Why are men so superficial?

I am the type of young woman that gets checked out wherever she goes. But has soon has I put on my long coat (where you cannot see my figure) bandana and baseball cap no guy seems to notice me. I feel ugly and invisible. I do not do this by choice but rather to give my hair a rest from styling it everyday.

As soon has I take this cap off, and show a little figure guys notice me all over again. Some just want intercourse others want to take me out.

My question is, why are a lot of men so superficial? Why can't a guy notice a woman for a natural beauty, even if she is dressed down?

Why must I have nice hair, and very flattering clothes?

I even notice butter faces get this type of attention, has long has there is something men like that can be stared at.

Also, I notice I get called "ma'am" a lot when dressed down. Does this change in appearance make me appear older?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I really wouldn't consider it superficial. Men tend to be a bit more physical than women. Basically we tend to be drawn more to physical stimuli. When you dress up, you make yourself more noticeable. Men see this and they respond more to you because of it.

    If you want to call it superficial then can't we say the same for women who feel the need to dress up to be noticed? Of course we can, but we both know it's not always the case. Women too need to feel good about themselves and even the woman who isn't all girlie girl will doll up on occasion just so she can feel more feminine.

    Lets face it, we are drawn in if we like what you see. Most guys love a dolled up woman with a nice figure and nice hair. When you cover that up, all we see is another face in the crowd.

    Granted there are some guys who are indeed superficial, but it's manifested in different ways. Maybe when you're all dolled up some guys won't notice you at all because they feel you don't meet their standards. It's not that they don't find you attractive, perhaps just not attractive enough. You may be in the above average range all dolled up and thy are still looking for that perfect ten (even if they themselves don't rate higher than a four.)

    As far looking older when you dress down, I think that too is an individual judgment call. Perhaps some guys may see you as not feeling well, others may perceive you as appearing older. Guys are individual and all of them that see the same you may have their own perspective in regard to you appearance.


What Guys Said 27

  • Because the core of attraction is the evolutionary instinct to mate with fertile and healthy women.

    Sometimes there is no other interest, but even when there is, it sits on that base.

    If sexual attraction weren't the root of relationships everyone would be bisexual, because if you love the personality, surely you could find things that feel good.

  • Maybe your attitude changes when you are dressed up? You likely carry yourself differently that invites attention - vs. when you're bummed out you are not displaying an open body language.

    that being said...guys are visual creatures. We notice an attractive woman.

    • I actually carry myself the same way. It's just that I have too much covered up for the guy to find me appealing.

    • I'm saying you might think you carry yourself the same way, but subconsciously you are not. Just something to think about.

  • Superficial is not the word - one look pushes their allure buttons, be they aesthetic/artistic or sexual prospect/memories

  • I notice every girl that walks by me here on campus. Each girl holds her own sort of spot as to if I'd date her or not. But I'd say that about 7/10 or 8/10 girls I see I would date for the simple answer that regardless of what society thinks of them, I find them pretty and would give each one of them a solid chance, if I had even a shred of confidence to approach them. And a majority of these girls aren't perfect 10's or 9's or even 8's, they are all average girls who a dressed up the way they want to be. Sure I have my ideal date of a shorter brunette with size A-B breasts, but for the simple fact that every other girl I see who is different is interesting to me. All the shy ones stand out, and all the ones who look innocent stand out, and even sometimes both types are way more attractive than the 10's or 9's. Would I notice you in a coat and bandana? Absolutely, and I may never say anything, but I'll sure look at you with my lack of confidence and may even smile if I see the girl is looking down at the ground; I always strive to make someone's day a little brighter whenever I possibly can, yours included :).

  • Be glad you have the option to cover up and be left alone. I can get the same eye-grabbing attention from girls by throwing on revealing clothes and guess what, it can be annoying. If I want to go to the grocery store and grab something, the last thing I want is to be getting stared at constantly, or stalked, etc..

    As for the physical attraction, guess what, it's a part of the chemistry. People don't want to get involved with someone and find out the physical chemistry sucks. Think about it, if you met someone and got to know them dating-wise for 3 months and then found out they were unappealing to you physically wouldn't that suck?

