shy and also have social anxiety disorder which just makes my shyness worse in some respects.

But in reality, people don't really take the time to get to know you because your shy. Its a cruel thing but people are more likely to get to know someone that is open and approachable rather than the shy person with defensive body language simply because its easier for them. I found this out (and more) from a really good website that you could probably benefit from.

link

I found it interesting to read but because of my anxiety, its harder for me to get over. (I'm not trying to suggest that you have anxiety though, I'm just trying to show you that your not alone and there are people that feel worse than you, believe it or not! :P)

For me though, I generally get through things by faking confidence and giving myself a "character". It sounds really lame, I know, but its how I get through. My character is basically this really bubbly, confident, outgoing teen. I play the part and no one sees through it. It simply gives me the chance to at least talk to people. But I'm not making myself out to be someone I'm not either. I'm acting like myself but simply exaggerating.

I think that's the key. If you can fake confidence and exaggerate your qualities then you'll get into conversations with new people, you'll feel good about yourself and keep going. Before you know it, you could have got over the worst of your shyness! Who knows?

I'm sorry that I basically wrote you an essay but I really hope this helps you, even if only a little. As for finding that right girl, just give it time. But first you need to get past your shyness because that's your main obstacle. Good luck with it all! :)

[taylorb]

Maybe try hanging out in an area or place that you're comfortable in socializing with, and don't go to places with lots of people. Try meeting people at a place that you like, look out for people like you and don't be scared to approach girls, cause it shows that you have confidence and they will be intrigued to know more about you!

Gl !

xo

[ladsin]

what kind of party... was alcohol/ drugs involved... I understand you feeling excluded if you don't do those things but others do, so you may want to

A.) surround yourself with people like you, your not going to find a girl willing to settle down in that group

B.) try it if you haven't already it is a great way to meet people and really fun...

hope this helps a little bit