Why are there so many deadbeat dad's?

Question

Why are there so many dead beat dads out there? There seems to be more dead beat ones than good fathers. Doesn't  matter if the dad is in the child's life but working all the time and not really there (absent father) or those who completely want nothing to do with the child. It seems like men deny the child upfront BEFORE getting a paternity test LOL.. something of which I don't understand period because you can't deny something without proof or at least get proof first when the child is first born not wait years down the road. what do you think?

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

1. Because so many start as deadbeat boyfriends and "graduate." Nearly every dead-beat dad I know or have known was a self-centered jerk long before he had kids.

2. Because liberal/progressives have taught us that fathers aren't necessary. I should throw in here that the Russians, who didn't have the money or resources to compete with the US financially during the Cold War, set out to find ways to destroy the various strengths of the US by other means. The "family unit" was identified as a great strength, and efforts were made by OGPU (pre-KGB) as early as the 1920s to support "progressive thinkers" who were instructed to push for reforms in the name of societal liberalization, but were knowingly anti-family. The Great Depression largely caused this to fail, but following WWII, the KGB was back at it, and in the 1960s, these "fringe thinkers" were rapidly adopted by the counter-culture movement, which rejected nearly all previous society norms. That laid the ground for a number of anti-family ideas to thrive in the US and less so in Western Europe. Former high-ranking KGB officers have acknowledged these programs; using the "human factor" to make up for their lack of money, resources, and technology.

3. Largely as a result of the 60s progressive movement and the women's movement, divorce laws in most states were changed, allowing judges to impose virtually punitive child support amounts on fathers. It isn't uncommon for dads with 3 or more children to have 1/3 or more of PRE-tax income be allotted for child support, which leaves him with less than half of his post-tax income. Ironically, mothers often petition the court to reduce or eliminate shared custody because the father can no longer afford suitable accommodation for the children (or himself) due to the high child support percentage. More reasonable rates would result in far more fathers accepting and paying that support. IMO, child support should never exceed 1/3 of POST-tax income.

4. Most of this goes back to something that I've been saying forever: our society, whether that is parents or school or whatever, does NOT teach young people ANYTHING about having successful relationships, and we largely don't even have guidelines for what a successful relationship looks like. Thus, you have many people who casually get into relationships or have children with virtually zero thought for the future, and when it gets difficult, they simply check out. And as parents and as society, we allow that to happen. That's sad, but more than that, it's criminally negligent not to do a better job of establishing those guidelines, IMO.

TheDigitalSaint · Accepted Answer

Deadbeat dates mostly exist because some of the most exciting men to have sex with are bad daddy material. Deadbeat dads mostly exist because many women have horrible choice in mate selection when it comes to men, topped with poor or no birth control usage. The deadbeat dad problem outside of rape cases is most a woman problem, that is, selecting the wrong men to sleep with. Many men that would make better fathers simply aren't sexually appealing to the most fertile women, which tend to be younger women, who on average, tend to lean more towards sexually aggressive and immature guys. When that happens, you get lots of guys who jump ship.

mrscro · Accepted Answer

I depends on the guy and the relationship they ahve with the mother. My step mom was such a horrendous person to be around my father worked 90 hour weeks because he didn't want to be home (leaving me and my brothers to deal with her crazy ass, thanks dad) . In some case the workaholic father may be trying his best to provide a future for his kid, so even though he may be working all the time it might not be because he doesn't care about his kid/kids , it might be the complete opposite. The amount of money it takes just to put one child through college is roughly $140,000 (everything paid) and it will only get higher. These "deadbeat" workaholic dads may just have thier childs future in mind. So long as said man knows he has a good woman at home taking care of his kid, he need not worry about being there all the time. Especialy if said father comes from a lower income background, he may be just work his butt off so his kids don't suffer the same fate. To me that's a good dad, to care enough about his childs future to work his hands to the bone. But there is always another side to things, said dad could be just like my father not wanting to be around the mother becaus she's a crazy B*6ch. It takes two to crumble a relationship, just beause a woman is at home taking care of her kids does not make her aotomaticaly the victim or the better person. If you watch teenmom even once you'll see a lot of what I am talking about, these teen moms complain about the father not being aroud. But they do everything in their power to keep the father not around. My husband works a lot of hours a week, he is at work more than at home. But he is NOT a deadbeat father, when not at work he is home with us. The reason he works so much is to be able to affrod a nice roof over his kids heads and to save some money in hopes of being able to help pay for some of their college,as we see it we'll be damned if our kids have to be stuck in the lower class as we were. We strive everyday to make sure our kids wil get to enjoy a middle class (or higher) status of life. And hopefully they will do the same with their children. Every decent parent wants better for their child than they had as a kid. P.S I love your pic of the baby in a wig , it's so cute  :)

dwiller943 · Accepted Answer

These are possible reasons...
1. Girl poked hole in condom.
2. Guy poked hole in condom.
3. Girl lied about being on birth control.
4. Girl waa honest about birth control but it still failed.
5. Regardless of she was on birth control or not, they still fucked without a condom (non-poked one to be exact).
6. They both chose to have sex either way.
7. He raped her.
8. She raped him.
9. She sucked him off, but saved his sperm.
10. She drugged him, jerked him off, and then collected and saved his sperm.
11. She convinced him that she can't get pregnant.
12. He chose to fuck her without protection; knowing she wasn't on anything.
13. He didn't know, but still chose to anyways.
14. He knew, but was so quick to believe her; instead of just wrapping it up for "just incase".

