Male protectiveness and male emotions

[aceman358]

Remember what it says here. "Have an opinion?"

My opinion is that guys and girls are different. There is no doubt about that. Both males and females may have their similarities but really, we are at different ends of the stick.

But this is a girls ask guys question site so here it goes.

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I like to think about a guy’s emotions as a circle. I'll talk in pizza terms, if that's easier, and this pizza is inside its pizza box.

This box is the male’s protection system against everyone and everything. This is why guys are so tied up in their emotions. Nothing really comes out of the box, but when it does, it's very carefully lifted out and distributed, when the guy is finished distributing the pizza he then asks for it back (because it’s such a drag....you know....emotions etc..) then asks for it back, he very carefully puts all the pieces back into the box but the really important ones like love for a girl stay, but ill touch on that later. He then closes up the box so nothing gets out then locks it away for his night. This is a very, very careful procedure. If you get a piece of the pizza consider yourself very lucky, this means that you are very special to him.

This can be considered opening up to someone or sharing your feelings, and I believe that females, while they are very good at emotional "throwing pizza at everyone", to put it bluntly.

These pieces of pizza are what males hold important to them. There is one for their partner. There is one for their mother, their father, friends, work colleagues etc...Now each piece is different in proportion but everyone has a piece. These pieces cannot be replaced. There is no other pizza like his pizza, they are all different. If a male gives you a piece of his pizza then that's it, it’s yours to keep.

You cannot give it back to him, it sticks with you, it’s a weird concept but a piece of him is always with you. Males are very good at giving out pieces of pizza. Some pieces mean more than others. The point is, it’s not an ownership that males feel, even know that is what it may feel like. They feel protective because you have a part of them, a part they can’t get back. They don't want to waste it on someone and when a guy sees someone possibly trying to take over your piece that the guy gave to someone, its heart destroying, frustrating, angering and can feel like being betrayed.

Betrayal is something males deal with all the time. So I'm going to do more on it later.

Comment what you think, I want to know more!

[ReneS]

i agree with you and women sometimes don't get it. My recent ex girlfriend called me an asshole because i had pushed a guy away from her, who had his arms all around her. I didn't know the guy, i didn't know they were friends. me and this guy talked , gave each other a hand and he told me he respected me for standing up for my girlfriend. while to her i was just a piece of sh. t. made me feel really worthless and undervalued by her. also when ever i show public affection she would call me possesive.

and sometimes we just do things to see if you are safe, is has nothign to do with check up on you , or controlling you. i got into a car with her, while one of her drunken buddies was driving. i stayed sober and offered to drive but she told me it was ok. i was angry about that, because the only reason i went clubbing with her is because she had been drinking way to much. plus i felt responsible for her safety.

i think every women should be proud of a guy who does these things for his lady, instead of insulting them and coming up with false accusations. she broke up with me a week ago, went to this crazy fetish party and wrote on her fb wall, '' drop all your sperm at me'' this is coming from a 32 yo single mom who has a 4yo daughter, with a guy that doesn't care about his little girl. i texted her an angry message that i dont want to have anything to do with her anymore, that im disgusted by her and that a 32 yo women who wants to be a manager shouldn't be saying or doing this like this, and hanging around with younger kids some of them 11 years younger.

even know i try to get through to her and most like she blocked me or insulted me, i dont know, i have decided to shut down my phone, and deactived my fb for a while. tomorrow im going to my doctor and get a health check. i did everything for her and her daughter, and this is what i get in return. really just fuck her.

i also had a ex girlfriend who was pregnant from me, i was buying food for her while i myself had barely anything to eat in my appartment. that girl threw me in a depression, she miscarried our child, became very hatefull towards me and never showed me any compassion when i needed it.

[Anonymous]

that was so beautiful <3

cute and funny at the same time too lol
love this !

loved this especially
"The point is, it’s not an ownership that males feel, even know that is what it may feel like. They feel protective because you have a part of them, a part they can’t get back" <3 <3 <3

[Lolomon]

I agree with this, I do believe men are more sensitive than women. And what I mean by this is men don't know how to deal with emotions. People will say it has to do with society but that's dumb it has to do with biology, if women didn't have monthlies and dealing with hormonal roller coasters we wouldn't know how to express ourselves either but to be honest we don't really express ourselves either. Yes, we are nurturer by nature so we are more capable of showing love and compassion. But what is hard for a woman is expressing that she isn't ok with something, or should isn't happy. That is hard for women.

[dankmemes]

This example is very specific. I'm a female, but I'm not very expressive with my emotions. I tend not to get very attracted to people, and If I do, I definitely don't tell them, because I fear commitment and betrayal. Most Men are unemotional because socially, they're accepted to conceal their emotions and be also very savvy in giving away these "pizza boxes". Most Women are over emotional in the exact same way men are, Women are mothers, and mothers are expected to be nurturing and emotional.

[aceman358]

Fear is what should drive and motivate us. Other wise how did we ever evolve?

