How to convince someone it's their weight that's attributing to their health problems?

[Dtegesd123]

my mom probably has a 38 inch waist at 5'7. She is 169lbs , mostly torso area. She feels fatigue, bloating, restlessness, etc. However no matter how hard I try, she does not think its her weight issue that's affecting her health. Even worse I'm afraid when she hits mid 50s her legs will give out on her.

I've tried working out with her, even going on little strolls, eating healthier choices, everything but diet pills.

Have you made a loved on lose weight for their health or a women?

Updates

+1 y

people its bad for health to have just 10 lbs of fat on your stomach area. She has over 40 lbs

Updates

+1 y

LOL you assuming people. don't you think I've been with her to a family doctor. Infact around 3 doctors have told her its her extra bodyfat causing some issues.

[dangerDoge]

It's one of those delicate situations: telling someone they're overweight but you care for them emotionally.

I think the best way is simply to have a heart to heart (one on one) conversation where you lay everything out-- your thoughts and such... And you express them clearly. I would expect it to go something like, "You know that I care for you and want you to live a long time, but I've been really concerned about your health. I know you've been having [list symptoms] lately, and the even multiple doctors have told me this from weight gain. I want to be supportive of you and help you lose this, but more so, I'm hoping you want to lose it yourself."

Then, if she responds favorably and such, I would suggest making an actual written down plan about working out with her. (Maybe some days you work out with her, some days she works out on her own). She may try to avoid the problem, which means you'd need to be more blunt. Nevertheless, try not to get angry whatever happens. Anger leads to stubborness which may exasperate the problem.

Unlike what some people say, I think it is wrong to simply accept the bodyfat. The bodyfat is causing health issues and acceptance of it will only make it worse. That being said, it would be too blunt to shame her and essentially go like "you are fat af, I mean really." You need a mix of being supportive (showing you are willing to be there for her when you can) and being forthwright (telling her she has a problem).

That's why I think a heart to heart conversation would work best. Make sure it is a serious talk. If she tries to ignore your words and say "It's not a problem," you'll probably need to get a little more blunt. The more you appeal to pathos and logos, the better. While there is nothing you can force her to do, you can certainly be clear about your opinion/stance in the matter.

[Levin]

Have you told her directly? It's not just her body size or weight, in my opinion, but her whole lifestyle, most likely.

Does she vegetate in front of the sofa (use it or lose it with regard to the body).

Does she eat a lot of crap to blot out myriad psychological pain?

Is she active in general? Does she walk to and fro places? Does she have an enthusiasm for getting out of bed in the morning, a strong esteem and sense of self?

All these issues are inter-related.

Health = diet mainly based on whole grains and vegetables. And some of the *other stuff*. Eat too much of those other stuff, and it'll cause a lot of problems, especially over the long term :)

Look, you can't expect people to make huge elevated leaps. Many habits will have accumulated over decades. Just gentle targeted reminders I think. People often need to be in quite some pain before they take any heed. Just educate her subtly and connect the dots. But if you're imposing, she'll likely resist. Such is human nature.

[Dtegesd123]

haha this is MHO. She eats a bunch, but its all healthy, fruits and vegetables. I've told her directly at least 200 times when she complains about fatigue and back pain.

[Levin]

Any exercise that might inspire her rather than be a pain? Yoga seems to strengthen the core and back, and people get into the lifestyle.

[ThisDudeHere]

Why am I not surprised that many women here went out of their way to tell you that nothing should be done about the issue and that it's not an issue at all?

Ladies, yes, weight can be a problem. Deal with it.

[Dtegesd123]

haha and they attacking me like I want my mom to be a stripper so I can feed my coke addiction.

[ThisDudeHere]

Pretty much.

[ThisDudeHere]

Thanks for mho, dude.

[lilac_flowers]

Motivation is a tricky thing.

Make her feel pain and understand the source. She is already suffering so all you have to do is point to the source and say aloud what she wants to ignore:
"Mum, you're fat, you look disgusting and you feel awful."
It's imperative that you convince her her weight is her problem and that you make her feel bad about it.

IF you provide the second part of my advice, this is NOT abusive. Don't listen to SJW fatties.

