I don't want to go back to school in September?

[Anonymous]

Basically,
For the last two years of being in my program, I haven't exactly make any friends -- and I know it's because of the way I am... or I assume it's because of the way I am. The panic attacks etc. But, the last month of school last term, made me really not want to finish my program. It mostly has a lot to do with the fact that i really haven't made any solid friendships in school. It sucks. It really bloody sucks. My program has only 30 people left in it, so it's really easy to feel like a social outcast.
One of my biggest panic attacks happened towards the end of the school year. I was sitting in open lab with some classmates, and we were quizzing each other -- and while I was quizzing another classmate, she had the answer wrong and naturally, I'm gonna say no, your answer is wrong... but I apparently said it in a really snobby way and gave a really rude look. Because the following week she confronted me and told me how rude I am, and I need to learn to be nicer... well yah then thats when the attack happened. I bawled my eyes out, I purged my breakfast, and just cried and cried. One of my profs found me and told me how ridiculous I am, and how I NEED to change. That upset me too. I try so hard to please the world, but it feels like no one cares how I feel.
This is reason I don't want to finish my program and it shouldn't be. How do I let people see, I'm not always like that. How do I let people see that I want to change. How to let people see that I am doing better.
Rant done.

[Riskiverse]

Dove, I know how difficult this can be. I used to suffer from some pretty bad problems that left a bad taste in my mouth. Body Dysmorphia, it had a list of nasty effects.
Going through a shitstorm in your head while trying to wad through the shitstorm of life is a double wopper of crap you gotta bite into, chew, and look like you're enjoying it to everyone around you. It's not easy, it's not fun, you try your best, and it feels out of your control.

But, unfortunately, it only gets better by doing just that. It gets easier, it gets better, if you work and tackle these issues in your mind. These giant monsters and shadows that sway you, you gotta pick up that sword and armor, fight it and refuse to give in. Start with the smaller monsters. The little things that normally set you off, smallest possible, and slay that one first. Face it, bite it, and refuse to back down. It can be as small and silly as telling a rock you don't like it and it can't tell you or make you feel any way you don't want to - move up to a bunny from there.

There's a person inside you begging to come out, begging to see the light of day and dazzle the world with your personality. To back down from finishing the program, you've got to weigh is it just because of the shadows, if so, don't give in. Don't feed that monster. BUT, if it's to help fight it, to take time to be able to focus on you, grow on the inside and become more secure, then it could be the better decision. Go on a mountain trail for a couple weeks and hike it, go surf, go deep sea diving, do something crazy - just do what YOU wanna do so you can have the chance to spread your wings without being so cramped.

It's your life, dove, it's precious and limited, don't spend it trying to please the world. The world is fickle and shallow. So please the person you know 100% you can, you.

[Keyspirits]

Sumtimes, u just had to deal with some shiathead in life. Most things won't ever go as planned. There are bad and nice people in this world so.. thats natural. Just dont stick around with people like her or get close to them cuz they are bad influence.