Why do some guys always have to have a girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

What I mean is where a guy has a girlfriend, then they break up and he starts to like someone else, and then by the time the girl realizes that he likes her and is wanting to go out (even if it hasn't been a long stretch of time), he will have since hooked up with someone else and has a new girlfriend. Are guys not as selective?

This happened to me, and of course I was very confused asd a result. Actually this guy and myself met when he already had a girlfriend, but was flirting with me. They broke up and we started getting along better. So it seemed going out was the next step. He was making it more obvious that he likes me, and he knows I like him cause I told him, and then I find out that he since hooked up with someone else, although now I am getting more attention than ever from this guy.

I don't understand why guys do this, and actually it is a turn-off to be in this position. I would still like to understand it though.

[vmw2008]

Not all men are like this for sure. Some always have to have a girlfriend, some always have to be single, and the rest are somewhere in between. I know a couple guys who are like the guy you described, they never go more than a month or two before they're on to a new girl. I never really knew what the reason was, but I recently learned a theory that may explain it in my psych class:

Usually the men who always have to be in relationships are the men who are hyper-masculine. The ones who take the role of masculinity to an extreme level. Because of this, they find it hard to have real friendships with other men. They feel like it's wimpy to disclose personal information or bond beyond sporting/masculine type events. The problem is, people (men and women) NEED those kind of relationships to be happy and to keep from feeling lonely. And because they only feel comfortable fulfilling those needs with women, they must always have a girlfriend, even if she's not that special to him.

Most men are not like this though. It has been shown that women have those needs fulfilled among same-sex friendships more than men do with each other. This is why men are more likely to commit suicide after a divorce than women are. However, most men still have at least 1 male friend that they feel comfortable confiding in. That in turn prevents them from needing to be in a relationship 24/7 to be happy.

In my personal opinion, I avoid the guys that always have girlfriends. I think anyone who jumps from one relationship to the next, whether male or female, have some underlying issues. It also says that their relationships aren't special. They're merely a band-aid used to hide from themselves because they're not happy.

[Asker]

Great points! I agree with you. Thank you for your response. You have given me something to think about.

[Dylan1989]

I actually have a few friend like this. One in particular. In my opinion there's only 2 explanations for this.

The first one is that these guys are the players that loves getting stuff (mainly sex) from any woman they can and making themselves feel better. Like another guy said, some guys just say this girl is his girlfriend just to make the girl feel better and not feel like as if she's being used.

The second explanation links into the first one. These kind of guys are actually really insecure and desperate inside. They always need a woman/women in their lives to make them happy. It's how they have their fun. They feel like they are missing out on something if they don't have some sort of relationship (either being a girlfriend or flind or one night stand) with the opposite sex and it keeps them going. It's probably fair to say that the longer they go without women in their lives the more crazier they will go. Being single single makes them feel single and inadequate and worthless and they often go after women to boost their self-esteem.

Hope I helped.

[Asker]

Yes, you did help. You kind of hit on my suspicions and touched on what others have said.

[Brando]

It's either a hobby or what they think they need to be doing, or it's an insecurity. I have a 2 buddies like this. 1 is getting over I think, while the one you wouldn't guess as being insecure is actually the one who gets lonely and all pissy if he's without a girlfriend for too long. Some guys crave attention or presence of someone to have as a partner because they feel empty when they are single. His lack of independence makes me cringe, and his faked self-esteem is pitiful.

[Asker]

Funny you talk about getting pissy. Some have told me, who have known him longer, that when he doesn't have a girlfriend you can tell by his bad mood. It sounds like someone who is needy and insecure to me. He puts on an air of confidence around most, even me, but I have also seen where he looks intimidated and almost scared of me, altough I am sweet and gentle. Maybe cause I am not the bimbo from the bar type that he is use to.

[Brando]

It does sound like an insecurity then. When they have it on their mind (my friend and your friend), it seems like it nags at them until they get upset. The two actually sound a lot alike. My buddy went from being a really shy dude, to someone who is a lot more talkative and open. But it seems like he's still hiding some deep down insecurity.

And again, your friend sounds like he's used to picking up easy girls rather than someone worth a damn. Same issue with my friend, he finds them online.

[ngreenw]

Thats definately only some guys.

Potentially he is just a "player" and use the term "girlfriend" to make people feel more special than they actually are to him.

[ngreenw]

Oh, and sorry to be blunt, but- move on? Just face it and resist if you feel it would do you better?.

[Asker]

Yeah, I don't know if he dumps the girls or they figure him out and dump him. I was just shiocked cause I would have never guessed he had a girlfriend with how he is acting toward me. But you are right...and I have already started to move on by going out and having fun with friends and meeting people, cause that is what life is all about.

[ngreenw]

Good, that's the way to do it. Guys like that won't let on that they have loads of people "on the go". Always ends bad for at least someone.