Also just to correct you, the pizza box is what contains the pizza. it's not given away. That would be like looking through his diary.

[aceman358]

and tearing out the pages

[dankmemes]

I know, I mean "giving it away to everyone", would be "showing it to everyone"

[Azara]

what is 'over emotional'? whats your reference point for sufficient emotion?

[dankmemes]

@Azara "overemotional" in this context I mean like getting too attached in a relationship, wanting to share emotional problems with everyone, linking emotional intimacy with a sexual relationship, etc.

[DFTgirl]

I love the way you wrote this, it's lovely :) I just want to let you know that it isn't just guys who work like this, girls can work exactly the same I promise. There are more and less emotional guys just like there are more and less emotional girls. I think you've come across a beautiful analogy for how we share our emotions, it would be a shame to limit it to only one gender. x

[udolipixie]

That was interesting to me however I have found you can 'give back' a pizza slice without it sticking to you. Once a guy starts showing his caring aka being possessive, checking up on me, being controlling I use whatever he shared with me to cut off ties.

[Azara]

did you get why would he ask for the pizza back?

[udolipixie]

In the Asker's post I got why.

[Jamin_Beast]

Dude, yes. Just yes. I have enjoyed reading this so much and the analogy is perfect.

please please please write more!

I really like how you explained the connection between he guy and the pizza reciever.

personally I have trust issues and blah blah blah but the whole opening up the box and giving out a piece really hit home.

thanks man

[Phoenix1991]

I'm clapping my hands at this take like a proud soccer mom. I do feel like that a large number women forget that men and women are wired differently emotionally and expect us to do something we never done before.

"Be more open about your feelings" , "talk to me about your stress." The average boyfriend would do so but they all do it in their own unique process and I think that's overlooked.

Great post, explained so much.

[Anonymous]

This is very good, it's so true as well if you think about it. And the betrayal part is very accurate I had a girl do that to me. We got close and I told her things that I had not told anyone and she told me a lot of things too. The difference? I took the pizza she gave me and put it in my box and keep it safe, she took mine and dumped it on a table between her and her friends. It's crushing and I don't even talk to them now but you know what, I still keep what she told me safe

[EmiliaRose2355]

So, what if a guy has been in love with say, 4 different women over the course of around 5-6 years... id hope that piece of pizza wouldn't stick with previous loves... because then how can he truly love the new person?

[godfatherfan]

If you are truly "in love" with someone... you can never NOT love them. If you can, at any point, say "I don't love you anymore"... then you never truly loved that person, you only cared for that person. You can "love" that person in a different way obviously.

[EmiliaRose2355]

@godfatherfan well, how can you tell which person you loved most then? And how do you differentiate between loving and just caring for someone?

[godfatherfan]

If you love someone, You can never picture a scenario where you would be truly happy without them in your life. If you lost them you would feel as if a part of you died and there would always be a hole in you.
I'm not really sure what you mean by "love most". Love isn't a competition. I have truly loved 1 woman in my life. I thought I was in love with my current girlfriend, but some deep thinking has made me see that it really isn't the case. But even if I did, why would I ever need to "rank" them? you can love at different levels.

[EmiliaRose2355]

@godfatherfan surely there's only one type of love? Like that strong feeling you get when you absolutely adore a person. I just find it scary to think that sometimes we can believe we're in love with a person... and then find out that it's really not the case. I've only felt as if part of me has died once before... and that was after my 3 week relationship :S but I really did love him, more than anything. And I can't have him. I believe I'm over it now... but I think if I saw him face to face and ended up talking to him again, my feelings may well resurface. And it's hard to find someone I love more than him. I didn't love my last boyfriend like I loved him. Also, what's stopping you loving your current girlfriend?

[godfatherfan]

Of course there are many types of love. You have the love you feel for a relative. You have the love you feel for your parents or siblings. You have the love you feel for your pet. You have the love you feel for that friend that is the same as a family member. You have the love you feel for your SO. and the strongest possible love, the love you feel for your children.
There are all kinds of love. That SO that you love so much, eventually it will cool. If you truly loved him it will move to the type of love you feel for a family member or distant relative. but it will always be there.
If the love of one person was enough I would still be with my ex wife. As far as my current girlfriend, well I am just tired of being a distant second place to a husband that has been dead for 3 years.

[aceman358]

I think of it as there is always something left, even if it is the smallest part, 0.00001%
And I'm sure it may be the same with girls.

But it stays with them. Eventually they get it back from them but you always feel bad whe you see them (worse if you see them with someone else)
True love is a really difficult topic and I'll get into it later (I'm releasing a mass of topics soon)

[EmiliaRose2355]

@godfatherfan move to that of a family member or distant relative as in... if you break up with the person? I guess maybe I do still love my ex then, if that's the case. I still worry about him and wonder how he is, and wish I could take care of him still. And wow, I feel for you! That's a very tough situation to be in :/ but at the same time it must be very difficult for her too getting over a loved one who died :( so sad for you guys!