Second part of motivation is loving, kind, gentle help. Right effort on your part. Educate her how to cook, how to eat... This is the most vital part of weight loss. New FOOD! Switching to a more plant based diet (not vegan/vegetarian, plant based. research it) and forgoing sugar loaded junk food. Explain to her she is addicted to this stuff. Addicted like any addict in the world.

THEN when you take care of her food, you encourage her to walk with you. Not run, not lift huge weights... WALK. Slowly ease her into more physical activity. Take her out and spend the day with her, tire her out.

[popsickle]

Firstly, if the person isn't on board with it themselves, you are gonna continue to have a hard time with it. You can only do so much over another grown adult though I do think you have more of a chance of impacting your own mother than a significant other since a mother is less likely to be so offended. Secondly, it won't help that you are assuming her problems are due to her weight. You don't know that. It's possible but not fact. Weight is tricky in how it affects people. Everyone is different. If you approach it as weight loss and lifestyle changes as an attempt to see if it helps her feel better, that might work better. I know it sounds nitpicky, but it may make all the difference.

She should also consider consulting her primary care physician to get any relevant tests (such as blood tests) if it's very distressing to her.

[Dtegesd123]

I like your ideas and have tried them. However she won't listen, Anything else I can do?

[popsickle]

Has a doctor told her to lose weight?

[Dtegesd123]

every doctor has said it :(

[popsickle]

I'm sorry dude, it's gonna have to come from her own desire to change then. It might take time but you can continue what you are doing... just dont pressure yourself into succeeding with her. It can happen when she's ready and some things take time to see the lightbulb. The only other thing I can think of is to have a real heart to heart with her if you're that worried. More than just objective talking and lecturing her, but let her see the concern in your heart for her. If you can shed a tear that might help ;) Overweight is a risk factor for a lot of things, but the direct impact is muffled by its insidious negative affects on the body. People don't usually react unless they see acute distress or changes. I wonder if there are any of those paranoid movies out there like fast food nation that dramatize the effects of being overweight..

[fwbplease]

For her age and height she is NOT 40lbs over weight. And why do you know how many inches your moms waist is? If she had diabetes she probably just needs to make better food choices. Even skinny people can get diabetes. If you want to help all you really can do is ask her to honor a walk after dinner. Mostly she should listen to what her doctor says.

[Dtegesd123]

haha I hug my mom and I went to the doctors with her. Yeah that's a good point about skinny people.

[Jxpxtxr]

I haven't done that and essentially I think it's the person who has to realise their weight is a problem. If they don't see why they should lose weight in the first place they're just gonna lack motivation and the weight loss journey isn't gonna last very long.
I think you should just look at potential problems in your mom's lifestyle and then aim at changing that to the healthier with her instead of focussing so much on her just losing weight.

[Dtegesd123]

This is true. But she basically does eat healthy everything. You know portion control? She eats dinner, lunch, breakfast and everytime she feels the need to be completely stuffed before she stops eating. I've told her many times that's not healthy, but she won't listen. Any ideas?

[Jxpxtxr]

I've read somewhere that having a voluminous but low calorie starter like a salad or tomatoes can help many people to eat less - smaller plates are said to work, too.

[Jxpxtxr]

Or just give her some tea or water before each meal because that makes you full faster, too and hence you eat less.

[Dtegesd123]

good idea, we do not drink many liquids while eating. Thanks!

[electromagnetic]

You can't. They have to see it for themselves. My mom is about the same as your just shorter and she didn't clue in up until her knee started bothering her. Later found out it was arthritis. She's been trying to get her act together and because of the lifestyle changes she's making, it's easier on her knees now too.

[Dtegesd123]

great little story. Besides her knee problems, how else did she see she had to change?

[electromagnetic]

I really think that was the only case for her. In your mom's case, she may how to look at her self in a third perspective. It would really work if you try to make changes first and she can see that. I notice more people are inclined to try things if they realize theyre not doing it alone. But it has to be consistent.

[chintita]

introduce her to another woman her age thats a health nut so she can take their advice bc she doesn't value urs

my mom is rlly healthy and put my dad on a biggest loser style workout routine and diet

[Dtegesd123]

that's great. How did your mom convince your dad to lose weight?

