Guys only. What am I doing wrong? What is it guys like?!

[Anonymous]

I'm 26 and I swear I think I make all of the wrong dating mistakes all of the time - getting in too deep, too quickly, doing too much too soon...so help me out guys...really...Why is it that guys (some of them anyway) are one way when you meet them, and then totally different after you've been dating a while? Is it so much to ask for someone to just be themselves!? What constitutes as being clingy? What behavoirs annoy the hell out of you? Any pointers?

Updates

+1 y

And what I mean by the dating mistakes, the ones I listed aren't ones I do EVERY time, but they are ones I am guilty of doing...

[freetowncracker]

You're 26, so you've probably been on the dating scene for a while now. The best thing I can tell you is that when you first meet a guy (or girl for that matter), you're not meeting him, you're meeting his "representative". Everyone wants to make a good first impression, especially guys when meeting women. They want you to think that he's the knight in shining armor you've been waiting for your whole life. They portray this image until they get what they want out of you and then you start seeing the reall person he is. You sound like you're accustomed to getting your hopes up by believing all the bullsh*t men tell you up front, and then get hurt when you later find out it's not them at all. I think you should take a step back and rethink your approach to men and your strategy of building relationships with them. Where are you looking to meet men? Hopefully not in a club or bar. Don't be so naive as to believe everything men tell you when you meet them. Pay attention to the smal things, like whether or not he opens the door for you, pulls out your chair at dinner and waits for you to sit prior to sitting himself. You can also find out a lot about a man's perception of women and how he treats/respects them based on his relationship with his own mother. If it's rocky, you probably want to stay away. Usually, men who own pets are typically better relationship material because they are used to caring for and about something other than themselves. Again, pay attention to these little details and maybe you'll find the right guy for you. Oh...and don't make the mistake of getting too attached too soon, this causes you to drop your guard, leaving you vulnerable to getting hurt, and even will cause you to lower your expectations out of him in order to "make it work". As for "clingy" behavior...you again need to analyze what type of relationship you're looking for. If you're looking for a serious long-term relationship, then don't target men that aren't looking for the same thing. if that's what you're looking for, then you're naturally going to want to spend more time with him, which could come off as clingy to a man looking for more of an "open" relationship. Remember, if a man is giving you the idea you're too clingy, then do you really want a relationship with a man that isn't as excited about spending time with you as you are with him? Don't create that vulnerability for yourself. Annoying behaviors are things such as wanting to talk on the phone for hours at a time (guys hate talkin on the phone); don't "nag" your man...if something's wrong, tell him bluntly how you feel and move on, but don't rag him for hours or days about it; don't be jealous! and last but not least, never, ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ask your man to choose between you and his friends or family.

[Asker]

That was awesome - thank you for your bluntness. And yes I have been on the dating scene for a while, but it's only been within the last two or three years that it seems like I'm making the same mistakes and haven't quite figured out what the deal is to land that "guy" lol And no, I don't meet men in clubs or bars - eww...haha Thanks again for your approach. It is very helpful!

[Buckminsterfuller]

I like the honesty : )

[2toybike]

If you already caught the bus why keep running? That`s why guys change, we act the way you want use to and then we become ourselves. You`re not gunna get a lot of girls by being yourself. Men are not social creatures so it`s exhausting those first few months meeting your friends and pretending like we give a F about the tiger woods scandel or that your girlfiend`s boyfriend cheats on her and beats her. Who cares? If she does`nt leave him she must like it. Problem solved. We just wants peace.

You seem to have a very intense personality which does`nt sit well with most guys at least not when he just wants to get home from grocery shopping. I have a feeling that you make big deals outta nothing. Stop that and you will be fine.

[Buckminsterfuller]

i know you said guys only but I just thought I'd throw in my two cents...with guys I have found that the best way to keep a guy interested/not scare him off are the following:

1. Follow his lead; what I mean by this is..at the very beginning of seeing someone if he texts you once per day, text him once or twice per day at most..if he calls you then I guess its alright to call him..just try to keep the amount of times you contact him even with the amount of times he contacts you.

2. Try to stay emotionally detatched from him for at least the first few weeks...if you are hooking up that's great but don't start asking him 1,000 questions about the number of girls he's been with etc. Wait to ask questions like that later or if you plan on sleeping with him.

3. Be fun and flirt a lot...even though you may have already gotten his interest..its still fun to flirt in your texts or when you see him..don't stick by his side all night..circle the room, talk to people but check in once nd a while so he knows he doesn't have to compete too much for your attention.

4. Don't play games. (at least not the bad kind..lol) Girls don't like games (at least I don't) and most guys don't like them either. Its good not to give in too easily but at the same time don't send mixed messages or play too hard to get becuase the guy will either give up or get tired of trying to figure you out.

5. Finally, if you start getting worked up about something...girls do this a lot...he seems different or distant one day...you see him talk to another girl etc...don't get panicky or paranoid...Its hard to do believe me...but try to reign in those feelings and ride it out...in other words...try acting like a guy (of course you'll still be thinking like a girl..lol) He may just have had a bad day, be tired...whatever could be anything and might have nothing to do with you and bugging him about it will annoy him. Don't bring any drama!

Hope this helps a little <3

[Asker]

It helps alot. Thank you very much for your two cents =) I just think I am too damn complicated sometimes and I overanalyze everything (i.e. guys get tired of trying to figure me out) and it ruins everything every time!! It's so frustrating.

