"Be Yourself" Worst Advice Ever?

[Simonitro]

I hate this advice because it's the biggest BS to tell a single person who's looking for a date. I want a better advice than "Be yourself". This c**p works either in Disney movies or some fairytale.

It actually offends me now. So, tell me, is it the worst advice ever? Even if it worked, HOW DOES IT WORK? If it was that easy, it would've solved world hunger, would it?

Thank you!

[eljeffre]

I have to agree that this is utter crap advice. It's more of a catchphrase or buzzword that essentially means nothing because it often comes in such generalized watered down ways. However, there is some degree of usable advice here when it comes to being a dude looking to mingle with the fairer sex.

I prefer to phrase it differently though, preferring to tell peoples (or even myself if I'm a bit frazzled) to keep it real. Keeping it real is a lot like"being yourself". It means sticking to your ideals, outlooks, principles, opinions, etc. Keeping it real can just as easily result in fighting with someone as it can in loving someone.

A guy who keeps it real around a girl he's interested in appears confident, opinionated, possibly smart, and will be unlikely to fit the bill of a sycophantic love puppy dog that most girls will never want to bang. Keeping it real will likely result in you disagreeing or finding some sort of contentious talking point between yourself and the girl you are talking to. This can be very good and I definitely find this type of conversation way interesting unless it concerns religon, politics or some other deep thing no one budges on easy. It's good to have a bit of friction to set some sparks off.

Also the obvious part of keeping it real is not making up really random bullsh*t that is supposed to make you seem more attractive to her. Pickup line type things fit this bill since they are impersonal, often out of the blue and say little about you and her at that specific moment. BS'ing can be very fun but doing it seriously usually backfires at some point unless she's really oblivious or apathetic. Spinning a bit of a tall tale here and there can make for interesting conversations, and although its not keeping it 100% real per say, it's not a bad thing if it keeps you and her really focused on enjoying the moment.

Lastly keeping it real comes down to the inherent real attraction factor going on. Keeping it real means acknowledging this, and not swaying from your desires, especially when all women seem to care about being wanted in some way or form. It means not deterring yourself from approaching a girl to begin with and coming off as interesting and interested when you get beyond the introduction.

[backspace]

It's all BS folks and it's bad for you!

The only time I ever got somewhere with women was when I convinced myself I was as confident as I could be and convinced myself that I didn't give a c**p about anybody but myself and acted that way. I lied and cheated and had three women at the same time and told them I was with them just because I liked how they looked and wouldn't hesitate to dump them in a heart beat if I saw someone better come along and they all just kept following me until I got fed up with it and told them to bug off.

It's sad really that some people really don't get thought the way the world works and how to play the game to be successful. My parents always set a good row model for me witch is good in a way but because of it I've had to learn some things the hard way and for myself and as a result I'm way behind witch really sucks.

So yes in most cases the be yourself BS is just that.

It's too bad I can't remember anymore how I was able to be just enough of a jerk to be successful at everything I tried. I hope I learn it back soon before my life is over for good.

[harveykinkle]

So if you're not going to "be yourself" does this mean you're going to pretend to be something that you're not in order to get a girl?

Pretending is non sustainable - you can't do it forever and eventually the real you comes out.

I've dated a lot of guys who did this. They pretended to be the things I liked then eventually over time once they got comfortable with me this other person started coming out of them and they showed me their true selves.

I had to end the relationships not because their real selves weren't great but I almost felt cheated, lied to and wouldn't have dated them to begin with as they just were not compatible with me.

Be yourself - you have to let someone love you for who you are and not who you're not. Also, when you're trying really hard to impress someone that shows and it makes you less desirable.

[kenzigirl]

here's why I tell people to be themselves (and no, not just from personal experience, however, it did work for me):

i tell people to be themselves because...

that is who you are.

why be fake and unrealistic with people just to attract them?

if you marry them, or spend the rest of your lives with each other, they'll someday find out that you were just a poser and a liar

think about it, is that the kind of person you want to be with?

i also say it because it keeps your own standards high.

do

not

settle.

[BatDoc]

There's a fine line here.

To lure in women, unless you just have a really big...bank account...you have to play the game. And playing the game entails not being quite who you are. Playing the game requires you to lie a little bit to make yourself look better and then ask for forgiveness if things progress into a relationship.

