Girlfriend goes to concert with friend?

[Anonymous]

We live together and have been with each other a year.

The guy is coworker/friend. Not worried about them two together but pissed hake I was asked.

She calls and says "do you trust me with xxxx" I say ummm why? Kind of an odd middle of day at work question. So I ask why. She repeats her self and I say yes, thinking they're in the same office or want to go to lunch. I said yes and she says OK well his date bailed on him and I figured you would be working tonight anyways so I was going to go.

Outside of the fact of them going I thought telling me your going and asking in a way beating around the bush is messed up. This is a committed relationship and I think it's common courtesy to ask if I would mind or ask if I was going to be working .

I said yes and blew it off as nothing and all night I've been getting are you mad at me x 100 and if you don't want me to go just say so. I said go and have fun I am working.

If she feels I would be uncomfortable, regardless of how well I think I played it off shouldn't people in a committed relationship have enough respect for the other to not make them feel uncomfortable.

Literately If she didn't ask all shady and text a bunch after I said yes then it would have been small to no trust issues with this.

I know her and it would never get a yes from her so I never put her in that situation.

Good I was told and know you can't keep women on a lease just thought way I was told was disrespectful considering our know prior trust in previous relationships and our history of not doing these things.

Thoughts? How to have the upper hand in this situation?

[ADavid89]

First of all..I am married and If someone asked my husband to go to a concert with him..I would be on edge too. Were human and it just happens naturally. I think you are right in saying she should have asked if YOU were comfortable with her attending..however she did consider your feelings and ask if going was acceptable and it seems that she only considered going because you were working. So the question is...do you trust her? Because I honestly believe if you did..you would not be sweating this. My best friend in the whole world is a guy..my husband never questions me going for drinks with him or having him stay with us when he's in town. This is because he knows were close and have an amazing relationship before him and I ever thought of being together. But it's because after 10 years together we have a lot of trust in our relationship..even though my husband is like a severe jealous guy when it comes to anyone but Will.

My point is when your in a relationship..you have to have boundaries..but not enough that a person feels they can not be themselves or have freedom. This will make her feel like she's on a leash and that you do not trust her. It seems that his date bailed and she was being a good friend and letting a tickey go to waste sucks. if she was being shady then she would have said she was going with her "girl" friends to a concert. I would grit your teeth and just talk to her about how you feel uncomfortabe with her going with a guy you don't know or trust. let her know it's not her you don't trust..it's the other people you don't trust..especially because you don't know what kind of guy he is. My husband is supportive because he knows Will andn what he is all about.

Hope that helps and best of luck hun!

[Anonymous]

Just ask her to remember that the next time you want to go do some with a girl (coworker/friend) that it should be fine for you to do that to, she can't have everything she wants. And I don't get it if she feels so bad about it then she shouldn't still want to do it right? Id be curious to and not feel so trusty but if you love her I guess trust her until she gives you a good reason not to (:

[rabster]

I agree with a lot of what has been said above but as something different why not try to reverse the situation and see what happens. Tell her your going on a night out with a female from work, tell her your going for something to eat and then to some event and see what her reaction is. Will she deal with it as you have? Will she be happy to tell you it's OK as you have?

I think it's all well and good having a friend of the opposite gender BUT when your in a serious commited relationship you must put your partner first and if that friendship even hints at being a problem you need to deal with it.

You deal with it by only being with your friend when your partner or other people are there, you deal with it by making sure that your never in a situation where your partner has to worry you might be up to more than just friends, you make sure that your friend never becomes an issue.

Yes, there need to be trust in a relationship but there's also mutual respect and being fair to your parner, you have to reverse the situation (as I suggested above) and think how you would feel if they were out with someone of the opposite gender, especially if that person was extremely attractive.

You have to put your priorities in order, see your friend with your partner there or with other people but if your willing to jeopardize your relationship just for a night out on your own with your friend then maybe your not with the right person.