Why Do You Need Other People to Tell You How You Look?


Life lesson number 101: you have to get it into your skull that it doesn't matter if people out in the world or the internet consider you attractive or not if you don't have any self-worth or confidence in yourself to begin with. Those that have too much of it need not rely upon the validation of others to validate their self worth because that's really only an indication that they don't already know their self worth because they can only ever seem to find it if others are constantly approving of them in some way.

If I asked everyone who happens to read this take what and who they personally consider attractive, we're going to get quite the variety of answers. Your determination of what is essentially hot or not is based in part by your culture, your country, your exposure level to a variety of people/ethnicities in your formidable years, your personal biases, your interactions with people, and a million different things. Yet somehow, some people sit down and decide often times to base their entire self worth on what a bunch of completely random ideas of what is attractive or not, determine what people think of them and how they look and sadly how they feel.

We could boil it down to just two quantifiers...which is more attractive, white people or black people, skinny people or fat people, tall people or short people, blue eyed people or brown eyed people? Someone or some aspect is going to "win" today at this moment based on that certain set of people. That doesn't mean the entire world thinks that, just a few people you have no clue who they are or what they think is attractive because before they even answer, they already have it in their minds what they like.

I guarantee no matter how you look, you will get people who are going to tell you that you are ugly, or too fat, or two thin, or too scrawny, or whatever. Some of the so named most attractive models in the world have been told by agencies that they were too fat, or ethnic, or not tall enough, or to get plastic surgery, so essentially what hope have you, a mere mortal got, if these so called mega beauty models aren't considered to be "enough" for some people. I was bullied for my tall height from like Kindergarten on, and yet, I loved my height. I was a part of me, it made me stand out, and of course now that I'm older, everyone is always saying how they wish they were taller. I mean come on, which is it, right? That's why, like me and my height, you have to love yourself and then no one else can steal your thunder because you don't allow it and you don't allow them to dictate how you're supposed to feel about yourself.


So many are asking all these random people to make judgement on them, but regardless of the result, some arbitrary scale of attractiveness does not suddenly serve to solve all your problems. It doesn't guarantee you a boyfriend/girlfriend. It doesn't mean you'll become a model. It doesn't mean no one will ever find you sexy or beautiful. It doesn't mean out there in the real world where you live, people will equally validate or negate what random strangers have said here.

Instead of incessantly asking randoms how you look, focus on how you should feel on the inside. I think this video is a good example of people reacting to someone physically telling them they are beautiful. Some smile and believe it and others refuse to. How they feel beyond the video has to happen on an internal level. Just because someone says it doesn't mean you know that in your heart to be true. Most of the time what you're obsessing over about your looks, no one really cares or even notices or people think what you think is ugly is beautiful or they want it. You're so fixated with what you think others see on the outside, that in doing so, you're missing out on life, on relationships, on friendships being so caught up in your own ego.

Learn that you don't need someone else to tell YOU how beautiful you are. It's absolutely wonderful to hear, and you should take the compliment, but learn to feel that outside of someone either saying it all the time or not saying it.


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What Guys Said 20

  • it's funny how the people who say this generally aren't brave enough to put themselves out there.

    you have to be pretty confident to put your face or your body out there on the internet which everyone knows is far more cruel than most people's everyday community. i get what you're saying but i think you're on the outside looking in with a judgmental glare because you could never be that open

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  • 1mo

    Okay then. Here's a very simple counterargument. What you believe you look like doesn't matter. This is because looks are there only to impress other people and not yourself. Sane people therefore care about how they look because they want to make a good impression on others.

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  • 2mo

    DON T LOOK ANY ONE... THEY LOOK U ...

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  • 3mo

    Facial looks are very hard to change, probably not possible to change actually. Anyone is capable of changing their body but if I could change my face I would

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  • Because lack of self esteem. An upbringing is really important.

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    • 3mo

      I'd totally have to agree. People rarely believe this when you say it, but there is something huge to be said about self confidence and knowing your self-esteem and believing you have worth despite what others may say. I know some people in my life that I personally do not consider to be the attractive sort, however, their personalities are killer. They walk in a room and own it, and they have the friends, the popularity, and dates and the husbands and wives to prove it. Looks really aren't everything.

  • You don't need people to tell you how you look. It's your body be happy with it. Never change for somebody. True beauty is on the inside not the outside.