Things that could have possibly lead him into being deadbeat...

1. The girl is a gold-digger and got herself pregnant for his money, and will only allow their child to see or even to talk to the father when in need of money for the "mother", but not for the child. Nor ever when in need for the father and child to just simply spend time togther; regardless.

2. He is a good father, but she keeps refusing to let him be there for their child. And also trying to pin it onto him like he's a bad father.

3. He's a rapist, and she doesn't trust him around her child.

4. He hit and dipped.

5. She is a shitty mother and he is a good father, but the court system puts the decisions into her favor (another reason I don't agree with decisions made by the court).

6. They wanted a child at 1st, but by the time they both finally got one, he changed his mind, things weren't working out, and he left.

EmpressMe · Accepted Answer

I think it's really just about a lot of guys who are ready and couldn't be more prepared to go out and have sex but they couldn't be less prepared to actually be fathers. They're not ready to step up to the challenge and be mature enough to be molding a child's life. And they usually don't want to accept that responsibility. Lots of guys deny being the father because then that would make them accountable for another human being; their childhood, where their life goes to an extent, how well they're taken care of, disciplining them and more.

I think that's what it comes down to: Guys who want to have sex, but they are not ready for fatherhood. Especially if they are under the age of 20. That's still very young even though they are legally adults. Many of them don't want their whole, hard earned check going to diapers and what not. It's totally selfish and unfair, but I'm just being honest. Being a parent is a full time responsibility for AT LEAST EIGHTEEN YEARS. Many people aren't ready for it and they can't handle it. The same thing could be said for girls who go out and get abortions once they find out they're pregnant. They wanted to lay down and have sex, but they're not ready for motherhood so what they're doing is actually worse than being a deadbeat father, at least deadbeat fathers don't take the lives of their children.

nonyabiz2002 · Answer

It is simple- those women make really poor choices in men.

Those women are aware that, even with contraceptives, there is a chance that if they are intimate with a guy there is a chance of having a baby. Yet knowing this those women make a conscious decision to sleep with that kind of guy, often without any form of relationship commitment beforehand (ie marriage). These women often choose "bad guys" or "popular guys", as that is what naturally attracts them. Those guys often turn into the deadbeat dads.

I am floored that women can honestly be surprised when the outcome is they are having a baby with an irresponsible and childish dude. Short of rape, these women chose to partake in an activity that they knew could potentially lead to that outcome. The choices these women make propogate the existence of deadbeat dads, and give incentives for more guys to do it too.

I am in no way obsolving dead beat fathers of their half of the responsibility. Dead beats are scum, and should be made responsible for their actions. However, there will always be irresponsible men out there. What I am saying is that the women involved could have made better decisions to make sure they did not get into that situation. This means choosing better, more responsible men (sometimes that means less attractive), and waiting until the time is right to be intimate with each other. If a large enough number of women started doing that, these deadbeat dads wouldn't be getting rewarded for their poor behaviors.

As far as your comment on workaholic dads... I think that is offensive to many hard working men. One of the primary jobs of a man is to provide for his family. Not everybody out there is capable of pulling in $100k a year working a 9-5 job. Often times men (and women) have to work 2 or 3 jobs to provide the basic necessities for their children. If given a choice, I think almost every responsible dad would love the opportunity to spend time with their kids. Unfortunately that can't always happen. A workaholic dad shows his love for his wife and children by the sacrifices he makes to ensure they survive and can hopefully someday do better than he did. While that is FAR from ideal, at the very least they are being responsible for those that he loves. That kind of devotion should be applauded, not chastized.

justincider · Answer

When I think of the definition of deadbeat, it is the guy not paying child support.  Many reasons for this, but one being that the courts award over half his take home pay to the baby momma.  This often makes it so the dad cannot provide an adequate environment for the child because he can no longer afford it.  The courst also award majority of custody and visitation to the women even when the man is and adequate parent.  So basically, if you are a single dad, which I am with 50/50 custody, you have to fight tooth and nail to have a relationship with your kid.  The only way you can be with your child as a dad is basically if the baby momma allows it.  If she doesn't, you have absolutely no shot.  Between that and the mom then brainwashing the child, as you obviously were, that the dad doesn't want a relationship, you basically are screwed.  For every dead beat you can show me, I will show you two women who sit on their ass at home and do not work as single parents because they feel entitled to the alimony/child support lottery.  I'm a single dedicated dad who divorced a divorce lawyer.  Once you grow up you may have better perspective...

