I slapped my husband and he hit me back?

So my husband and I were having an argument and he was getting really angry so I told him if he doesn't leave me alone and stop yelling in my face, I'm going to slap him (he was calling me names and a bad mom) so he was yelling louder so I got so angry I slapped him. Then he hit me right back in the face. Hard. We've been married for 1& a half years and I love him very much. What should I do? We also have a 19 month old son


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Maybe you shouldn't be punching people because they punch back?

    I'm sorry, I don't empathize with people who inflict physical violence on others because otherwise they can't make a point. You guys both need a chill pill and conflict resolution skills.

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    • dude that should really be common sense...

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    • time to break up

    • Totally agree, don't hit people and expect them to not hit you back.

What Guys Said 36

  • Act like a man get treated like a man. You don't get to attack people because they're yelling--they'll hit you back. Welcome to reality!

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  • You slapped him, so you fully deserved the punch.

    Y'all need to see a marriage counselor and get y'all's shit together so that your child can grow up in a stable home.

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    • I'm going to play the devil's advocate, if it were a slap for a slap perhaps but a punch? Nope, she didn't fully deserved that. It's not even proportional force. That's like beating up someone with a baseball bat when they only punched you once.

    • No, she didn't.

  • I can't empathize much for you... you did hit him first!

    The only reason why I have a few drops of empathy for you is because him hitting u back hard isn't "equal" force to the slap u gave him.

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  • I'm so sorry for all the hate you are getting when you are trying to get help. People arejust venting their own frustrations on you. Forgive them.
    Take the advice of a few of the posters and remove yourself from those situations. Take your child and stay at a friends house.

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    • So she initiated domestic violence but criticizing that is "hate"? And it's unethical to take a man's child away from him just because you engaged in domestic violence - it should be the other way round - the parent who initiates domestic violence should not be left in charge of children.

    • yes they "hate". agreed with TheGentleLion.

  • That's self defense. You should be more mature than that and stop getting so irrational. Clearly you don't "love him very much" because I don't recall slapping someone an act of love. I hope he takes your 19month old son somewhere safe.

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    • By applying this logic (you own words: I don't recall slapping someone an act of love), neither of them love each other. Not just her but he doesn't love her either.

    • Brb.. taking my child away from his mother though I verbally abused her and punched her hard..
      Brb.. my son will be safe with me and she can't do nothing at all, all he needs is his father
      Brb.. Omg why do I have charges of kidnapping

      If someone takes away my child, I would file charges on them for kidnapping.

  • It sounds like you have a very dysfunctional relationship with your husband that has descended into violence. Both of you obviously think that hitting their spouse is okay. I hope your son didn't have to see this. Relationships where there is physical violence between the parties don't end well.

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    • What's ironic is that most couples are terrified their kids might see them making love (OMG) but think nothing of their kid seeing them arguing or violently beating one another. It's no wonder so many kids are messed up.

  • You two need to learn to step away from eachother before arguments reach that point. And if he's not willing to do it, then you need to be the strong one and just walk away. I'm not going to condone what either of you did: him for hitting you back, or you for slapping him when he kept intentionally irritating you. You need to leave from situations like that in the future. Once arguiing and yelling reaches a level of agner, there is no communication going on anyways, so walking away from tension like that cannot HARM anything. CCOme back and talk about it a few hours later, or the next day, or however long it takes for you both to be cooled off.

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  • girls... hear me out... all that "ladies first" &
    "gentleman"
    treatment that y'all get is cuz physically, women are
    inferior compared to
    men therefore the privilege that men do NOT hit
    women is given but do
    understand that when you put your hands on a
    man, you automatically
    surrender that privilege that has been given as you
    will be seen as an
    equal & your actions will be deemed as a
    challenge.
    So I wouldn't say he's wrong.

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    • I remember this one time I hit Ronda Rousey, MMA Female Champion, right in the face and she just crumpled proving that men are physically superior to women.

      Your assumption is false. Men are not physically superior to women.

      Men and women both have an obligation not to be physically or verbally violent to one another, because it's wrong. Simple as that.