I know what you're saying, "That's not being yourself at all." And that's only partly true. You need to be yourself with the things that really matter to you.

For instance, if you don't want kids, then you need to be yourself and let women know that you don't want kids. That's the kind of thing that if you lie to someone about that will destroy your relationship down the road. It's not the same a lying and saying you like going to the ballet when you really don't. She'll forgive you for not wanting to go to the ballet. She won't forgive you for not wanting to be part of her shoving a miniature human out of her nether regions.

So yes, be yourself with the things that matter. But that requires learning about yourself and what you are willing to compromise on and what you're not willing to compromise on. Some of those things you know right away. Some you have to learn in the relationship as you go.

I think the bigger issue here is that you're looking for some reason why you're single. And that is a convenient statement to attack. Don't worry about being single. Enjoy it. Relationships will come along when they come along. Don't sweat it until then.

[Anonymous]

If you're a prick and an a**hole then be yourself is clearly bad advice. You've only yourself to blame in that case - stop being a prick and an a**hole.

For regular people it's good advice, for the following reasons -

1) girls are usually pretty good at spotting phony guys. Being yourself is another way of saying don't be fake, don't try to be someone you're not, because girls will suss that out and have nothing to do with you because you're a fake insincere guy.

2) It's less stressful. Trying to wear a mask or fake persona all the time, is tiring. Being yourself is natural.

3) You have less to remember - if you're an astronaut to one girl and fighter pilot to another girl and a fireman to a third girl... then you meet some girl at a party you once hooked up with two years ago... who were you? Can you even remember?

Being yourself eliminates that sort of awkward encounter.

If you're offended by what is clearly some simple and straight forward advice, you might want to look back at the start of this post - it might apply to you.

[kheserthorpe]

For anyone asking for advice, it's almos impossible advice to implement.

To really be yourself, you have to be open, honest, relaxed, not trying to impress, not embarrassed about anything, comfortable with your sexuality, etc.

At that point, you can be your true, honest self, show your real nature, flirt naturally, be comfortable and make those around you comfortable by your relaxed Nature and attract those who like the real you.

This is all fairly difficult when you are nervous, anxious, a little desperate, filled with longing, craving approval, wanting to be liked, embarrassed about yor desire or expect others to find it repellant, etc.

So, better advice is maybe the advice that sets you on the path forward. Be yourself is the true goal but for most people they can't let go enough to do it.

[missmona]

It's cliche for sure, but it's the truth. You can't lie to somebody about who you are. Starting a relationship off of lies never works. The truth will come out sooner or later, especially if you want anything long term. You just have to find the right person for you. Maybe you're looking into the wrong types of people to date. Find someone with similar interests and then their will be more to talk about it. Be sweet, sincere, and find people who will like you for you, or you're going to be with the one who gets hurt in the end.

[JustChris]

At first they want you to show the "best side" of yourself but later on maybe just maybe you can truly reveal yourself but for now you can't really be 100% yourself because nobody doesn't want to see you for who you really are at first. Just little bits and pieces of you so that they can warm up to you and accept you. Revealing your true self can be a lot for someone to take in. So be yourself but don't show the side that no one wants to see. Yes it kind of sucks but take it at half a literal sense instead of all the way literal you know.

[moaterboat]

I don't know if I would say it is the worst advice ever, but I do agree that it is an overly used platitude. Personally I think the saying needs an overhaul. Specifically I tell people to be the "super" version of themselves. I'm not promoting dishonesty, but I do think that people need to play to their strengths so to speak. Let's be honest, all of us, men and women, have the odds stacked against us in the dating game. There is nothing wrong with trying to portray yourself in the best possible light.

[Phoenix1991]

I think the advice is best only in small dosages, never all at once.

For example: Girls ask what are your hobbies, lets say you like video games, cooking and music.

You only mention cooking and music at first, say how you like trying different recipes or the lyrics of your favorite artists.

Its still you, but not all at once so they can learn about you opposed to being overwhelmed in the first encounter.

IF you try to be someone who isn't you, it will only be a lie to you and the girl, so its better to be honest. IF they can't accept you for you, then not to be rude but f*** them. As long as you're not a douche bag or a psycho then they can't judge you.