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  • I couldn't agree more

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  • Reality: You loving yourself is nice. Someone else loving you too is better.

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  • Ithink my penis is not cool

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  • I disagree. You need people to tell you how you look to point out things you can change. If someone says some dumb shit like "I don't like the color of your eyes" or something like that, just ignore it, nothing you can do about it. Be happy with the eyes you have. But if someone says "you're disgustingly fat and rainbow is not a good color for your hair", maybe you should take it as a sign to not be disgustingly fat and dye your hair a better color.

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  • How you see yourself isn't exactly how others see you (even personality wise). Someone can call themselves a super down to earth, sweet and fun girl for example and be a rude bitch. There is general beauty most people will agree on, then some everyone else may find meh and you find extremely attractive for some reason. Sure you should feel normal but thats also the mindset of some people who think they're incredibly nice and fun to be around.

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    • 3mo

      That's agreed I recently found someone who seemed to dislike me, I didn't notice honestly I thought that's how she was. Till my mate said oh so and so really seemed to not like you. I normally make people laugh half the time becoming the butt of the joke.

  • I need people to tell me how I look because I dont have any mirrors. If you look in a mirror the devil can steal your soul!

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  • it depends, perhaps move on if you don't like this sub-forum.

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  • Sometimes it's just to make sure that you are presentable... Sometimes it's about self-esteem.

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  • If you have not rejected people for a job position because they didn't look right to you then you have no idea 'why' people care about look.

    Imagine you were running a busy. You borrowed money from you father's life saving. You can not fail. However, you need help. So you are interviewing people for a sales position.

    If you are sitting on that interviewing table for several days and interviewed hundreds of people then you will have this feeling that you must judge people based on their look 90% of the time. From how they smile to how they act. It's all based purely on how they look to you.

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  • While its not correct to think everyone's ideal of beauty are the same, its also incorrect to think that they are so different that you can be a 3 to a lot of people and then a 10 to another.

    There is a general consensus on which features are attractive and which are unnatractive. Things like clear skin, symetry, and good proportions are considered attractive to most people, they just aren't conscious of it.

    Where people's preferences differ is on things like eye color, skin color, and body fat/muscle%. Even with those, some combinations are more common than others.

    If you take a picture of a model and show them to 1000 people, sure not everyone will rate them a 10 but its unlikely anyone will rate then below a 5 and their average score will probably be closer to a 7.5 or 8.

    Now if you find someone who is conventionally unnatractive and show their picture to 1000 people, sure not everyone is going to rate them a zero but it is unlikely anyone will rate them higher than a 5 and chances are their average score will be a 4.

    The idea the other people's perception of you doesn't matter is crap. You don't get to decide whether or not you are attractive. Attractive refers to someones desire to have sex with you based on your visual appearance and it is 100% based on the perception of OTHER PEOPLE. Unless you are content with fucking yourself, the opinions of other people DO matter.

    The only cases wher YOUR perception is the limiting factor are when you are already somewhat attractive by other people's standards but due do low self esteem you see yourself as less attractive tgan how other people perceive you. In that case your own perception is hindering you.

    However, if you are unnatractive by everyone else's standards and unnatractive by your own standards, changing you perception and believing you are attractive isn't going to change anything if everyone elses perception is that you are unnatractive.

    The best thing is to analyze your appearance and figure out which of your flaws are the most feasible to fix and then work on fixing them to improve your perceived attractiveness.

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    • Even with those, some combinations are more popular** than others.

    • What difference does any of this make and worse your solution is to change everything about you so you can become someone's ideal of what THEY think you should look like. That reeks of low self esteem. And what if you can't change it, like height or skin color? Again, if people listen to you saying they are unattractive, that doesn't mean someone else won't find them attractive which in the long run is the point. Those 1000 people may rank them a low score, but what of the other 8 billion on the planet or the people who do in that same survey find them attractive. Are they any more right or wrong than anyone else taking the survey, no, because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. In terms of procreation and such, you only need one person to find you attractive, not 1000, not 10,000, one.

  • Great point about there is an impossibility about achieving a standard because of the variety of preferences and the diferent values we might assign to numbers. This "Rate Me" phenomenon has totally passed me by, there is room for topics like How Do I look but they have been hijacked somewhat. It would be so much pleasant if people could post pictures and say I have lost baby weight or I have lost/gained weight, it would be nice to hear praise for that. People could talk about hairstyles and clothes that may suit them, look for advice. Do I go for fitness or muscle training - There should be a forum for a flow of constructive sentiment advice - The superficial "Look At Me" questions create an environment of dislike and negativity around the whole topic.