TrailOfTears · Answer

I can't really relate since my dad is the perfect counter balance to my mum. No matter what happens I can depend upon him and he lets me be myself even if he does not understand it. You could say its a safe haven where I can go to escape the tyranny of my mums regime >.<

Martian · Answer

All but one of the guys in my family are with their kids.

I don't think it is completely a black and white issue here. From my observances, there are certain issues that stand in the way.

I was going to go more into detail about that, but I was bothered by you adding the guys that work all the time into that. If they are never seeing their kids, I get what you're saying. I do not agree that guys that are working their asses off to allow their kids to not want for anything and to set them up with a better future should have sh*t thrown at them. I guess it's true what they say. Being a father is a thankless job.

moaterboat · Answer

Regarding the workaholics dads, if they don't need to work that hard then they should probably be spending more time with their kids, but a lot of workaholic dads aren't doing it by choice, they are doing it because they need to support a family. Of course he could work less and his wife could just be more frugal, but let's keep our answers within the realm of reality.

As for your paternity test argument, that goes both ways. Either no one, men or women, should be able to make a claim without a paternity test, or both should be able to. You can't say that women should be able to say "this is your kid" without a paternity test, but men can't say "no it isn't" without proof.

The reason that some men get paternity tests done years later is because new evidence may come to light. Regardless, paternity tests should be done as a matter of course whenever a child is born because every person deserves to know with certainty who their biological parents are.

Anonymous · Answer

I think there are a lot of deadbeat PARENTS, not just deadbeat fathers.

I think it boils down to this: any idiot can reproduce. You don't have to prove your responsibility or worth, you don't have to pass any tests and be financially sound, nothing. So people not ready to raise children are having children simply because they were either too stupid or too lazy to bother taking precautions. And I know, accidents can happen, but I've never even had a pregnancy scare, so apparently it is possible to be sexually active without getting a baby out of it.

peace-love-couture · Answer

Girlsaskguys: Because girls are stupid, don't know what they want, go for jerks/a**holes/bad boys and ignore the *ugly* nice guys who happen to be shy, quiet and virgins

Reality, no one wants to be with a guy who will be a dead beat dad but sh*t happens.

Of course, guys can do no wrong ; )

normalice · Answer

in most cases, I'm guessing it is because they don't want to be tethered to the woman. It isn't that the woman is necessarily annoying or bothersome - it's just that we may not have yet gotten to the point where we are willing to concede the fact that we aren't capable of seducing as many women as we'd like to. As for those rare few guys who are capable, there's almost no chance of them allowing themselves to be tethered to one woman.

Bunts · Answer

You should check your facts. There aren't many deadbeat dads. Most of us do what we can. It's apparent that you know very little of the child support system and less about the percentage of fathers who abandon their children. This information is not that difficult to research. What really bothers me is that women are permitted to murder their own children by the millions by abortion, put children up for adoption without the fathers knowledge and legally abandon their children via use of safe haven laws.

Ron601 · Answer

Personally men don't want kids that is all on you women. We do it just to keep you ladies happy and busy but it always bites us in the ass alter. It's not our fault that is the way our DNA is programmed. The mother takes care of the kids the dad goes and provides. The problem is that we are trying to change millions of years of evolution in a few decades. That will never happen because our internal instincts will always win. Humanity is imperfect and that is what makes it worth living. From what I have noticed in my life is that now since women are getting some power they are discovering that live really isn't that peachy.

canuckfarmgirl · Answer

My dad works 24/7. He's never come to an event, a social or anything supportive. But he's the best dad to me because he's always home and he is there when I really need him. So don't knock the workaholics.

carol85 · Answer

yes, I agree with the one user that said plainly that men really don't want to be dads. they are just wired to procreate. So I'm gonna stir the pot... dead beat moms do exist. what are your thoughts?

sunshine1212 · Answer

this is a product of America now of days men are not men and don't take responsibility and there are dead beat moms to. my dad left me and my 3 brothers sh*t happens very few good men out there

WickedEyedLeo · Answer

Well I know child support is one factor but I'm not an expert on this stuff. I'm not making excuses for them at all but I know child support money and how it keeps going up is a problem to some deadbeats. But you can't group deadbeats and workaholics together. Two completely different types of men.

toricakes · Answer

Well when I think of a dead beat dad I think I'm someone who won't support their kids in any sort of way

And they want nothing to do with them. Sometimes dads have to work all the time, but will call their children. I don't consider that a dead beat dad

Robotic · Answer

I've known a good many dead beat moms out there too...

onlyaguy · Answer

Hold on there...you're grouping dads who work their asses off to provide for their families with those who run from them?

Heretic · Answer

Because the more of a jerk you are the more likely you are to get a girlfriend/wife and become a father.

Why are there so many deadbeat dad's?

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