Help...boyfriend obsessed with my past /;

hello. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and two months. in the beginning he asked how many guys I have slept with. I didn't really want to open up that much so I told him less than it really was. I know that was very wrong. I wanted to tell him the truth and was planning to but my "best friend" apparently told him first. he got so mad at me and called me so many hurtful names. he didn't break up with me but started being somewhat mean. A little later in the relationship he found out about one my friend didn't mention and again he got even more mad. he broke up with me for less than 24 hours and then got so much more rude and SO MEAN to me. I cry almost everyday. anyway it didn't stop there. he has found things out that I didn't even know he wanted to know. he wants to know EVERYTHING and I just don't see why. he wants to know everything from who I've kissed, who I've talked to and who I've simply just had a conversation with. he has asked me things and I sometimes would answer no because I feel like it was pointless and it is. then sometime later he would just get things out of me and get mad and call me the most horrible names ever. he says he loves me but I don't think he does since he doesn't accept me. he got so mad cause I tweeted a guy saying I think I saw him at a party. I mean it was just a tweet and I didn't even know the guy. he still brings it up even though this was in 2011. also he still brings up a conversation I had with my old friend. we used to talk but ended up staying friends. he still brings that up also and it was in his friend showed him a message from when my boyfriend and I were talking for about a month and a half from a guy I slept with simply asking how I was and saying he doesn't know why we stopped talking. I honestly totally forgot about the message and I know I probably shouldn't have messaged him back. I don't know what kind of advice I am asking for. I am just very tired of this relationship revolving around my past and getting basically verbally abused. I really love my boyfriend, just not his mean side. I am faithful, loyal, we act like our total self around each other, I am ALWAYS there for him and go out of my way for him and love him unconditionally. I just don't know why he digs in my past so much and treats me bad and takes me for granted. he doesn't think I am a good girl or a good person. I really am both. I'm a strong woman that never judges anybody and I'm so nice to everybody. he says he doesn't see himself marrying me. I know that I have made mistakes in the past before I knew him, I know that I should have told him about sexual partners but I don't know why he wants to know about every little thing and I don't know why he is still with me and treating me bad if he doesn't accept me and treats me bad. he always checks other woman out including my mom , sister, and aunts. he has gotten girls number and always throws his ex's in my face and never ever does anything cute or nice for me. I just

..don't know what to do.


Most Helpful Guy

  • "I sometimes would answer no because I feel like it was pointless and it is"

    Don't say that. Saying "no" when that's not the truth, than, as far as I understand, that is lying.

    Say that you don't want to talk about it and he should have some respect about it. He needs to know to understand when he can't have what he wants... He is doing what I may call "A Boss vs Slave" situation, where he thinks he has to know everything about you. It is good that you both talk about each others past and that sort of things, but everything needs to have its own time.

    "I know I probably shouldn't have messaged him back. I don't know what kind of advice I am asking for."

    A relationship needs a lot of things to work out... Love, Respect, Confidence, Trust, Knowing about each other, you name it.

    Look, he needs to calm down a bit. He probably has lost trust on you since the first day you lied to him (did you tell him about your motives? Did you apologize?) but that's no reason for he to treat you like if you were a bitch (sorry about the word, and It is not to offend you on any way it is just the way he is treats you)

    " I am just very tired of this relationship"

    That's not healthy... Request him some time for you to think about things and have your own space. If he keeps controlling you (if not even worse) than you'll know that you've made yourself the best decision you could make. If he changes (not in details, but he really needs to know what he has on his hands in order to know how to take care of you. But he also has to learn that a human being is free-wiling to just dump him and make his life miserable)

    " I'm a strong woman that never judges anybody and I'm so nice to everybody. he says he doesn't see himself marrying me."

    For me that would be the end of it all... Is he just dating you so that he doesn't feel alone around his friends? Do you know his family? Do you know his friends? Do you KNOW HIM?

    Sorry for this and I know that it will hurt in some way but... I think that he isn't worth the time you take to even think about it. He is just a pig

    Now that I've ended the text (I never edit up my previous responses on the topics inside the text so that you can see how the answer changes over your own words. When you write, I think that if you read it twice you may be able to reply your self and resolve your own problems, but a different opinion is always good)

    You should really sort the things out. You should have done it a long time ago but it's never too late for a true love I guess. By your words, I may say that he doesn't love you, but it may also mean that you are just angry at him and threw it all here, so it might be a different story, but overall it's what you think about those things.

    Take some time for your self, and PLEASE let him know that you are just done with it... Treat him the same way he treats you everyday, but on a worse level. He will then feel the pain you feel when you past through it.

    Hope it helped (going out of characters xD)