Guys, what do you think when a girl touches your back/shoulder/arm?

[Anonymous]

I've never been a touchy type of person, but I've decided this year I'm going to just let my guards down... so two incidents happened:
1) a guy friend at work looked really stressed, like almost breaking point. I asked if he was ok, he told me what was going on. After our conversation, I gave him a pat on the back as he started to walk away. My intent was to let him know I supported him. He looked a bit surprised but happy.
2) a guy friend was talking to someone and on his phone - presumeably checking his calendar. I'd be surprised if he didn't see me but he didn't lift his head. As I walked past I put my hand on his shoulder and run it down his arm a bit. My intent was "Hi... but I can see you are busy". He jumped a little and then said "how's it going?".
Please tell me how you think the guys would have perceived this?

[Rawrzz]

Well. It's difficult since women are so damn ambiguous when they're trying to drop hints that they like a guy. I think most guys know that women are more touchy feely, so I would imagine

What would I think? "That was nice of her, and also felt reassuring." Probably. Other factors would depend on whether or not I would perceive it as a hint.

However, at the same time. I had been single for something like 4, 5 years when this new girl started working at my place of employment. I was introduced to her, and we shook hands. Her hand was so warm and smooth that it stunned me.

Of course, I hadn't so much as touched an attractive girl in a year or two at that point, a few hugs before that in the previous years--but even those didn't effect me like this handshake. Maybe because it had been so long, maybe her hand was just exceptionally smooth and warm. Or, maybe she was an evil witch (which I later found out) casting a spell on me. I think that handshake made me like her--in a attracted to, romantic type way--more than if we hadn't shook hands. In any case, that's one perception change that resulted from a *professional* touch.

Now. A pat on the back is, I think, the universal symbol for, "It'll be okay, I'm here for you." So, I think that's pretty straight forward, and I wouldn't think much of it aside from enjoying and being somewhat reassured by the touch.

But, I touching the back then moving down the arm is a lot more intimate, and I think that would be one check mark on my list of whether or not she was interested in me. That, by itself, wouldn't make me pursue her if I was interested, since it was only one instance. As for perception, it would definitely tilt my idea of whether or not she was into me.

[Asker]

Thanks very much for your answers - that is very helpful. So guy1 was just a hand on the back and I said "take care" and I just meant it as reassurance. Guy 2, was a hand on the side of his shoulder -it landed a bit heavier than I intended (like it made a sound) and I then ran my hand down his arm to soften it a bit.

[Rawrzz]

rofl. Yeah, the running hand down to his arm thing might be misconstrued. Not all guys are as cautious as me and take a lot from the simplest things.

[drayday4]

I assume she has weird boundary issues or she wants the dick

[Asker]

What do you mean weird boundary issues?

[drayday4]

She has none and will be close to or rub on anyone

[Asker]

Really? You think someone is a slut just for touching your shoulder or back - even if they have been a friend for quite a while?

[drayday4]

I didn't say she would sleep with anyone I said she would touch anyone

[drayday4]

Or she wants to sleep with me and i respect anyone who entrust their body to me.

[Asker]

Ok - you mean you would either just think "oh she does that to everyone" or you would think "she's into me". And if you didn't see her do it to others then you would probably think the second one".

[drayday4]

Pretty much but I like to think I'm special first

[Asker]

Thanks :-)

[Asker]

I didn't realise guys were so cautious of the touch barrier...

[drayday4]

You got to look for any sign that she likes you plus if we do a bunch of touching and rubbing its creepy

[Asker]

Yeah that makes sense I guess. Thanks :-)
So a guy doesn't think its creepy if a girl touches them... they just worry a girl thinks its creepy if they touch the girl.

[drayday4]

Yep but we take it as a invitation to touch you.

[Asker]

Yeah, thats fair enough. I think thats respectful letting us establish the boindaries.

[drayday4]

You don't want to come off rapist like lol

[Asker]

No definitely not! So I guess you just reciprocate -if she touches your arm then you can touch hers, if she hugs you the you can hug her...

