Guys, Can guys and girls be just friends?

[Anonymous]

Genuine question. Can guys and girls just be friends? Does there always have to be something more than that?

A little insight to the reasoning behind this question.

I am a female. I was really close friends with this guy for about four years. I have been friends with him through many of his relationships. Recently, he stopped talking to me and I found out that it was because he got a girlfriend. Sure, I understand that a lot of girls do not want their boyfriend to be friends with another girl... but it has never been like that between us.

When I recently brought up that we no longer speak to a group of guys that I work with, they said that it was because the new girlfriend doesn't feel secure with me being friends with the guy. That also more than likely he has had feelings of some sort for me sometime during our friendship.

I never thought about that, but when I look back into some of his past relationships, he would choose me over his girlfriend. For instance, we went to a theme park and he chose to ride most rides with me instead of his (now ex) girlfriend.

Can guys and girls just be friends? Or does there always have to be some type of feelings (physical or emotional.)

[stevef73]

I personally would say yes as I have female friends. On the other hand an Ex of mine had male friends. Totally executable until I found out that a couple of her guy friends were EX's and she kept that a secret. Why not be open about who they are and in what context they were before becoming friends. The reason she became an ex was because of the secrecy and the fact she was hiding gift from on of them. To me the Ex/friend was a back up hence the secrecy. Lets face if I always introduce my partner to any friends she wishes to meet and let her make her mind up from there, The world isn't perfect and nothing is guaranteed. The opposite sex being friends isn't an issue. The issue is the secrecy and not being given the chance to meet them to gauge for yourself, that's when you will truly see if there is and underlying feelings.

[mark000h]

I used to think they could but after being a little wiser, I don't think entirely so. They can but there's always going to be issues like you've just described. Of course he's going to choose to honor his girlfriend's wishes. You would do the same if a guy you were involved with told you it bothered him. And as for feelings, it's always a biological possibility of it happening. It's simple sexual biology. Men will develop feelings or try not to. Women will not understand this. It's hard.

[Asker]

I respect him honoring his girlfriend's wishes. I wish he would have just talked to me about it and let me know that his girlfriend is uncomfortable with us being friends.
I love him because he has been a huge part of my life for four years.
If he had ever developed feelings for me, do you think he would have just told me? Or do guys try to hide them?

[mark000h]

Probably wouldn't have wanted to f up the friendship so unless he got brave or stupid and went for it, he'd just keep it to himself. (If he had feelings) Still, I agree, I would have talked to you and layed out the situation, but maybe he didn't want to risk pissing off his girlfriend. Sometimes you're caught between a rock and hard place. If he breaks up with her at some point, he'll probably come talking to you which is why he should have let you know from the beginning. He still wants the friendship, just doesn't want to f up his relationship with the girlfriend.

[Asker]

Friendships and relationships are messy. It's hard now because I feel I lost a part of me through my friendship with him.

[mark000h]

How so? He's still your friend even though he didn't handle this the best way. How did you lose a part of yourself? Confused?

[Asker]

We used to talk everyday. Not all day, but at least everyday. and now it's nothing at all... like I don't even exist. He watches my stories that I post, but there is no communication anymore.

[mark000h]

It's hard though. What's he supposed to do. He loves his friendship with you, but he also wants to please his girl. He should have talked to you, definitely. Do you have common friends? Maybe one of them can let him know that he needs to straighten it out with you. It's not betraying his girlfriend to be a decent friend to you.

[Asker]

We don't have common friends anymore. I guess this is just a waiting game. If something were to happen to their relationship, I hope he comes back and has a conversation about everything with me.

[mark000h]

I'm sure he will. Can't you text him? Nothing wrong with a friend making contact as long as there's nothing to it, ask if you can talk to straighten this out. It's something he should have done.

[Asker]

I can do that. I just worry about how that may affect his relationship with his girlfriend. I don't want her to think that we are talking behind her back.

[mark000h]

Well, you have to try and clear it up. He should, if he's a man, tell her he's going to straighten something out with a friend. It's his decision to do that or not, then you'll know you tried.