  • What do you expect would happen with hitting a person that's really angry, they'd get on their hands and knees and beg their sorry, what happens when you hit someone angry is most of the time it only makes the angrier, even tho I don't agree with a man hitting a woman, it most likely sounds like he hit out of anger or as a natural reaction to you hitting him first. The best thing to do when someone is angry like that is to let them go and get away from the to give them time enough too cool, cause hitting only makes things worse.

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  • I don't believe a guy should hit a girl because lets be honest, a guy can hit a lot harder than a girl. But you shouldn't of hit him and let the anger get the best of you. You were both wrong but I think he was more in the wrong. Two wrongs don't make a right and like I said guys have an unfair advantage, naturally bigger and stronger.

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    • Logic finally

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    • You're welcome. Apparently we're dealing with sub-culture poster. They want to hear ''Oh yessss, he punched the hell of you and great, I like his response'' type of reply. I'm noticing those are the only replies that are getting up-voted the most, the ones that everyone is putting the guy as a hero. I'm surprise people have gotten to that point.
      I guess now I know how most people are in their animalistic form, if not in real life then online here by their replies.

    • Well, I disagree with a lot of people on this site, guess I'm considered old fashioned here. Good thing aside from this site I think most people would agree with me, I hope.

  • Your marriage sounds very dysfunctional.. you should look into marriage counseling. Also this isn't very healthy for the kid. While it may be true that it was wrong of him to hit you it was also wrong of you to hit him. Don't expect to not get hit just because of your gender. Its not the fact that he hit you that is the problem here. The problem I'm sure goes much deeper than that. You two need to get counseling to figure out what it is and fix it. Especially for the kid.

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  • As my mother says" you want to act like a man, expect to be treated like one"

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  • As soon as you cross the physical barrier the other person has the right to defend themselves how they deem necessary.

    If things get that bad walk away. Call the police, or call a friend. Violence begets violence

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  • See a marriage counselor.

    You're both at fault. Just because you're a woman doesn't excuse the fact that you first threatened violence and escalated a verbal conflict into a physical one. This is technically assault (the threat) and battery (the slap). That doesn't make it right for him to escalate even further from a slap to a punch, but you're halfway at fault for contributing to the escalation. You're both at fault.

    Learn some better conflict resolution skills, both of you. You could have just walked away from the argument.

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  • Size and muscle don't matter in this situation. I've read a news story about a 100lb girl killing a 250lb man with one punch in the face over a five dollar bet. Human beings are fragile as hell. If you hit them in the right ways, in the right spots, they will die, period. Now, I realize that these are slaps, and not punches, but here's the point.

    If someone tries to swing on me, I treat them like they're a threat to my life. I'm not some dumb kid on the street, and I'm more than well-aware of how fragile people are, AND I saw a kid stab another kid through the chest with a stick at the park when I was little, so I also know that ONE FUCK UP and somebody can be dead without you meaning for it to happen. If things get physical, I will instantly take control, but I won't kill you, because I know what I'm doing compared to other people, I'll grab you up in a choke hold and show you that I can stop you whenever I want you to stop.

    Another thing about me, I'll play any game my opponent does. If you want to go that low, I'll prove to you that I can do it better so your ass NEVER thinks to do that to me again.

    I'm a weird person, but like most people said, go to counseling or something, because you messed up by escalating things to that point when you weren't ready to deal with releasing the kraken

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    • she didn't swing at him, she slapped him bc he wouldn't go away. and she warned him,. he could have stopped at any point. he obviously wnted an excuse.

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    • "An autopsy ruled that he had died from a brain haemorrhage caused by blunt force trauma."

    • I'll never forget this answer. M_A_X, if you ever come back, please note the fact that you're awesome.

  • Don't hit people. Act right or get smacked right.

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  • You shouldn't hit him. Don't think you can get away with it just because you're a woman.

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  • You hit him in the face, what the hell did you expect him to do? It annoys me to no end when women spend all their time saying "Equality among the sexes" and then start whining when they get LITERALLY what they asked for. I'm not saying he's not in the wrong, but you hit him, what's he going to do? Apologize and start crying? No, he's not four. You're both adults, if you hit him, he's going to hit you back.

