well the answers are peculiar. you slapped him. clearly he was not 'hitting' you back in self defens, thats bs, he was annoyed.
I do not think anyone should inflict anything more than a slap to a person of smaller size. unless self defense. which in his case, it was not.
i dont know what the situation looked like, I dont know if you simply should not have slapped him, bc 'violence' is bad, or if he was being violent in his demeanor and you felt threatened. i can see if are smaller you could have felt threatened.
was walking away a possibility?
could you have closed a door or walked out of the home?
i think him hitting you was wrong if he is bigger regrless of yoursex, and wrpng bc you dd not hit him, and wrong bc he shouldhave backed off.
if ud pummeled him id see it differently. but no ne hits back bc f self defense from a slap.
i think you shouldleave him. you guys are seriosly a threat to each other and your son.,
in this case i would not trust him at al, though i dont slp people when im angry i think his behavior was sketchy from the bginning. if someone says stop yelling you stop yelling. he was clearly trying to intimidate you.
he lacks self control. I do not know if you usually have self control, but around him you do not.
its too chaotic. you guys should see a counselor or split. if not for you, for the sake of your child.
Was slapping him respectful?
Usually people yell when they feel like the other person isn't listening to them. Were you being respectful of his opinions? Were you listening to him with humility?
Even if he was wrong, he is the love of your life. You made a vow to cherish and respect him forever. He did too, and you may feel like he's not doing that sometimes. However, that's what the vow is there for. The promise of love exists to cover those times when you guys no longer feel that you love each other.
Act as though you love, even when you don't feel like it, and you will presently come back to love. Come to him humbly. Apologize for not being as respectful of his feelings as you should have been. Apologize for initiating violence, which was both unwarranted and immature. Ask him to forgive you. Ask him to hear your feelings. Ask him to help you become a better wife and mother. Give him a hug and a kiss. Then do your best to hear why he's concerned. If you give him that courtesy, he will give you courtesy back.
That's a serious problem. You had no right to slap him in the first place. Most people react to violence with more violence. Therefore, it simply escalates the problem. If he was yelling at you, the smart thing to do would have been walking away and separating yourself from the conflict. Giving him some time to cool down and then coming back together and talking the problem through.
You both were in the wrong, however, you escalated the issue first by hitting him. My advice to you would be to 1) Decide if this relationship is worth staying in and 2) If you want to stay with him, seek couples counseling to get BOTH of your tempers under control. A relationship cannot work without communication. Sound communication involves speaking clearly, using a kind tone of voice, and listening to the other person. You should also learn how to properly handle arguments and disputes in a healthy way. This is something both of you need to work on if you want your relationship to work out. I wish you the best of luck.
Size and muscle don't matter in this situation. I've read a news story about a 100lb girl killing a 250lb man with one punch in the face over a five dollar bet. Human beings are fragile as hell. If you hit them in the right ways, in the right spots, they will die, period. Now, I realize that these are slaps, and not punches, but here's the point.
If someone tries to swing on me, I treat them like they're a threat to my life. I'm not some dumb kid on the street, and I'm more than well-aware of how fragile people are, AND I saw a kid stab another kid through the chest with a stick at the park when I was little, so I also know that ONE FUCK UP and somebody can be dead without you meaning for it to happen. If things get physical, I will instantly take control, but I won't kill you, because I know what I'm doing compared to other people, I'll grab you up in a choke hold and show you that I can stop you whenever I want you to stop.
Another thing about me, I'll play any game my opponent does. If you want to go that low, I'll prove to you that I can do it better so your ass NEVER thinks to do that to me again.
I'm a weird person, but like most people said, go to counseling or something, because you messed up by escalating things to that point when you weren't ready to deal with releasing the kraken
Maybe you shouldn't be punching people because they punch back?
I'm sorry, I don't empathize with people who inflict physical violence on others because otherwise they can't make a point. You guys both need a chill pill and conflict resolution skills.
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u Well, yeah you hit him, so of course he's going to hit back. What did you expect? Maybe it's time to seek out some help on how to communicate with each other in a better way, instead of resorting to name calling and slapping each other.
I'm going to be honest:
If a bf or husband was yelling at the top of his lungs in my face I would feel very unsafe and threatened. I'm sorry but I might react a bit like the asker too if walking away wasn't an option right in that moment because I would immediately assume he's cornering me and has bad intentions. My physical reaction would mostly be out of fear that he's trapping me and not letting me go, which is very similar to a rat biting you when you corner it.
I'm very susceptible to any degree of perceived aggression in man and this includes getting in my face in anger.
Sorry but it's more threatening when a man is screaming in our faces and doing mean gestures than vice-versa. If he then reacts violently after my fight-flight reaction then I wouldn't want him in my life anymore. It means he didn't understand my susceptibility nor background to where I'm coming from, otherwise he would have apologize to me and say something like ''Sorry, I scared you, are you ok, etc''. My paternal grandfather used to hit my grandmother in their younger years. I'm leery of men that show they're capable of hurting me. That's my one of my top deal-breaker besides getting cheating on.
I really hate it when people hit each other. That being said, you were wrong for hitting him and he was wrong for hitting you back. And tbh, since you hit him first, you kinda had it coming. If you don't want to fight, then don't. It's like putting your hand in the fire and then wondering why it's burning. There's nothing you can do (in terms of legal things), since you took the initiative to turn it into something physical. But other than that, you should probably talk to him about it and apologize for hitting him. Hopefully he'll apologize back and you'll be able to resolve whatever problems you're having. Maybe have a discussion about some boundaries to have while arguing, like not yelling, calling each other names or hitting each other.
He defended himself.
