Is depression a turn-off?

[Anonymous]

I'm 20 and have been struggling with depression. About 2 years ago, I had a bit of a mental breakdown. I don't mean I went crazy. I just went through a period and severe depression... like I could barely move sometimes. Since then, I've just been recovering.

Is this a turn-off? If you like a guy, does it make you wanna take care of him or do you look down on it?

[LaraEve]

depression isn't something that should be a turn-on, if a girl is turned on by it then she is unhealthy herself, most likely suffering from low self esteem and codependency issues. that being said, I think the best you can do in this type of situation is focus all your energy on getting better before involving yourself in a relationship with another person. I've had a lot of personal experience with depression- I've gone through two major depressive episodes in the past 5 years, so I know what you mean when you say that you tend to stay away from people when you're depressed. personally, I didn't want to be around anyone, not even my closest friends. when you're in that kind of state taking care of yourself should be a top priority because your mood and mental state are not healthy and this inhibits your ability to form a healthy relationship with someone else. I also know that it's not a matter of "getting over it", depression is much more serious than that and a very difficult thing to get through, so surrounding yourself with supportive family/friends and perhaps seeking medical help would be the best option. the recovery process can be long and grueling and it really made me feel lonelier sometimes, so I understand how you feel and why it may make people desire someone who will "be there" and help take care of them, but unfortunately this may be one of the worst times to try to form an intimate bond with someone else.

I hope this helped and I wish you luck in your recovery.

[crazymango]

Well think about it, would you enjoy constantly being around a depressed female. Dating a depressed person requires too much energy. It feels like dating a baby because you're constantly dedicating time to taking care of them and making sure they feel good. In addition, depressed people don't come off as confident and driven. Some women like being around depressed guys, and some don't. I say think about the woman you are trying to attract, write a list of her attributes, then ask yourself if I met this woman would she want an individual like myself. If the answer is no then I say figure out what's got you so depressed and get over it. Quality women are not turned on by depressed men. P.S. You are totally the type of guy a girl would be quick to manipulate. I see it all the time.

[Asker]

If you cared about someone, would you like taking care of them when they were depressed? If I cared about a girl, I would love holding her in my arms until she felt better. First, it would show that I love her. And it would make me feel good for staying by her side through the bad things.

I don't just come out and say I suffer from depression on the first date. I wouldn't bring it up until I could trust someone. And men with depression can come across very confident.

[Asker]

Depression isn't something people flaunt. They can be themselves until depression strikes at its worst and then they hide themselves.

And you can't just "get over it." Doctors say that's like saying "why don't you get over cancer?" It's a real medical problem.

[Anonymous]

if my guy had depression I would want to do anything to help him. it wouldn't be a turn off and it shouldn't be because you can't help it. I would love to help him battle it because I would just be looking forward to seeing him recovered again and would really appreciate him.

and also you need all the encouragement you can get and battling depression with the help of someone else and knowing that they will be there no matter what really helps.

so basically no. it shouldn't be because the person you are should be worth the effort to whoever you are with.

and if someone leaves you for it then its there bad because once you have recovered they will miss out on how amazing you are again and they will be wishing they stuck around :)

[germanotaku]

Well depression is a illness, so that's something which isn't actually a turn on. You gotta work for yourself to overcome the depression and if there is a girl in your life and she knows about your history. Then if she sees that you feel more energetic around her, she will try to cheer you up at times where you are a little more down than usual...

If however you're a downer at all times, most - not all - just most people would be turned down, too. And most of them again will lose interest.

[Asker]

I'm not a downer all the time. A lotta people think I'm a lotta fun. But then again, when I'm depressed, I tend to stay away from people.

[wrali]

Sorry to say this dude, but you might find that depression is a *massive* turnoff. Chicks want a winner: can-do attitude, resilience, humor throughout (extremely rare) tough times. You gotta be a winner.

The one exception is if you're an artsy type and kinda hot. If that's you, then no problem :)

[Anonymous]

well I'm exactly where you are

in february I went through the same thing

i would actually prefer a guy who is battling depression

that way, he would understand exactly what I'm going through

most people judge me for it

so it would be nice having someone who has no reason to judge me

[Asker]

Exactly. I want someone who I can take care of when they're down and who will take care of me when I'm down. otherwise, I'd feel like they're always taking care of me and I'm dragging them down with me.

[what-do-guys-want]

well I wouldn't be turned on by a guy who had depression, but if I really cared for him, I would do whatever I could to get him help. as I would expect that form the guy whom I was dating.