[madmisskelly]

I do some of the same things. I think its because we go into a relationship with anyone expecting that this one person is going to change the bad sh*t that's happened, or a lack or self esteem. Somehow, this person is supposed to be all weve wanted in someone and its supposed to be the great thing. When in reality, they are just a guy, another human like you and I are. Its a lot to put onto someone. Instead of putting that onto a man, put that on ourselves. Lets find things that make us happy and do things for US. Lets make our own dreams come true. That way, when we meet a man, he's our compliment and we aren't placing such an importance on him.

[loddo]

guys like new toys. but when toys get old.. not so much fun any more.

it's not that they aren't being themselves.. if anything they are being themselves too much I think. excited and interested when its new, bored when it's not.

this is pretty much how relationships go, maybe it takes a week maybe a year. but eventually, the "new toy" phase is over.

sometimes during this time a guy falls in love (and not just says he is in love, since he may have no idea, we honestly aren't that introspective most of the time). if he does, well then he is going to want to continue the relationship. it still won't be like the new toy phase, now it's like the favorite toy phase :)

[Marshall33]

Remember that it IS possible to be physical with a man without going all the way. This satisfies the need for intimacy but also creates desire in both partners and shows you have self respect and are not needy which is the feeling that your expectations are similar to that of a marriage versus a dating experience. that is what drives men crazy. They want to learn to be committed to the idea of being with you by testing to see if they like you and being with you but if you give them all at first then its like feeding them fast food when they are hungry. they assume its because you are hungry too matter of speaking and once our both fed they wait to be hungry again and look for something that is not "fast". Try having them like who you are and flirting before you get sexual. They will be satisfied and respect you more.

[shyguy81]

Very nicely put by TexPlayboy. +1

If you play too much games it gets annoying and confusing and guys, based on their natural habit, give up or move on.

If you don't play games or keep it interesting we lose interest and see no point of holding onto what we have.

Think of it as a game when you were little. If it never worked and it was way too hard you wouldn't play with it right? But if it was way too easy and you won every damn time, you still wouldn't play with it right?

So you have to add twists into it but not too much, does that make sense?

Just think of guys as little kids playing games and trying to find a favorite one.

They want a bit of a challenge but not an impossible mission.

It's the same thing just put into a different scenario with more drama :)

sorry if that didn't make sense to you and if I used gaming analogies. I don't even paly games but it was the best I could think of.

Best of luck to you.

[Lakerjaker]

I don't know the whole situation, however I do know that there are a lot of guys that say things just to get the girls and then treat them like sh*t after they get what they want afterwards. Some guys are just players and want as much as they want when they want from whoever is offering it. I am not saying that you need to change who you are or become someone you are not. You just need to find the right guy and when that guy comes along you will not feel the way you do now. I suggest being open and honest with your boyfriend and see if that doesn't work to a sustain relationship longer and relieve some of your anxieties and or problems. A lot of guys need varying degrees of space at different times in their lives, but being honest and discussing these issues will go a long way to resolving a lot of problems.

[mike1926]

Honestly, I think It really depends on who you go for and who you let into your life. A guy who is really into you and loves you will not be turned off by you calling him or you wanting to be around him. I say this all the time but its really not all about looks either and people, in particular women, have to get past that. Yes its important but it can also screw you over in the end. Switch up your priorities in a guy. Start from what's inside his heart first and then work your way out. You can't go wrong that way.

[Andres1984]

Guys change down the road because they are putting on a front to get you where they want you, and once they have gotten what they want, or just feel comfortable enough that they have snagged you, then they revert to who they really are. There are guy that are genuine up front, you just have to weed them out from the rest and that just a part of life. To me.. Being clingy to me is when you call them everyday (not always a bad thing) but if they don't answer you get upset and call 10 more times. Or if a guy would like to go out with his friends once and a while and you insist that you always go with him. I think that there has to be a balance. Assuming he's not doing anything behind your back, I think its essential for him to have some time to him self and friends.

[masterofthegame]

in the dating world mostly the girls controls the date because she decides if she wants to go a step further.and this is where a common guy is afraid for is that you don't accept him so he would change his personality.and after he is accepted he gives himself bit by bit.

I think you should tell the persons doesn't matter how you met them that you accept them as they are.this way they would give there self as they are.

[BlackSuperman]

realize that guys in ur age group wanna date around for a few more years. Be yourself, and don't make yourself seem so desperate. That will make a guy run for the hills quickly. Don't doubt yourself- men like confident women, just as women love confident men. All that I just said is just a primer- the rest I leave 2u...

[TexPlayboy]

Take things slow and leave a little mystery in the relationship, but don't make it too much of a game. If you give in too fast, we loose interest, if you wait too long, we give up.

Good Luck,

James

[madhamish264]

Well see guys (the good ones anyway) like to have a girl who has respect for herself. Tendencies such as "clingyness" are signs of underconfidence and unless you want some douche who needs someone to cling to him to feel good it is something you should avoid. I think its more or less subjective what clinginess entails, but if you get to the point where you more or less need this person to be happy it can be safe to assume you've gotten clingy.

[Jermaine1502]

well first lets try to find the problem with your current method: what is your current of guy you look for and where are you looking/being pick up by men?

[martyfellow]

When you get to know someone, at times you find out what they were hiding. Some people are good at hiding their personalities and you don't know for a WHILE...

[xxxlifexxx]

I think if you are giving things too fast and not askingn for things in return then you well be just some thing no need for it...

I think it is good idea to read what guys are saying about their dating mistakes then will get some experience how the hell they are thinking ( am not of them LOL) and how to TRAP them

Good Luck

[GIntrovert]

Stop playing games, just be yourself...