[Anonymous]

It's the worst advice ever, the way it's given. Anyone who ever wished to better themselves--to become more social, a funnier person, in better shape, get a job making lots of money, etc--was changing themselves. They realized the plain reality, "I'm not an Olympian God, so I have tons of rooms to improve. Just 'being myself' is a dumb idea."

If you're someone like Christian Bale or Gina Carano, it's great advice. Until you have to go me in another movie, haha.

In reality, it's a sh*t-test from women. Fitness testing. Guys almost never say that crap. You see, about 20% of men are the sort that women adore when they are "being themselves." Problem for women is, most of us other men are sharp enough we could learn how to be just like those guys. So, the fitness test is "be yourself." If someone's dumb enough to "be a nice, sweet guy" then women know to pass over, haha. But a guy women would want--would be smart enough on his own to know how to act, and to not fall for dumb advice.

[MissUshar]

Well it is not be best but it ain't the worst either. Just don't be someone that you are not normally. Like if you are shy guy don't be the player jut be the shy guy cause then they will ove yu for the shy guy which is you and not the player. I think that people should just play the cards dealt to them and play them good and everyone will love you

[blackkid2]

It is the worst advice ever but let's face it: No one knows how to fix your problem so saying "Be yourself" is just an easy cop-out. The idea is that people will be attracted to you for who you are. This is great. It's also a total lie. People will be attracted to you for who they THINK you are, so that means that when you are yourself, you are actually just another human, and humans are boring, but if you appear to be some kind of uberactive deep-thinking demigod of a man that's pretty hot.

[gonyr]

If your trying to find a relationship, and you rent being yourself, the target of your affection will start to like a completely different Pearson. It won't work

I think it's good advice, because people tend to over think things. They stat thinking what pickup line, or what they should talk about, or how they should act. Just act naturally and you'll be fine

[Gawesome]

fine then...you don't have to be yourself...just lie, exaggerate, hide, and change your entire personality! remember...never EVER show your true personality because it's never good enough. you fake it til you got it!...still don't got it? fake more! found the perfect girl? keep faking it til you put a ring on that! keep failing in relationships because girls don't trust your intentions and you in general? you're not hiding everything hard enough...

moral of the story...don't be yourself.

[kdizzleforizzle91]

Based on my recent experience, I'd have to agree. At first guys I meet on dating sites claim they really like me (and I'm just being myself). After a date or two, they decide to let me down easy and say they just want to be friends... then never contact me again... I wish they'd just say from the start that they had no romantic interest in me instead of leading me on and flirting.

[luckyGurl]

My advice to you is >>> BE YOURSELF << LOL. Seriously, the other person must love you because of who you are and not because of the facade you created.

Be yourself simply means acting naturally on everything, showing the person what you like/hate, showing the other person what you truly feels.

[xzinax2]

it's great advice-when you really love something-when you speak you get passionate about it,you show confidence and substance and you attract people with similar interests-but people don't apply it correctly-they display poor self esteem and don't know how to show what's good about them.

[1diamond]

If you are looking for a date with a view to a relationship then you do have to be yourself because once the person realizes you have been fake they won't want to know. If however you are just looking to date no strings then it's different then I would just say be fun.

[Anonymous]

No, it's not the worst advice ever. People SHOULD be themselves, because keeping up or living up to a facade is a stupid way to start a relationship and an even worse way to keep a relationship going. You'll never be happy and you'll resent your partner because you've had to be someone you're not to get and keep them.

[Anonymous]

better advice?

"be yourself, only better"

To me "Be yourself" is like assuming you are already perfect and you have nothing to improve on. I think it is important to strive to improve in your appearance and attitude, but don't change yourself beyond recognition.

[Anonymous]

it's awful advice by itself. be yourself of course, but that doesn't mean take the less traveled road. be apart of the crowd too. I never got involved, and that was social suicide or maybe isolation is a better term.

be yourself, but get involved with your friends and cliques, be apart of a scene. don't be afraid of having fun by the world's standards.

[Anonymous]

I like 'be yourself' sort of guys because then I'm meeting the real them rather than how they want me to see them as, but I do get your point. I like the advice, be yourself yet the nicer, sweeter, type of yourself. Besides, everyone's both bad and good. So by being yourself, you could just be the goofd you on a date or the bad you or both. The good and bad represent your flaws and good sides of your personality. Hopefully I made some sense