[chintita]

she's got his balls in a tight hold LMAO she can make him do anything

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately you can't. They have to come to the conclusion that they need to change

Her legs won't give out. she's not 600 pounds. Its more likely what she eats rather than her being slightly overweight. So if you can get her to eat healthy foods that woukd be a start

Do not use diet pills! They are uneffective as far as trying to loose 40 pounds. Diet pills are for those who can't get that little fat on their abs away. Bodybuilders use them before shows.

[Dtegesd123]

i dont know, she has like no muscle at all on her legs

[BellePepper]

I'm going to give you some magical advice that will totally solve you situation. Are you ready for it? KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.

YOU are part of the reason your mother has weight around her stomach. Yet she still raised you, loves you, and supports you. You should try returning the favor.

[Dtegesd123]

you could think logically, if you love someone don't you want them to be around longer and healthier.

[CoolSky01]

are you telling this guy to give up on his mothe and accept her dying earlier than she should? maybe you're the one who shouldve kept his mouth shut... and the dude is 26 iam sure he's not the issue since she gave birth 26 years ago...

[CoolSky01]

her*

[Dtegesd123]

@CoolSky01 lol well she did say part. But I can't be at fault, since she gained most of her weight after I was 12.

[BellePepper]

@CoolSky01 You obviously don't understand how women gain and hold weight. Go read then come back.

[BellePepper]

If you love someone you accept them for who they are and respect their decisions. Instead of constantly pressuring and reminding your mother that she's doing something wrong accept and love her. Body acceptance helps people lose weight an keep it off. So if you're just so worried about her health keep your thoughts on her weight to yourself.

[CoolSky01]

iam sorry, are women aliesn? i thought they were human beings with normal bodies, i must have been wrong all this time...

And no you dont accept everyrthing thats why the west is one big giant pussy, " he's fat? tahts cool " , " he wants to expirment fucking guys? cool " , "he wants to smoke weed for few years? who gives a shit " ... lets see how long its going to work.

[Dtegesd123]

So what you are saying is accept being overweight and you will lose weight? Here's a magical secret for you? ready for it? Being active, eating healthy helps you lose weight.
.

[CoolSky01]

apperantly this girl here disagrees with us and she says being fat is cool and we should never say anything and let the fatties stay fatties, do you know how much i hate seeing fat people being fat and not trying to change? not cause i hate fat but because theyre missing so much !!!

[BellePepper]

@CoolSky01 Did you not read or are you just really really bad at it?

[BellePepper]

Body acceptance has proven results. As you've told us being a jerk does not. Amazing.

[CoolSky01]

its not about being a jerk its about realizing you need to change and if you're fat and everyone is cool with it, then why change?

[BellePepper]

@CoolSky01 Do you not realize there is a difference between actively hating your body and accepting your body?

[ichot]

"Body acceptance has proven results."

/facepalm. All credit thrown out the window.

[BellePepper]

@ichot I know science can be hard for you to understand but I have faith you'll work it out.

[ichot]

You think "body acceptance" is any bit "science" or scientific?

I think you need less faith and more science. HAES, "every body is beautiful", "body acceptance" is all just for the benefit of those with poor self esteem and lacking the initiative to ever build one. Any "science" that comes out from HAES is bullshit and it doesn't take anything more than an American public highschool level biology/human anatomy to dismiss its entire position.

[BellePepper]

@ichot Yeah scientific studies have the tendency to be you know, scientific. It's part of what makes them super handy.

Just like the study that found former participants of Biggest Loser have regained all the weight they lost, suffered injuries, and health problems related to their unsafe weight loss specifically a slowed metabolism.

[ichot]

Of course such isn't evidence suggesting --body acceptance is any bit effective at rehabilitating obese/overweight people into live-able lives--. You can't possibly be trying to extrapolate "The Biggest loser" results as 'scientific evidence' for body acceptance... Additionally "the biggest loser" isn't a fair representative for weight loss. It's a fucking reality show.

The study of reality show results just correlates with this study done way back... https://ajph. aphapublications. org/doi/abs/10.2105/AJPH.2015.302773
Obese people can't maintain a normal weight via community-based methods.