    What you need to is apologize for hitting him in the face.

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    • Only she apologizes and not him?

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    • These are my only two NO's in a relationship or marriage: 1) No cheating 2) No level of aggression done in anger

    • Well of course, I believe the same two things.

      Personally, if my girlfriend got angry at me, and she was mad beyond the point of reasoning, I'd politely say "Alright, I'm just gonna' leave, and let you calm down a little bit. Go ahead and text me when you're calm, and we'll from there". Of course, if she's wrong I'll point it out, but never in my life have I, or will I resort to physical violence. You shouldn't treat someone you care about in such a rude way.

  • What you should do is apologize profusely for initiating physical abuse. Then the two of you need to get counseling or something to learn conflict resolution skills (e. g. how to talk through your differences without resorting to violence), even if just for the sake of your son.

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    • He doesn't need to apologize? Lol

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    • Opinion owner you have turned out to be someone with helpful advice for her. Awesome :)

    • Then that's about the only reasonable reply. I'm going to assume they either have solved this by now or one of them started filing for divorce.

  • thats what I call equal rights lol :-|

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  • Thats called espousal abue and it's a crime. Unless you were charging him with a steak knife or a pitchfork or something he shouldn't be hitting you. The fact that you've only been married a year makes me think this could be a sign of things to come.

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    • She hits him = not spousal abuse
      He hits her = spousal abuse
      ? Riiight...

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    • You're right that spousal abuse is a crime, but if you think that it's not spousal abuse when a woman hits a man, then, well, I just don't know what to say to you.

    • jmmmfi your reply is apparently going to get down-voted mostly. Most posters here want to hear replies that are putting the guy as the hero, which I find sooo illogical.
      These are sub-culture types down-voting us.

  • you should have kicked him in the jewels

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    • I wouldn't do that. I would leave and file for divorce. Now would this be still consider assault if a man was seriously trying to rape me and I manage to hit him there?

    • dav only way they can prove that if someone kicks somebody in the jewels and that if someone sen them do it if not cops will tell the man be more carful

  • Faith in humanity restored after reading all the comments. Thank you people.

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    • Yeah, making people feel worse about their problems instead of helping them really restores our faith in humanity! Thank goodness

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    • I didn't actually said I'll definitely slap him. I said I would react. How? I don't know. I just might. Ever heard of ''flight or fight'' mode when someone genuinely feels threatened (I'm not talking about just hitting in anger because you got hit first but fear)? Reactions and reponses to fear can take place in many ways.
      What happens if you corner a rat for so long? Even that small animal will bite you in fear.

      Honestly, I'm actually not a mean person to take advantage of someone that is old-fashioned and does nothing due to his upbringing. My own guilt would be so terrible for me. To me that would be the same as cheating on an exam and knowing well I didn't deserve that good grade. I can't picture myself taking advantage of someone nor being a bully. I've been verbally and emotional bully during my school years and that's just as bad too.

    • I don't need to get threatened and told ''I can easily knock you out if'', to treat someone good. I would be questioning why he has to even talk to me in that manner and that alone would also be a good reason to leave a relationship or file for divorce.

  • I will be very blunt and honest. Stop dreaming. From the point where you have come, it will NEVER get better. Be prepared for that.

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    • About the only realistic answer. i agree. It will never get better now with violence introduced in the marriage. The marriage is over IMO.

    • Please don't take me wrong my friend. I am genuinely sad and feel for you both because I am a BIG believer in marriage and you are one of the few on GAGville who is married. I can only pray that it works out in your case by some miracle and you both genuinely appologize to each other and just look at your child and think about his/her future. Kids need BOTH parents to be raised normal. (I do not mean those who lose parent/s in accidents).

    • I'm assuming you're referring to the anonymous Asker. I'm not her.

  • didn't you had reconciliation sex? This usually make things better. My parents are divorced and it really hurt me when I was a kid. Whenever I see married couples fighting Im sad. Don't ruin your relationship you two. Please stay calm.

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  • You two shouldn't be popping each other across the face. I think you to should talk about what happened that night, say sorry, and agree to use only words next argument.

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  • You should cry and call mommy. You hit someones and you got hit back. It's even.

