My boyfriend says that I make him feel stupid. How can I fix this?

[Anonymous]

As a college student, all my focus is going into my grades, career, and relationship to build a life. After years of studying and marketing myself, I'm finally seeing small successes in my career and my grades. However, my boyfriend says that these things make him feel stupid or inferior because I make all A's and have been finding success in my work.

The other day I told him about something that I had achieved that was a big deal to me, and his response was, "oh... of course it was you who got the award..." and never mentioned it again. He was also up for the award, and he didn't get it. I understand his disappointment but I also know that if I hadn't gotten it and he did, I would have been so happy for him. His successes are my successes, I just wish he saw it the same way.

It is hard for me to put so much effort into a relationship just to feel like I am not getting any support back. I don't want to make him feel stupid, but I don't know how to fix this because all I am doing is working hard to achieve my dreams. Am I doing something wrong? Please help!

[IHateLife]

Society tells us that if we aren't financially successful we're not "real" men. He's afraid that as you get more successful you'll leave him for someone as successful as you. If he's only had disappointment in his life it's also easy for him to feel defeated and like he has nothing to offer. The fact that people are telling you he's at fault and it's his problem is proof that society doesn't care about men's feelings and mental health. There's no "fault" to be placed here. Maybe suggest he speak with a therapist to try and help his self-esteem. If he's not willing to make an effort to talk through what's going on in his head it's probably time to end things and move on.

[Sabinath]

He doesn't seem supportive of your achievements :/. You need someone who can only wish nothing but success for you but also be the motivation behind it as well. he seems to lack it

[Asker]

He used to tell him that I made him feel like he could do anything, but since I've been seeing success his view has done a complete 180

[Sabinath]

It's understandable but there's a limit to it. I guess you are seeing the real side of him

[Blonde401]

He's insecure. Which is understandable in this situation if you're throwing yourself an emotional party every time you achieve something (not that that's a bad thing it's just that an insecure person won't react well to that. He feels inferior to you and insecure. Maybe spend more time with him and make more effort to build him up? Or break up cause it sounds like you're too busy for a relationship.

[Asker]

I don't think I'm really throwing an emotional party, but I do let him know about things going on in my life. I have started to feel like I have to hide my successes from him because I don't want to upset him though..

[Blonde401]

It's not be being shady, you are obviously very proud of your acheivements and you're entitled to be but when it's all about you all the time, he's gonna feel shitty. You shouldn't have to hide your success but you should acknowledge that maybe you're sometimes rubbing it in his face a bit? I am only trying to play devils advocate tbh.

[Unit1]

You can push him into that direction and make yourself his idol you know? It's what a relationship can be good for also!
Obviously he isn't willing to work for it, does he?
Can he afford going at least to college or is he unlucky? If he is going to college, then he obviously is not doing his work for it either.

I repeat: He is not working (and failing) to get his success. He is kind of expecting it to come to him.
Teach that to him.

[Asker]

you're exactly right but I'm not sure how to say that to him without being harsh. He doesn't work the crazy long hours (14 hour days) that i do but yet he expects the same results

[Unit1]

One way or another you will have to deliver him that information. See it as your next task towards success and determine his response.

14 hours? Girl, what are your bloodstreams made of - coffee and energy drinks?

[Belgie]

His feelings are his problem. Don't ever let someone tell you to be less than what you are, just because they can't handle your greatness.

[Dyonisos]

change the boyfriend, should be the most consistent solution.

[Bilo007]

insecure boyfriend you have

Communication is best. talk to him hash things out.

[Asker]

What do you think I could say to make him feel better? I told him that we shouldn't be comparing our achievement because we're partners and we share successes/failures but that didn't seem to help.

[Bilo007]

Instead of this approach, work on boosting his self esteem and confidence. like stuff he is good at where you are not.

If this is a guy you truly care about, I would invest in some home made therapy.

[Anonymous]

im luicky im a college educated person myself.. not working right now, and im still tryinga get my first degree, but, im just lucky im a college person myself.. i couldn't handle a girl dumber than college

[Anonymous]

A man's worth to a woman is what he can PROVIDE FOR HER. if he feels he can't provide anything for you, he probably won't keep you around

[LastNightmare]

lol, he's feeling inferior