  • I notice but I don't stare. The area I live has a ridiculous amount of beautiful women. While a nice body is hard to miss, I bet I would notice your beauty if you were dressed down. I think I tend to find many women attractive that most guys wouldn't consider. Guys I've know tend to criticize most women while I find them attractive. I find physical beauty in most women.

  • Same reason women are. No one cares about your personality unless they think you're good looking first.

  • Because man looks at the outside, but God looks at the heart.

    You're dealing with men, and the first thing we judge a woman on is her looks. That's why no man with any self-respect goes after fatties. It's like asking, "Why are women gold-diggers who judge a man based on his salary? Can't they take care of themselves?" It's just rules of the game.

  • lol, sounds like your the superficial one to me. You are after all existing or occurring at or on the surface. You don't know how to offer anything but your looks, thus you have no depth, only a mask on the surface.

  • Superficial is not the word. Guys are drooling over your gucci purse and clean shirt. It's the body figure.

    And natural beatuty? You wearing clothes that compliment your figure IS natural beauty. Wearing a coat and a ballcap is NOT showing off any of your beauty so what do you expect?

    And women are no different with this. Simple attraction.

    - A guy in a trench coat, wearing a hat, and has a beard...


    - A guy with a fit body, groomed, wearing a fitted button down shirt, clean shoes, and dark jeans...

    A women wouldn't give the trench coat guy a second look, unless she was making sure he wasn't fallowing her down an ally. Haha

  • It's not superficial. It's simply at that time you are less eye grabbing.

    • Yeah great way to put it .sarcasm.

  • heres my advice. dress how you wanna be treated. You dress like a hoe guys are gonna treat you like one. You dress respectable then that's how were gonna treat you. Guys Have testosterone which makes us drawn to the body parts on. Its like if you saw a buncha hot ass guys with shirts off all day. You want a nice guy who's gonna respect you and, treat you right then dress that way. It'll keep away the ones that wanna smash and dash which is most guys. So draw in that small group that will treat you right. Pick and chose hun.

  • "I am the type of young woman that gets checked out wherever she goes"

    Where are the pics?

    To answer your question, it's in men's DNA. We are infatuated with beautiful women. We can't change that. Sorry...

    • I'm not here to show proof, or to post pics on a site that's strictly about giving/asking advice.

      I just want answers to my question, thanks for the last line response.

    • It was a joke...maybe a bad one, but a joke nonetheless...

    • ;)oh OK ...alrighty then

  • We're shallow. It's that simple. Even if a man says he doesn't care about looks, he's lying to himself.

    As for why? It's genetics. We're attracted to what we think is a good mate. I'd not say you must wear flattering clothes, but it sure helps.

    And yes, being called "ma'am" does sound to me like you look older with a long coat.

  • I don't really care for a lot of these apologist or "deep, philosophical" type of comments below.

    Honestly, the question is slightly offensive because you're generalizing all men based on what the few you have interacted with have done.

    First, there are plenty of women who base their actions on what a guy looks like as well, so you can't blame this all on one gender. Secondly, in most cases, dressed down means you're trying to relax or just have a chill day. To some guys, like me, this means you don't want to be bothered with the flirting game and would rather just talk and relax.

    If you're intentionally showing off your figure, then it's like a sign that says "I would like some attention and/or flirting." or that you're trying to have a fun day/night which may include the same.

    Same thing with women. If I'm dressed down in a hoodie, sweatpants and a reverse baseball cap, how many women do you expect to take interest? But if I shave, put on a nice shirt, a pair of slacks and fix up my hair, I'm willing to bet the whole outlook changes.

    Short answer: They aren't. In most cases, they are respecting your perceived desire to dress down and relax without being hounded.

  • Start respecting yourself and guys will respect u

    • What does that have to do with anything

  • It's almost as if we are forced to be superficial because there are too many fat girls around these days. Like you're all in a competition to see who gets fatter and then come to ask us if we are into curvy girls when it's not curvy at all, it's just FAT everywhere.

  • You're the girl guys want to bang, and not have a relationship with. If you don't respect yourself, why do you expect a guy to respect you?

    • Where did you draw that conclusion from? I've been in a relationship for my whole adult life.

  • Women are superficial too...

  • What does ma'am mean? Why not dress like a hobo and although my condolences for having nice hair I do suggest you go bald.