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    • I completely agree. In the case of weight loss, for example, I see a few of those where the person wants to know what they could do to train for this or that or to get off those last few pounds, or I loved the one where the guy asked us to recommend a good hair cut for his head shape. Those I think are much more constructive, then oh how do I look because we are all biased to our own experiences.

  • one of the most beautiful things someone said;
    when we look in the mirror we only see reflection of body.
    But it doesn't reflect our behavior, our vibe and aura.

    And those are traits that are more important than how we look. Because those are the things that basically say whom we are.

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  • Affirmation. Why do you need to ask questions to which the answer is obvious?

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  • Because being delusional and thinking your a 10 when everyone else sees you as a 3-5/10 isn't going to go well for your dating life.

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    • Be positive. :)

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    • @finalgagaccountVNMC ugh! The admins should just block the creep. Cool alias by the way

    • Lol he keeps coming back ha ha , I have seen him come on and off with various account for all the 3 months I have been here

What Girls Said 22

  • 3mo

    Most of those people are only there for the compliments...

    But those who aren't - and look amazing - probably have some kind of a body image dysmorphia.

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  • great take!!!

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  • YESSSSS PREACH! I love this.

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  • Personal perception vs hardcore reality

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  • 2mo

    There is a difference between looking a certain way because you think you look nice, and looking a certain way because you think others will think you're pretty. I struggle with body confidence. I'm skinny, but I could be skinnier. My doctors say I'm the perfect weight and height for my age. I'm 13, in 8th grade. Everyone else has perfect flat stomachs and is at least 5'4. Me over here, I'm barley 5'1 and I have a tiny belly. I accept myself though, and I have to realize it's what on the inside that counts. So if people judge you on your looks, don't waste your time on them.

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  • 2mo

    If you date out of your league, that's where most of the problems come from. I asked for a rating because if it's really high, I should aim higher.

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  • 3mo

    yes, lets be fat and find excuses not to go to gym...

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    • 3mo

      why are you people so obsessed with who's fat or not? You spend so much time on this topic and trolling, that it's like, seriously, is there nothing else going on in your life?

    • 3mo

      I didn't spent time on this topic... mind ur own bussiness, and live ur life... if u have one

  • i always wonder if i'm attractive to other people

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  • Because being seen as attractive gives you a better life.

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  • Because we are social creatures and the "everyone is beautiful" crusaders are full of shit and they know it deep down inside.

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  • I don't. I agree that there is way too much thirst for approval on social media, with girls showing their butts fishing for likes.

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  • because I am an insecure bitch and need validation to stroke my ego
    now give me love puiiiz

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  • I'll admit I didn't read the take but I loved the video so much! I personally like the questions. I think most people are beautiful and I enjoy very much looking at them. Our confidence is wrapped up in how we think others think of us, not so much how they really do. Getting positive reinforcement is a wonderful thing but when there's a lot of negative we assume that's how most people feel when it is not.

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  • Lol I only ask people this because I genuinely wonder what I look like to other people. It's just interesting to know since I have no idea what I look like, I mean yes I am familiar with my face but I have a very difficult time telling if I'm attractive or not. It just perplexes me since I can automatically tell if I find someone attractive the moment I look at them, but can not tell for shit what I look like.

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  • Much of it is just curiosity

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  • Personally, i wouldn't mind of who thinks I look good or not. But there are times, as a confidence or ego boost, hearing someone tell you, you look good today just makes your day!

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  • I find myself ugly but when I ask people they find me pretty. So that's good.

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  • I don't know if you're gonna be a model, stripper, or a good escort, you should probably look good and have others think you look good lol, nice take :p

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  • Because some people are taught all their lives that appearance is the most important thing in the world. I know I was. My mom always got super pissed when I got bad grades in school, didn't dress nice, never wore makeup, and got fat. Not because I wasn't doing well for myself, but because I was making her look a bad mom. Because I messed up how people saw her. So that's what I started believing in too. I'm not as insecure now, but I do still believe that what people percieve of me is true. I ask my husband if he thinks I'm pretty all the time just so I can hear him say it and I'll feel okay again.

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  • How do I look?

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