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  • Dumbass...

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  • What do you expect.

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  • What should you do? Apologize to him and never hit him again. You got exactly what you asked for. I really don't understand why women complain so much about physical violence and yet have no trouble doing it themselves. What is it with women and hypocrisy?

    I'm going to state the obvious here... never initiate a physical altercation with someone who could so easily hurt you badly if he wanted to. You may think he hit you hard but he held back or you would be in the hospital now.

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    • Erin Pizzey was one of the first widely known people to host a woman's shelter back in 1971 and she tells people now that so many of the women who took refuge were actually violent people themselves. She had what she considered to be two scenarios.

      Scenario One: Women who accidentally become involved with a violent partner and now wish to leave and to never return again.

      Scenario Two: Women who, for deep psychological reasons of their own, seek out a violent relationship, or a series of violent relationships, with no intention of leaving.

      She found that: "...62 women out of the first hundred women who came to the refuge were as violent or more violent than the men they left. Also many were prostitutes taking refuge from their violent pimps."

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    • So you're trying to tell me you can die from a slap in the face or that it can cause great bodily harm? I can understand a punch... yes there have been a couple cases of someone dying or getting injured from that but for a slap from the asker?

      His life was not in danger. He reacted in anger. That's not being endangered. Nice try.
      I know how a real crazy girl would act like and those types are the ones that won't stop at nothing. I would actually be the first person to report that type (if she's legitimate psycho that is). The asker doesn't even come one bit close to that.

    • You are a clueless hypocrite. Most of the women here get it. Why not you?

  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 48

  • He defended himself.
    Just because you are a woman doesn't give you a free pass to hit him.

    Do I agree that he hit you back?
    No, he should have walked away.

    But the fact of the matter is, not every guy is going to react the way
    you think they should or the way society tells them to.

    You keep your hands to yourself and apologize for hitting him in the first place.
    He should has well.

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  • That's a serious problem. You had no right to slap him in the first place. Most people react to violence with more violence. Therefore, it simply escalates the problem. If he was yelling at you, the smart thing to do would have been walking away and separating yourself from the conflict. Giving him some time to cool down and then coming back together and talking the problem through.

    You both were in the wrong, however, you escalated the issue first by hitting him. My advice to you would be to 1) Decide if this relationship is worth staying in and 2) If you want to stay with him, seek couples counseling to get BOTH of your tempers under control. A relationship cannot work without communication. Sound communication involves speaking clearly, using a kind tone of voice, and listening to the other person. You should also learn how to properly handle arguments and disputes in a healthy way. This is something both of you need to work on if you want your relationship to work out. I wish you the best of luck.

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  • I really hate it when people hit each other. That being said, you were wrong for hitting him and he was wrong for hitting you back. And tbh, since you hit him first, you kinda had it coming. If you don't want to fight, then don't. It's like putting your hand in the fire and then wondering why it's burning. There's nothing you can do (in terms of legal things), since you took the initiative to turn it into something physical. But other than that, you should probably talk to him about it and apologize for hitting him. Hopefully he'll apologize back and you'll be able to resolve whatever problems you're having. Maybe have a discussion about some boundaries to have while arguing, like not yelling, calling each other names or hitting each other.

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  • You hit first. This is 2014. Equality for all means that he can hit you back.

    An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. Lesson learned, don't hit people because they hit back.

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  • You want to keep your son?
    You can't act like that anymore. It's not acceptable. For the sake of your baby, you mustn't allow this type of behaviour to go on. You both have to cut it out, or leave each other.

    Anger management/ counselling may help.

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  • Oh great, another pair of mouthbreathers reproducing.

    Seriously, you've been married less than two years and this is the kind of environment you're bringing up a child in?

    What are they going to learn from this behavior? That women are entitled to hurt others and expect no repercussions?
    That settling arguments using violence is normal? That shouting abuse at your loved ones is how relationships work?

    You claim to love him very much, yet you raised your hand at him, because you couldn't control your emotions.

    What happens next time you get annoyed with your baby, huh?

    Honestly, both of you are a disgrace as parents and human beings.