[BellePepper]

@ichot "rehabilitating obese people" Seriously what is wrong with you?

[Mustachekitteh]

When in doubt scare the living hell out of her and tell her how her weight will make life when she's really old hell. My mom is in horrible pain with her ankles due to the extra weight she's carrying and the doctors told her if she didn't start losing weight. She would have to take a lot of medication for her health. So she's been working harder in losing weight.

[Anonymous]

She is almost in the healthy range (about 19lbs over), you're acting like she is morbidly obese lol. Should she lose weight? Yes. But you are getting way ahead of yourself with the whole "her legs giving in" thing.

[Dtegesd123]

yes that's true. I wouldn't be concerned at all about her weight if it was spread equally. However its all in her waist.

[4everconfused]

It's because she had you that weight gathers in her stomach. When women get pregnant their skin stretches in that area, the body will tend to store fat in areas where there's room first. That's why a lot of people have extra weight in their abdominal area.

[Dtegesd123]

@4everconfused yes this is true. However after she had me, and up until I was 12, she was around 135lbs.

[4everconfused]

It could happen at anytime in her life. Once your skin is more expendable it's where the weight goes first.

[4everconfused]

*expandable

[Dtegesd123]

@4everconfused, yep fat cells never go away they just shrink.

[LadyMcNovel]

Collect a ton of medical sources and confront her with it. If she has symptoms related to obesity, it should be easy. Diabetes is SERIOUS. Can result in amputation. Good luck!

[4everconfused]

I think you're over reacting about the legs. She doesn't necessarily have a weight problem but I would suggest getting some diabetic cook books and work on food first.

[JohnDoe3000]

This is a tough one, having to tell a woman her weight is unhealthy... wouldn't wanna be in your shoes buddy...

[BrunetteNYC]

My younger brother does this and literally a family of ten people cannot stop him, cannot change him. His diet is just horrible and meanwhile I'm 114 pounds and I still eat healthier than he does. It's just not in him.

[thewanderingme]

do it in a more encouraging way instead of criticizing her.

[Anonymous]

Propose her to do exercices with you or simply take a walk. I don't think you should tell her in front to loose pounds, women don't like heard they are overweight.
I made my father lose some weight by cooking for him healthy food.

[Becky01]

if she does not want to hear it you cannot force her to

[orphan]

get out your moms hair already. leave the nest.

[Anonymous]

169lbs is not a bad weight to be at...

[Dtegesd123]

she has diabetes

[Anonymous]

How old is she?

[Dtegesd123]

50 years old

[Opinion Owner]

I see. I don't think she doesn't believe you but instead may have just decided to rest on her haunches and just not care. Menopause, age, and general burnout are probably there making the urge to overcome the whole thing just nonexistent.

It isn't so much a matter of convincing as it is supporting. She's not in denial but she's tired because honestly she's been alive for half a century and had to take care of you. 😝

Seriously though it isn't uncommon in older adults to just decline in caring and is a rather common slippery slope. Getting her rejuvenated through relaxation, a vacation, and a reason to end her habits is likely more effective than informing her off what she knows.

In other words it's like smoking: The biggest aid is support. The second is the removal or reduction of the trigger. It's apsych problem.

[Dtegesd123]

she's a stay at home mommy and she is in denial. She thinks its perfectly okay to have all that extra weight around her weight. Her main reasoning is because she sees women regularly in Toronto who are over 200lbs.

Are you saying there is no hope for older adults? They will be stuck in their ideas forever?

P. s. my mom has a small case of schizophrenia

[Opinion Owner]

I'm still good at it.

Anyway, reasoning and justification are two totally different things; she justifies her behavior by bandwagon thinking pointing out those who are worse than her but her reasoning is probably not as overt. I won't try to tell you about your own mother because I know how that ends but I would challenge you to think perhaps about what is really there and maybe re-examine the situation. I mean this makes me wonder if A ) she was always unhealthy and it is just her body is no longer able to keep up with her habits or B ) there was a major change which caused a perfectly healthy individual to start sliding away. It is rare that someone who is super fit or very healthy transitions without some cause and she probably has a condition that worsens this like diabetes.