My boyfriend says he wants to be with me but can't help wanting to sleep around. Please help.

[Anonymous]

We've been together 7 months. I know too much about his past he has cheated on every girlfriend he has ever had. That's why I was reluctant to date him at first. We were so in love and obsessed with each other until about a month ago. I noticed he deleted all messages on his phone and computer etc.. I moved in with him which was a bad idea but I had few other options. Im22 and he's 23. He told me for the longest time that he loved me and would never hurt me or cheat on me. Recently we don't do anything together any more. If we go out he avoids me and I constantly see him flirting with other girls some he has had sex with already. When I confronted him he would say they are his friends and Would make me feel crazy and stupid for being jealous. The other day he finally told me he wants to sleep around and he thought things would be different for us that's why he has said all of the things in the past. he says he doesn't want to have these feelings and really does want to be with me. He says he hasn't cheated but he's afraid he will. My biggest fear about dating him was this but I have fallen in love with him and I don't know what to do. He's saying now that he won't cheat but it's already out on the table should I try and give him a chance to prove his faithfulness? Even if I do I'm so scared that I won't trust him and scared every time he looks at an attractive girl he want to sleep with her which is basically what he said. I feel so stupid for even asking advice but I am so in love with him and he treats me so good besides this. Please please help keep an opened mind.

[Joner]

don't you think that you can still love him, be with him while he has his nights in other beds?

for example I am loving my girlfriend above all but sometimes I just need to be with someone else for the night.

Of course I'm honest with my girlfriend and she knows about it and she even does give me sometimes a condom or two when I'm out with my friends.

it ain't so, that I am sidestepping every night but maybe once a month or maybe every two months. she knows that she's my girl and everything is fine but in bed I need sometimes someone else. I don't know why but after the sidestep I love her even more. hmm

well. now to you

if you can not accept it that he has fun outside your bedroom then there is no way that you two can last together

if you accept it , he might love you even more. you said it yourself that he treats you good.

anything in between is not going to work I think so you have to choose. end it or accept it.

[Christilynw]

Worst advice ever. If you "need to sleep with someone else sometimes" you're not mature enough to be in a committed relationship. A girlfriend who accepts this behavior lacks self-respect. And how can you respect her if she allows it? Would you be ok with your girl sleeping around? Of course not! You're a chump and your girl is a fool.

[Americanman]

You can't be happy with somebody you don't trust. Dump him before you get hurt even more. Even if you have to move back in with your parents who cares because at least you'll be out of this bad situation.

[Asker]

Do all guys think this way. We have amazing and I mmean amazing sex why isn't that enouggh? I fell so hard for him and I don't know if I can let go. What if he realized he reallly doesn't want to cheat and he really does want me and only me? Do you think it's possible?

[Americanman]

Not all guys are like him. If I'm in love I don't want to sleep with anybody else. I might see a woman on the street and think she looks pretty but I won't want to sleep with her. If he is telling you about his urges to sleep around he is preparing you for finding out that he is sleeping around. If he is talking and flirting with other women that is a very bad sign. This guy could end up giving you STD's. I would leave and never look back if I were you.

[Christilynw]

"Recently we don't do anything together any more. If we go out he avoids me and I constantly see him flirting with other girls some he has had sex with already."

You are being a complete fool. "He treats me so good besides this." Um, it doesn't matter what else he does, this is a deal breaker. He's not mature enough for a committed relationship and the only thing to do if you want to maintain a shred of self-respect is let him go.