    Your vagina doesn't grant you a shield, lady. If you hit, expect to be hit back. However, you two shouldn't have gotten together in the first place, because you're clearly not mature enough not to behave like morons, let alone raise a child.

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    • I love reading your answers, they are awesome and straight to the point.

  • Well, yeah you hit him, so of course he's going to hit back. What did you expect? Maybe it's time to seek out some help on how to communicate with each other in a better way, instead of resorting to name calling and slapping each other.

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  • Being a woman doesn't give you the right to hit people, neither does saying "hey I'm going to hit you" the two of you need serious help because neither one of you should be laying a hand on the other.

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  • You should never put your hands on someone with violent intent. Especially, someone you claim to love.
    You hit him first and he has a right to defend himself. You two should really try to talk about this.

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  • you probably shouldn't have hit him and he definitely shouldn't have laid a finger on you that is so messed up :(
    but when guys start this crap it usually isn't going to be the last time especially him calling you names and a bad mom. Maybe you should separate and try to work on your differences that way.

    BUT in all honesty if any guy ever hit me I would knock him out first off. Second I'd leave I wouldn't deal with that shit. I've seen this happen to so many girls it's sad. One of my best friends ended up in the hospital because of her bf, my bfs sister got dragged down the stairs by her hair and some other fucked up shit.

    PLEASEEEE BE CAREFUL and if it got bad you leave for the sake of your child!

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  • I'm not sure what exactly you expected. Unless he slapped you back with noticeably stronger force, you can't really blame him. Was it the most mature and best way for him to react? Definitely not. But it was 100% your fault.

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  • well the answers are peculiar. you slapped him. clearly he was not 'hitting' you back in self defens, thats bs, he was annoyed.

    I do not think anyone should inflict anything more than a slap to a person of smaller size. unless self defense. which in his case, it was not.

    i dont know what the situation looked like, I dont know if you simply should not have slapped him, bc 'violence' is bad, or if he was being violent in his demeanor and you felt threatened. i can see if are smaller you could have felt threatened.

    was walking away a possibility?

    could you have closed a door or walked out of the home?

    i think him hitting you was wrong if he is bigger regrless of yoursex, and wrpng bc you dd not hit him, and wrong bc he shouldhave backed off.

    if ud pummeled him id see it differently. but no ne hits back bc f self defense from a slap.

    i think you shouldleave him. you guys are seriosly a threat to each other and your son.,

    in this case i would not trust him at al, though i dont slp people when im angry i think his behavior was sketchy from the bginning. if someone says stop yelling you stop yelling. he was clearly trying to intimidate you.

    he lacks self control. I do not know if you usually have self control, but around him you do not.

    its too chaotic. you guys should see a counselor or split. if not for you, for the sake of your child.

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    • Well, clearly she wasn't hitting him out of self- defense either. It's almost like they're two human beings who are equally as emotional. DAMN!

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    • she should have walked out when he was carrying on. he should have walked out when she slapped him.

      Partners; parents are supposed to be each others better half. if you use your partners bad behavior as an excuse for your own you're screwed.

      they were both wrong-unless she couldnt get away- but how does that help the kid.

      Ethically, i think size- not sex- matters. so does intensity

      im not going to use more intensity than necessary or too much force on a smaller person.

      I so rarely use physical force. only times i have was obvious self defense from physical attack, i have not -always- used physical forc- even if attacked if mild.

      ometimes, you just have to restrain someone. unless violence is your goal. its never my goal.

      i think for adults Esp with kids violence should be avoided. obviously lol

      i think his pride was wounded not his body. not a good reason to hit.

      I don't know if she slapped him bc she felt threatend, or just angry. lattr bing a poor excuse

    • I gotta agree with the part about stop yelling, which he fail to do and continue yelling even more. What part of ''Stop yelling'' didn't her husband understand?
      I would see that as very intimidating.

  • If you hit people then you have to expect that they hit you back, even when you're a woman. Its your fault, sorry. You really should try and talk.

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  • I am sorry, but you both are to blame. You cannot act like that to each other. The physical violence is unacceptable, but the verbal violence is almost as bad. Yelling at each other doesn't make sense. You should be able to talk like two adults. For the sake of your baby.

