My boyfriend says he wants to help me get better?

[Anonymous]

Me and my boyfriend we've been together almost a year now and we have a great relationship. When I met him he wasn't at his best, was battling with OCD intrusive thoughts and depression and has just started therapy. It was hard and challenging period but we sticked together and with lots of emotional support and love from my side and lot of personal work he invested he got better and managed to get his life back on track, resume his studies and take care of himself. He tells me that he's grateful for me that I never gave up on him and have been there even when he hit rock bottom. The last 2 months I got work stress, lost some friends along the way that thought I prioritized my boyfriend, got ill with covid and lost an important sales commission which brought me a bit of financial trouble. Since I had a loss in my income he stepped up and really helped me either by paying for stuff or cooking me dinner or introducing me to people and socializing and being there for me listening and offering his support when I needed him so our roles are reversed now. I opened up to him and expressed that I'm having a rough time lost my direction and power and feel depressed and lonely. He got alerted and called few therapists and found me a good match with a psychologist so I can go to therapy. I've never done this before and I was a bit sceptical about it but he says he cannot sit and watch me throwing my life away especially since I was there when he was going through a hard time and asked me to give it a chance and begged me to work on myself and get better. Last night we went out the two of us, met some cool people, drunk and danced a lot and ended up at his place talking till daylight. He said "you asked me once how I express my love for you and is by helping you get better. I want to and let me do it." I told him that he shouldn't make it his mission cz is my own mental struggle.

[Pyrofox]

He's not gonna let you do it alone. If you aren't strong enough to stand he's saying imma carry your ass to the finish line instead. If you wanna respect him take his hand and then walk there side by side. You won't ever win this type of topic with someone that stubborn and in love with you miss.

[Asker]

I do respect him a lot and because of that I don;t want him to carry the weight on his shoulder cause he just managed to get his life back and dont wanna see him backtracking because of me. Like I am not sure of the impact my depression & anxiety have on him and in the long-term. He won't let go and I asked me if I should but he doesn't want that. He's an amazing partner and feel he deserves something better but he tells me is my anxiety and low self-esteem talking and he's equally mentally in a mess still.

[Pyrofox]

To him its not back tracking if he's not falling backwards. If he's ready he knows he will be able to bring you to his level. It just takes confidence.

[Asker]

on top of that, I also have to deal with my friend's frustration that think I make my boyfriend my world and when he lifts a finger I run but I know in my heart it isn't the case but for some reason I managed to make my friends frustrated with my relationship and cancelling plans to meet with my boyfriend (we just went out & I was tired the following day to meet with my friend so I cancelled it and they just labelled me as "housewife" doing everything for my guy. They aren't convinced of his love & effort cause he isn't the most expressive & punctual person but then he finds me a therapist & he's there for me. I really wanna call & ask him if he wants to come over cause after what happened with my friend I am not feeling very good. On the other hand, dont want to overwhelm him or dump my shit on him cause it isn't fair but I really need to talk to him and a hug.

[Pyrofox]

If you bottle it up he's going to just read it on your face probably. If he's really going this far chances are he's already figured out when you are clearly biting your tongue. I'd say just talk it over with him and not let it consume yourself.

if your friend can't handle you love your boyfriend they aren't a real friend. In fact thats a VERY shitty thing to do. Is to call your friends other half's love fake is a insult. If a friend played that card I'd flat out tell them they can get the hell out of my life. If your boyfriend is your world and you want to be loved that is what your priority. A friend is NOTHING but a friend whereas a lover that is something that can last FOREVER.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0AvTMelXM0

[Asker]

oh my god, you kind of opened my eyes. I've been beating myself up because I genuinely enjoy my boyfriend's company especially since he's going away for a month in a week (he has a last exam to give for his studies) and I wanted to share precious moment connecting with him coming home from a party, guard's all down, we talked for hours and told each other a lot of things from the heart that we dont usually say. And my friends giving me a hard time for this & cannot be happy for me especially since they know that I struggled to find love, not on that level. And I apologized and promised that I will try to make room for everybody not just my boyfriend. But he did call me first & asked me to go out and my friends tend to go flaky too but I am a good person and dont take it personally, even when they cancel to go on a date I always understand and they aren't willing to do the same for me. I would appreciate if they would point my flakiness than saying that its my boyfriend 's fault for being unpredictable and me following his last minute invitation. I am genuinely hurt that when I am mostly happy they are jealous and mean. I think that its mostly because they had some bad luck in dating this year and became cynical but I honestly dont need this, you are absolutely right.

[Anonymous]

Sounds to me like he really cares about you.

[Asker]

I know but I am worried he has a hard time separating my issues (mental health) from his own and he's a pretty good listener and analyzer so I dont want me to feel responsible or become a therapist for me. He became the closest person to me at the moment and I love him a lot dont want to see him co-dependent.

[Asker]

*him

[Opinion Owner]

Then Its best to express how you feel.

[Asker]

I did and he said that he doesn't understand why I want to throw away something great our relationship because im going through depression especially since he's willing to stand by my side. I asked him to try and not fall into the trap of trying to save me or fix my issues and he agreed to put boundaries there although he loves me. He says we have a strong connection and I'm a wonderful person that deserves to be happy and I haven't realised yet my potential and he wants me to build my resilience

[Opinion Owner]

If your dealing with depression, than its best to seek a therapist opinion on this matter.