Guys, can you really just be friends with a girl?

[Anonymous]

Can you really be just friends with a girl or do you end up catching feelings?

[Anonymous]

I find that if a guy and a girl get too emotionally close then one always ends up liking the other. My experiences would prove this too:

When I was 15 my best friend was a boy, I found him cute at the start and he would often talk to me on fb, call me on my house phone just for a chat and call out to me in school even if some other girl was hugging him and trying to get his attention or whatever. I wasn't sure if he liked me back though, since if this guy liked a girl he sure as heck didn't hide it! Everyone knew who his crushes were. He was a bit of a player and would frequently change girlfriends and crushes. I remember thinking that if he ever liked me, I would kiss him but maybe not peruse a relationship with him since he didn't seem like good boyfriend material.

When I was 16-17 I ended up with a new best guy friend who I'd hang out with in college a lot. People would say we should go out and everyone thought we liked each other but I just wasn't attracted to him. I wondered if I had a slight crush on him once but it was really just a deep admiration of his personality and I didn't want him as a boyfriend. He's a nice, honest & caring guy, and we have a similar humour but I just.. don't really like him THAT way.

On the other hand, a girl once asked him if he found me pretty and while I expected him to say "no", he looked at me and answered "Sheee's.. Not bad.." then on a later occasion same girl told me she asked if he liked me and he said yes (which he openly admitted to but said he wasn't looking for a girlfriend atm).

Last year I had a different close guy friend (who I was attracted to when I first saw him years ago tho we weren't as close) who would contact me on fb nearly every day, ask me to Skype nearly every day, tag me in posts often and even wanted my number when he went on holiday so we could talk even though he was only gone a couple days.

Said guy is now my boyfriend.

So in my experience: heterosexual guy and girl become close friends? At least one of them usually ends up fancying the other. Which is probably why I (along with a lot of other girls) are not super comfortable with their boyfriend having close female friends.

And before you start thinking I still have close male friends myself, now that I have a boyfriend, I actually avoid becoming too emotionally close to other guys and they know I have a boyfriend. Before you start accusing me of being "controlling", I would not stop my boyfriend talking to other girls, but would express that I wasn't comfortable if it bothered me"

[Anonymous]

I'm a girl but most of the time I catch feelings. The thing is tho I usually see it coming. Before I get into any relationship with a guy usually a friendship I can usually tell. And I'll usually want to be friends with him because somewhere deep down I already have feelings. But then I go into it anyway Cus I tell myself it won't be a big crush and it's just a small one. I usually don't even have any interest in being a Guys friend unless I'm at least a bit interested.
Interestingly, there's this guy I occasionally talk to and he considers me one of his friends. And I'm like sure and he's a nice guy and stuff but if something happened where like we stopped talking or weren't friends I wouldn't feel any loss because I don't have feelings for him. So unless I have some kind of feelings for a guy, the friendship is like not that big a deal. Which in this case may turn out to work well for me Cus now I can finally have a guy friend with zero drama

[Sarahbear97]

Yes! It is 100% possible to be just friends with the opposite sec when you are both straight. I have about a dozen adoptive brothers to prove it. I love them with all my heart, in the way a sister loves her brothers, and it's never been weird. I can honestly say that I have at least thought about them in the context, of would I date any of them if they asked, and the answer has been yes for each of them, but honestly, ice never had the urge to actually pursue any of them. They've just been my best friends helping me through everything in my life and being there to pick me up off the ground when I fall. So, yeah, I think a heterosexual male and female can be friends without complications.

[Ratiocinative]

If the guy is extremely feminine or the woman is extremely masculine, then I guess so. However, it's a fact of life that people who are close friends with people of the same gender are the highest quality people. It may not be politically correct to say, but it's the truth. You can read any self-help or personal development book for men, and the number one way they all say for a man to improve his success women is to develop better friendships with other men.

We all instinctively know that opposite genders are sexual together. If a man tells his wife he's going out to the bar for some drinks with Bob, she's not going to think anything of it. But if a man tells his wife he's going out to the bar for some drinks with Jessica, don't you think she's going to question that? She knows that there's no reason for her husband to be going out to drink alone with another woman. If you're in a relationship but constantly hanging out with women as a man, then your SO is going to either be paranoid your cheating, or is going assume you're not a real man because you're spending all this time alone with women and they're not sexually attracted, and if they aren't why should she be either?