[NamerOfStars]

Yes- but feelings often WILL develop. They don't have to be acted on, but maintaining a friendship with someone you have feelings for can be emotionally devastating, so some people won't want to. Basically, there are no guarantees.

[Asker]

I just don't know how to go about this because we were friends for so long and he just cut me off once he got a new girlfriend. Do I just let him go for good?

[Asker]

When I ask to let him go for good... I mean to let our friendship go for good.

[NamerOfStars]

That's... that's a tough one. I'm not sure what to tell you.

[TaleTeller]

So I'm friends with lots of women I work with and some of my friends' wives, but they are people I know and get along with well and sometimes hang with at restaurants bars, outings etc. There are those I wanted to be with, as closer 'friends' or lovers as well but I didn't sense the same (or because I'm dense and didn't pick up the signals) and didn't pursue and so left at the 'friends' level. I understand a girlfriend/boyfriend being jealous throws a monkey into the mix.

[Asker]

So are you saying that he could have wanted more with me, but since I never gave him signals, he left me at the friends level?
Like I just wish he would have a said something or anything. I don't know.

[TaleTeller]

Yes, I just didn't get women and their signals. I went to 12 different high schools so, like I said, kinda dense in reading them. There are cases in hindsight I'd wished I'd said something but...
So take the initiative. At least you'll know.!

[spartan55]

That doesn't indicate he had feelings for you. It indicates his girlfriend is insecure and she has him p whipped.

[Asker]

I really never thought he did, but it was brought to my attention that he could have and that could be the reason she is insecure with us being friends.

[spartan55]

Brought to your attention by whom?

[Asker]

some guys that I work with

[spartan55]

No, I don't think that's the case. I think his girlfriend believes he might have had feelings for you, but not from anything he said.

[Sam_The_Savage]

Yes guys & girls can be just friends I have few girls as a my best Buddys but you have to understand if you're someone best friend than there is always emotional attachment it's human behaviour.

[Asker]

Well I mean there is an emotional attachment to him, but I never took it as more than just friends. I love him and he's been a huge part of my life for so long. He got a new girlfriend and I just got cut off so I am hurt and confused. I just don't really know how to go about this.

[Sam_The_Savage]

Let him go don't chase...
He will come to you no worries.

[Asker]

I will follow this advice and not chase.

[Sam_The_Savage]

Yup honey 😘

[Asker]

Thank you! 🥰

[Sam_The_Savage]

Feel free to pm me any time whenever you want to talk honey 😘

[Anonymous]

They can be, but most women do not trust their boyfriend with his "only friends I swear" female friend.

[Asker]

That is fair.
But nothing has ever happened between us so I never figured it would give his girlfriend a reason to make him not be friends with me.

[davepoolio]

Most of the times a guy and girl friendship will become more to one or both people and even if its a mistake and a heat of the moment thing something more will

[Asker]

We have had the opportunity to have something happen between us, but neither of us ever acted on it? I have not ever really put a lot of thought into this until now.

[davepoolio]

Feelings are completely different than hormones pumping. Its not 100% for sure without a doubt going to happen, but statistically speaking it's a really high chance it could

[Asker]

Hard to know. I guess I'll have to see how his new relationship plays out and hope that at some point he can communicate with me.

[davepoolio]

It could be either a jealous girlfriend in this situation or he is just picking a girl who he wants to make it work with over you this time

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes my bestie is a girl. Why can’t they just be friends?

[Asker]

I always thought guys and girls can just be friends, but I'm not sure anymore.

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes they can just be friends. Don’t you have any guy friends?

[Asker]

I did. Until he got a girlfriend and cut me off.

[BarryLiverstone]

Then he was never a real friend. Better you know now

[BarryLiverstone]

I mean did you have feelings for him?

[Asker]

I didn't have feelings for him. I mean, I loved him because he has been my best friend for four years.
I wish he would have talked to me about this situation instead of just cutting me off. I also understand that girls are not always secure in a new relationship when the guy has girl best friends.

[BarryLiverstone]

He messed up

[clampfan101]

Absolutely. I actually find some things easier to discuss with women.

[ewok737]

Initially yes, but in the long run very doubtful !!

[Wise4myage]

Yes, its possible but not easy sometimes.