Just because you are a woman doesn't give you a free pass to hit him.
Do I agree that he hit you back?
No, he should have walked away.
But the fact of the matter is, not every guy is going to react the way
you think they should or the way society tells them to.
You keep your hands to yourself and apologize for hitting him in the first place.
He should has well.
This kind of hypocrisy is my number-one pet peeve with women.
You hit him, and you're shocked that he hit you back? If you don't want to receive force, you shouldn't initiate force. It's a simple rule.
I've been nagged at a lot in my life by many people including many women. I've never once lifted a finger at any of them. There is no excuse for violence at all. If you don't like him, leave him. Don't hit him.
What should you do? You should apologize to him. Don't somehow imply that YOU are living in fear, when from your tone it seems that the only time he has ever raised a finger to you in this fairly long time you've been together is when you hit him first.
Oh great, another pair of mouthbreathers reproducing.
Seriously, you've been married less than two years and this is the kind of environment you're bringing up a child in?
What are they going to learn from this behavior? That women are entitled to hurt others and expect no repercussions?
That settling arguments using violence is normal? That shouting abuse at your loved ones is how relationships work?
You claim to love him very much, yet you raised your hand at him, because you couldn't control your emotions.
What happens next time you get annoyed with your baby, huh?
Honestly, both of you are a disgrace as parents and human beings.
Your vagina doesn't grant you a shield, lady. If you hit, expect to be hit back. However, you two shouldn't have gotten together in the first place, because you're clearly not mature enough not to behave like morons, let alone raise a child.
You hit first. This is 2014. Equality for all means that he can hit you back.
An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. Lesson learned, don't hit people because they hit back.
girls... hear me out... all that "ladies first" &
"gentleman"
treatment that y'all get is cuz physically, women are
inferior compared to
men therefore the privilege that men do NOT hit
women is given but do
understand that when you put your hands on a
man, you automatically
surrender that privilege that has been given as you
will be seen as an
equal & your actions will be deemed as a
challenge.
So I wouldn't say he's wrong.
You want to keep your son?
You can't act like that anymore. It's not acceptable. For the sake of your baby, you mustn't allow this type of behaviour to go on. You both have to cut it out, or leave each other.
Anger management/ counselling may help.
Wait a minute.. First of all this relationship sounds dysfunctional because you threaten each other with violence.. Second of all if somebody strikes you first they have the right to hit you back.. I'm not condoning anyone using violence but if one human being strikes another and expects some kind of protection due to their gender I don't agree with that.
What do you expect would happen with hitting a person that's really angry, they'd get on their hands and knees and beg their sorry, what happens when you hit someone angry is most of the time it only makes the angrier, even tho I don't agree with a man hitting a woman, it most likely sounds like he hit out of anger or as a natural reaction to you hitting him first. The best thing to do when someone is angry like that is to let them go and get away from the to give them time enough too cool, cause hitting only makes things worse.
You two need to learn to step away from eachother before arguments reach that point. And if he's not willing to do it, then you need to be the strong one and just walk away. I'm not going to condone what either of you did: him for hitting you back, or you for slapping him when he kept intentionally irritating you. You need to leave from situations like that in the future. Once arguiing and yelling reaches a level of agner, there is no communication going on anyways, so walking away from tension like that cannot HARM anything. CCOme back and talk about it a few hours later, or the next day, or however long it takes for you both to be cooled off.
I am sorry, but you both are to blame. You cannot act like that to each other. The physical violence is unacceptable, but the verbal violence is almost as bad. Yelling at each other doesn't make sense. You should be able to talk like two adults. For the sake of your baby.
You slapped him, so you fully deserved the punch.
Y'all need to see a marriage counselor and get y'all's shit together so that your child can grow up in a stable home.
Now if this man had any sense, he'd have walked away from this situation, packed his bags and left. No matter what someone says to you, you have no right to use violence. Slapping someone in the face is unacceptable as is striking back, though I could understand why he struck back, even if I don't agree with his action.
Your marriage sounds very dysfunctional.. you should look into marriage counseling. Also this isn't very healthy for the kid. While it may be true that it was wrong of him to hit you it was also wrong of you to hit him. Don't expect to not get hit just because of your gender. Its not the fact that he hit you that is the problem here. The problem I'm sure goes much deeper than that. You two need to get counseling to figure out what it is and fix it. Especially for the kid.
You can't change what happened but you can learn from this. Obviously hitting is not acceptable coming from a man or women and someone should have walked away. You and your husband need to talk about what happened and talk about how to move on from it. If anger is an issue then maybe anger management is something you both need, if anything it will give you the tools to deal with anger in a more positive and constructive way. Having a toddler can be exhausting and can litterly bring out the worst in someone. Can someone take him for the night? Your husband and you can probably use a date night even if you can't afford to go out then rent a movie and snuggle on the couch and then sleep in instead of raising at the crack of dawn.
That's self defense. You should be more mature than that and stop getting so irrational. Clearly you don't "love him very much" because I don't recall slapping someone an act of love. I hope he takes your 19month old son somewhere safe.
See a marriage counselor.
You're both at fault. Just because you're a woman doesn't excuse the fact that you first threatened violence and escalated a verbal conflict into a physical one. This is technically assault (the threat) and battery (the slap). That doesn't make it right for him to escalate even further from a slap to a punch, but you're halfway at fault for contributing to the escalation. You're both at fault.
Learn some better conflict resolution skills, both of you. You could have just walked away from the argument.
I'm so sorry for all the hate you are getting when you are trying to get help. People arejust venting their own frustrations on you. Forgive them.
Take the advice of a few of the posters and remove yourself from those situations. Take your child and stay at a friends house.
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