[SomeGuy37]

It is difficult, really. I tend to fall in love with my female friends as I get to know them better. Not all, but a few. Some have been married, some in relationships, so I have to suppress my feelings because of my personal honor and integrity.
I would NEVER get between a woman and her husband, or someone she is involved with, but that makes me a little sad, especially when the guy she is with doesn't treat her with the respect she deserves! I can only be there, as her 'friend' and maybe offer her a place to sleep, when they fight (a couple times).
I try to help them figure out their issues, but I would NEVER treat her, like she accepts, with those guys!
A guy can be 'Friends' but it is difficult, and I try to imagine her as a little sister, and think of her as family, and not think of her as sexual, being 'family'!

[Mesonfielde]

It's pretty easy to not end up catching feelings if she's a likeable person but she's like, totally not attractive at all

[godfatherfan]

I have said it 9,345, 276 times on this site, and I will say it again now...
MEN AND WOMEN CANNOT BE FRIENDS.
men and women can be friendly. There is a difference.
For some there won't be any noticeable difference. But the key difference is that, if both are single, and she offers any kind of sex, 99.999999% of the time the guy will accept. and even if they are in other relationships, 99.999999999% of the time, the guy is going to have sexual thoughts about her. Since we have them for just about any misc woman we might see in passing during the day that catches our eye, we certainly are going to have them for someone "acting" like a friend.
and that is one big issue. Friends (casual. I am not talking about a couple) don't think about having sex with each other.
Also, men and women cannot truly understand each other. Our minds are wired very differently. So yes, you can go through the motions and make is seem exactly like your friends. And for some, that will be good enough. but that sexual component, at least for men, I don't know how the female mind works even after being married 25 years.
So lets review: The one and only point is:
MEN AND WOMEN CANNOT BE FRIENDS.

[93stepsawayfromhome]

— "if both are single, and she offers any kind of sex, 99.999999% of the time the guy will accept"
In my case, the chance of accepting that would be about zero. Where did you get this horseshit?

[godfatherfan]

@93stepsawayfromhome oh we always have 1 that tries to pretend. That is fine dude, we will just say you are that.000001 % wink wink.

[93stepsawayfromhome]

Have you heard of asexuality? Oh wait, no, that doesn't exist within your narrow field of view.

[YouAsshat]

@93stepsawayfromhome I know it’s an old comment, but... you do realize that most people aren’t asexual, and that having to point out an obviously obvious exception only proves the rule rather than disproves it? 99.999999% is obviously a completely random number that @godfatherfan pulled out of his ass, but it’s pretty damn close to the actual percentage of (heterosexual) men who can’t be friends with a woman (that the man finds attractive). With those two qualifiers, yes, for all intents and purposes it is 99.999999% of men that can’t TRULY just be Platonic friends without ever having any kind of sexual interest in the woman.

[Anonymous]

When I was 17 i used to be friends with three girls one who was a cousin. Years ago during the summer holidays for a month I managed to convince my hot 15 year old cousin and her friends to have a foursome with me, now that was an amazing. We met up three or four times a week for sex sometimes all together sometimes with someone missing or just individually, I know they met up for sex when I couldn't make it. When the summer ended I went on to college and the last time we met up was at Thanksgiving for sex the three girls having gotten very good at pleasuring themselves and each other. After Thanksgiving the girls got caught having sex together at a sleep over by my cousins parents and my cousin was sent away to a strict Christian straight camp and of the other girls one got beaten so bad by her father that she ended up in hospital and the other was sent to live with an aunt so as not to shame their family ehrn she gave birth to my son which was adopted by the aunt.
I miss those innocent days, what I shared with those three girls wasn't just amazing sex but a very intense emotional connection and though we three were young and immature it was love though conservatives and liberals alike would both damme and dismiss what we shared as illegitimate.

[alphadoggystyle]

well thats not really how you should look at it. We for the most part would not waste time giving attention and hanging out with a girl we aren't physically attracted to. And if there is physical attraction then most guys dont really need much else as long as the girl isn't a bitch, self centered or just really stupid. So thats why if a guy is trying to be your friend he pretty much always wants more. And if he wasn't physically attracted to you there really isn't much point to hang out with you as its more fun to hang out with guys and women are only really interesting to hang out with if there is the possibility of sex.

[N192K001]

It's possible.

In fact, there is a growing demographic that is causing the politicians, statisticians, and policy-makers in Japan a good bit of worry: 草食 (系) 男/Sōshoku (-kei) danshi ("herbivore men"; lit. "grass-eating men"), who generally don't hate women, but just don't have interest in romantic relations with women.

And, of course, there is the pugnacious Men Going their Own Way (M. G. T. O. W.), who seem to just barely tolerate the other sex... or hold bitterness or resentment against them.