[drayday4]

Yep that what I do I might push it a little further to test my limit

[Asker]

Lol - yeah most guys do that is normal :-)

[drayday4]

It's always fun to see how far you can go without getting slapped

[Asker]

Sometimes you might be surprised how far you get too - are you?
I like it when a guy slowly tests the boundaries to see what he can get away with - I'm happy enough to stop him if he goes to touch me where I dont want him to - first attempt doesn't get a slap (cant blame him for trying), second attempt I'll let him know I'm annoyed, third attempt will be a slap. But if he jumps a few steps he will get a slap immediately - like introduces himself and then grabs my boob.

[drayday4]

I'm not as brave as to go that far lol

[Asker]

Yeah dont jump the gun like that or you will get slapped... there is a difference between taking a bit of initiative and being disrespectful. Lol

[drayday4]

Plus then you'll never get touch her again something I learned at 13 lol

[Asker]

Hahaha... yeah, all good things come to those who wait ;-)

[drayday4]

Yep lie about your intentions and pretend to be patient and then girls will let you touch them lol that how I processed my trial and error experiences with girls

[Iron_Man]

I like it a lot when a girl touches me I had a stranger girl at a sports bare start massaging me before I went into the wrestling match and I did not even give her the time of day knowing she was hot because I was getting ready to crush my opponent which I did.

[Iron_Man]

sports bar

[Asker]

Cool - so a random massage goes down well, huh?

[Iron_Man]

Yeah I was so focused on my wrestling match I did not pay her any attention, she asked me If I was bothering you and I said No not at all. It just happened at the wrong time or I would have asked her for her phone number.

[Asker]

I am sure she realised you were distracted. She might be at your next match.

[Iron_Man]

I wish but that was years ago I never saw her back again and the matches were a once in a blue moon kind of deal.

[Asker]

Oh that sucks.
Is it nice when any girl touches you, or do you have to find her attractive?

[Iron_Man]

Its very nice when I am touched by a female, a stranger or if I know you, I am really into slow soft back rubs and It turns me into a relaxed pussy cat. Any women can make me so relaxed, Pretty or just a plain girl.

[Asker]

Well that is nice to know that they will probably like it even if they aren't attracted to you. In my cases they were just friendly gestures. With the second guy, I think the shoulder touch was a bit harder than I would have liked it but it just happened that way - oh well...

[Iron_Man]

You mean to say I will like there touch on my back even if I m not attracted to the girl right? That's what I was telling you. Anyway If you touch a guy be very careful I take it as if a girl touches my body with her hands reaching out to me not by accident I take it as they seem to like me.

[Asker]

OK - thanks, that's exactly what I wondered. So if you are not attracted to her you are still ok with it (since you might see it as her reaching out to you).

[Iron_Man]

Yes I do like it and have had a girl massage me before, not the same girl at the sports bar but another girl that I did not find attracted but she made me melt right on the spot and that was like a 10 sec rub in a class room when I was 19

[Asker]

Really? Well this is just golden... and as I think back over things in my life, it makes a lot of sense.
So does she become attractive if she wasn't before?

[Iron_Man]

Yes I do think that helps me find her more attractive. Body contact it just sets off a spark and things happen. It very well could change things around knowing before I was not interested in her and now I could very well be.

[Asker]

Wow, that is really powerful stuff !!
So do certain touches have more effect than others?
And what about the guy who jumps when you touch him? What's that about? Does he not like it?

[Iron_Man]

I enjoyed chatting with you for sure but Its now after 9:AM Hold that thought and ask me again soon if you would like to keep chatting. Right now I have to go. Have a great day.

[chrisbigman]

I would have liked it. I'm guessing they did, too. They probably didn't feel they had to acknowledge that you did touch them. Do girls want to be acknowledged regarding that?

[Asker]

They both were a bit shocked and both acknowledged it. Guy 1 looked back at me a bit shocked but smiled and said thanks as I had said take care. Guy 2 jumped and glanced sideways at me and said "how it going?" And I just said good. Its nice if its acknowledged even just a look and a bit of a smile.

[Asker]

But there isn't a need for tye guy to reciprocate with a touch.