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    • I agree. Growing up in an environment where your parents are constantly just quarreling and name-calling and yelling at each other sucks.

    • Yes. No kid deserves that. But also not the parents. Arguing like this no happiness can be achieved.

  • I'm all for gender equality, I can't empathise with you because you did initiate physical violence which is something I don't condone from men or women. I think you got what you asked for. You both need to sit down and talk and not get fists involved or your marriage is going to go downhill quickly.

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  • I think that if the majority of guys--not men--on this question were in need of serious medical help, I'd let them die.

    He was wrong for punching you. You were wrong for slapping him. He lashed out in anger which isn't healthy. You felt threatened and told him to leave you alone which he didn't.

    I hope you two aren't together anymore because No one should be with a pussy like that.

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  • You can't change what happened but you can learn from this. Obviously hitting is not acceptable coming from a man or women and someone should have walked away. You and your husband need to talk about what happened and talk about how to move on from it. If anger is an issue then maybe anger management is something you both need, if anything it will give you the tools to deal with anger in a more positive and constructive way. Having a toddler can be exhausting and can litterly bring out the worst in someone. Can someone take him for the night? Your husband and you can probably use a date night even if you can't afford to go out then rent a movie and snuggle on the couch and then sleep in instead of raising at the crack of dawn.

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  • WOW. So... I understand that describing situations on the internet is pretty difficult to portray, even considering that you are mentioning everything. I've been in a few violent relationships, but I've come out knowing a few things.
    My Opinion:
    ONE. You are both completely wrong in this situation. You are both violent and immature.
    TWO. One of you should have walked away, not let the argument escalate.
    THREE. YOU HAVE A CHILD. Grow up and act like parents before you mess your kid up for good.
    FOUR. How do you not expect to be hit back? Being a woman is not a shield you can pull up whenever you don't think you can take what you dish out.
    FIVE. You've been in another marriage, where you admit that this same basic situation has happened. Insanity is repeating the same process expecting different results.

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  • You shouldn't have hit him. No excuses, it wasn't acceptable. He felt as shocked and upset as you did when he hit you, you deserved a smack - it's called karma. You need to figure out how to control your temper and so does your husband, then you need to work on how to talk about your issues like grown ups, not children in a schoolyard.

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  • You slapped him which was completely unnecessary and it was assault, it was wrong of you to slap him you should have acted like a mature adult and walked away instead of getting violent and behaving as a savage child. You got exactly what you deserved. You should apologize to him and make amends.

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  • What did you expect to happen when you slapped him?

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  • I think yoda said this before. What you give out, comes back to u like a whipping boomerang. Be da better role model please?

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  • Next time, don't slap him and he won't hit you back. You're the one who brought things to a physical level.

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  • You should not have threatened him, nor should have hit him. He should not yelled at you. You could have only stated for him to stop yelling at you and then walked out the door. His reaction was a defense reaction by the amygdalla. Not that I am condoning it, but you did hit him. You were in the wrong on this. You have the improper reaction. You could have just walked out the door.

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  • You shouldn't have slapped him, but he should have backed off, walked out and got out of your face. Honestly, most men don't hit women regardless, but if this physical violence is a habit for you two, it has to be stopped.

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  • next time dont start it

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  • You slapped somebody and you got slapped back. Stop crying about it and fix the problem. What did you think was going to happen when you slapped him?

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  • You're going to regret it if you separate and you're going to regret it if you leave it alone and dont say anything. In my opinion, apologize and tell him you were wrong for hitting him, but make sure you let him know that he was wrong for hitting you too. Yes, people get riled up and go too far but never should it get to the extent where a man hits a woman. Please stay together for your child. Wishing you the best of luck. xoxo

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  • So he verbally assaults you, you physically assault him, and he does it back.
    See a marriage counselor

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  • Did he apologize? What did he do after?

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    • Well, she should have apologized first, and then should have him. Punching others is morally errorenous.

    • Either way, both should of been the bigger person and walk away or talk like civilized people. Both are wrong. They shouldn't put a child in that environment. He'll grow up abusive and passive aggressive.

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