Can you be shy and confident? Or are shyness and insecurity a package deal?

Especially on here, it's like people think loud and boisterous people all must be confident, and shy quiet folk are always insecure.
So can shy people be confident? Because the thesaurus lists shy and insecure together lol
I like shy guys but insecurity kills me.

Perhaps I should be asking about introverts instead...

Thoughts?
Can you be shy and confident? Or are shyness and insecurity a package deal?

  • Yes, you can be shy and confident
    60% (31)63% (37)61% (68)Vote
  • Maybe, but it's uncommon
    19% (10)14% (8)16% (18)Vote
  • Nope. Shyness and insecurity come together.
    21% (11)23% (14)23% (25)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm shy, but when I'm about to do business, work I'm confident and don't show shyness. So this is weird I was married for several years and that I'm a divorced single 31 year old I myself being l Shy with women, even just small talk and I'm also Shy doing certain things by myself.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm extroverted + shy + insecure Lol!
    Is this possible? I don't know haha
    Yeah I think you can be shy and confident

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What Guys Said 25

  • I don't wanna be all "OMGGGGGGGGG this question is sooooooooooooooooooo about meeeeeeeee," but I'm the quiet confident type. It definitely exists.

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  • Some shy people love to insist that they are somehow quietly secretly confident.

    Like a guy who has never been in a fight, convincing himself he's a great fighter.

    Imagination is powerful, but if you never put it to the test, it's all in your head.

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  • Shy "being reserved or having or showing nervousness or timidity in the company of other people."

    Confident "feeling or showing confidence in oneself; self-assured."

    I see confidence as someone who can go talk to a bunch of people they've never met and be comfortable and confident.

    A shy person lets say would just be quiet/reserved/awkward/out of place.

    It's basically an antonym of the other. Now you can be confident in some aspects of your life and shy socially in general, but you can't have both in a particular instance. If you're shy meeting new people and confident in a place where you've know people for an extended period of time. You're still not that confident in a general sense.

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  • Are you an introvert? Have you been typed? As in MBTI?

    Shyness is introversion, a hesitation to be outgoing. It has nothing to do with confidence or lack thereof. I know, I'm an introvert but not in any way not insecure or lacking confidence.

    Introverts learn to get along just fine in social situations - they just prefer meaningful conversation one on one, whereas an extrovert with chit-chat with EVERYBODY. Social interaction gets the extros all charged up - whereas it wears out the introvert - they need their quiet time to recharge.

    Conversation moves very quickly with the extros. By the time the intro has mulled over the subject and what was said, and formulated a reply, and waited for a break in the conversation to respond - they've all moved on to another subject.

    Extros actually think there's something wrong with intros. 75-80% of the population are extros.

    Confidence is knowing what you know and knowing what you can do. It's lack of self doubt. And that just comes with life experiences. It also helps to prepare and condition - to be ready for whatever. That's confidence.

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  • That partly depends on how precisely you define "shy." If shyness involves "fear of social settings," then, in that arena, one cannot be confident. However, if shyness merely means "not tending to act overtly or explicitly," then one can be confident and shy at the exact same time. Yet that is a somewhat imprecise definition, and does not define it well enough to say something meaningful.

    But even if one couldn't be shy and confident at the same time, he/she could be shy sometimes and confident at other times. I'm shy about approaching complete strangers who are busy talking to one another, but I'm not shy about approaching girls and asking to hang out with them. The point I'm making here is that shyness and confidence are not absolute characteristics. They're behaviors that occupy different times.

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  • You can be shy and confident person at the same time.. i am that. I am shy at times and I lack confidence at some situations. Yeah I believe people can be a good balance of both.

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  • You can be quietly confident. In fact I'd argue that was much better then being an over the top "I'm the best" kind of person because the latter can imply arrogance.

    The work "shy" however means - "nervous or timid in the company of other people" so by definition you can't be both.

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  • You can be reserved and confident. There are plenty of people that are quiet and are also very confident. Throughout my life many people underestimated me in that regard. It's always funny... Shy on the other hand is about insecurity and anxiety. People that are shy are far from being confident.

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  • I'm shy and not insecure
    I can act like I'm not shy, as sometimes needed
    But naturally shy

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    • 2mo

      I'm similar but more insecure

    • 2mo

      I don't think so
      May be you have that feeling of insecurity cause of lack of social experience
      But it's easy to learn
      I'm trying to unlearn it now

  • Yes, you can be. I am both! :-)

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  • I think they usually come paired together.