[chrisbigman]

Oh, okay. Yeah, I don't have a problem with a woman touching me on the arm or shoulder.

[Asker]

Thanks for your answers :-)

[chrisbigman]

You're welcome. I would love it if a woman touched me on the shoulder or arm.

[Asker]

What if it was closer to a whack than a touch?
Guy 2, I landed my hand on the side of his shoulder a bit harder than I intended (oops) and then ran my hand down his arm towards his elbow.

[chrisbigman]

Whack? I don't know. I guess it depends on how hard it was. I guess I might think you might be a little pissed off at me or something.

[Asker]

I can't recall exactly how hard.. it wasn't like a proper hit but it made a sound and then I'm quite strong for a female (he knows) so it might've been up there with a normal hit strength for chicks. I did the run down his arm to soften it a bit. I hope he didn't think I was p*ssed off with him. Well I will see him tomorrow - should I say anything?

[chrisbigman]

Well, it's hard to tell with what you've told me. The run down his arm may have helped you. If he smiles back at you, then more likely you should be okay and shouldn't have to bring it up unless he does. If he doesn't smile back at you or smile at you much, then he may think you were pissed. But ask him at your own risk. What I mean by that is even if he doesn't smile (much) back at you, he still may not think you're pissed. I guess be careful when you touch him next time. Touching him more should make him feel better, along with your smiles. Man, what I'd do for a woman to touch me on the back!!!

[Asker]

He didn't smile on the day - he was looking at his phone and clearly arranging a meeting time with someone. He looked up briefly looking a bit shocked and then said "how's it going" so I said "good". I thought about whether I say something like "Sorry if I hit you a bit hard the other day, guess I dont know my own strength these days.." He knows I've only just got into exercise/weights recently and we've talked about it a quite a bit. I guess I will see what he's like towards me when I see him.

[chrisbigman]

He may have just shrugged it off.

[Asker]

Yeah I hope so - he's a football player so I kinda told myself the guys have probably thumped him in the arm harder than that...

[chrisbigman]

Let me ask you this: would you feel uncomfortable if a male colleague of yours put his arms around you, despite you two aren't dating?

[Asker]

So you think a touch on the shoulder back or arm is inviting a hug?
I've had close male colleagues hug me and I was fine with it.

[chrisbigman]

Sure! I think I meant a guy putting his arm behind you like you two are standing side by side.

[Asker]

If it was arm around and squeeze then let go - sure if we are close.

[Asker]

I just saw him, it looks like he just shrugged off the whack on the arm... he was a bit more relaxed and talkative with me.

[Chris011]

It's sort of a shock actually. I think to myself, "whoah, what just happened there" when I girl touches me lol.

[Asker]

Why is it a shock? ... both of them did look shocked. Guy 2 - we have hugged before but touching has not been a usual thing for us.

[Chris011]

It's a shock when the girl has never done something like that to me before, so I feel surprised; it has happened to me before by the way, so I know.

If I like the girl or find her attractive then I will like it, which for my case, the girl I had a thing for did it to me.

[Asker]

Yeah I can see that... do you immediately think "she's into me" or do you think she is just being friendly?

[Chris011]

I assume both. A slight touch doesn't make me think much, although it does get me thinking about why she did it. For the most part, however, I assume that she's just being friendly.

[Asker]

That makes sense - thanks for your answers :-)

[Tokana]

It feels good but I'd probably think she wanted to to feels the gains

[Asker]

You mean you'd think she wanted to feel your muscles?

[Tokana]

yeah... my mooosles. But its okay to do.

[Asker]

Cool... yeah, guy 2 has some serious "gains" - admittedly that was part of it... lol

[StickStickity13]

I assume it means she's comfortable around me

[Asker]

That's cool - that's what I intended to communicate with them.. they both looked a bit shocked.

[StickStickity13]

Normally girls aren't very touchy unless you know them very well

[Asker]

Yeah I know both of them really well.

[StickStickity13]

Ok that explains a lot

[Asker]

Yeah I would touch guys I didn't know well either.

[Asker]

I meant I wouldn't touch guys I didn't know...