[feminismisnarcissism]

I'm older and that matters a lot... yes, I can and am. I have many female friends. I can sleep with them without "catching feelings" as well. A girl has to be pretty special for me to catch feelings, ie fall for them. It's also a lot easier if I'm around several women-to not catch feelings with any of them. But ultimately-what matters is the sense of self. If that is strong, then it's pretty hard for a girl to invade my heart. Not always... recently one did it in one day, I'm all hers and all in and overwhelmed with feelings. But I still have female friends that I am just friends with. It's also a lot easier TO be "just friends" after I've slept with them... not sure why lol.

[America1st]

Absolutely. My two closest friends are women. We have never kissed or anything else. We've never even talked about a relationship or having sex. We are just close friends. I'm told by many that the guy always ends up wanting sex. I feel these guys are just immature and still can't stop sex from being the most important thing to them. I love these ladies, but just as afriend. I'm not in love. Big difference. My ex-wife had no problem with it.

[SinghSong]

Yes, I most certainly can, and I am just friends with a few different girls. I'd like to be something more with some girl some day, of course; and I have caught feelings once or twice before, on account of wanting to get to know a girl and find out if she's lovable before allowing myself to catch feelings in the first place. But it's just as easy for a regular guy to be just friends with a girl as it is for a bisexual girl to be just friends with other girls.

[Pyrofox]

It is possible I got female friends who act like their my sisters I mean they literally will tackle me when I get to their place. But the hitch is that we arnt related biologically or family wise we just click and both of our SO's know about it and are okay cause we both helped one another get to the point were at.

[frustratedgirl87]

I think they can if neither one finds the other physically attractive. That is hard though because one of them always seems to ends up wanting to be more than just friends. I've had a guy friend for 26 years. I think of him as a brother but throughout the years he has tried again and again to have sex with me. I remind him of my brotherly feelings towards him and cut contact for a while until he stops that.

[slatyb]

I catch feelings all the time for women I like, but I'm married so I keep my feelings to myself. I would do the same if I were single and they were married. I could definitely stay friends with a woman if I were interested in her romantically but those feelings weren't returned.

[Chocoleteheart]

Yes It's Pretty Much possible. Had done it and been doing it. Friendship doesn't have Gender difference.. or race... or Religion or caste.. color... or whatever. It never mattered for me If its any one as long as we are like minded and can share some pretty meaningful discussions or experiences. Such people are precious and rare.. Cannot afford to lose them in life in the name of Affair. Its pretty injustice to the Bond and sorta breaking their trust and comfort levels with us when we force our feelings on someone without knowing theirs. I believe that Love-Relationship would Just complicate such valuable Friendship. Love is Blind and Friendship is clairvoyant. It doesn't matter if it's Girl or or a boy or anyone... Friends are friends.. and can remain so. that's it.

[RedHood7]

All men can be criends with women. The thing is: most female friends of a man do catch his interest. We do masturbate to most of our female friends, and would engage in some serious hot and heavy actiont if we had the chance to do so - which most men dont. So men are always a few steps behind "friends with benefits" when it comes to female friends, while women tend to categorize more into who they're interested, who are their friends, and who walks the line between the categories.

[Fathoms77]

According to Harry in "When Harry Met Sally," no, because the sex part always gets in the way. Though the caveat was the guy has to find her attractive, and there was a later addendum that if both people were in relationships, the pressure of sex is lifted, so it's possible. ;)

[DaModernDaVinci]

I don't actually know. Define friendship between the two sexes. State the conditions under which both parties under deemed friends and where the line is drawn, then I can answer. As it stands, yes I (don't know about other guys but i'm sure they could) can just be content with friendship with a girl as that friendship follows the same principles of any friendship with a childhood friend of the same gender.

[yucel_eden]

I like this question and it differs from man to man.

But just to give an example into how I am.

My friend asked if I could look at her seriously like 7 months ago. She basically asked me for a serious relationship.

We barely speak nowadays. Either she's my friend or she's nothing. Can't be more.

She's just one example. If a girl has truly entered my friendship circle then she's my sister.

[AnonKuma]

Yes, we can really just be friends with the girl. However, it sometimes happens where we might all of a suddenly develop feelings, but this is only sometimes

[Borginborg]

Of course, definitely can. I have female friends that are like sisters. If a girlfriend gets jealous and gives the ultimatum' them or her, then the girlfriend goes for the walk. These chicks are part of my family of choice. Irreplaceable.

[NatashaJ]

Yes you can if you catch feelings and she does not feel the same way it pushes you to move on or handle rejection better. I just hate how people think if one person likes a other the other person will just have to like nope.

[HeartlessNobody]

Depends if I'm attracted in some degree to that girl.

Most of the time if she's really nice and helpful, I might develop some feelings. Maybe love or maybe just a friendly desire to care about her.