I want to wait until marriage but he doesn't?

My boyfriend and I have had sex before, we've been dating for a year.

I want to stop having sex until we get married, but my boyfriend doesn't feel like it's necessary. He thinks that since we've already done it, that quitting cold turkey would be dumb. I disagree. I think that we should have waited, but he thinks that it wouldn't have made a difference either way.

I don't know what to do. We both want to marry each other. just not for a few years. I don't even know if we could wait that long to have sex again.

Am I being over dramatic? Should I just continue to have sex?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's tough to say.

    Say you break up with him over it, but you would've otherwise been great together and happily married. Then this issue would be a very silly one.

    Say it's an omen of what's to come: more disagreements about other things and he doesn't understand you, which leads to further fights and a divorce. Then this issue would be a very important one.

    Right now, I believe only you can tell what feels right. If you don't want to have sex, it's your choice though. Nobody should force you, not even a boyfriend or husband. You have your own beliefs, stick to it. If he doesn't understand, it could indicate he will not understand other things either.

    Think good about why you want to stop having sex, what's your reason and what good will it bring? If it outweighs the 'bad' it will bring, by all means, don't have sex. If it won't bring much good, think it over again, but don't let anyone push you to do anything you don't want to.

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What Guys Said 5

  • I don't think you've being dramatic at all.

    The consensus seems to be that once you start having sex on a regular basis, it's difficult to stop, let alone cold turkey. Having said that however, I don't think you should "just continue to have sex." I don't say that (just) because I believe in waiting until marriage to have sex.

    This is something that is clearly of great importance to you (though if you don't mind my asking, why do/did you want to wait?). Because it is important to you, your boyfriend should consider why it is. A good place for him to start would be to stop thinking of it as "dumb" and "unnecessary". He might still disagree with it (and that is totally fine), but it should open him up a bit more. It should break down a philosophical barrier.

    These are two things that you should not expect to happen overnight. You should not expect him to make this mental/emotional adjustment overnight and neither should you expect to not have sex anymore until marriage. Hopefully, with time and persistence, they will come if you truly love each other.

    If it would help, here is an article that I just posted that might shed some light on the situation... link

    All the best.

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  • You're in a compromised position. You compromised yourself and now your trying to fix it after the fact. This erodes the ground you could have stood on. I agree with you, but how to pick up the chastity ball after you have dropped it is a problem. The best way to avoid being an alcoholic is to never start drinking in the first place and once you have come accustom to liqueur it is hard to pass up the bottle when you see it. Your boyfriend will never agree with you now so you might just have to end the relationship to regain your virtue and start over with another guy. This is probably not the answer you wanted but an ugly truth is better than a pretty lie.

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  • You're just complicating matters unnecessarily. There would have to be some sort of reason not to and be followed before even having sex.

    When people wait for marriage, it's for matters like religious beliefs and such. You're here just saying "Now I want to wait for marriage even though we're already having sex." I think he should dump you just for suggesting that. It is a dumb idea. Sex is already a complicated topic for couples and you're just trying to make it a headache for him now.

    Many guys don't wait for marriage and it's a dealbreaker for them so if you go this route be prepared to be dumped(rightfully so) and stuck dating religious guys who will be trying to convert you to their faith for the rest of your life.

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  • You should not continue to do it ifyou don't want to. But the problem is that if he doesn't want to wait, he may start looking other directions to satisfy what he wants. And not saying he'll leave you, but he may cheat on you secretly, to satisfy what he wants.

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  • Dump him, it sounds like he doesn't love you that much

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What Girls Said 3

  • It sounds as though that now that "Tom" has had a taste of his little chickadee, he doesn't want to quit "cold turkey" ANYTHING, because, like any man, he is enjoying his "love nest" at the moment, and doesn't want to be "kicked out of the nest," And of course, he is at the age, where his "raging hormones" would be getting out of control, which, if you didn't "put out", he would start to "pout." So, here is a situation, where this may affect the relationship, and cause a problem in the near future, with perhaps NEVER making it "down the isle", you might say. What I might suggest, that if you have been together now for a year, and really do have serious intentions of staying together and "discussing marriage", come to some sort of "cozy compromise," in order to please him and---you. This way, you can maintain a good relationship, which always takes plenty of feeding and nurturing, instead of "ruffling up one anothers' feathers" in the int rum, or even finding him "running around the barn yard looking for other chicks,"and last, even---both love birds end up "flying the coup.":(

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  • You can't undo what's been done.

    I think you're playing games and need to figure out why exactly you want this when it's already been done. You can't right a mistake.

    If you can't agree on sex then you'll need to break up for compatibility sake.

    I do agree with him, but that's just my take.

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  • Once your sexually active it's very difficult to stay abstinent, it seems like you're scared to lose him before marriage. You fear he will get bored because your still young & a couple years more til marriage happens. My advice nothing is guaranteed. He loves you now live in the momment one day you'll get married don't rush it.

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