[EmiliaRose2355]

@aceman358 what if you have the smallest point 0.00001% left for say, two different people? And yeah, I have two guys I feel that way about. Can't determine which one the feeling are worse towards, but I know they exist when it comes to two particular exes. That's why I can't tell if I just care for the guys deeply or if I truly love them. One things for sure, one of them gave me a bigger slice of pizza in the space of a month than the other did over the course of a year.

[Vesuvius87]

Interesting analogy. Though I do wonder what ever happens when he gave that one piece to someone he thought was special but wasn't in the end? Or if a relationship or marriage were to be over?

[dartmaul15]

te piece is eaten, and he lost a piece of the pizza.

What happens when you remove one slize of a whole pizza? It's no longer whole.

Did you know men never really get over true love? (mainly due to social expectations preventing guys from really get rid of the pent up emotions).

[HookingSwan]

I think what you wrote makes a lot of sense.

I agree with you

And what a great way of describing it. I mean the visual aid helped: pizza, yum!

[aceman358]

I was actually eating pizza at the time. :P

[HookingSwan]

haha good for you!

[Possible_Mate]

really nice take, simple easily relatable metaphor, with a good explanation nice job :) i also find this describes me pretty well

[9mfeo]

How does a man breaking off an engagement fit into the pizza analogy?

[aceman358]

I could try to tell you, but without more information i can't say anything

[schnipdip]

The pizza forgot the separator in the middle of the pizza that protects it from the box...

[aceman358]

@schnipdip oh wow I like that

[9mfeo]

@schnipdip I don't really understand that analogy though. His emotions got stuck all over the place? No, he just decided that I was too much work because of a medical condition I can't control. I'm better off, really.

[SIGguy]

I like how you presented your opinion in a polite and detailed manner, rather than condescending and vague.

[nileve]

pizza thing confuses me if you are saying men are more emotional than women are and can't handle their emotions easier than women can then i agree

[dartmaul15]

it's not that they are more or less emotional, it's that men generally don't let other see their emotions (hence keeping the box closed). But for some few he makes exceptions, and those few should recognize what this means, because it takes A LOT for a guy to show his emotions.
What's even more important is to recognize when he lets someone keep on seeing it. Because that means you are very special to him, and you should act accordingly.

heard the saying "A woman's laughter is more cheerful than a man. But man's tears are more meaningful than a woman."
This isn't because it's more important when a man is brough to tears, but it's because they so rarely do that when he does it should make you stop and listen (in fact, women cry roughly 4 times as often as men, and cry for a lot longer).

[Azara]

i dont understand he carefully takes the pizza out then asks fort back? when does it get eaten?

[Azara]

i also dont know what you mean about throwing emotions at everyone. im very closed about how i feel and i dont share that with people. im very careful and cavities about anything personal. im not getting your take at all bc i dont see the difference in being careful as a 'man'; and what i do. i also still dont see why you'd give pizza out and ask for it back.

its understandable if you want to express your approach to your life but to assume women fit one mold and men fit another and they are all the same makes discussing peoples actual inclinations that much more complicated.

itd be easier f you just shared your perspective and let women and men respond with whether they relate or not. instead of telling them they do or do not based on their sex. they will KNOW if they can relate to it. without being told

its worth mentioning every time someone writes tags kind of post they severely underestimate how much pressure women are under to ignore their emotions.

[Azara]

emotions are not respected and women get associated with emotion bc it makes men feel better about themselves to do so then by association women are not respected.

in addition a guy expressing himself is often considered daring bc guys are supposedly under so much pressure not to--as if women are not. Women are only 'free' in the first place to express bc they are not respected in the first place. A guy avoids expression bc hell lose respect. the woman is in no way under less pressure., she simply. has such less opportunity to circumvent pigeon holing and its consequences. social personal and professional.

[Azara]

Whereas A woman expressing herself is just a woman being 'emotional'. there's no respect in it and women often can not be taken seriously if they are honest in their expression. even women who are not at all emotional outwardly or inwardly still are slated as such. as your post and your assumption like many others , illustrates.

so out of respect for everyones different and similar experience,. best to leave assumptions out of the post. certainly dont assert them as fact. just stare your perspective and see what comes of it

[Azara]

if these differences are as you assert they'll come out on their own as a majority... but they will never represent everyone. its impossible., and we really dont know how many people they do represent. as long as a question begins with an answer the answer will be veiled. bc its an emotional personal view. not an objective search for truth.

[KBob93]

That was amazing. Thank you for bringing this to light.

[Nik1hil]

Simple and best metaphor! It's impossible to take that piece back, it's impossible to forget that love who took the slice of our pizza

[juliaanita]

good job. I like your pizza.

tells us more if you have the opportunity:)

[Texas89]

What about if you hate pizza? Margarita pizza will do?

[jormungand]

sweet! (as in nice!), that metaphor was great, the message as well