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  • I picked shy confident and here is why..
    I have known men who absolutely exude confidence like sweat on an athlete, but crumble apart having to stand in front of a group to give a lecture or just to receive a reward.

    Just my opinion

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  • Yes, you can be shy and confident. The question is "confident in what?"

    You can have confidence in say cooking eggs, but shy in meeting people.

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  • I think its paired that way because to be shy there is an element of insecurity involved. It doesn't mean it's a bad thing, it just means if you are shy you must be shy because of you lack conviction somewhere somehow

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  • You can however be quietly confident or quietly strong but being shy in general indicates distrust or a lack of confidence

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  • I can be shy but if there's a lady i really like or activity i really like i can be confident incarnate lol because im not gonna let my shyness make me miss out or lose a chance

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  • I'm shy, I normally keep to myself and I'm not whiny or insecure, if people talk junk to me I just ignore them or laugh at their faces, It really doesn't bother me😂

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  • Yes, I believe it's possible for a person to be shy and secure in him/herself.

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  • Shy and confident? that's me !!

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  • you can be quiet and confident... but you can't be shy and confident-they are mutually exclusive.

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  • ya, but its kind of difficult , they are not that mutually exclusive though I think

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  • Package deal is rather likely.

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  • I'm definitely on the more shy and quiet side when I'm able to be. I don't think I'm all the insecure though.

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  • Shyness and insecurity come together.

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What Girls Said 15

  • Personally I don't think shy and insecure don't have to be in one whole package. Think the folks your looking for are "ambiverts" .. meaning they are people who like the best of both worlds (me!!). They will be shy and quiet, however if you approach them they can have confidence and hold a decent conversation. Honestly though, no matter how confident you are or extroverted, everybody has insecurities.. it just depends on how the person feels when they are exposed. Introverts tend to feel very cautious and hurt when they are exposed or they even shut themselves out from the world and overthink everything, extroverts however don't feel as hurt as introverts, they still feel some pain but they are more likely to brush it off or able to make a joke about it. There is a personality test/study called the "Big Five Factor" in which examines these traits in personalities and reveal how an introvert/extrovert will feel in particular situations, such as being insecure. You can look it up if you want and do it for free! :)

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  • I don't think shyness is very commonly attached to self confidence, but it's not impossible per se. Typically though when people are shy, it's because they fear interaction with other people, they fear that what they say won't be taken seriously - things of that nature. Otherwise, why be shy?

    I say it's not impossible because you may just not be a social person and you can still be confident, but I don't know if that in of itself makes you shy.

    It's hard to say.

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  • Actually I think the loud ones are the most insecure because even though they seem confident and like they have everything put together in their lives they're in reality hiding some pretty devastating insecurities. At least that's been my experience, and of course there are exceptions because we're all so different. Buy you can definitely see confident people with very quiet personalities.

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  • I come across as confident or even arrogant but in all actuality, I'm totally shy. you can be confident in yourself. confident in your marriage , career, parenting skills, etc BUT that doesn't mean you have the nerve to walk up to strangers and start up a conversation or walk into a crowded bar/concert etc alone.

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  • Yes some people are shy but quietly confident.

    There's different levels are shyness. Some people who are shy can stand up and give a speech and not feel shy at all, but when talking one to one with someone they can feel very shy , or vice versa

    So shy people aren't necessary shy in all aspects of their lives or on every occasion

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  • Maybe but I can't think of a way on how you can be.

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  • no, but you *can* be reserved and confident.

    unlike shyness, reservation simply implies that you prefer your own company, rather than that you're nervous around people.

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  • Yes!! I am shy and confident!! I raise my hand in class, but get tongue tied around guys!

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  • I think it depends on what kind of confidence you are referring to. One can be confident in certain skills or areas of knowledge, and/or have strong opinions but still act shy. Shyness demonstrates a lack of social confidence or of being self-consciousness of how someone else or other people perceives them. So to an extant yes, shyness and insecurity is a package deal.

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  • I'm shy when i'm around someone i'm interested in but confident with other individuals so its not uncommon actually lol.

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  • You can be shy and confident, but not during the same time. Like in a public setting. When you're shy, you simply don't feel confident at that time.

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  • Uh... technically, yes, if you're mean like... confident with the way you look but shy about how you speak. You can be confident about certain things and shy about others. But I don't think you can be confident and shy about the same thing.

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  • I think you can be confident but still have little insecurities.

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    • 2mo

      Thanks for the reply but I asked for shy and confident. I'm well aware that everyone has a few insecurities

  • Yes, I am shy and confident. 😊

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  • you can be shy and confident

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