  • Well yes guys do like a girl with a nice figure. What do you mean by natural beauty? If you mean face wise guys could definitely see that if they look at you. You don't always have to dress up if you don't want too its up to you. I feel like you get the best of both worlds, you get to see what its like in the viewpoint of a very hot person and then the viewpoint of an ugly person. You will know how both feels. I say keep styling down till you find someone that you are interested in and then dress up for that person.

    • Natural beauty meaning I don't need material things to have a nice face, it's already that way.

  • sorry to say this but I think your a girl tht guys wanna sleep with not have a relationship with lol .

    • Soo true being that I've been in a relationship for 10 years.

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    • Since I was 16

    • oh , I would kill myself!

  • It isn't like we can see your thoughts, or code of ethics, as you walk down the street. Your physical appearance is the only thing we can see. It doesn't mean we don't care about anything deeper. When people dress to look attractive, it only makes sense that more people would be attracted. In the beginning of a relationship the shallow things like looks, are all we have to go on. We have no way of knowing the other person on a deeper level. Why would we check out someone that is not attractive to us?

  • We think you're not trying to show off when you dress "down" therefore, we don't check you out. Every girl has "one of those days" and we understand that

  • Everyone is like that. Girls notice me when my shirt is off but when I wear a sweater I feel average. It's just common human notice.

  • Why are you so superficial? '' I even notice butter faces get this type of attention.'' men are the only superficial ones you know, women are 1000000 million times worse, you have to be OUTSTANDINGLY good looking just the right kind to that fit her preferences and qualities, have LOTS of money, EXTREMELY arrogant, and treat her like DOG sh*t, and social qualities and many many more things.

    • Forgot to mention, you also have to have woundering eye syndrome look at women all the time especially around her , ignore her completely while when you do aknowledge her treat her as bad as possible, be addicted to the gym, and cheat on her all the time.

    • Don't know where this is coming from. Obviously you have a bad history with women.

    • yup.

What Girls Said 4

  • Men are very visual and girls are very sensation-driven. That's why guys pay attention to how a girl looks, and girls pay attention to guys who make them feel good (emotonally, I mean). That's what I read in Cosmo, anyway hahaha.

    Anyway, I imagine this is why girls complain a lot about guys being shallow, and guys complain about having to do more to impress us ("all girls have to do is look good," etc).

    • umm so girls aren't visual? Why do I get checked out by girls then. stupid comment is stupid comment.

    • Show All
    • Obviously lol, but I don't see your point. Anyone can check out anyone, but the question was why guys seem to notice girls when they look good and ignore them when they look less good. It's because guys are more visual than girls. Not that girls aren't visual at all; just less so.

    • I don't necessarily agree but OK. Good looking girls want good looking guy and check out guys just as much as we check out girls. Girls just put a heavier weight on personality but with that being said I wouldn't date a hot but bitchy girl.

  • No, there are some few guys who would appreciate

    a girl's beauty and personality.

    At least, this is what I noticed in my college.

    I think those are the nice guys?

    Now of course if you wear revealing clothes, you would get the attentions of ALL kinds of guys.

    But I'm not the type who would wear revealing clothes to get their attention. I would just wear simple cute girlie clothes. This is the only way I think I can recognize those who aren't so superficial. Sometimes, I notice some guys smile at me, try to talk with me or ask me a question in some lesson (sometimes I know they know the answers lol), but I'm so clumsy when it comes to talking with guys in real life, that I would just end the conversation quickly, 'cause I get nervous and don't know what to say lol.

    • if they ask you a question, and you don't know what to say ,.. simply say .. '' I really haen't thought much about that .. what do you think? '' that way you make him feel important and knowledgable .. and then you can gather your thoughts and prepare for what's coming. Happy love life maam

    • LoL if it's just answering a question, I can do it.

      But sometimes t just feels awkward lol. xD

      But thanks for the advice. ^-^

  • All boys are perverts

  • because men are visual creatures. if your hair is not showing it is just plain UGLY!

    • The funny thing is, if I have no hair showing and I am wearing a cute outfit where they can see my figure (no long coat), I get hit on.

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    • they are. to attract a man you have to look nice, that's just how the game works.

    • umm so girls aren't visual? Why do I get checked out by girls then. stupid comment is stupid comment.